Chapter 20 #2
My voice trailed off. How could I explain it? How could I put into words what it felt like to have Cullen's presence in my heart, in every breath I took?
"It's wonderful," I said simply. "So wonderful I can't even put it into words. And I want that for you, Kavak. I want you to experience what I've found. I don't want you to settle for 'lovely and nice' when you could have everything."
Kavak's expression softened, and for a moment, I saw the boy he'd been—the youngling who'd climbed into my lap after nightmares, who'd asked me endless questions about the stars, who'd looked at me like I could solve any problem.
"I know, Mother," he said quietly. "I know what you want for me. But I'm not you. My path is different."
"Your path is sacrifice," I said, and I couldn't keep the bitterness from my voice. "Your path is duty over happiness. Just like mine was."
"Yes." He held my gaze. "And I'm choosing it willingly. Not because I have to, but because it's the right thing to do. Because preventing a war that could kill millions is worth more than my personal happiness."
Willa spoke up then, her voice gentle. "Serna, I understand your concern.
But Kavak is right—this is his choice to make.
And Thallia seems to truly be a good match for him.
From all reports she's kind, thoughtful, genuinely interested in building bridges between our peoples.
They may not be true mates, but they can still have a meaningful partnership. "
I looked at Charick, hoping for support, but he shook his head slightly. "Kavak has thought this through, Mother. He's not being forced into this. He's choosing it."
The weight of it pressed down on me—Kavak was about to walk my path, make my sacrifices. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to center, to find the composure that had carried me through a century of leadership.
"Kavak," I said finally, "if this is truly what you want—if you've thought it through and you're certain—then I won't stand in your way. But I need you to promise me something."
"Anything."
"Promise me you'll be honest with Thallia. That you'll give her the choice to walk away if she wants something different."
"I've already told her," Kavak said. "She knows exactly what this mating is and what it isn't. And she's choosing it anyway, for the same reasons I am. We're both committed to making it work."
I nodded slowly, feeling the ache in my chest intensify. "Then you have my blessing. And my support. Whatever you need—whatever either of you need—you'll have it."
Kavak rose and crossed to me, kneeling beside my chair and taking my hands in his. "Thank you, Mother. I know this isn't what you wanted for me. But I promise you—I'll be happy. Maybe not in the way you've found with Cullen, but in my own way. Thalia and I will build something good together."
I cupped his face in my hands, studying the features I knew so well—the strong jaw he'd inherited from Chavon, the sharp blue-gold eyes that were pure Vaktaire, the determination that was entirely his own.
"I love you," I said. "And I'm proud of you. Even when I wish you'd make different choices, I'm proud of the male you've become."
"I love you too." He pressed a kiss to my forehead, then rose and returned to his seat.
The conversation shifted then to logistics—the details of the mating ceremony, the diplomatic protocols that would need to be observed, the security arrangements given the volatile political situation.
Charick and Kavak discussed strategy while Willa offered insights into Romvesian customs and traditions pulled from her datapad research.
I participated when necessary, but part of me was elsewhere—thinking about Kavak's future, about Enslak's possible survival, about the weight of leadership and the price of peace.
Eventually, they left—Charick and Willa taking a sleepy Titus back to their quarters, Kavak returning to Vaktaire and his duties as High General. The door slid shut behind them, and suddenly the chambers felt very quiet.
Cullen rose from the recliner and crossed to me, settling onto the arm of my chair and pulling me against him. I leaned into his warmth, letting my head rest against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat—the rhythm that matched my own.
"You okay?" he asked quietly.
"No," I admitted.
He didn't try to fix it or tell me it would all work out. He just held me, his presence a steady anchor in the storm of my emotions.
"He's making the same choice you made," Cullen said after a moment. "Duty over personal happiness. Sacrifice for the greater good."
"I know." The words came out thick with unshed tears. "And I hate it. I hate that he feels he has to do this. I hate that I can't protect him from it."
