Chapter 20
Twenty
Castiel
Her eyes burned blue, and she spread her legs for me.
My hands swept down her waist, along her hips, then over the curve of her ass. Two utterly perfect globes I wanted to sink my teeth into.
“Is this right?” she whispered nervously.
“This is more than right,” I assured, and leaned in to swipe my tongue between her legs, aiming for the well of her dew.
She let loose a keening cry, hastily muffled.
“Just as I remembered.” I licked my lips, then bent my head to drink more. “Fuck, Lily,” I spoke against her thigh. She probably couldn’t hear me, but that was fine. “Every inch of you is indescribable.” I let my tongue play through the folds of her sex while my hands kept her pinned in place.
Finally, when she was writhing and begging me for mercy, I stood and let her turn to face me.
Her cheeks had twin spots of color and her eyes were dazed with pupils blown wide. She whimpered, a needy thing now, all earthy beauty and raw sexuality. I was the luckiest seraph alive. “Castiel.”
“A moment longer,” I soothed, bringing my wings around her again, cocooning us in a private bower of bronze luxury.
She grabbed my trousers, and when she unbuttoned them her knuckles brushed the ridge of my erection.
I nearly came right there. I tried to breathe through it.
There was no way in Rundis or in this world I’d come when I was only heartbeats away from being buried inside her.
Lilith shoved at the waistband of my trousers, as eager as I was.
My hands shook as I pushed them down my hips and kicked them off. Then I was as naked as she was. My cock jutted toward her, knowing exactly where I wanted to be.
Lilith wrapped her hand around my cock like she did in the library, then held my balls in her other hand. She massaged them, refamiliarizing herself, and my knees buckled.
“Lilith. Explore later,” I gasped.
She pouted. “You tortured me. I’m still unsatisfied.”
“Then let me satisfy you.” I grabbed her waist and lifted her into my arms.
Lilith wrapped her legs around me and locked her ankles, breathing heavily. “Yes, like this,” she agreed. Her heels dragged against my ass and it added a sense of realness to the experience. This wasn’t one of my fantasies. This was really happening. Finally.
Lilith might believe we’d only learned about each other a fortnight ago. But I had known for over a hundred years that, if I was lucky, I had a mate somewhere in the world, and I had to find them. I already knew I’d adore them.
Lilith hovered over my cock, her eyes close to mine.
“Ready?” I whispered against her lips.
She wiggled downward. “Very.”
I notched my cock at her entrance and lowered her slowly, slowly. She enveloped me, tight and wet and hot. My eyes rolled back in my head as pleasure rippled through me. I hissed a breath, forcing my hips not to buck, to give her time to adjust.
Lilith winced.
“Do you want to stop?” I got out through a jaw so clenched I might break a tooth.
“No.” Her expression cleared. “No, it’s better now.” She pushed herself upward, and our eyes met. Hers were bluer than the sky, and I felt something lock into place.
Oh, it said. There you are.
I was looking for you.
I thrust gently, showing her a rhythm, and she learned quickly. Thank the skies she was already close to her edge, because I couldn’t hold on much longer. Not with her breath in my ear and her hands near the seams of my wings and her heart beating against mine.
Lilith stiffened suddenly, eyes wide. “Castiel! Oh, Cas—” She fell apart in my arms, and smug satisfaction bloomed.
I didn’t have much time to enjoy it though, because as she sagged against me her nipples grazed my chest and her breath feathered in my ear.
The base of my spine tingled, my balls tightened, and it happened.
I shot off like a falling star—I couldn’t hold myself back even if I’d wanted.
I came and came, waves of pleasure cascading over me.
My vision darkened. When I finally could focus on the world around me, I realized I’d knelt on the ground, clutching Lilith to my heaving chest like she was my own heart.
She was my own heart. I just hoped she’d understand someday.
Lilith
I tossed and turned in my bed that night, unable to sleep after the life altering experience with Castiel earlier.
Mate. The word reverberated in my head. The look in his eyes when he told me I was his mate wouldn’t leave my mind, no matter how hard I tried to push it away.
Down the hall, my mother snored in her sleep.
The house seemed so large now, with just two people rattling around. Father was gone. Though I barely missed him, the security and stability he provided was hard to go without. Absalom gone. Silence, too, though she’d barely arrived. Jo, who’d created a whole new life for themselves.
