Chapter Twelve
An Ode to a Sad Toad
Taverns. The den for bandits, rogues, ruffians, and other individuals with questionable moral codes. But the food was amazing.
My mouth watered as soon as we stepped inside: grilled meat, onions, and bread baking in the oven.
“Over here.” Callum guided us to a table in the corner. So much like Maddox, who always had to sit against a wall so he could see the whole room.
A pretty girl rushed over to take our orders. A, um, very blessed pretty girl who looked to be one deep breath away from busting open the front of her corseted dress.
“What are you fine gents havin’ this evening?” she asked, resting her hands on her slim hips. “Honey mead. Ale. A pint of rum?”
“Honey mead for me,” Duke said. “With a plate of smoked boar and all the fixings.”
“I’ll have the same,” Callum told her.
Ban sat stiffly in his chair, spine straight and both forearms resting on the table. He wore leather cuffs on each wrist that had the royal crest, marking him as one of the castle guards. The same crest was woven into the back of his cloak.
“Do you like mead?” I asked him.
His eyes shifted to me, and he gave a slight nod.
“A round of mead for everyone, then,” I said. “And boar too, please. That sounds delicious.”
Once the barmaid left, Duke leaned over to Callum. “Did you see the melons on her?”
Callum rolled his eyes. “I have no interest in melons.”
“No… muffins are more your preference, yes?” a voice came from the dark corner.
Ban’s hand went to the hilt of his sword right as Callum twisted around in his chair.
Rowan reclined against the wall, one boot resting behind him and a mug in his hand. He was dressed in all black, from his hood and tunic beneath it to his trousers and knee-high boots.
“Rowan,” I said, surprised but happy to see him. Our moment in the carriage earlier had shifted things between us. I felt different. Giddy. “Do you wanna sit down? We can pull up another chair.”
“Inviting someone like him to break bread with us is just asking for trouble,” Duke told me.
“Break bread with you?” Rowan pushed from the wall. “I’d rather steal the bread and break your face. But, alas, that would lose me wooing points.”
I choked on my spit.
The barmaid returned with our drinks and smiled at Rowan before asking if she could get him anything. He shook his head and pulled up a chair, placing it between me and Callum.
“You’re too close,” Callum grumbled at him.
Rowan shrugged and took a drink from his mug. “Then stop bitching about it, and move your chair farther away.”
“After the stunt you pulled months ago with Evan, I should throw you in a cell.”
“I suppose you could do that,” Rowan responded, sounding bored. “But what exactly would keep me in said cell? By all means, though, do whatever will stroke your ego and make you feel like the strong and valiant knight you pretend to be.”
“Pretend to be?” Callum banged his mug down on the table. “You’re awfully sharp with that tongue, but sarcasm doesn’t win battles. I don’t need to prove a thing to you nor any other man in order to know what I’m capable of. But by all means , keep sitting there pretending to be more powerful than you are, instead of what you really are: a scoundrel with a few parlor tricks.”
“Hey,” I interjected. “Both of you stop with the insults.”
“He started it.” Rowan took a drink.
“That would be you who started it,” Callum countered. “Your very presence offends us all. Slink back to the shadows where you belong.”
“All right. That’s enough. Do you see this table?” I patted the top of it. “It’s a neutral zone. Meaning no fighting. So be nice, regardless if you’re a knight, guard, or spy.”
“I’m not a spy,” Rowan said.
“Procurer of knowledge and secrets. Same thing.”
Rowan smirked before hiding it behind his mug as he took another drink.
Our food arrived minutes later, and as the smells wafted around us, all arguments and tension were forgotten. Smoked boar with crispy potato wedges, carrots, and warm bread. Growling tummies provided a temporary ceasefire between them.
The barmaid brought a plate for Rowan, regardless of him saying he didn’t want anything. As she set his plate down, she tossed him a flirty smile. “Thought you might be hungry.”
And it didn’t bother me whatsoever when he returned that flirty smile.
“You were right,” he said, angling his body toward her. “Beautiful and kind. Quite the combination.”
She left us to our meal, but not before giving him another flirty grin. His eyes remained on her as she flitted around the tavern, refilling mugs. Something about his lingering gaze on her bothered the hell out of me.
What happened to the “don’t worry, no one comes close to you” bullshit he’d fed me? Probably because that’s what it was: bullshit. Damn redheaded thief. Tightness wound in my chest. Twisted, really, like barbed wire.
“Ev?” Callum peered at me around Rowan. “You’re not eating. Do you not like the boar? I can order you something else if you prefer.”
“Oh.” I looked down at my plate, realizing I hadn’t taken a bite yet. “No, this is fine.”
