15. No Strings On You #2
Theo wished he could go there and help him.
Bring him out of himself. Make sure everyone knew what a treasure they had in their midst. He wondered if the people in Korea knew how creative Dae was, or how funny and kind.
He wondered if they knew that he made delightfully weird stickers, or that he loved to cook, or that his humour was dry and witty.
He wondered if they appreciated him enough.
They’d been quiet for a while, and finally, Dae shut his eyes, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop. You were offered an awesome job. We’re all happy for you.”
“I thought a year would be enough.”
“For what?”
He seemed to steal himself before looking back at the screen. “To, you know, experience Korea. But I feel like I’m not done here.”
That made sense, and the fact that ‘done here’ was a possibility gave Theo a glimmer of hope. “Makes sense. Home of Korean barbecue.”
“It’s just called barbecue here.”
“Right.”
The curtains behind him fluttered and silver moonlight filtered through the browning leaves of a tree outside his window. Theo had the strangest fear that someone would climb that tree Romeo-style and crawl inside his room.
“Are you going to be okay?” Dae asked. “I mean, you and the guys. With the apartment?”
“Yeah, Caleb’s moving in with Avery, and Jason needs to be in North York.”
His face scrunched like he’d smelled something foul. “Give you downtown or give you death.”
“Exactly!” Dae knew him well.
“So what’ll you do?”
“Move in with Jordan. It actually worked out perfectly." Except that he missed Dae so much his stomach hurt. He wanted him in the room, wanted to be able to see the muscles in his face working as he not-smiled, wanted to hear his voice, smell him, touch him, just…be near him.
“Oh. That’s great.” Something passed over his face. A lonely shadow that Theo couldn’t handle, even through a screen.
“Dae, if you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”
He nodded and responded almost robotically. “It’s an excellent opportunity.”
“And you deserve it.” This time, the screen really did freeze. “Dae?”
A strange mixture of despair and relief smashed through Theo’s chest as he watched the screen go blank. He needed Dae’s face back, but at the same time, he could barely stand it.
Dae
Sorry, I don’t know what happened.
shitty internet once i move itll be better
The dots came and went, and Theo sat watching them until they stopped. He gave up and set his phone down just as it buzzed with a message.
Thank you for being happy for me, Theo.
I’m happy if youre happy
You said that already.
i meant it
He wished he meant it completely. He was happy for Dae, of course he was. But he knew, deep down, he was a horrible friend. Because part of him hated this. Part of him wished it would fall through and Dae would move back. Part of him was a huge fucking dick.
goodnight dae
Good morning, Theo.
??? ???
The next morning, he was woken up by a barrage of incessant buzzing.
Dae
I lobe you
Miss you.
My despair without you is a black abyss from whence I shan’t escape
then come home
I wish I coud.
I wish I could go home and be mormal.
Be a normal boy
what are u now
a puppet?
got no strings on you
I have all the strings.
Every string theo
All of them.
you’re drunk
That is indeed the case.
hydrate please
I shal do as my lieg commands.
Leigee
Leeege
Dammit
i think ur trying for liege
You’re so smmart.
Do you think of me?
now and then
Now amd then when?
when I see one of your stickers on a strangers laptop
And?
when I eat kimchi stew
when I check the time with the watch you gave me
when i drink from the learning is a hoot mug
when Im singing horribly in the shower
so every day?
every day
I th8nk of you every minute
its not a competition
Every second.
go to bed
It was too early in the morning for Theo’s heart to be raging this hard.
He knew none of this meant anything. Dae was drunk and rambling.
Nonsensical. Trying to find meaning in any of these texts was like trying to buy a house with fool’s gold.
But still, hearing that Dae missed him was a beautiful thrill.
He knew it, Dae had said it before, but weren’t people the most honest when their inhibitions were down?
Dae missed him. Dae loved him (or, lobed him, but that was close enough). Dae thought about him. He shouldn’t have been as happy as he was to read those words, but they still lit up his soul like a million firecrackers against a dark sky.
He could tell these texts were going to become his new obsession, so he threw his phone down on the bed.
But then he thought of something and immediately picked it back up.
love you too
*voice note*
He paused before hitting the button on the voice note, apprehension making his thumb hover before finally landing on the screen.
And then Dae’s tinned voice belted through the speaker, backed up by laughter in the background. “L is for the way you look at me!”
Theo let out a spurt of laughter that halted the footsteps outside his bedroom door. His aunt knocked—he knew it was her because her knock was always more of a warning than a request for permission—then came in just as the rendition came to its cacophonous conclusion.
“What’s so funny?”
“Dae’s drunk.”
She was dressed in a sweater and yoga-pants combo that suggested she was geared up and ready to dismantle Theo’s bedroom. “When is my favourite nephew coming home?”
“I don’t know.” He failed at keeping his voice free of the doubt and fear clawing under his skin. Dae missed him, sure, but that would never be enough to draw him home.
She frowned and crossed the room, then hovered by the bed. “Is your morning wood gone?”
“Liana!” He only dropped the ‘aunt’ from her name when she was being particularly inappropriate.
She cocked an eyebrow and waited until he nodded, then crawled in, opening her arms for him to rest his head on her shoulder. “It doesn’t smell great in here, Theo.”
He scooched into her. “No one says morning wood anymore.”
“What do they call it?”
“Nothing. We’ve evolved beyond such childish references to perfectly natural bodily occurrences.”
They snuggled in warm, comfortable silence until she squeezed his shoulder. “Dae isn’t going to leave you.”
“You’re a little late on that one.” He’d meant for it to come out light and sarcastic, but the words oozed out of him, heavy and low.
She turned her head at an awkward angle to glare at him. “He didn’t leave you; he left the country. It worries me that you don’t see the difference.”
Theo snorted and tried to squirm away, but she held on with surprising strength and grabbed his face with her free hand, forcing him to look at her, squishing his cheeks in the process.
Theo wished she hadn’t—her stare was too intense for the first thing in the morning.
“My favourite nephew left the country, but he still texts and calls you every day.”
“Not every day,” Theo mumbled through his forced-puckered mouth.
She released him to slap his leg, though the effect was lost through the poofy layer of comforter covering it.
“That boy loves you, and you love him, and no matter what happens between you, that will always be true. Same with Jordan. And Jason and Caleb. You’ve built yourself a family, despite the example you’ve been given. Don’t fuck it up now.”
This time he was successful in pulling away. “Who says I’m fucking things up?”
She let out a long ppppppppfffffffffttttttt, not bothering to add any actual points to her argument. Not that she needed to. Theo knew who he was.
“Is this meant to be a pep-talk?”
“This is my A-material.” She winked, then swatted his defending hand away and ruffled his hair. “You need a shower.”