26. What If #2
She’d been his girlfriend the last time they’d seen each other, which threw into harsh clarity how long it had been for them too. “I thought you two were still together.”
“No.” He shook his head. “God, no.” He drummed his fingernails against the bottle, the tinkling notes grating against Theo’s hangover. “How’s your work?”
“Um, Jordan’s single went viral, and her follow-up album launched yesterday. It went really, really well. The reviews are mostly positive.”
At this, his dad’s face lit up, and Theo thought, for one elated moment, that he was actually interested in his life. But then he shifted forwards on the couch, squaring his shoulders. “Funny you bring that up because I have a business opportunity for you.”
Everything inside of Theo sank. Of course. Of course there had to be some kind of scheme, some ulterior motive for this visit. He should’ve known, and he felt betrayed by his own common sense.
“No reason to be so nervous!” His dad’s laughter made the moment more tense. “The company has a fundraiser for charity coming up, and the higher-ups want some entertainment.”
So that was why he was there to ‘see the apartment.’ Theo wished he’d just gone through the agency using the normal protocol.
That would’ve been less painful than whatever this was—than the disappointment Theo now had to temper in his gut.
But whatever. He could shake it off and roll with it.
He had plenty of practice. “What’s the charity? ”
“Ahhh…” His dad’s forehead crinkled. “I have no idea. Is that important? Oh crap, does that make me sound like a heartless suit?” Yes, Theo thought, trying not to let it show on his face.
His dad laughed again. Theo found it hard to join in.
“Anyway, I was thinking Jordan could do it. You’re her agent, right? ”
The absolute fucking nerve.
His dad must’ve seen it on Theo’s face, because he talked fast. “You know, this could benefit her too. There’ll be a lot of rich people there. One of them might sponsor her.”
He tried to animate his voice, but it still came out monotone. Defeated. “That’s not how it works.”
“Right, but the exposure.”
Jordan had a successful debut album with one of the best record labels in Canada. She didn’t need exposure at some corporate image-cleanser.
Theo set his own beer on the table, moisture-rings be damned. There was no way his stomach, which currently felt like hardening lava, would accept anything at this point. “She’s pretty busy.”
“Ah, okay.” His bottle-tapping picked up speed. “So is that a no? Thing is, the event won’t really fly unless we have a draw, and I need this event to fly, you know what I mean?”
The smell from Dae’s breakfast still lingered in the apartment, savoury with a hint of sweetness. It made him wish Dae was there and his dad wasn’t. “I have other acts on my roster that could work for something like that.”
“Yeah, maybe, maybe.” He shifted awkwardly on the couch, picking at the label of his beer. “I really wish I hadn’t bragged to the board that my son could get us Jordan Stewart.”
“Why would you—”
“Because I’m a dolt, Theo.” He forced a laugh and slapped his own forehead.
“It was stupid, I know. I should’ve talked to you first. But they were nervous, and I needed to calm them down.
” He sucked in a long, dramatic breath, shaking his head.
“It’s okay; it was my mistake, so I’ll fix it. Don’t worry about it.”
Theo hated the impulse that always rose from the depths of his core any time his dad put this kind of shit on him: to help, to be the hero, to prove he wasn’t the kind of person who would turn his back on family. To prove he was better than him.
It was pathetic, he knew that. “I mean, I could talk to her.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” His dad’s words pounced on Theo’s. “Just throw it out there.”
“Okay. I’ll let you know what she says.”
“Great, Theo. Great.” He took a long swig of beer and stood, dropping any pretence that this visit had been about anything other than getting what he wanted. “I should get going. I still have lots to do, even on a Saturday. Such is the life, right?”
He gave Theo a commiserating smile, as if ‘the life’ had been a joint decision. Theo walked him out, nodding along to his parting words, not really paying attention. And then the door shut, and he was alone.
His body wandered back to the couch, but he didn’t sit. Instead, he stared at the two open, mostly-full bottles of wasted beer, and swore. He should’ve taken his dad’s money, just to feel like he was getting something out of the relationship.
His phone felt heavy when he took it out of his pocket to text Jordan.
He got so far as pulling up their chat and staring at it, his fingers hovering over the keyboard.
What was he supposed to say? How could he word it without coming off as pathetic and desperate as he felt?
And if she agreed, they’d still have to clear it with the agency, and then what would he say to them?
His dad hadn’t even known what charity the fundraiser was for.
He rubbed his chest and tried to breathe through the tightness. He could do this. He got halfway through the text before his phone fell out of his shaking hands, clattering to the floor.
“Shit.” He bent to pick it up, but his body didn’t follow instructions, and instead ended up on the floor too, curled into itself.
What was happening? He had no control. He couldn’t breathe. Could barely think.
Tara? The way his dad had said her name, this person he’d once claimed to care about, kept echoing, as if his dad was still sitting on the couch, repeatedly saying it like she meant nothing.
That was how his dad thought of people. That was the DNA he’d passed on to his son.
Theo vaguely heard the door open but couldn’t do anything about it.
“Theo?” Hands were on his shoulders, helping him sit up, then he was pulled into warmth and softness as Dae’s arms circled his body. “You’re okay.”
Theo buried himself deeper into Dae’s comfort, resting his head on his shoulder, his hands twisting into the fabric of his shirt. He wasn’t ready for words yet. Wasn’t ready to admit what was happening to him.
Fuck, what was happening to him?
His breath started to slow as Dae rubbed his back, his hands moving in slow circles, never in the same spot twice. “You’re safe,” he whispered, his breath a warm tickle on Theo’s ear. “You’re alright. You’re okay. You’re not alone.”
It was enough to pull the words from the heavy vault buried in his chest. “What if I’m just like him?”
Dae squeezed him tighter. “You’re not.”
It came out with such force that Theo managed to lift his head. Dae’s eyes were dark and intense, and his still-damp hair stuck to his forehead.
“How do you know?” Somewhere in the back of his panicking consciousness, he knew it was a lot to put on him, but he was desperate for the answer. And whatever Dae said, he was willing to believe.
“Because you care.” He raised a hand to wipe away a tear from Theo’s cheek. “You help people without even thinking about it.”
Did he? He didn’t feel that way. Couldn’t remember a single instance.
Dae’s rough fingertips dragged against Theo’s skin as his hand slid down to his neck to hold him steady. “Like what you did for Aunt Liana.”
Theo had no idea what he was talking about. He gripped Dae’s shirt tighter, pulling him closer. Fuck, he needed him closer. “I didn’t do anything.”
Dae shook his head, gently stroking the bottom of Theo’s jaw with the pad of his thumb.
“She told me at the café opening—she never would’ve done it without you encouraging her.
You give people confidence, Theo.” He paused to let the words settle and Theo tried to let them.
If Dae was saying it, it was possible it could be true.
“And Jordan…” he continued. “Would she be following her dream without you? I don’t think you realize the effect your belief in people has.
” He gave him a soft smile. “Look how much you helped me.”
“You?” All Theo could remember of the past seven years was Dae’s help, Dae’s support, Dae’s quiet strength getting him through each day.
Dae’s voice was a whisper. “Do you really not know?”
Theo leaned forward, wanting to devour each word, watching Dae’s lips as they moved, creating the soft, beautiful sounds.
“Theo, without you, I would’ve faded into the background of my own life.”
His heart was raging for an entirely different reason now. Dae was so close, drinking Theo in with a gaze that roamed down to his lips. His hand was still nestled on Theo’s neck, Theo’s fingers still curled into his shirt.