"You can't protect him from his own choices," Cullen said gently. "He's a grown man, Serna. A leader in his own right. And he's choosing this path with his eyes open."
"But what if he regrets it?" The fear that had been coiling in my chest finally broke free. "What if he spends the next century wondering what he gave up? What if he meets his true mate someday and realizes what he's lost?"
"Then he'll deal with it," Cullen said. "The same way you dealt with it. You can't live his life for him, Serna. You can only love him and support him."
I knew he was right. Knew that Kavak's path was his own to walk, his choices his own to make. But the mother in me—the part that had held him as an infant, that had taught him to walk and fight and lead—wanted to shield him from pain. Wanted to give him the happiness I'd finally found.
"Come on," Cullen said, standing and pulling me to my feet. "It's late. Let's go to bed."
I let him lead me to the bedroom—another space I'd transformed since he'd come into my life.
The bed was larger now, big enough for both of us to sprawl comfortably.
I'd added more soft lighting, more textiles.
The windows here looked out over Calpa's western district, where the government buildings gave way to residential areas, their lights twinkling like earthbound stars.
We undressed slowly, helping each other with clasps and fastenings, the intimacy of the act as profound as anything more overtly sexual. When we were both bare, Cullen pulled me into his arms, and I went willingly, pressing my body against his, seeking comfort in his warmth and strength.
"I love you," I whispered against his chest.
"I love you too." His hands moved over my back, soothing, gentle. "And we're going to get through this. All of it. Kavak's mating, the search for Enslak, the political tensions. We'll face it together."
I tilted my head back to look at him, studying the face I'd come to know so well—the strong features, the kind eyes, the mouth that could be stern or tender depending on the moment.
He'd been de-aged by the Garoot healer, his body restored to the prime of his youth, but his eyes still held the wisdom and experience of his years.
"How did I get so lucky?" I asked. "How did I find you after all this time?"
"I think we found each other," he replied. "And I think we were always meant to."
I kissed him then—soft and slow, pouring everything I felt into the connection between us. Love. Gratitude. Desire. Hope.
He responded in kind, his hands moving over my body with familiar tenderness, knowing exactly where to touch, how to make me gasp and arch against him.
We'd made love countless times since discovering our bond, but it never felt routine.
Every time was a revelation, a reminder of what we'd found in each other.
We moved to the bed, and he laid me down gently, covering my body with his. The weight of him was comforting, grounding. I felt his desire matching my own, building and intensifying until it was impossible to tell where my feelings ended and his began.
"Serna," he breathed against my neck, and I shivered at the sound of my name on his lips.
"I'm here," I whispered back. "I'm right here."
We came together slowly, savoring every sensation, every moment of connection. Our hearts beat in perfect synchronization, our breathing matched, our pleasure building together until we reached that peak as one—crying out in unison, our bond flaring bright and overwhelming.
Afterward, we lay tangled together, our bodies slick with sweat, our breathing gradually slowing. Cullen's hand traced lazy patterns on my back, and I felt the contentment radiating down the bond.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked after a while.
"The future," I admitted. "Everything that's coming. Kavak's mating. The search for Enslak. The political challenges we'll face. The work of leading the Alliance."
"Sounds overwhelming," He teased with a chuckle.
"It is." I pressed a kiss to his chest, right over his heart. "But I'm not afraid of it. Not anymore. Because I have you. Because we'll face it together."
"Damn right we will." His arms tightened around me. "You and me, Serna. Partners. Mates."
I smiled against his skin, feeling the truth of it settle into my bones. Yes. Partners. True mates. Two hearts beating as one.
The future would be busy. Demanding. Full of challenges and conflicts and difficult decisions. But it would also be full of moments like this—quiet intimacy, shared love, the profound comfort of being truly known and accepted by another soul.
I'd spent a century believing I had to face everything alone. That leadership meant isolation, that duty meant sacrifice, that being Prime meant giving up happiness.
But I'd been wrong.
And I'd never been happier.