I had my mother, who spent most of her time missing Absalom. And…Castiel.
I could almost imagine a life with him. A cottage on the moors where I cooked, a garden he tended.
Flights together at dawn, love in our bed at night.
Visits to see Jo whenever I liked. Years, even centuries, spilling out before us, waiting for us to walk it together.
A keepsake box of his feathers, my wedding dress, a favorite book.
No. No. I jerked my imagination back under control. It didn’t matter if I wanted it. What mattered was how likely it would be taken away.
Castiel claimed he loved me. He claimed I was his mate, the one he would bond to and partner with above all others for the rest of his life.
I didn’t think Castiel had it in himself to intentionally lie. He was too kind and open for something like that. But what if, in five years, they discovered a way home? Would he leave me behind? Would he stay and grow to resent me?
And what about this mate bond? It sounded like a miracle—someone who would always love me, no matter what?
Who was my perfect other half in every way?
No, I wasn’t a fool. Something that wonderful must have a dark side to it.
I’d seen the dark, decaying pieces of community and family too long to pretend they didn’t exist. This mate bond—what if it tied him to me and our love died?
Here, rich couples could buy a divorce from the courts.
Poor people separated and pretended they were widowed. No magical bonds kept them together.
No, I couldn’t, couldn’t put myself on a path to be crushed by his resentment.
I couldn’t have Castiel turn into my mother.
And Jo—leaving had actually been the best thing to happen to them, even if I hated how it came about.
Castiel, too, would have a better life away from here.
I was happy for Jo, truly. But…what sorrow we went through first. I couldn’t keep doing that.
One hot tear escaped and pooled between my eye and the bridge of my nose. I angrily wiped it away, letting it sink into my pillow. I need to tell him to leave without me, I realized.
Gods above and beyond, it would hurt. It would be the most painful thing I’d ever done. My heart cracked thinking about it. But better I protect myself now than wait a decade and be crushed to dust. I could not escape my mother just to have a husband treat me the same way.
I would not be left again.
The next morning I yawned through the morning prayer service. The elders led them every morning, and we were required to go to several a week. I’d skipped the last few because I was either spending time with Castiel or catching up on my sewing. Hopefully no one was counting my absences.
As we sang the last blessing, Mrs. Dalton, the elder’s wife, gave me a reproachful look. Looked like she had noticed. Shouldn’t she be grateful? I hadn’t been around as much to tempt her husband or sons to lascivious thoughts.
Castiel wasn’t present, and although I missed him, I was almost relieved. My mind and heart were tumbled upside down every single time I saw him, and I doubted I would be able to hold firm to my decision to decline his mate bond. However I did that.
At the end I stayed behind, as I normally did, to put away hymnals and fetch the elders anything they needed.
Elder Nelson beckoned to me, standing near the side exit of the sanctuary that led to the rest of the rooms in the church.
I set a stack of hymnals down and walked to him. “Yes, sir?”
He looked worn out today. His wrinkles seemed deeper, his shoulders more hunched. “Lilith,” he said on an exhale.
“How can I help you?” I gave him my docile, brainless smile.
“Come with me, dear.” He reached out and gripped my elbow with surprising strength.
“Oh. Um, yes.” I held back a wince as his fingers dug deeper into my skin. “Do you need me to fetch something for you?”
He chortled, as if I’d said something amusing, and steered me out into the hallway.
The hair on my arms and back of my neck prickled, as if something was wrong. But what could be wrong? This was the church I’d grown up in, the elder I served almost every day.
“Is… is something the matter?” I asked quietly.
His grip on my elbow tightened. “No, not at all.”
Digging in my heels and refusing to go with the elder was unthinkable. He was an old man, deserving of respect and obedience. And curiosity got the better of me.
The elder led me down the corridor to the back storeroom that had been transformed into Castiel’s chambers.
I glanced at him quizzically. “Does the Herald need me?”
“Yes, dear. He’s in his garden enclosure.”
I frowned as he pushed the door to Castiel’s room open. He hated that place. I didn’t think he’d been inside since his arrival. Something was certainly wrong. I hurried inside, rushing to the other side of his bedroom to reach the door that led to the glass dome.
His room was empty and dark, his bed unmade and sheets tangled.
“Herald?” I asked, shading my eyes and stepping into the garden.