Chapter 5 #2
Steph left us alone for me to get stitched and cleaned up.
She returned to collect my bloody clothes and dispose of them like she’d been taught years ago.
An hour later, I was coming out of the bathroom, fresh out the shower with a towel around my waist. When I walked into the bedroom, she was sitting in bed, staring at me.
“You know I love you, Stanley,” she said softly.
“And you know I love you.”
“Days like today make me question if you really love yourself at times. You’ve told me a thousand times that you want out of this life, but you keep getting involved with bullshit.
I’ve overlooked a lot of things, Stanley.
I swallowed you having four additional children during our years apart because I left you and I had no right to be upset about it.
I love and care for each of them like they came from me.
I created a family system with your other baby mamas so our son can be with his siblings. ”
She chuckled and ran her fingers through her hair. Looking at me, she shook her head.
“The crazy thing is, I love them too. I have my mother in my ear telling me that I’m stupid for going back to a man that’s gonna die and leave me to raise our son alone.
I question myself for giving us another chance when nothing has changed.
You run the streets all day and when you come home, you only have enough energy for Deuce. That’s fine. He needs his daddy.
“But I need you too. I feel so fucking alone most of the time. We haven’t had a date in months.
I barely know what it’s like to fall asleep next to you.
The intimacy we had is lost. There’s no passion between us anymore, Stanley.
And for what? The all-mighty dollar and a position in a business you claim to want no parts of. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Baby, please—”
“No! I’m dreading the day I get the call that somebody has fucking killed you over some drugs! I won’t wait around for that. I’m taking Deuce and we are going back home tomorrow. For good. You and I are done.”
I shook my head. “Nah. We ain’t done. You think I’m letting you leave me?”
She scoffed. “Excuse me? You don’t let me do shit.”
I raised my hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then don’t say it like that. I left you for years before and I promise, I can do it again.”
She got up from the bed and tried to leave the room, but I gently grabbed her arm and pulled her into my chest.
“Let me go, Stanley.”
“Listen to me. I love you. I hear you, Steph. I know I’ve been saying shit, but I just need a little more time—”
She laughed. “Take all the time you need. But you’ll do it without me.”
That night, I slept in the guest room and by the time I woke up, she was gone. I had decisions to make and none of them were easy. It took me six months to finally step down. For those six months, she didn’t talk to me if it wasn’t about the kids.
I had to earn her back and I feel like I’d been trying to do that ever since. I just couldn’t seem to get shit right at the right time. As I stood here looking at her now, I wished more than anything that I could get it right one last time.
“Stanley?” she said, waving a hand in my face. “You okay?”
I blinked. “Yeah. I uh… I need to take a walk. Excuse me.”
I bypassed her and headed toward the side gate. By the time I made it out, she was right behind me. She didn’t say anything as she followed me into the maze off to the side.
“You don’t have to follow me,” I said, looking back at her.
“Something’s wrong.”
“Nah, love. I just needed some fresh air.”
“We were outside.”
“I mean away from everybody.”
As we rounded the first corner of the maze, she grabbed my arm. I sighed as I turned to face her.
She crossed her arms. “You know I hate lying, Stanley.”
“I’d never lie to you, Steph. I just… I’m trying to remain respectful. I don’t ever want you to feel like I’m using your vulnerability against you.”
“But you haven’t done that at all. You’ve been nothing but respectful and a great friend—”
“I don’t wanna be a fucking friend, Stephanie.
I still love you. That shit ain’t going anywhere.
If you knew how deeply I was feeling what I feel, you wouldn’t be in here with me.
It’s taking everything in me not to act on my feelings.
To not push you up against this wall and feel your lips on mine again. ”
I stepped closer to her, but she didn’t step back. Her gaze never left mine as I did exactly what I said I wanted to do and pushed her up against the wall. Her breathing labored as my hands cupped her delicate face and I pressed my forehead against hers. Closing my eyes, I inhaled her sweet scent.
“Stanley,” she whispered, gripping my wrists.
My lips brushed against hers. When she didn’t pull away, I seized the opportunity to take it further and kissed her deeper.
A moan escaped her as I slipped my tongue into her mouth.
I pulled her into my chest and gripped the back of her neck with one hand and her ass with the other.
The slow, sensual kissing quickly migrated into something lustful.
We were going at it hot and heavy until we heard voices outside the maze.
“Stanley, where the hell are you going?” Salima asked, sounding frustrated.
“Looking for my mama and daddy. I know I saw them come out here.”
“So what? It’s not a crime for them to be alone with each other, Deucy, damn. Leave them grown ass people alone.”
“Baby, you don’t know Pops like I do. That’s a charming ass muthafucka and I just know he’s trying to charm the panties off my mama.”
Salima huffed. “You wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t charmed the panties off her the first time. Just so you know, your mama is grown with free will and your daddy can’t do anything to her that she isn’t a willing participant in.”
There was a bout of silence.
“That don’t make the shit no better,” Deuce finally said.
“Stanley, bring your black ass back in this backyard, right now. You are not about to ruin our good time by worrying about what two overly grown ass people have going on. Let’s go.”
I could hear her angry footsteps and the sound of her sandals flapping against the pavement. Deuce muttered a curse, but soon his footsteps followed. Steph and I looked at each other and stifled a laugh.
She reached up and cupped my face. “For the record,” she said, stroking my cheek. “I appreciate your restraint because I fear I might have folded long ago if you had none.”
My brows furrowed. “Oh, really?”
She nodded. “Thank you for being what I needed when I needed it most.”
Standing on her toes, she pecked my lips a few times before kissing me deeply. I was ready to bend her over in this maze and give her these good, long strokes.
“Come on,” she said, wiping my lips when she pulled away. “Let’s go back before your son has a fucking conniption, and I have to choke his ass.”
I chuckled. “Fuck Deuce.”
We shared a laugh as we walked hand in hand to the entrance of the maze. I felt the void of her as soon as we stepped out and she dropped my hand. She walked ahead of me and my eyes lingered on her as she did.
Something told me, that even though we shared a passion igniting kiss, this wasn’t going to be an easy way back in. That was cool with me. Easy was overrated. If shit was easy to obtain, it was even easier to lose. I never minded a little challenge. It made the reward that much sweeter.