Humor danced in Rowan’s eyes as he scooped up a potato.
I cut off a piece of meat and jabbed it into my mouth, chewing harder than necessary at first. The tender meat melted on my tongue like butter, and the happy bursts of flavor across my taste buds made me feel less stabby.
The stabbiness smacked right back into me when the barmaid returned to top off Rowan’s mug. She slipped something into his hand before walking away to check on another table.
The boar soured in my gut, and I went back to chewing the meat like it’d insulted my favorite book boyfriend.
“Looks like someone wants to have a roll in the hay with you,” Duke said, gesturing with his mug to the evil seductress. “We redheads are irresistible.”
Rowan glanced at whatever she gave him before enclosing it in his fist. “I may take her up on that offer.”
I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
“Have fun with that.” I shoved my plate away from me and stood from my chair, tossing some coins on the table to cover my portion. “I’ve lost my appetite.”
I stormed away from them, battling a whirlwind of emotions. Annoyance and sadness. And confusion over why I felt either one of them. Pressure enclosed my ribs, and my body was on fire. It was a lot like the day when I’d met Isabel and thought Maddox was banging her.
I was jealous.
Which was silly. Rowan wasn’t mine. He could flirt and screw anyone he wanted to. Barmaids with huge melons included.
“Ev!” Callum called after me. “Wait for us.”
I reached the door and pushed it open. Well, that was the intention. It was heavier than I expected, so I bumped into it before finally getting the silly thing open. With any luck, no one noticed.
Outside, I had no idea where the inn was, so I veered left and hoped for the best. The sun had fully set, and the darkness made the streets eerie. Alone in an unfamiliar town at night with no clue where I was going didn’t bode well, but I’d already made a scene by dramatically storming off and was too embarrassed to turn back around and return to the tavern.
I was such an idiot for thinking Rowan cared about me. For trusting him.
“Seems I struck a nerve.”
I jumped at the voice and faced the narrow alley it’d come from. Rowan blended in with the shadows, but as my eyes adjusted, I saw him propped against the wall.
“Go away,” I said. “I don’t want to see you right now.”
“Unfortunately for you, I do what I want.” He stepped into the moonlight, hood up and sporting that snaggle-toothed smile I’d once thought was cute. It wasn’t now. I wanted to shove a cupcake into his annoying face. One that was sickeningly sweet with loads of sugar and chocolate and all the things I knew he didn’t like.
“Don’t you have a barmaid to roll around in the hay with?” I stormed off down the street.
“I really struck a nerve.” He followed behind me. “If you’re looking for the inn, you’re going in the wrong direction.”
“Don’t care. Right now, I just want to get away from you.”
“Because you’re jealous?”
No sense in denying it. I didn’t have the energy. I spun around to him. “I thought we had a moment, Rowan.”
“A moment?”
“Yes. A moment. Several, in fact. The romantic night on the town. Holding hands while walking through the festival. The conversation on the rooftop under the stars. Then, earlier in the carriage.” A lump bobbed in my throat. “You said no one compared to me, and now you’re flirting with some girl right in front of me and holding on to her dumb love note or whatever.”
“Well, it would’ve been rude to throw it away.” He withdrew a piece of white fabric from his pouch and held it up, showing a kiss mark in rosy pink lipstick. “I heard girls give these to men they want to fuck. It’s supposed to be more discreet this way.”
That’s why he’d said he would take her up on her offer?
“You’re unbelievable,” I said with a shake of my head, the backs of my eyes stinging. “You really don’t care about anyone but yourself, do you?”
“Accepting her invitation would certainly be taking care of her too, I’d say. I’m not completely heartless. I’d make sure she enjoyed herself.”
“What do you want from me, Rowan?” I’d reached my threshold for his bullshit. “I thought you felt the same connection I do, but clearly, I was wrong. Does it amuse you to toy with people’s emotions like this?”
The humor left his eyes. “Yes, it does. Usually. But not with you. Seeing you upset like this, I …” He shifted his weight to his other foot. “Whatever this feeling is, I don’t care for it.”
“Just leave me alone.” I stepped backward. “I fold. I’m done playing this game. It hurts too much.”
I turned away and headed toward the right.
“I wanted to see your reaction,” he said softly. I stopped walking but didn’t look back at him. “She was just a pawn to me. I had no intention of actually fucking her. The flirtation was an act too.”
“Why?” The word sounded broken. I hated how I cried when I got mad or upset. Even more frustrating was getting upset in the first place.
