Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Lilith
I woke to the sound of my name.
“Lilith!”
At first I thought I imagined it. I bit back a groan as I uncurled, my joints aching.
“Lilith!” someone hissed.
I glanced around, registering my name. “Wha—?” Then I remembered. Everything. Guilt and desperation clawed into me, and my heart felt like it was in ribbons.
Light spilled through the opening at the bottom of the door. I squinted, forcing my eyes to focus on the person on the other side.
Silence’s face swam into view, her pale face pinched and her dark eyes peering into mine. “Lilith, you look ill. Are you well?”
I tried to smile, to gather my crumbling walls and keep myself safe. But I’d grown rusty since Castiel entered my life, and instead of smiling I burst into tears.
“Lilith, oh my goodness.” Silence reached through and grasped my hand. “Hold fast. You’re one day through it. I have more water for you. Are you hungry? Is that it?”
I opened my mouth to refuse, but another sob fell out. God beyond, I probably looked a fright. “The-the elders took Castiel.”
“The Herald?” Her eyes widened. “Why?”
“I don’t know! They’ve decided he’s not truly from Erlik, but that’s all Elder Nelson would tell me.” I hiccuped. “Why is he not free yet? He’s strong enough. Why hasn’t he gotten free?” I was terrified to learn the answer to that question. “What am I going to do, Silence?
Silence stared at me, mouth open. “Are you in love with him?”
I recoiled. “No, not at all.” I couldn’t have someone know my secret. I was already in enough trouble.
But she smiled, and I knew I’d done a poor job at lying. “Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone like him, even if he is a Herald? Don’t fret. I shan’t tell anyone.”
How did I get here? Sobbing in the prayer closet while Silence of all people is comforting me about falling in love?
“Is there any way you can get me out of here?”
Silence blanched. “Lilith,” she whispered. “I can’t do that.”
Rage nearly blinded me. These people. These fucking people.
They’d made Eve flee her home in fear of marrying the reverend.
They’d made Silence shrink into herself.
They made me eager to please and bury any misgivings deep.
All three of us had learned not to fight, for it would only make things worse.
So we’d survived any way we could, even if it pitted us against one another.
These women could’ve been my friends in another life.
“I understand.” I nodded. Asking Silence to let me out would likely get us both a public flogging.
“Besides, the keys are at Mrs. Dalton’s hip. There’s no way I could get them,” Silence continued.
“Can you…can you at least find out what happened to Castiel?” I pleaded. “I will do anything for you. Anything, if you can find out and let me know. I need to know he’s alive. I can’t—” My voice broke. I swallowed one, twice, thrice, until I could steady my voice again. “I can’t bear not knowing.”
Silence studied me for a moment. “All this for a Herald?”
“A seraph,” I corrected, wiping the tears from my face.
“Is that the real name for the angels?” Silence whispered.
“They call themselves seraphim,” I explained.
“They’re not messengers of Erlik. They’re people like us, just caught in the wrong world.
” I rubbed my temple, trying to condense the last fortnight into a few sentences.
“I was acting as his guide around the community because he was doing a terrible job pretending. He couldn’t quote a single psalm. ”
Silence exhaled, still coming to terms with it was all a lie. “But then why…”
“They’re trying to find a way home,” I quickly explained.
“Castiel thinks another one of their kind fell through a crack in the sky several hundred years ago, and I said there was a book in Reverend Grimshaw’s study about it.
That’s why he came here. The book said something about the Hawkstone Coven, but I don’t know if that even exists anymore. ”
“Eve sent him?” Her voice wavered, and I remembered she was friends with Eve. “She is well?”
“I think so.” My hands balled into fists, helpless and anxious energy coursing through me. I wanted to do something. “There’s a stained glass window at Eve’s new home and it started this whole mess.”
“Is she happy?” Silence’s tone was wistful.
“Yes,” I said after a pause. “She looked happier than I’d ever seen her, trapped in that dreary house on the moors.”
For a moment, all I could hear was her breathing. “How was Castiel taken and you sent to the prayer closet?” she finally asked.
Crouching low, I pressed my cheek to the wooden floor so I could see Silence huddled on the other side, tray sitting beside her. I explained, glossing over the details of saltwater and seraphim healing abilities.
She sighed, then nodded. Resolve shone on her face. “I will do what I can.”
I slumped against the door in relief. “Thank you. Thank you.” I closed my stinging eyes.
