Chapter 14
SERANA
I smiled hesitantly at the police officer who was standing at the end of the hall and waited for Roscoe to pull the curtain aside.
I turned to look at the young man in the bed.
His face was bruised and red, probably from the airbag.
While his injuries looked painful, I knew it was his heart that was hurting most of all.
“Harley, this is my friend Serana,” Roscoe said as he wheeled my chair closer to the bed.
“Hi, Harley,” I said softly as I reached out to take his hand. It was handcuffed to the rail, but that didn’t stop him from turning his palm up and squeezing mine. “We haven’t officially met yet, but we’ve run into each other before.”
I had been trying to lighten the mood, but Harley didn’t take the bait. Tears filled his eyes before he whispered, “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I know you are. Believe me, I know better than most just how sorry you are. I also know at least some of the thoughts that are tumbling through your mind right now.”
Harley scoffed. “I doubt it.”
I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand. “I’ve been where you are. It wasn’t the exact same situation, but it was close enough that the irony isn’t lost on me.”
“I doubt you ever got so fucked up that you almost killed your cousins and two complete strangers.”
“No,” I said softly. But I was so fucked up that I drove my car into a house - into an innocent family who had gone to bed thinking they were safe. I hurt a little girl, just like you did. And I think about her every single day.”
“You did?”
I nodded. “I didn’t hit her. Actually, I didn’t hit anyone - but I plowed into a house, and my car stopped just a few feet from the bed where she was sleeping. I was high when I did it.”
Harley closed his eyes. “I’m so fucked up.”
“You are. I get that too. I don’t know what’s going to happen to you, Harley, but I know that you are hating yourself more than anyone else can imagine.
That feeling won’t go away for a very long time, if ever.
I also know that you can crawl out of the hole you’ve dug for yourself, but it’s gonna take a lot of work. ”
“I didn’t realize . . . I thought I was in control, you know? I just . . .”
“I’m not the one to go to for answers or even guidance, Harley, but I’m going to give you the gift I never received and never expected to.”
“What’s that?”
“Forgiveness. You might not get that from everyone who was involved today, and if you do, it might not be as soon as you’d hope, but you’ve got mine.
More than that you’ve got my understanding - but there’s a caveat with these gifts I’m giving to you.
” I looked over my shoulder and asked Roscoe, “Can you give us some tissues?”
Roscoe was quick to walk over to the wall and pull a handful of tissues from the box. I ignored the pain in my shoulder as I leaned forward to use one to dab at the tears on Harley’s cheeks.
“I’ve wished over and over again that I had asked for help before I got to the place where you are right now, but I didn’t.”
“They tried to help me, but I hid what I was doing and avoided everyone so they wouldn’t know.”
“They knew, but they didn’t want to see it.”
“Probably.”
“Now they don’t have a choice. The picture is painted in the bruises on your face, the stitches in my shoulder, and the bandage on my foot.
It’s painted on the little boy and girl who are covered in scratches - and the memories that will give them nightmares and make them a little more wary of the world.
It’s painted on my friend Moe who, just like me, wasn’t hurt too badly, but is probably thinking that she should have paid in blood for her past sins that drugs and alcohol had a part in. ”
“I never meant for it to get this bad. It was just fun, and then . . .”
When his voice trailed off, I said, “Until it wasn’t. It was fun until it became necessary, and nothing necessary is ever really fun.”
“What’s going to happen now?”
“I don’t know that. What I do know is that you have a family that loves you so much they’ll do anything to help you. I’ve met some of them before, and a few more today, and I know that their hearts are broken for you - even though the only feeling they recognize right now is anger.”
“Kale and Bird are gonna kill me. And when Aunt Summer and Aunt Terra get a hold of me . . .” Harley’s words cut off in a sob. “I’m never gonna be able to look at Koda and Lyric the same. I could have killed them!”
“You could have, but you didn’t. Now it’s your job to make sure you never put yourself or anyone else in that position again.”
“I want to.”
“Want is not enough, Harley. Be firm in your decision and don’t back down from it, no matter how hard it gets - and it’s just gonna get harder before it’s over. Trust me on that.”
“I don’t understand you. It would be so much easier to hate me.”
