28. Roommate-aversary #2
If that wasn’t a sign, he didn’t know what would be.
Wasn’t this proof that he could stick around?
Proof that he had? The film of the Polaroids caught the sparkling lights, displaying the glaring truth: that Theo had stayed by Dae’s side for years.
It didn’t matter what their relationship was.
He’d already proven he wouldn’t run away.
Maybe the trust he’d been waiting for, the permission, had to come from himself first. And maybe…
He let his eyes roam the pictures, the moments, the years spent together. Maybe he’d just given it.
He backed out of his room unnoticed, his head buzzing and his heart pounding, moving through the apartment towards the open window. Steam fogged the glass, making the lights beyond it twinkle.
People talked to him during his journey to the other side of the room, but he had no idea what he said back. Dae was in the kitchen, taking a tray out of the oven.
“They’re sausage rolls,” he said to Min, “and no, you can’t have one yet.”
“I don’t want one anyway,” she said, sticking out her tongue.
Dae used his favourite oven mitts, which were shaped like puppies, to wave away the steam. A piece of hair hung over his forehead as he slid the rolls onto a platter and handed them to Min. “Please take these out but warn everyone that they’re hot.”
Min grabbed the plate with one hand and picked up a roll with the other, shoving it into her mouth. “Mother fu—”
“I told you they’re hot!” He shook his head, half a fond smile turning the corner of his mouth up as he scanned the room, his gaze snagging on Theo by the window.
Catching him staring.
And he stared back, those deep, dark eyes burrowing into him. Then he mouthed, You okay?
Theo nodded. Like a liar. And climbed out the window, clutching the rattling railing of the fire escape. The cool air stinging his throat was grounding, so he took deeper and longer breaths. This was it, wasn’t it? Decision made?
Decision was such a laughable way to describe what had just happened to him. He’d been uppercut-punched by his own damn collage—okay, shrine—to Dae.
But now the problem of how to tell him swirled in his gut. What if Dae was too frustrated after years of Theo’s stupidity to give him a chance?
Well, Theo would just have to be a big fucking boy and tell him exactly how he felt.
No more bullshit. He’d do this right. He’d write him a letter or a poem or a sonnet.
He’d take him to a park or something, with the autumn leaves as a vibrant accent to his confession, and he’d lay it all out there with a perfectly edited, memorized monologue.
His very essence was vibrating with the possibilities.
Maybe he could commission an artist to paint a portrait of them. Or ask Jordan to write him a song, and he’d learn to play the guitar (for real this time) and play it for him at a picnic, and he’d—
Creeeeeeaaaaaaaak.
Theo stood statue-still, every nerve in his body on high alert as the fire escape shifted under him, and by the time he registered the danger, the gap between the railing and the window was a few inches.
The fire escape swayed and he fell back into it, watching in horror as the window got farther away.
The sound of the metal bending and ripping was different than he’d heard in movies.
It was closer, more intimate, like someone screaming in his ear.
And he could somehow taste the rust, the cold, and the fear.
“Theo!” Min was at the window, her face full of terror. “Grab my hand!”
He tried, but she was too far. The movement made the balcony shift again, sending their neglected tomato plant clanging over the balconies below, hitting each one like a gruesome preview of what was to come, then smashing on the concrete.
“Don’t move!” Dae’s voice. Dae’s face in the window. Dae’s hand stretching to reach the railing but just too far away.
Dae would be Theo’s regret. The reason his spirit lingered.
More shifting. Metal shrieking. Screams.
“They’re on their way.” Jason.
“We could anchor the railing. Tie a twisted blanket around it.” Dae’s voice was fast, breathless. A natural born problem solver.
“They said not to do anything.”
“Oh God, Theo.” Jordan was not a natural born problem solver. What would she do without him? Dae would be fine, he would be sad and then he would move on. He would help Jordan, and Theo’s mom and aunt. He would take care of them all.
Theo looked down, which made him dizzy, which made him grab onto the railing, which made the balcony shift and squeal again. Stupid.
“Dae!”
“Theo, don’t move!”
“Dae…”
“I’m here. It’s going to be okay. Don’t move.”
“You don’t understand. I love you so much.
” He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to command his voice to come out clear and steady, but it wouldn’t.
“I’m always thinking about you, and I always want you near me, and the time when you were in Korea was the most miserable period of my life. I missed you so much.”