A soft scraping sound filled the tiny room, the sound of Silence sliding the tray in.
“When I return at midday I’ll try to bring you any news,” she promised.
“Thank you,” I repeated fervently. “This means everything to me.”
Silence
I tiptoed through the church. This is fine, I told myself. No one will suspect anything. This is fine. My footsteps echoed in the empty sanctuary. I cringed at the noise. I couldn’t believe I was doing this—and all because Lilith Meadows asked me to.
It was surreal, looking for the Herald so I could tell his lover where he was. Nothing like this ever happened to me.
It was easier to draw back from the world, pretend something else was happening. I’d gotten very good at that in the two months I was Absalom Meadows’s wife.
Releasing a shaky breath, I left the church. The bitter wind stung my face as I paused at the top of the church steps. I hunched against the cold, trying to think.
I can do this, I lied to myself. I often stayed at the peripheries of scenes to avoid catching attention. It hadn’t saved me from wedding Absalom, but for the most part it worked. Now here I was, putting myself in the middle of a situation that could bring the wrath of the elders down on me.
My skin prickled, as if I was being watched. Shivering, I hurried down the lane. I sidestepped a few women who were out running errands and nodded at some of the men leaving for work. Most of the men in our community worked at a factory further in town or co-owned a few shops in the next district.
I thought back to the incredible story Lilith had told me. Something pricked at my memory. Something about angels and covens sounded familiar. Hawkstone? I could’ve sworn I’d heard it before.
Shadows rippled across the cobblestones.
I paused, the hair on my arms and nape prickling. Glancing around, it didn’t appear as if anyone else noticed. I looked up at the sky.
There, through the wispy, thin cover of clouds something dark moved.
My heart leapt into my throat. That was too big to be a bird. I squinted, through the bare branches of the trees, to see something flying overhead. Castiel?
Heedless of anything around me, I followed the movement, running down the lane toward the edge of the neighborhood. I waved my arms in the air, trying to gain the seraph’s attention. I reached the fence that marked the neighborhood’s end and this corner of the city, then clambered over.
My skirt caught on a post and I fell over into the dirt, my skirt ripping with me. I spared no concern for it, snatching up the torn fabric and passing the goats and milk cows, still waving and jumping as I ran.
“Herald!” I shouted, hoping the wind would carry my voice up to him. “Herald, down here!”
The seraph halted midair, hovering over me. I couldn’t make out much more than a silhouette, but it looked like he’d seen me.
I held my breath as he began to descend, lazily flapping wings as he spiraled nearer and nearer. Maybe he was free. Then it would all be over. Lilith would finish her time of reflection in the prayer closet, her seraph was free, and we could move on without too much upheaval.
But as he neared, the hope growing began to plummet. No, this was someone else. Those wings weren’t brown.
They were a dark, charcoal gray.
The seraph landed on the ground about ten feet away from me.
This one was as different from the Herald—Castiel, I corrected myself—as night was from day. He didn’t have any of the warmth Castiel did—gray wings, pale skin, hard jaw, and black eyes. No smile lurking in the corners of his mouth. The hilt of a sword peeked over his shoulder.
“Who are you?” I squeaked.
The seraph arched a single brow, sweeping me up and down with a look. I had the distinct impression he had examined me and found me wanting.
“Who are you?” he returned. “And why did you flag me down?”
Time to be brave. They’re not really Heralds of Death. They can’t drag me to the Beyond. “I was looking for Castiel,” I said quietly, not quite able to meet his eyes. “My friend says he’s in danger and I am trying to find him.”
He froze, not a single muscle moving. Although he didn’t step closer to me, somehow he…loomed menacingly.
My feet shuffled in the dew-wet grass, and I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t harm me.
“Where?”
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip.
He stalked closer, so suddenly I had to fight my body’s instinct to shy away from him. “Speak up, little human. Your whispers grate my ears.”
“I don’t know,” I repeated louder.
He scowled at me. “What have you to do with this? Where is the blonde human Castiel was working with?”
“That’s Lilith,” I said, relieved to be helpful. “She’s locked in the prayer closet right now.”
“The what?”
“Oh. See, when one of us sins so badly we need to pray and fast to get back on the holy path, the elders’ wives put us in this small room so we can focus without earthly distractions. It’s not fun, but it is important. You know, like a fire tempers gold, pulling the dross away from the pure metal…”
I trailed off, noticing the confusion and repulsion on his face.
