Chapter 1
The walk home always feels longer when the sky is a dull, heavy gray that threatens rain, but never quite comes.
Which is fine with me. Gives me an excuse to take my time. Drag it out before I end up back at my aunt’s house in downtown Brooklyn.
Calling it “home” feels like a stretch.
It’s more like a roof.
A tall man passes me and I immediately look up, feigning fascination in a tree. A tree. Just to avoid eye contact.
When he’s a safe distance away, I tuck my chin into my scarf, releasing a self-deprecating breath.
Boy, my social skills are on fire today.
You couldn’t just glance at the man—who likely lives in the neighborhood—and give a quick nod hello. Or even step aside to give him more sidewalk space. No, you had to crawl into your little ball and hide. Anything to avoid an interaction that would clearly send you into deer in headlights mode.
And would that be so bad, Isla? Deer are beautiful creatures. Intimidating, even.
It’s all about perception, my therapist, Bree, tells me.
After she reminds me why I have no friends—in her gentle, therapeutic way, that is—If you give them a chance, you’ll find people aren’t all that scary.
They’re not. I know they’re not.
But I’ve been living with social anxiety since high school. More than aware of everything happening around me.
Everything is heightened. Every whisper. Every glance. Everything that has nothing to do with me…but affects me just the same.
I wasn’t always this bad.
Certainly no social butterfly, but there was a time I could walk into a room without thinking I’m on full display for everyone to judge. A time when I didn’t gravitate towards the back of the room.
That was before the summer Mom died, six years ago.
It didn’t take me long to realize I didn’t know who I was without her here to remind me.
Losing Mom was devastating, but losing Dad a year later, after his partner framed him for financial fraud, that’s what did it.
I was alone.
He was sentenced to five years and we’ve been awaiting his release for months now.
A delay no one can explain—at least not to me.
So I ended up in Brooklyn—with my Aunt Ruby, her husband Joe, and my cousin Alex. What no one told me is that my mother and Aunt Ruby were estranged for years. And the only reason she took me in is the money I came with.
Money that was to pay for education, food, clothes, and anything I needed through college. We weren’t rich by any means, but it was enough for a full college education and moderate wardrobe updates each year.
My aunt’s sudden lifestyle changes didn’t go unnoticed. The fancy new car, the facelift. The trendy clothes Alex started wearing.
I was becoming increasingly weary if I’d even have a college education after she was done spending it all.
It wasn’t until I was applying to colleges that I finally confronted her about it. She laid into me about trust and gratitude, and the argument was over before it started.
I let it go, but not without a silent declaration that when I turned eighteen, I’d sue her for taking what’s mine.
Well, that birthday came two years ago, and I never made good on that promise. Chickened out under pressure—big surprise there.
But today is it.
Today, Aunt Ruby crossed a line.
I pull out the piece of paper I’d stuffed into my backpack before running out of the admissions office.
DISMISSED
Turns out, my tuition check was stopped. The same tuition Aunt Ruby swore would be paid.
How can I be out of money?
How did she think this was okay?
And what the hell am I going to do about it?
This is one of those moments Bree told me about. The moments I need to say what’s on my mind. Confront. Demand, and instill consequences. Instead of doing what I usually do…revert to my defense mechanism of dry sarcasm and avoidance.
I tug the sleeves of my sweater down over my hands as I reach the front steps of the house, already feeling ill for the impending confrontation.
The smell of Aunt Ruby’s casserole hits all my senses in the worst way. Even the lingering smoke makes my eyes water.
Uncle Joe glances over at me, beer in hand, with a World Series game on the screen.
He lifts the remote and lowers the volume, like he knows what was supposed to happen today and is ready for a fight.
I usually bypass him and go straight to my aunt.
But this time, I’m too enraged to let him sit it out.
I stalk over and toss my bag down on the coffee table. “Do you know what she did today?”
He sighs. “She didn’t do anything. And calm down before storming in here like you own the place.”
“Calm down? She had me kicked out of school.”
He mutes the game completely.
“Pipe down, I had no choice,” Aunt Ruby hollers from the kitchen, her dyed red hair up in a messy bun, rubbing wet hands over her apron.
“What do you mean you had no choice? You ran out of money because you spent it all. That was a choice you made. And now I’m screwed for it.”
My heart pounds in my chest but I assure myself it’s the anger, not my fear.
She spins and stalks over to the wooden desk nestled in the back of the room and snatches a folded piece of paper. “No, I’m screwed because apparently your mother—or that criminal father of yours—thought ahead.” She waves the paper in front of me.
“What?” I take it but she basically summarizes what it says for me.
“If you get accepted into a qualifying university, the remaining trust money legally has to be used for tuition, housing and education expenses. Otherwise the account gets audited.”
“Audited?” I frown because while my mother knew she was sick, she didn’t think of things like that. She left me money, sure, but the woman was no long-term planner and certainly no…lawyer to add in a clause like that.
I glance at Uncle Joe, who looks worried. I know the man never touched my money. He’s too simple and doesn’t like to mess with things that can come back to bite him.
Somewhere deep in my heart, I hoped it was the other way around. Because Uncle Joe isn’t blood-related. Aunt Ruby is. And I’m all she has left of her only sister.