Rowan slowly approached. The air stirred at the back of my neck as he reached me. “Because I do feel that connection between us. And gods, I’ve never been more afraid of anything in all my life. You asked why I didn’t stay with Axel and Wren? It’s just as you said. I didn’t want to form any attachments. Caring about people gives them the power to hurt you, and I’ll be damned if I ever give that power to anyone.”
“So you wanted to hurt me instead?”
“I wanted to see if it would hurt you.” He trailed his fingers down my arm before gently taking hold and turning me to face him. “I see now it was cruel to do so. Because it did hurt you. More than I ever thought it would.”
Tears blurred my vision. “Yeah. It did.” I exhaled a dry laugh and wiped at my eyes. “Dumb, right? I have three amazing men who are the best partners a guy could ask for. Why am I getting possessive over one who isn’t even mine?”
“Maybe because I am.”
I lowered my hands from my face. “Huh? What did you—”
Rowan cupped the side of my neck and leaned in, brushing a soft kiss to my lips.
Stunned, I could only stand there while my brain tried to process. I never expected him to kiss me. Yet there he was, initiating a kiss with soft lips that were hesitant and unsure.
He broke contact before going back in for another one. His mouth slid across mine, slow and featherlight, almost like he was testing the way I felt.
“Am I…” Rowan’s breath tickled my lips as he released a frustrated sound. “Am I doing it wrong?”
That took me even more by surprise. The double whammy of shock canceled out the first one, rewiring my brain and allowing the tiny Evans running my body to sort out their shit and get back to work.
“Is this your first kiss?” I asked.
Rowan’s hand slid to my nape, and he played with my hair. “Yes.”
“Are you a virgin?” Okay, I couldn’t handle a third shock wave. It would send me into cardiac arrest.
“What? Of course I’m not.” He made that frustrated sound again before drawing back from me. “I’ve fucked countless times. I’ve just never done…” His voice quieted. “That.”
One of his layers had been pulled back, and I saw more of him. The real him. I knew right then he felt the same thing I did. This deep attraction that tethered us together, growing stronger with each smart-ass remark or smirk. The intensity of that feeling was what scared him.
“Ah. I see.” I touched his hand, running my fingertips along his knuckles. “So you’ve had sex but never let any of them kiss you?”
“Kissing, cuddling, pillow talk, all of that’s pointless.” Rowan upturned his hand, and a tender expression took him over as I slid my palm across his. “Sex is strictly physical for me. I never do it while facing them. It’s always from behind. I rarely know a thing about them either. That’s how I prefer it.”
“No forming attachments, right?” I linked our fingers.
“Right.” His eyes lifted to mine. “Then I met you.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Nothing says ‘be mine’ quite like a kidnapping.”
Rowan grinned. “Well, I am a thief.” He used our joined hands to bring me closer. “And you’re one of a kind, little treasure.”
“Eh, I’m nothing special.”
His grin vanished, leaving behind something achingly tender. “You are to me.”
“About what you said earlier…” I touched the gold cuff that kept his hair pulled to the side. “I can’t cut you out either. I don’t want to. I know it’s hard to trust people. Even harder to let them close to your heart. But I won’t hurt you. I—”
Rowan cupped my cheek and pressed our lips together again.
Standing so close in height, our mouths met easily. Just like it’d been with my other men, my blood heated with the physical connection, turning electric in my veins, as though a bolt of lightning had struck my heart.
I returned the kiss, going slow at first to let him get accustomed to it. Apparently, I went too slow.
He made a sexy raspy sound before burying his fingers in my hair and deepening the kiss, kissing me so good my head spun. As his tongue swept across mine, I tasted spice and the remnants of honey mead. I wanted more of his taste. More of him .
“You’re making my head spin,” he murmured against my lips. “I think you were right. The apple you ate in the dark wood turned you into a demon.”
“Oh my god, stop.” I rested our heads together as I laughed. “You’re an asshole.”
I felt him smile as he brushed another kiss to my lips.
“Does it upset you that I’m with other men?” I asked as the familiar cloud of guilt swarmed in my chest. “I got so jealous over that barmaid, but I’m the one who—”
“You were with them long before I came along.” Rowan clutched my hand in his and placed his other at my lower back, holding me flush against him. “As irritating as I find them all to be, especially that brute of a captain… I have to admit how much it turned me on seeing them fuck you.”
Oh shit.
The clatter of boots echoed from around the corner. Rowan narrowed his eyes as Callum and Duke came into view, Ban not far behind them.
“There you are,” Callum said, visibly relieved. “We’ve been looking all over. Why did you run away like that? You gave me quite the fright, Ev.”
“I’m sorry.” And I was. I hated making him worry. “I was just being dramatic. I’m better now.”
Much better.