Movement clattered somewhere, but all Theo could do was suck in a gasping breath, his chest burning, his throat closing with tears.
“I’m so in love with you, Dae. I think I always have been, but I was so fucking scared, because you’re the best thing about my life, and if I messed it up, I knew what I’d be losing, and I just couldn’t, Dae.
I couldn’t lose you. I can’t lose you, but I also love you so much that I can’t keep this inside anymore, and I want to try, I want to be with you, I want to be yours.
I—” His body shook with sobs and the fire escape rattled. “I am yours.”
It felt like his words were fighting to rip free from somewhere deep inside him that didn’t want to let them go, but each one that made it out reached back for the others, pulling them out too.
“I’m so sorry for taking so long, but I was so scared to hurt you that I pushed you away over and over, and I’m so fucking sorry.
Last week wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t stupid.
It was the best kiss of my life, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it, about you.
Not for a single second.” More movement, a small shift, a soft creak.
“Oh fuck, shit, I’m a thousand percent sure, Dae.
A million percent sure! I promise I won’t hurt you. I promise I’ll—”
“Sir, I need you to try to get to the window.”
Theo’s eyes slowly slid open like they weren’t sure if they were allowed, and for a second, he didn’t understand what he saw: a strange man hanging from a cable with a large metal clamp securing the fire escape.
Behind him, almost everyone Theo knew was at the window, hands over mouths, looking at each other in shock or worry or triumph.
Min was pumping her fist in the air like her sports team had won some kind of cup.
Jordan was beaming, tears rolling down her cheeks, and Jason and Caleb had their arms around each other.
And in the middle of all of them, Dae, face washed with silent panic, chest heaving, fingers clutching the edge of the window.
“It’s safe,” the rescue worker said, reaching his hand to Theo. “Can you climb back in or do you need help?”
Theo assessed the situation; everything he’d just said, everyone who’d just heard, all the people now watching him as if he were the best entertainment they’d had in a while. The embarrassment came hot and fast.
“You know what? I’m okay. You can leave me out here. It’s fine. I’ve had a good life.”
A confused blink. “Sir?”
“Theodore, get your ass in here right now!” Jordan and about half the party held out their hands, but Dae’s was the only one Theo wanted.
He stood on shaking legs and reached for it, his heart exploding at the touch as Dae pulled him in, and about a thousand hands gripped his arms, back, and ass to get him through.
But then they all scattered and there was only Dae, standing close, his hand still gripping Theo’s.
“Are you okay?” His voice was low, soft, and relieved.
“Yeah.” Theo needed everyone else to leave. He needed to kiss him, and judging by the way Dae kept looking at his lips, he figured he wasn’t alone. Dae’s hand lifted to Theo’s face to wipe away his tears and half the room took audible breaths while the other half ‘awwww’ed.
“Okay.” Jason clapped loudly, circling his finger in the air in a wrap it up motion. “It’s been quite the evening, but now we’re going to leave these two alone and take this party to my place.” Theo mouthed, thank you, as Jason gently squeezed his shoulder. “Glad you’re not dead.”
“Me too.”
Caleb was pale and sweaty, his hand clutched in Avery’s. “But shouldn’t we help clean up?”
She patted his arm. “Tomorrow, babe.”
Jordan stuck around just long enough for the paramedics to make sure Theo really was okay; no broken bones, no hidden injuries. Then she shuffled them off with copious thank yous and promises to send them signed copies of her album.
Theo barely paid attention to any of it. All he could see was Dae, who seemed to have been struck by lightning, unable to speak. He simply stared at Theo through everything, a couple of steps away.
Too far, Theo thought, willing Dae closer. But instead, he stayed back, hovering, watching Theo until Jordan wrapped her arms around his middle, her face wet.
“You scared me.”
“Sorry.”
She shook her head and pressed her cheek to his, whispering, “Keep being brave, Theo. You both deserve it.”
Then she kissed his forehead and left, leaving Theo standing in the middle of the living room, his eyes locked on his best friend.
On the man he loved. He wanted to speak, wanted to ask Dae how he felt about what Theo had said.
Wanted to explain that it was supposed to be presented in a letter that Theo was going to sing beside a painting of them in a park during a picnic, but words wouldn’t come.
All he could do was stare. And breathe. And love him.
And then Dae was finally moving, closing the space between them, and Theo didn’t have to ask him how he felt because he could see it in his burning eyes just before he kissed him.