Chapter 10
“I needed this so bad,” Tavia said, sipping her mimosa.
We were downtown having a little girl’s night. Once a week we got together for lunch and twice a month we went to dinner or had a night out on the town. Around here, we were known for being Senior’s baby mamas. People always thought it was weird how cool we were with each other.
Wasn’t shit weird about it to me.
We shared the same baby daddy. We helped each other raise his kids so they could have relationships.
How was that weird? If you ask me, that should be the standard.
We had a common denominator, Senior. He was adamant about his kids being close and we had the emotional maturity to make that happen.
I loved his children like they were my own.
I loved Allison and Tavia’s other kids too. To them, I was Auntie or Mama Steph. Just like I’d been present for each of their kids with him, I was present for their kids with Alec and Hershel. We were family, period.
“Nobody told you to go have a baby in your late forties,” Allison reminded her.
“Girl, shut up. You and Alec almost had a scare your damn selves.”
“A scare. Not a full-term pregnancy and birth. How is my little munchkin, anyway?”
“She’s a damn menace. She’s been around her cousins and nephew too damn much. Every time I turn around, Kerrion has my baby and every time she comes back, she’s picked up on something new from those kids.”
Allison laughed. “I don’t even have to ask which kid. It’s gotta be Juri and KJ.”
“You know it.”
They kept talking, and I was listening, but at the same time I wasn’t.
My mind was on Senior and how after all this time we managed to fall right back into the same song and dance we’d been doing since I was fifteen years old.
Love was a crazy thing. It tested the boundaries of common sense at times.
“You’re being real quiet over there,” Allison said. “Are you okay?”
“I slept with Senior,” I blurted out.
They both looked at me, then at each other before breaking into laughter.
“You held out longer than I thought you would,” Tavia said.
“Damn, we should have made that bet,” Allison added.
I frowned. “Excuse y’all?”
Tavia rolled her eyes. “Steph, we’ve been around a long time, babe. We always knew it was never really over between you and Senior. I’m surprised you married Aaron at all, God rest his soul. He was a good man, and he was good for you, but he was safe.”
“Meaning?”
Tavia sighed. “Meaning he was low risk. Predictable. Dependable. He was emotionally stable and didn’t come with baggage, all of which are great qualities—”
“He was boring,” Allison stated bluntly.
“Allison!” Tavia exclaimed.
“Respectfully! You see who the two of us married. I love Alec. He compliments me in every way. It took a minute for me to get used to this soft life I live, because y’all know I was with the ratchet shit.
But I love it now. I know Tavia does too.
But you… baby, you love a little chaos and by chaos, I mean Senior. ”
“First of all, it thrilled me until I had a child. Then I had to grow the hell up.” I sighed. “I’ve been with that man off and on for most of my life. I can’t turn off this hold he has on me.”
“Why do you have to if that’s where you want to be?
” Tavia asked. “I know we give that man hell, but he’s changed a lot now that he’s retired.
He’s calmer. He’s not out here in the streets.
The man is the most reliable I’ve ever seen him and that says a lot because Senior has always been dependable.
He just wants to be with his kids and his grandkids.
They talk shit, but they love having him just be their father and not their boss. ”
“Say that again,” Allison agreed. “They are even more annoying about that damn man now that they are grown. All I hear from Maceo and Smoke is my daddy this and my daddy that. Fuck your bald-headed ass daddy. I pushed their big head, broad shoulder asses out and all they wanna talk to me about is food and Senior.”
I laughed. “Damn, Allison. Are you offended?”
“Yes I am. Shit.” She took a sip of her wine. “All that aside, I’m forever grateful that they have him. I’ve never met a man that loves his kids as hard as Senior does. Don’t get me wrong, my husband loves his children. Senior is just a different breed.”
We all nodded in agreement.
“Do y’all think I’m moving too fast?”
Tavia giggled. “It’s a little late to ask that, sister girl.”
Allison nodded in agreement. “Right. You already slept with the man. If you want to give it a chance, you know we support you. Shit, we don’t want his ass.”
I laughed. “I want him. I just. . . I want it to be right. I told him he has to date me first. And I want to do this in private.”
“Definitely in private,” Tavia agreed. “Deuce is about to lose his shit.”
I rolled my eyes.
One thing about my son, he loved me down and didn’t play about his mama, especially with his father. I thought back to my wedding reception. Senior was in attendance, and I was surprised he’d come to the wedding at all. Not after he practically begged me not to go through with it.
There I was, dancing with my daughter-in-law, when he walked over to us on the dance floor.
“Don’t come over here on no bullshit, Senior,” I warned, pointing a finger at him.
Senior raised his hands in surrender. “I come in peace.” He turned to Salima. “Can we have a minute, baby girl?”
“Sure, Daddy. I’ll make sure to keep your son away.”