Duke cleared his throat and nudged Callum’s side, moving a finger between me and Rowan. “We seem to be interrupting.”
“You are,” Rowan said.
I lightly bumped his chest. “Stop being mean.”
Callum’s gaze raked over me before shifting to Rowan. My cinnamon roll was a hardened warrior now, expression stern and eyes lethal. He stepped forward and offered me his hand. “Come with me. I’ll take you to the inn.”
Rowan’s hold tightened. “I’ll take him when he’s ready. Your services aren’t needed, knight.”
Ban grunted.
“Neither are yours,” Rowan told him. “So go grunt somewhere else.”
A flicker of silver came from the trees behind the alley. Lake. I hadn’t seen him all day. If that wasn’t reason enough to call it a night, a big yawn came out of nowhere, and my eyelids weighed heavier.
“Heading to the inn sounds good. It’s been a long day.” I looked at Rowan. “You can come too.”
He smirked. “If you’re tired, that may not be the best idea. ’Cause once I get you alone, I doubt you’ll be sleeping for quite a while. Screaming my name is more like it.”
Callum scoffed. “Must you be so vulgar? Ev isn’t some whore in a brothel for you to speak to in such a way.”
“And what would you know of brothels?” Rowan challenged him. “You’ve never visited one. Last I heard, you’re still a maiden. Pure as freshly fallen snow.”
Wait. Was he implying that Callum was a virgin?
There was a tic in Callum’s jaw that reminded me so much of Maddox. “You speak of matters that don’t concern you.”
“You truly are a loyal knight,” Rowan said. “Watching the one you love find happiness with someone who isn’t you.”
Callum slapped a hand to the hilt of his sword and barged forward. “Silence that tongue before I cut it out of your mouth.”
“Oh.” Rowan flashed a devious smile. “Seems I’ve struck a nerve with you too tonight.”
Who did Callum love? It was certainly news to me. He hadn’t shown interest in anyone for as long as I’d known him. He’d dedicated his time to training, not letting himself be distracted by relationships.
Duke looked between the two of them and blew out a breath. “It’s been a long day for all of us. Let’s get moving before you two start brawling in the street.”
Rowan faced them. “I trust that you trio of fools can escort him safely to the inn?”
“You’re not coming with us?” I asked.
“Don’t pout like that.” His mouth curved up. “You look like a—”
“A sad toad! I know.” My foot stomped of its own accord. I had no control over it. But one thing that became crystal clear? Rowan teasing me was definitely working for him in the wooing department. Just like how I loved when Maddox did it.
“Usually, I’d say not to miss me too much…” Rowan stepped toward the darkest part of the alley. “But maybe I want you to miss me. At least a little.”
The shadows then gathered around his body and swallowed him whole. Always one for the memorable exits.
“Ready to go?” Callum grabbed my hand and offered me a warm smile. Mostly warm anyway. Something in his brown eyes made that smile a little sad somehow.
I nodded and yawned again. It had been one hell of a long day.
As we started walking, his hand didn’t leave mine. Such a protective cinnamon roll. Maddox had told him to watch over me, and he was doing all he could to follow that order. I wasn’t making it easy for him.
“Sorry again for running off earlier.”
“You should be.” Duke lunged at me and pulled me into a headlock. “You are much too adorable to wander around alone. Someone could snatch you up.”
“Unhand me, knight! The great muffin lord demands it.” I slapped at his muscled arm and tried to break free. A futile attempt.
He laughed before releasing me. I wasn’t free for long. He swept me off my feet—literally—and threw me over his shoulder.
“Better?” He smacked my backside.
“No!” I wiggled my legs. “Put me down.”
Callum grinned at Duke. “Muffin lords shouldn’t walk anywhere. They must be carried like royalty. Keep him nice and high off the ground.”
“You two are evil,” I whined, still wiggling. “A mean cinnamon roll and his redheaded minion of doom.”
Duke laughed so hard he almost dropped me.
Ban watched us with a blank expression before losing interest and facing ahead. Why didn’t he talk? How long had he been like that? Maybe he was just shy.
Reaching the inn, Duke carried me through the entrance and set me down in the front parlor. The place was the nicest one we’d stayed in so far. Nice and clean but cozy too, with a roaring fire and smells of something cooking coming from the back room, where I assumed there was a kitchen.
August stepped through a doorway, gnawing on a dinner roll. “About time you showed your faces. I was about to track you down.”
Finnian appeared beside him. The top half of his wavy hair was pulled back from his face, drawing attention to his high cheekbones and angled jawline. “You’d have to stop stuffing that hole in your face first.”
“The only face you should concern yourself with, Finn, is your own before I put my fist in it.”
