Chapter 22 #2
I blow out my cheeks and crash down onto my couch as I tell her exactly what happened, minus a few key details, of course.
“Okay, I’d tracked the target to his penthouse apartment in Austin, and when I was entering the building, the assassin who’d accepted the contract showed up, and I suppose he didn’t take well to me being there. ”
Milan sighs. “And let me guess, you were too freakin’ stubborn to apologize for stomping all over his turf and bow out respectfully.”
I cringe again. “Something like that,” I say. “We ended up getting into it, trading blows, and it got messy.”
“How messy?”
“Target got away, and I ended up in a fiery explosion. I had to jump through the fifth-story window and crash land on a car. But it’s fine. I’m not hurt or anything like that. Well, I mean, I have a pretty serious concussion, but apart from that, I’m okay.”
“Fuck, Crimson. There’s absolutely nothing fine about this,” she says, her tone full of rage. “Shit like this is how you get yourself killed. What the hell were you thinking?”
My chest aches for a whole new reason, and I lean forward, feeling sorry for myself as I brace my elbows against my knees. “I know. I guess . . . I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been trying to prove something to myself.”
Or to someone else.
“Girl,” she groans. “You are the top-ranking female assassin in the country. World, maybe. There’s nothing left to prove. You’re already there.”
“I know, it’s just—”
“Your neighbor.”
Ice sails down my spine, and I sit up straight, my heart immediately kicking into gear. How the hell does she know he had something to do with this? “What? What about him?”
“You’ve been sleeping with him, right? That guy .
. . What was his name again? Red—Raiden.
That’s it,” she says. “It’s him, isn’t it?
He’s the only thing that has changed in your life recently, and now suddenly you’re having some kind of existential crisis.
Is he putting ideas in your head? Making you feel like you’re somehow not good enough? ”
I let out a shaky breath, relief pounding through my veins. She doesn’t know. But she thinks she knows something.
“It’s got nothing to do with Raiden. He’s . . . okay, so he’s not exactly as annoying as I’d first thought. He’s actually kinda . . . amazing. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Whatever was going on there is over.”
Milan scoffs. “Well, shit. Somebody’s been holding out on me. You have three seconds to start from the beginning, and don’t even think about holding back. I need all the details.”
A stupid smile pulls at my lips, and I lie back against the couch before kicking my feet up on the coffee table where Spikezilla has waited so patiently for her momma to return.
“Alright,” I say, starting from the beginning, only making sure not to mention a single detail about any of the jobs we’ve been on together.
I don’t want to give anything away. As far as she knows, Raiden is still just an international sales rep.
“So, you already know about that first night where he was driving me crazy with his loud fuckfest through the door, but the very next morning—”
And just like that, I rattle off every detail I can remember about the man who has infuriated me nonstop for the past six weeks. And by the time I’m done, my heart is shattered all over again, while Milan simply sighs and tells me the one thing I’ve refused to admit out loud.
“You’re in love with him, Crimson.”
“I’m not,” I say, shaking my head. “It’s just . . . sex.”
“I’ve had just sex before, and it doesn’t look like that,” she tells me.
I let out a heavy sigh, squishing a pillow to my chest as though that’s somehow going to protect me from the agony growing in my chest. “Maybe it’s for the best,” I tell her.
“I don’t exactly live a life that allows for any kind of long-term relationships.
It’s why I have a cactus as a pet, for fuck’s sake.
It’s too dangerous. What happens if my cover is ever compromised?
I mean, how could I knowingly bring someone I supposedly was in love with into that? ”
Milan lets out a soft breath. “I really wish I could give you the answer you’re looking for, but I can’t make this decision for you.
It all comes down to what you’re willing to risk for happiness.
You could put everything on the line and risk it all to have a life with him and be happy.
You could start a family and build a life together, knowing he may eventually find out what you are and walk away.
Or you could be compromised and taken out by another agency.
On the other hand, you could let sleeping dogs lie.
He’s already walked away, so you leave it there and do what you can to move on, knowing that the pain will eventually fade. ”
“Shit.”
When she puts it that way, it’s a no-brainer, but it’s also exactly what Raiden had said to me in the hospital.
It’s the very reason why he’s already walking away.
He’s not willing to put my life at risk, despite how he feels, despite telling me barely twelve hours ago that if I chose to pursue this, he would be wholeheartedly mine.
I should want him to walk away. I should welcome the pain because that’s what it means to keep us both safe.
But if falling in love with a man like Raiden Kane means certain death, then sign me the fuck up. I’m done playing it safe. Let the world burn, I’m not walking away from this. I’d rather risk everything with him than be safe without him.
Maybe it’s reckless. Maybe it’s stupid. But I’m choosing him anyway.