He smirked. “I appreciate it.”
She walked away, leaving us alone. He held out his hand to me. I stared at it for a moment, before placing my palm in his and allowing him to pull me into his arms. It felt weird, but nice. It had been a long time since I’d been this close to him. For a while, we danced with silence between us.
“I always knew you’d make a beautiful bride,” he finally said.
“Not enough to make me yours.”
“Steph--”
“It’s fine, Senior. I’m over it.” I held up my ring finger. “Clearly.”
“That’s fair. Even if it should have been me... I’m happy for you.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Are you, now?”
“I am. I ain’t no hating ass nigga. You deserve this. The ring. The wedding. The good man. Eternal happiness. You deserve it all. I love you enough to want that for you, no matter who it’s with.”
I smiled softly. “Thank you, Senior.”
“Just know, if he ever fucks up. I’m back in there, baby.”
I laughed and slapped his chest. “See, we were having a good moment, and you ruined it.”
“You know I’m telling the truth, woman.”
“Our son would never allow that.”
“Fuck that nigga. I’m his daddy. He can’t allow me to do shit.”
“This is true, but he would never be on board with that. You know that boy doesn’t play about his mama.”
“I don’t play about you either.”
“You played enough to let me get away.”
“Touché. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“Mmm hmm. I heard you broke up with Maddie. What happened there?”
“You happened. I felt like I had to finally be honest about me, us, and what happened back then. Maddie’s a good woman. She deserves more than me too.”
“So just tell me if I have to worry about her coming to me as a woman.”
He shook his head. “Nah. She knows you, Tavia, and Allison are off limits, no matter what. I don’t give a fuck what y’all do. I’m always gonna protect you.”
I knew he would always protect me, and I really wasn’t worried about Maddie. What we did was wrong, but it was over.
“Well, I’m glad she knows ‘cause she isn’t the only shooter. You made sure of that.”
He laughed. “I did.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’ll find someone, Senior. You’re retired. You have a lot of time on your hands. Find you a nice, wholesome woman and give her a real chance. I mean, I know I’m a tough act to follow, but you could at least try.”
He grinned. “Woooow! You thinking real highly of yourself.”
“Blame that on you. You put me on a pedestal at sixteen and I haven’t come down off it yet.”
“That’s my girl.” He pulled me in for a hug and kissed my temple. “I love you, Steph. Always, mama.”
“I love you too, Senior. Always.”
We broke our embrace just as my son came over.
He’ d been watching us the whole time and I found it funny.
Deuce told me how he had to hem a drunk Senior up when he came over begging him to talk me into taking him back.
Part of me was hurt. If he’d been a man I could commit to all those years ago, this would have been us celebrating our vow renewal instead of me marrying another man.
Playfully, Senior slapped his chest.
“She’s all yours, Stanley,” he said. “I’m headed out.”
“I thought I was gonna have to break them fingers, old man.”
“Glad you thought better of it. Goodnight, y’all.”
I watched as he walked toward the door. Deuce cleared his throat as he pulled me in for a dance.
“Don’t go getting any ideas, Stephanie,” he warned.
“Boy, I am your mama. You don’t tell me what to do about shit.”
“Nah, Ma. You have a good man now. That ain’t to say Senior ain’t a good one because he is, but he ain’t good enough for you. Not at this point in your life. Y’all did this shit long enough. I want you to be happy, genuinely happy and I feel like Aaron’s square ass can give that to you. He’s safe.”
I sighed as I cupped his face. “Deuce, let me make one thing clear. I left your father, not the other way around. I’ve loved that man for most of my life.
He gave me you and for that, I will always love him.
Senior has never hurt me. He’s just. . .
he wasn’t ready to fizzle out of this life when I was ready to settle down.
I had to put me first for once. That is the only reason we aren’t together. ”
“That’s the only reason that matters, Ma.
Senior’s ass ain’t ever gonna let this life go.
You see his old ass still gets in the field.
It’s just in him. You deserve a soft life and Pops ain’t ever gonna be able to give that to you the way I want it.
I love him, but not for you. If you think I won’t put hands on that man about my mama, you wrong. ”
“Stanley, you can be disrespectful at times, but if you ever disrespect your father like that, I’m beating your ass my damn self.”
“I’ll just have to take that cause ain’t no way I’m ever allowing it to come to you and him again. You deserve more than that, Ma.”
I shook my head and kissed his cheek. “What am I gonna do with you?”
“Like you always tell me, I’m grown. Ain’t shit you can do with me, woman.”
As I thought about that moment, I realized that eventually things were gonna come to a head.
Deuce might joke about a lot of things, but he wasn’t playing about me not being with his father.
I couldn’t help but think that mine and Senior’s sneaking around might just change their relationship and that was the last thing I wanted.