Finnian ignored him and looked at Ban. “All went well this evening, I take it?”
Ban nodded.
“Good. There’s food in the back if any of you are hungry.”
Of the three of them, August barked orders and acted like his word was law when Finnian seemed to be the one really in charge.
Not sure if Lake had been able to eat anything for dinner, I grabbed a plate from the kitchen. Herb-crusted chicken with carrots and rice.
“Good night.” I rose up on my tiptoes to kiss Callum on the cheek, then did the same to Duke. I debated on doing it to Ban, too, since he’d also stayed by my side all evening. But one, he was way too tall for me to reach, even if I stood on my tiptoes. And two, he didn’t seem like the type who’d appreciate my slobbery germs. So, I waved at him and turned toward the staircase.
A tug on my sleeve stopped me.
Ban withdrew his hand and dropped his gaze to the floor. Maybe it was the flickering glow of firelight, but his cheeks looked a shade darker.
“Do you, uh, want a kiss too?” I asked.
He kept his gaze lowered and gave a nod so subtle I would’ve missed it had I blinked.
My heart felt all wobbly. He was a muscled giant who never said a word and who rarely showed any emotion, but he was asking, in his own silent way, for a kiss. Damn if I’d be the one to deny him that.
“It’d be my pleasure.” I bounded closer to him and rose up on the balls of my feet. When he bent down and offered his cheek, I pecked him right above his jaw. “Good night, Ban. Thank you for keeping me safe.”
My silent but sweet bodyguard.
Another sweetheart waited for me in the room. Right as I walked in and closed the door, Lake pulled me into his arms.
“I brought dinner,” I said, my soul relaxing in his presence. Such a strange, but incredible, feeling to be so close to another person. So attuned to every part of them, from their breaths to the beating of their heart. “I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten yet—”
Lake kissed me.
I made a little sound of surprise against his lips, then eased into it. With our mouths sliding together, he removed the plate from my hands and set it on the small table near the fireplace.
Neither of us said a word. We didn’t need to. I sensed what he needed. Hell, I needed it too. Intimacy after so many hours without it. The need to feel each other skin on skin and heart to heart.
Our soul mate connection stirred within us, sparking as we touched.
Lake’s hands slid up my tunic as our mouths laced together. The feel of his slightly calloused palms on my bare skin gave me shivers. We made our way toward the bed, tugging at each other’s clothes and untying boots before kicking them off. I reclined on the mattress, and he covered my body with his, wearing only his trousers. I reached between us and unfastened them before tugging them down his hips.
He made a deep sound in his throat as my hand came around his hardening cock. But I needed him to know something before we continued.
“I kissed Rowan tonight,” I confessed.
“I know.”
“You do?”
Lake lightly nipped at my nose. “I saw you.”
“So you were in the trees behind the alley.”
“Yes.” He smoothed his fingers along my jaw. “You kissing him didn’t upset me if that’s what’s worrying you.”
It totally was. Despite going through this same thing before—with Briar and with Lake—I couldn’t help but feel guilty bringing another man into my life. “My feelings for him don’t take away what I feel for you.”
“I know.” He nuzzled my cheek. “As Maddox says, I know a part of your heart will always be mine.”
“It’s true. And it’s a piece no one else will ever touch.” I lifted a hand to his silky hair while moving my other along his shaft. “My wolf.”
“My human.” He smiled down at me with parted lips and bedroom eyes, softly groaning as my palm worked him. “Forever.”
“Forever.”
Sex with Lake that night was tender and slow. Perfect. As we lay together afterward, breaths uneven and heartbeats wild, I thought of the two men we’d left behind in Bremloc. Men I couldn’t wait to hold again.
A shadow passed over the window.
I turned my head and saw Rowan on the other side of the glass. Hood up and face covered, showing only his eyes, he perched on the narrow ledge. My thief in the night. I fluttered my fingers in a small wave before lifting the blanket to get out of bed.
Rowan placed his hand on the window and tapped it once, shaking his head. A sign he didn’t want to come in. After a lingering gaze, he then dashed out of sight.
“He’s so hard to read,” I mumbled. “Why pop in just to leave right after?”
Lake roughly exhaled and hooked me around the waist, tugging me back down beside him. “If he wants to stay out in the cold, let him.”
Fortunately, in the southern city of Exalos, winters were mild. A bit breezy in the daytime but warm when the sun shone down on you without cloud cover. Nighttime was chilly but not too cold. Rowan was probably running across rooftops and leaping through the air.
As I snuggled back against Lake and closed my eyes, I imagined a sky of glimmering stars and a moon so big it looked close enough to reach out and grab.
I remembered what it felt like to fly.