Chapter 1 #2
“Steph,” I said, kissing her cheek. “You look good. You going somewhere after this?”
“Thank you. The only place I’m going is home. I’m actually coming from a photoshoot.”
“Photoshoot? Special occasion?”
“Nope. Just an old woman that wanted to feel good about herself.”
“Auntie Steph, please,” Kalia said. “You know you look good.”
“Looking good and feeling good are two different things. As beautiful as you are, you won’t always feel like it.
That’s when you have to do something just for you.
That little insecure voice in the back of your head can be just as much trouble as the voices of others.
Always love you first and give yourself grace, baby. ”
“Amen to that,” Tavia said. “Emmy, go tell Jaiden and your daddy to wash up for dinner.”
“Okay. G-Daddy, are you eating with us?”
“I am.”
“Good. Sit next to me. I gotta tell you about school.”
I chuckled. “Okay, Emmy.”
She bopped out of the kitchen and upstairs. If there was one thing Emmy was gonna do, it was gossip. She was the child you had to watch what you said around, because she was nosy and didn’t have a problem telling your damn business.
“So,” I said, turning back to the ladies. “Can I help with anything?”
“You can set the table,” Tavia said. “Kalia, pull out my serving dishes.”
“I’ll help you,” Steph said, moving to grab plates. We work silently to gather everything we need before heading into the dining room. For a good minute, that silence continued. Every so often, I glanced over at her. She seemed a little down today and I didn’t like that.
“You good, Steph?” I asked quietly.
She looked over, offering me a light smile. “I’m fine.”
“You sure? You don’t seem like yourself and I haven’t heard from you this week.”
She sighed. “I promise I’m okay, Stanley. You don’t have to worry about me so much. If I’m ever not okay, you and our son will be the first to know. I’m just a little tired. Haven’t gotten much sleep lately.”
“I have something that might relax you.”
She raised an eyebrow as she placed a hand on her hip. “And what is that?”
“Weed. Blake has this new shit that will mellow you right out.”
“Oh. Well, I guess I’ll take that.”
“I got you. I don’t have it on me, but I’ll bring it by later.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course you will. You think you’re slick.”
I grinned. “You always say that, yet I’ve been on my best behavior for years now. I can’t check in on my best friend and make sure she’s good?”
She smiled softly. “I’m always good. Even when I’m not good, I know I’ll be good because you and our son will make sure I’m okay.”
“I’m glad you know that. I guess that means I get in on this smoke session tonight?”
She playfully bumped me. “Fine. When you come in the house, don’t bring that negative complaining ass spirit.”
“I ain’t negative nor do I complain. You just want to watch some bullshit.”
“I can watch what I want in my house.”
“I’m a guest.”
“Shut up, Stanley. You have never been a guest. You bring your ass in there and make yourself at home. Cut the shit.”
I laughed. “I guess that’s where my kids get it from.”
“They do. It’s nothing for those boys to stop by my house in the middle of the day and raid my fridge. I’m gonna start putting laxatives in my food. Every time I think I have leftovers, one of them has cleaned me out like they don’t have their own mothers to terrorize.”
“Trust me, they make their rounds and come to my house too. Once upon a time it was four, now it’s six. These days, you’d think Quaid and Titan came from me too.”
“Well, you love adopting other people’s kids as your own, Senior.”
“I mean, they kinda adopt me first. I can’t help that everybody loves me, woman. I’m kind of a big deal.”
She gave a hard roll of the eyes as she set the last plate on the table. With a giggle, she mushed my head as she walked past me.
“Whatever, Stanley.”
I couldn’t help but smile as I followed her back into the kitchen.
I did have a shit load of kids, biological and otherwise.
Truth be told, I didn’t mind. Everybody needed love and somebody to take care of them at times.
I learned a long time ago that my purpose on this earth was to protect and serve.
Retirement had me looking crazy some days.
Sometimes, I was itching to get back to the action.
Then I remembered I left my organization in the most capable hands.
My kids were the reason I could sit back and finally enjoy life for what it was.
The problem was, I wasn’t sure I was really enjoying this shit.
It wasn’t the lack of action.
I imagined spending my retirement with a someone special at my side, preferably a wife. Contrary to belief, I wanted to settle down. Shit, I wanted that a long time ago, but life knew how to fuck up your plans. I stared at the very woman I’d wanted that life with once upon a time.
People thought I wasn’t a one woman man, including my kids.
Truth is, I was searching for something I was missing in every other woman after Stephanie.
Sometimes I thought I found it… hence the reason I had six kids.
Other times I knew off the bat they weren’t her.
I felt like I was gonna spend a lifetime looking for the parts of her I loved most in other women.
In reality, pieces of her were never going to be enough.
I needed the whole thing.
A nigga could only wish.