But who am I to expect the best in people?
My eyes drop to the paper in my hands. The letter indicates a record of my application to Northwind University in…Montana?
I blink, vaguely remembering considering a school in that state. But that seems like ages ago.
“Wha—I never—”
Aunt Ruby releases an annoyed growl and points to the letter like it’s evidence. “Don’t act surprised. You applied there behind my back a month ago. After going on and on that East Brooklyn City College is all you could afford. Do you have any idea what Northwind U costs? We’ll be bankrupt.”
A knot tightens my stomach at her tone and the finger she’s pointing at me. I don’t usually spiral with people I’m close to. People I know enough not to cause my anxiety to flare. But right now? Between the weight of her anger and my confusion, I can feel the panic creeping in.
Her husband clears his throat beside me, but I barely register it, too busy trying to find something, anything to center me.
My eyes drop to the school logo and it triggers a memory.
Northwind U was listed as one of the best Information and Research Studies in the region. Basically everything behind the scenes that keeps libraries, archives, and historical collections organized.
So, yeah, technically, I want a career in a library. Not to sort books, but to preserve stories, discover origins. And maybe one day—if I can handle a room of faces staring at me—teach them to others.
Naturally, I couldn’t afford Northwind with the money that was left after Ruby spent a large chunk of it, so I never gave it another thought.
Ruby tosses her hand upward. “Had no choice but to pull you out of East Brooklyn as soon as I got this before the tuition becomes nonrefundable. So don’t come in here pointing fingers at me.
You should be grateful I’m not getting my own lawyer to fight this.
” Letting out an exasperated sound, she storms back to the kitchen, muttering to herself about paperwork and family having no trust in each other these days.
I stare at Uncle Joe, who doesn’t meet my eyes. “When did you get this? Who sent it?”
“It was delivered this morning from whatever law firm that is.” He shakes his head and shuffles back into his seat with his beer.
I narrow my eyes at him. He’s wanted me gone since the moment I got here. I wouldn’t put it past him to set this all up so that I am so far away, I can’t afford a plane back.
But how did he know about Northwind?
I hold up the paper with a sharp whisper. “I didn’t apply to Northwind. I can’t afford it.”
“Yeah, well, neither can we. Gotta call my broker tomorrow and take out a second mortgage on the house to cover this shit now.”
My throat clogs with guilt, and I don’t even know what I did wrong.
I always thought my aunt’s karma would come in a form that doesn’t affect me. That I’d barely know about it. I’d be long gone, and she’d have some sort of terrible side effect from the facelift she used my money to pay for. Or a tree would fall on her brand-new car.
I didn’t think I’d have to start over at a brand-new school far away from Dad and everything else I know.
I stare at the paper again, already picturing the beautiful mountains, campus life, and being far away from these people.
“You might want to look at some part-time jobs or work study thing when you get there to help cover housing.”
I frown. “There isn’t enough for housing?”
He scoffs. “Sweetheart, there’s barely enough to cover tuition for the two years you have left. Housing is all you.”
“So you’re sending me there to live on the streets?”
“I’m not sending you anywhere. You applied. You deal with it.” He takes a lazy sip while I stand there frozen and utterly confused.
What the hell is going on?
“Look, the second loan on the house is setting us back as it is.” He looks at me with a tired sincerity in his eyes.
“Do yourself and your aunt a favor, let the rest go. The lawyer left a business card and sealed packet for you.” He points to the desk.
“Said you should call him in the morning to iron stuff out.”
I swallow, feeling like I’m being kicked out of a life I never even chose. I take the card and packet, glaring at my uncle. I don’t know whether to be excited for this change or scared out of my mind that I’m walking into some trap.
A trap where I very well may end up on the streets.
“I’m going to sue her, you know? One day.”
He’s focused back on the television now. “How long do you think you have before you lose the right to? How long before you can sit in a room full of people and answer questions with a judge staring at you—wondering if you’re exaggerating everything?”
I swallow.
“We both know you’re not taking anyone to court, Isla. You clam up when the mailman comes within three feet of the house.”
I do not.
“And who’s going to be your character witness?” He turns to me with a smirk and I already know where he’s going with this. My heart is already on fire over it. “Your dad, who’s still in prison for fraud?”
I clench my teeth.
He smirks. “Good luck with that. Really.”
My Sweet Pea,
If you’re reading this, then I’m hoping you’ve made it to Northwind safely.
You probably don’t remember this, but during one of your visits, we were talking about colleges. I told you to choose carefully. Your mother and I made sure you’d have enough to go wherever you wanted.
You gave me a smile that didn’t reach your eyes and said you wanted to stay close so you could keep visiting me.
Then I asked another question.
“If life were different for us, where would you go?”
You answered without even thinking.
I never forgot.
Life hasn’t exactly gone the way either of us planned, but don’t let that stop you from building the one you deserve.
Don’t spend your time worrying about me. I’m tougher than I look, and before you know it, we’ll be sitting at a small table on the balcony of my condo by the ocean, because that’s where I’m heading after this. And those chairs will not be bolted to the floor.
Remember, this is the storm before our calm.
Montana is beautiful and I hope you get to see all of it outside of campus.
I love you more than you know.
Dad