“No, no,” I rushed to say. “It sounds bad, but really we sometimes need time to focus on our hearts and realign our thoughts with Lord Erlik’s teachings.”
His expression didn’t change. “That is abhorrent.”
“No, I—” The realization struck me like a blow.
It was abhorrent. Lilith didn’t deserve to be in there for three days without food.
I’d never been sent to the prayer closet—I was terrified of it.
Something that was supposed to draw us nearer to Erlik’s fatherly love shouldn’t hurt, should it?
Absalom had threatened me multiple times—and I had hated him.
There was no way Absalom’s commands could be Erlik’s.
I shook myself free of the revelation. I could explore that later. “How many Heralds are there?” I breathed.
He looked at me. “We are not Heralds.”
“You’re nothing like humans,” I countered, letting my eyes linger on his beautiful, dark wings.
“What do you mean, Castiel may be in danger?”
The skin between my shoulder blades itched.
“Not here,” I countered, glancing over my shoulder. I couldn’t see anyone watching me, but one never knew until it was too late. I walked past the seraph toward the line of trees.
“Where are you going?” The seraph stared after me.
“The woods so you won’t be seen. You’re rather conspicuous.” I turned to see he was still standing in the field, unmoving. “Come! Lilith needs our help.”
The seraph turned, frowning. “I do not know you humans. Why should I trust you?”
I swallowed a nervous laugh, pointing at the hilt of his sword. “What could I do to you? You have a sword, you can fly, you are far stronger and more powerful than me.”
He went completely still again, likely debating his options. He eventually strode toward me, his eyes dark as thunderstorms.
I tried not to let that intimidate me. If he was here to help Lilith and Castiel, we were on the same side.
We paused past the line of trees. He was nearly a foot taller than me, and when he crossed his arms and leaned one shoulder on the nearest tree, I stepped onto a thick root.
“Explain exactly what happened,” the seraph growled, leaning toward me. “He was due back at Mirkwold days ago. I came to see if he’d run into any trouble.”
“I’m sorry,” I said automatically, my heart pounding.
By the four gods, this seraph made me nervous. His barely leashed violence made me prickle with fear. I tried a different tack.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Azrael,” he answered begrudgingly. “Castiel is my fellow warrior. We are as close as brothers. You will tell me where to find him.”
“I don’t know where he is,” I said again. “Lilith asked me to find out and tell her at noon when I give her more water. But she didn’t have a plan for after.”
“Just tell me what you do know,” Azrael got out through gritted teeth.
“Lilith said they tricked him. He drank saltwater, which weakened him.”
He moved faster than I could blink. Before I knew what was happening, my back hit the rough bark of the tree behind me.
His face, a mask of rage, filled my face.
His hand splayed across my collarbone, and I knew he would not hesitate to grab my throat if he felt it was necessary. “How do you know this?” he hissed.
Fear made me freeze. I couldn’t breathe. “P-p-please,” I managed to whisper. “Please let me go.” My shaking hand reached between us and settled on his bare wrist.
A strange expression crossed his face. He jerked away from me as if I’d burned him and stepped backward.
“Talk. Now,” he bit out. He rubbed his wrist, giving me a suspicious look as if I’d tried to poison him.
I gasped for breath, my whole body shaking. Sagging against the tree, my eyes rolled back. Pretend you’re in a forest talking with Eve, my mind suggested. Pretend a frightening seraph isn’t really standing here.
“That’s all I know,” I got out between gasps. “What Lilith told me. She cares about him.”
“What Lilith revealed about our weakness must remain a secret,” Azrael warned, the unspoken threat hovering in the air around us.
Azrael would do whatever it took to keep those secrets hidden.
Of that I had no doubt. “He should have healed by now. A few humans should be no match for him,” Azrael mused.
“Yes, that’s what Lilith said!” I nodded encouragingly. “So what is the plan? What are you going to do?”
He cut me a dark look. “This is what we are going to do.”
“We?” I repeated in disbelief. “Oh, no, I don’t think so. I’m nothing like you.” I gestured up and down his body. “I can’t help someone like you.”
“Yes, you will,” he growled, reaching out as if to grab my arm. Right before he touched me, he jerked back. “You’re going to show me how to get into this place and where these worms are so I can destroy them.”
I sucked in a breath. “Oh. I—I don’t think—”
His glare silenced me.
Misery and fear swirled in my stomach.“Very well.”