“Hate takes a lot of energy, and I’d rather focus mine on good things - and things that are necessary. Things like my recovery, my sobriety, and the life I’m building now that I’ve paid my dues for the decisions I made and the choices I should have avoided.”
“I’m so sorry, Miss Gonzales. So sorry.”
“Since we’re going to be friends from now on, I think you should call me Serana, don’t you?”
“Why would you want to be my friend after what I did? After what could have happened?”
“Because I can see just how much you mean it when you apologize, and I hope that you’ll keep that fire burning and turn it towards changing your life for the better instead of wallowing in it until someone else gets burned.”
“Will you . . . can we talk again?” Harley asked.
“I’d like to, but depending on what happens legally, the powers that be might not appreciate that at all. We’ll see what happens, but either way, I want you to know that I forgive you, and I look forward to the day that you can forgive yourself.”
“Time’s up,” a voice I didn’t recognize said from the other side of the curtain.
I leaned a little closer and whispered, “See? It’s already starting!” I squeezed Harley’s hand before I let go and said, “It’s going to be a hard road, and only the strongest can make it to the end. It’s up to you to decide if you’re that kind of guy.”
“I think I am.”
“Don’t just think it, Harley. Do it. And while you do it, don’t cut off the people who love you. They only want what’s best for you, okay?”
“I promise I won’t.”
Roscoe didn’t say a word to Harley before he maneuvered my wheelchair back into the hall. I was surprised to see Dr. Hamilton leaning against the opposite wall and knew from her expression that she’d overheard my conversation with Harley.
“How are you feeling, Serana?” Dr. Hamilton asked.
“I’m f . . .” Dr. Hamilton’s eyes narrowed, and I abruptly stopped the lie that came naturally before I said, “I’m sore all over, my ankle is throbbing, and the local they gave me before they put in my stitches is wearing off, so my shoulder is burning like nobody’s business.”
Dr. Hamilton looked at me and paused before asking, “Would you like something for the pain?”
“I explained to the ER doc that I’m a recovering addict, and we agreed that unless the pain becomes unbearable, I’ll take two over-the-counter pain relievers every four hours for the next few days.”
Dr. Hamilton smiled serenely before she said, “I’m proud of you, Serana.”
Those few simple words brought tears to my eyes. I sniffed them back and gave her a small smile in return. “Thanks.”
“It would be a good idea to talk to your GP about alternate pain relievers that aren’t narcotics so that if the pain becomes too much to handle, you don’t feel like doing something drastic.”
“I don’t have a GP.”
“Yes, you do,” Dr. Hamilton argued. “Jewel Parker is the doctor that Zoey has made arrangements with for instances like these. You can get her number from Roscoe if you need it or call Zoey and she’ll give it to you.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t try to be a hero, Serana. They might not always show it in the movies, but heroes falter sometimes, and when they do, the crash is much worse than it has to be.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I promised.
Emerald pushed away from the wall and took a deep breath before she said, “I’m going to spend some time with Harley, but I’ll check in on you later this evening, okay?”
“Thank you.”
I could hear voices I recognized in my room. I smiled when Roscoe turned me around and I saw Fiona, Taylor, and Shivon waiting for me.
“You are a badass,” Fiona said in greeting. “Holy shit, Serana. You scared the hell out of us.”
“Luckily, I didn’t have time to be scared before it happened or I might have faltered and missed my chance to be the hero. Have you guys checked on Moe yet?” I asked.
“She’s got a room full of people too,” Taylor explained as she put her hand out to help me out of my chair.
I stood up and twisted around to sit on the bed again, glad that the nurse had helped me put on my clothes before my visit with Harley.
“Zoey’s with her. So are Fallon and Ginger and the little girl’s grandfather and the little boy’s grandfather. ”
“That family is just full of . . .”
“Hey, Ros,” I heard an unfamiliar voice say from the hallway.
Roscoe stepped aside and a gorgeous man walked past him into my room followed by a woman with red-rimmed eyes. Her smile wavered as her eyes met mine. I saw there were tears in the man’s eyes, too, as he said, “There aren’t words to express how grateful I am to you for what you did today.”
Before I had a chance to say anything, Roscoe introduced us. “Serana, this is Ruf Forrester and his wife, Jovi. They’re Koda’s parents.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Are you badly injured?” Jovi asked as she took in the bandage on my neck and the blood crusted on my shirt.