Chapter 19
The room just got twenty degrees hotter. I wait for the lump in my throat when he draws close. For the invisible boulder to press against my chest.
But it doesn’t come.
There’s only Kane’s body, brushing gently against mine, my silent prayer for him to kiss me, and the rapid beating of my heart.
Is it possible to want someone to touch you so much, you’re about to beg them to?
I’ve read about it. But as someone who survives on limited human contact, it seems like it would be like speaking a foreign language.
“Do I uh…do I have to wait till the next game to ask you to kiss me?”
His gaze catches on my mouth and the next breath comes slower, deeper. “If you did, I don’t think I’d make it.”
There’s that familiar lump.
I swallow it down. “What are the rules for asking what I want when we’re not at the arena? When we’re just in a room like this and I really, really want something?”
“We never set rules, remember?”
“Right. So free rein for now?”
His lip quirks. “Free rein.”
My hands hover awkwardly between us, hesitating for a heartbeat before settling around the warmth of his neck.
His lips crash over mine. Firm, demanding and impossibly inviting. He buries one hand in my hair while the other cups my jaw, and I’m ready to melt right under him. Our tongues collide, and it seems so natural. Like a dance with a stranger you’ve never practiced with but know all the moves.
His breathing intensifies, and that’s about the only thing I can keep up with.
This kiss is earth-shattering perfection.
It isn’t rushed. He isn’t taking. He’s coaxing, guiding every hesitant bone in my body until it melts away.
I’ve never been kissed like this.
Then again, I don’t remember any previous kisses very much. It’s been a lifetime.
Once by a guy who mistook me for someone else after we’d switched lockers junior year in high school. And again by one of Alex’s friends at a neighborhood barbecue two years ago.
Neither had meant much. Nor were there repeat events. And neither were as addictive as Kane’s kiss.
“What are you thinking about?” He murmurs against my lips after breaking for breath.
My cheeks heat because he said honesty is the only way this works. And after that? I need this to work.
“I uh…was comparing that kiss to all the others.”
His eyes dip to my mouth. “Well you won’t be doing that again.”
I frown but don’t get a chance to ask what he means before he answers.
“Because I didn’t just raise the bar. I fucking destroyed it.”
My hands loosen from around his neck when I realize how tightly I’m holding him.
“I’m s—”
“Don’t. This seems like a good time to set rules. First,” he points to the dresser. “That vibrator stays put until we’re ready for it. It’s temporarily mine. You don’t go near it. Deal?”
“O—okay.”
“Second, the only thing I’m going to expect an apology for is you not coming to my games. You don’t always have to send love, and you can sit wherever you want, but I need you there. No exceptions.”
I grin, warmth bubbling in my stomach. “Fair enough.” I point to the dresser. “But why is that rule number one?”
“I’m not done, save your questions for the end.”
I can’t help but smile.
“Last one for me. And probably the easiest one for you. This is temporary. There will be no expectations, on my part or yours, for this to be anything more than it is.”
I suck in a breath, blindsided by how right he is. That should be the easiest rule because neither one of us wants—or in my case, is ready for—a relationship.
I level my eyes with his. “All sounds good.”
“And to answer your question,” he glances at the dresser. “Because you’re going to hurt yourself. You’re not going to enjoy it, and you’ll end up chucking it across the room and turning yourself off from dicks for the foreseeable future.”
I narrow my eyes and nod slow, amusement catching in my chest. “Ah, so you’ve done it before.”
He turns away, frustrated, but not before I catch the smile.
“You go anywhere near that thing without knowing how to use it? I’m going to assume you don’t need me and nothing fucks with my ego more than a girl choosing rubber and her own fingers over the real fucking deal.”
My mouth falls open and my hands go up. “Okay, okay, I’ll keep ‘em where you can see ‘em, captain.”
He exhales a breath and steps back.
Unable to hold my amusement—and fully blaming the two beers—I deepen my voice to imitate him. “Wouldn’t want to hurt myself.”
He shakes his head, huffing out a low chuckle. “Alright one more rule. When we’re talking about dicks, no laughing.”
I crack one on cue, but at least I don’t apologize for it. I nod curtly. “Starting now.”
He sighs and tips his head back. When his eyes find mine again, a deep dimple appears and his gaze lingers over me as though he’s memorizing me under a new light. “Get some sleep, Sunshine. Tomorrow, we help you set some rules of your own.”
I swing my head back to the comfy bed. To the quiet space and privacy he’s offering me for the night. A guarantee that no one is going to invade it. It’s not something I get often.
“I have one,” I say, thinking of a rule. The only one that counts, really.
“What is it?”
“Privacy and patience.”
“Okay, you’ll have to elaborate.”
