Chapter 11
Eleven
Lilith
Winter descended again. I stared at him in bewilderment, my lips swollen and my heart thudding against my ribcage. Does he not want this?
His pupils dilated, cheeks flushing. Although Castiel gently reached up and pulled my hand out of his hair, his intense gaze never left me.
His chest heaved for breath. His wing retreated, no longer holding me against him, but his tongue slipped between his teeth and licked his upper lip.
The sight made me want to bite him all over again.
A branch cracked nearby, startling me.
“Ho, there!”
I rubbed my forehead, slowly coming back to reality. Someone was…here. Oh, four gods, someone was approaching us. Had he seen us? Who was it? The elders would be furious if they found me kissing someone. I leaned away from Castiel, my heart racing with fear.
Castiel cleared his throat, jerking his gaze away from me. “Elder Nelson,” he greeted with a deceptively calm voice.
I couldn’t breathe, let alone speak normally. I tried to get a hold of my panting, staring down at my feet. My face felt hotter than the sun. What had he seen? Brown leaves crackled under my feet as I nervously shifted my weight.
Slowly Castiel unfurled his wing, drawing it away and tucking it against his spine again.
I mourned the loss as the chill slipped down my back again, making my teeth chatter. Two leaves, powerless against the wind, flipped and skittered across the pile.
“Herald, can I help you?” Elder Nelson’s unsteady gait neared, judging by the sound of crunching leaves underfoot.
I wanted to shrivel up, to float away like a dying leaf on the wind. I shouldn’t have kissed Castiel. I should’ve gotten up from the bench as soon as he landed beside me. Foolish girl.
Nelson paused a few feet from the bench.
I dragged my eyes up to meet his, to smile in greeting as if he hadn’t caught me kissing a seraph.
“At the moment, no.” Castiel’s voice was steady, reminding me he was a warrior at heart, even if he’d been raised to be a farmer.
“I am surprised by the cold weather, though. Poor Lilith is turning into an icicle. I had to create a windblock for her or her face would freeze like that.” He chuckled, and my insides warmed with gratitude that he understood how important it was for me to hide what we’d done.
“How much longer will the weather be this cold?”
“Ah, it depends,” Nelson answered easily. But I had worked for him for years, and I could hear the thread of suspicion hidden in his voice.
I tensed, waiting for an accusation. Perhaps a demand to repent. But none came.
“I requested a copy of Erlik’s precepts,” Castiel continued. “Yet none have arrived at my rooms.”
Nelson cocked his head, his eyes turning even sharper than normal. “And…why do you need that, Herald, if you, as his servant, have all of his words memorized?”
I stilled, holding my breath. My hands clenched my skirts so tight my knuckles whitened. My gaze followed the two leaves, now spinning haphazardly in the air.
But Castiel laughed. “Of course, Elder, of course I do. I need to see if the Church of the Love of His Divine Saints has faithfully copied his words. This is not a test of my knowledge, but of your faithfulness.”
Nelson pursed his lips. “I will make certain one is delivered to you before supper.” But his eyes still cut across Castiel to me. “Lilith, come attend me.”
“Oh.” My breath fogged the air as I jerked my attention back to him. “Um, well, I can do so. But…may I at least deliver this kerosene to my mother? Our lamps are running low.”
His eyes narrowed, but he nodded.
“I shall send her to you when she is finished,” Castiel offered, his tone condescending and magnanimous.
It was enough to make me grind my teeth, except I knew he was doing it for my benefit.
I flushed again, jerking away. I grabbed the jar of kerosene and hugged it to my chest, stepping away from Castiel. See, nothing indecent happening here.
Castiel shot me a small, private frown, which I ignored.
“Thank you…Herald.” Elder Nelson’s emphasis on the last word made me stiffen, the blood in my veins turning cold. Did he suspect? If he suspected, did he also suspect I was helping Castiel deceive everyone?
Elder Nelson harumphed, then turned toward his own home down the lane.
“With your permission, Herald, I shall leave you,” I said, making my voice loud enough for Nelson to hear.
But Castiel held up a hand, gesturing silently for me to pause.
I waited, watching his face stay serious.
My belly flipped in nerves and disappointment.
I was becoming disturbingly interested in his smirks and mischievous eyes.
Now he wasn’t wearing a smile, especially after our kiss, all I wanted was to return to the moment before Nelson had found us, when I was still sheltered under his wing and pressed against his strong body.