“Just to respect my privacy. I haven’t had much of it living with my aunt and uncle.” My gaze drifts. “Or my roommates.”
He frowns but doesn’t question it.
“So no more buying out my tutoring hours, surprising me at work...”
“Or luring you into a private chat room?”
I shrug coyly. “I suppose that one is okay.”
He nods and steps closer. His thumb settles beneath my chin, lifting it until I’m looking at him. “Understood.” He presses a soft kiss to my lips. “We’ll leave the stalking to you.” He winks and walks out of the room.
I blink awake, disoriented for a second before memories of last night come rushing back. Kane’s room. His bed. The velvety pillows built to swallow me whole.
I groan, twisting in place. God, these sheets are heavenly. I never want to get up.
I stay tucked under Kane’s comforter, staring up at the ceiling, pathetically enjoying how much higher it is than my shoebox. I can’t remember the last time I slept so well. So peacefully. Maybe the alcohol had something to do with it—since I don’t drink often.
Sure as hell know the alcohol has everything to do with the things I let myself say last night.
Do.
Did I…laugh at a penis joke? Or make one? Or both?
I slap my forehead.
My eyes drift to the dresser with my new toy tucked inside. Which somehow belongs to him now.
I wish the kiss was the only thing I remembered about last night. That and the scent of him. His deep dimple when he found me smiling. The promise he’d made me before he left that no one else ever had.
Forcing myself out of bed, I tug on yesterday’s clothes, wash my face in his private bathroom, lift my boots off the floor, and quietly make my way downstairs.
The living room looks nothing like the disaster from the night before. Only one thing looks out of place—the couch.
The empty couch. Except for the dark blue blanket that hangs halfway to the floor and one pillow shoved against the armrest. It doesn’t look nearly as comfortable as Kane’s bed, and guilt washes over me.
The only thing I’m going to expect an apology for is you not coming to my games.
I grin and follow the smell drifting through the house.
Coffee…bacon…and something buttery.
I hesitate at the doorway, watching Hunter and Greyson move about, bickering about something that surprisingly has nothing to do with hockey.
“I told you, I like my toast burnt,” Hunter insists.
“No, you don’t. You say you do, then you end up scraping that shit off onto the counter and guess who has to clean it up?” Grey bickers, tossing a bowl of cut-up avocado onto the table.
His head snaps up first. “Hey, she lives! Morning. How’d you sleep?”
I step in, immediately wondering where Kane is. “Amazing, thank you.” I gasp when a gorgeous white husky-looking dog pads over and nudges a wet nose into my palm. I jerk my hand back. “Y-you have a dog.”
“That’s Ellie. She won’t bite.”
Ellie rubs her head against my thigh and circles me once before sneaking back under the table.
I release a breath. “What kind of dog is that? She’s…beautiful.”
“Wolfdog. Kane found her. You hungry?” Grey asks, like he didn’t just announce that there’s a wolf under the table.
I blink and look around. “Uh...thanks. Everything smells so great. Especially the coffee.”
Hunter points at me. “Coffee. Duh.” He twists and reaches into the cabinet for a mug. “Still brewin’ but it’s almost done. Sugar’s on the table.” He hands me the empty mug. “Promise it’s clean.”
I smile. “Well, it doesn’t smell like pot, so I’ll take it.”
The two glance at each other and I wince. There I go again, being weird. “Sorry, I’m sorry. That wasn’t—it’s not that I was expecting it to. I’m just used to it. Not that I do…”
“Roommates?” Hunter barely poses it as a question.
I exhale. “Yes.”
“I get it.” He slides out a chair for me. “Sit. Kane’ll be back soon. Probably just went out for a run at the crack of dawn. He’s a psycho like that.”
A laugh escapes me. Greyson pours hot coffee into my mug like it’s second nature. As if I’ve been having breakfast here every weekend for years. There’s no strange tension in the air questioning why I’m here. No one pushing me out the door.
“Breakfast?” Grey asks.
“Oh...I’m okay. Maybe just toast—not burnt, preferably.”
“Just toast?”
“With butter,” I tell them, since it’s my usual.
Grey shakes his head, leaving his eggs sizzling on the stove. “That’s not breakfast.”
“It’s easy.” And cheap.
“So’s this,” Grey says, spreading mashed avocado onto a piece of toast, then returning to the stove and placing one egg over it.
“Breakfast,” Hunter points to the plate, like he’s correcting my definition of the word.
“Wow,” I breathe.
Grey points at me. “You’re getting upgraded. And not just because you upgraded our game.”
“You guys…know superstition is not a thing, right? And if it is, I’m certainly no one’s lucky charm.”
More like a burden.
Just ask my mother’s sister.