“I need to see Lord Fallon’s collection,” he said.
My stomach sank further. Foolish girl. He kissed you because you’re pretty and available. He doesn’t want you; he wants the information in the book. I forced a smile. “Oh. Yes, that. Of course.” I swallowed hard. “That is our agreement.”
“Now I need to find him without alerting the elders what I’m doing. Nelson will find that suspicious to be sure.”
I frowned, wrapping my arms around my chest and shivering. “Why?”
He glanced at me. “Why? Why, what?”
“Why keep it so secretive? They’re going to proclaim your existence to the entire world. Grab the book and go. How could they stop you? You have no weakness. It’s not like they could trap you.”
He opened his mouth. Shut it, glanced down. Then glanced back at me. “Because if I charge through here like a seraph on a mission, letting them know my every intention…they will find out how you’ve helped me.”
“Oh.” My breath escaped in the wind.
“When I leave, you will stay behind.” His eyes hardened. “I do not want them to punish you for my actions. They will be sorely disappointed their chance for glory has slipped through their fingers.”
I nodded, ignoring the anxiety building in my chest. “That is true.” I would go to the prayer closet for certain. Perhaps even flogged in front of the church for my rebellious nature. I’d heard all my life Lord Erlik was a father who loved his children, but…that had never felt like love to me.
Best not borrow trouble before it comes. After a moment I piped up again. “I know where Fallon lives.”
Castiel’s eyes widened in surprise. “You do? How?”
“I write all their correspondence,” I said with a laugh, forcing my worry and fear away. “I know everything.”
He threw back his head and laughed, the sound echoing around us in the thin air. The column of his throat was long and masculine, and my stomach flipped. My toes curled in their boots, and I wanted to touch him again. I pushed that urge down, too.
“Of course you do. Lily, I believe you’re smarter than all the elders put together.”
I blushed. “Oh, I don’t think so. That would be a prideful thing for me to believe.”
“Certainly more practical,” he argued, giving me that delicious smile I dreamed of. “And much faster at getting things done. You will tell me where to go?”
That smile was infectious, and boldness overtook me. “I will take you there myself,” I said. “It’s in the heart of the city.”
Castiel squinted at the sky. The cloud cover, though gray, was thin today.
“We should go tomorrow evening,” he decided.
“When I can fly undetected. The last thing we need is some religious riot in the city if someone sees me.” He rolled his eyes.
“It will be impossible to get what I need with the humans clamoring all around me.”
My mouth dried. “Uhh, fly?”
He gave me an amused look. “How else do you think I would travel?” His wing stretched behind him, long enough for the brown feathers to draw my eyes, then returned to his back.
My mind slipped back to the afternoon we’d met, when he’d grabbed me up in his arms and soared into the air. “No flying,” I said stiffly.
He eyed me as if I’d gone mad. “What?”
“I don’t like flying. I’m a human, Castiel. We’re meant to be on the ground.”
He muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “Eve likes flying with Gabriel.”
I glared. “If you recall, our first meeting was you snatching me up and shooting into the sky. I thought you were going to drop me!”
He snorted. “You were beating my chest with your fists and trying to crawl down my body.”
“Because I had no idea who you were or why you grabbed me! And I belong on the ground!” I gestured wildly.
“How would you feel if someone grabbed you and made you run? No warning, just jerked you around and forced your body to do things it wasn’t made to do?
” I could guess how heavy those wings were—they might make the seraphim fly, but running and distance walking would take its toll on their bodies.
He sobered, taking a breath. “I’m sorry I did that. I didn’t know if you were safe or you were a part of the people trying to harm Gabriel’s mate. We were trying to find her before that reverend of yours killed her for fleeing.”
I hated that he was right. Reverend Grimshaw had frightened me that day with his savage glee while trapping Eve with him. Still, I glared. “You frightened me.”
Castiel stood, his eyes as serious as I’d ever seen them. His feathers rustled against the bench as he stepped toward me.
I stiffened. My feet shifted backward, but I forced myself to stand still. Years of habit made me want to duck my head, maybe even apologize for my insolence. But I didn’t want to anymore. And I certainly didn’t want to do that with Castiel.
But he stopped in front of me, his mouth turned downward. He gently reached out and gripped my arms below my shoulders. “Lilith,” he said, and the way he said my name made my heart yearn. “Lilith, I am sorry I frightened you. I never wish to frighten you.”