10. Chapter 10
I awoke all alone. His side of the bed was untouched. He must have been really upset if he couldn’t even bring himself to join me last night. Stretching, my gaze fell on a note sitting on the bedside table.
My heart thudded inside my chest. Maybe it was from Andrew? Shakily, I reached out and unfolded it. The paper trembled in my hand, its words blurring. A deep, hollow ache settled in my chest. My stomach dropped. It wasn’t from him.
How stupid right? Why would he even care?
A pink and white box sat on the bedside table. Emergency contraceptive. I knew he was upset about fucking me bareback, but obviously he didn’t trust me either. Not if this was sitting here waiting.
It wasn’t my first time taking one, hence the implant Cameron forced me to get.
Apparently, Andrew didn’t want to face me.
I guess I couldn’t blame him. A sharp sting of disappointment crawled up my throat.
I sank further into the bed, knees drawn close.
Reality set in, as did the gnawing sense of rejection.
What do I do now?
Andrew’s declaration of never wanting children hurt in places I didn’t know existed. As much as I could respect the decision, I’d taken that option from him years ago. And the result was the only good thing that had ever happened to me.
The saddest part for me—the part that hurt even deeper—was that Declan was innocent in all of this. He’d done nothing to deserve rejection. Except to have me for a mother. Maybe Cameron was right…I didn’t deserve him. A fresh wave of self-loathing curled through me.
This is so stupid. You can’t change what’s already done, you imbecile.
I tore open the box, popped the pill, and swallowed it down. The rollercoaster of emotions didn’t stop there either. So like the pathetic human I was, I sat there in a stupor, ping-ponging from disappointment to insecurity–two of my dearest friends.
At least fear had taken a holiday. I didn’t have to talk to Cameron today. At all. But that left me with too much time on my hands, not to mention bandwidth to dissect every moment of last night.
Maybe he didn’t enjoy fucking me. It seemed as if he did, but maybe that was wishful thinking on my part. Cameron was wrong. There was no power in my pussy. Which led to the realization that I had a major problem.
How was I supposed to make him fall in love with me if he didn’t even want to face me after last night?
If the one thing I had at my disposal wasn’t what the man wanted, how was I going to pull this off? My eyes fell to his side of the bed. The note that was in his suitcase from that first night was still on his table.
Look who decided to show up for the party? Guilt.
I should have known. Wherever disappointment and insecurity went, guilt was sure to follow. I shifted under the uncomfortable thoughts. The first time we fucked, I didn’t know he had someone, but that excuse didn’t hold up any longer. From the moment I read the note, I’d known.
The signature said it all. ‘With all the love the universe can contain, Kinsley.’
Pain laced through me as I pinched my thighs. The bruises were growing larger every day. I snorted ruefully as I walked into the bathroom. Cameron would be so happy. I’d finally become the whore he’d bragged to his colleagues I was. My stomach twisted at the thought.
And a home-wrecker, don’t forget that one. What the hell was wrong with me? Had I really sunk this low?
Absent-mindedly, I hopped into the shower even though I’d taken one last night. It passed the time, but I could only stay locked up in here for so long. And the skin on my fingers now resembled raisins.
Marcus said to dress comfortably. I walked over to the wardrobe closet. The rust-colored dress was casual, and the cotton was so incredibly soft. It would do. I pulled it on, still trying to wrangle my emotions that were everywhere.
My eyes landed on the journal Andrew had purchased for me. I would have given anything to rip it open and pour out my heart to Autumn. It would help clear my head, and it had been so long since I’d written anything.
My hands shook, aching almost to hold it. It was like a drug, tempting me with its crisp blank pages and the brand-new pens he bought to go with it. I stared at it, reminding myself that using it would only cause further harm.
The truth was, I couldn’t write my feelings and emotions in it, only to leave it behind, and taking it home wasn’t an option. The internal struggle raged on. In the end, it would only be me making excuses for myself.
That or telling Autumn what a horrible woman I was. No, it was best to leave it blank.
So I grabbed the book instead and went to wait for Marcus. I opted not to order down for breakfast, as my stomach hurt too much. Reading provided the perfect distraction.
However, nothing prepared me for the rush of emotions “Howl’s Moving Castle” could bring. It ripped me to shreds.
Waves of nostalgia crashed over me as the funny voices Callahan created when he read aloud on that flight home so long ago washed over me. When Marcus arrived, I was lost in the book.
Silent tears slipped down my face. He crossed the distance and knelt down in front of me. Gently, he took the book from my hands and then drew me into his arms. It was odd; the hug was fatherly, and a dam of emotions poured out.
The realization that my father never cared for me, and never once soothed my broken heart, hit me hard. I became a blubbering idiot in his arms. He didn’t say a word, just rocked me and allowed me space to cry it out.
Several moments later, he pulled back and asked, “All better now?”
He handed me a handkerchief. Taking it, I nodded. Slowly, I got myself under control.
Marcus spoke once more, “Are you ready to head out for the day?”
“Yes, Sir,” I whispered, wiping the remaining tears away.
“It’s Marcus,” he offered.
He led me down the hall to the lift, through the lobby and to the waiting car. Each step took me further away from my emotional breakdown.
“Do you mind if I ride up front?” I asked hesitantly. Something about sitting in the back felt weird after the moment we shared.
“Not at all,” he said, smiling. He opened the door, and I climbed in. “Do you have a music preference? I’ve got several playlists to choose from. Why don’t you scroll through them?” he offered.
He then gestured to the huge touchscreen display on the dashboard. I clicked on the Apple CarPlay and started scrolling. My finger immediately stopped when a playlist titled “Kinsley’s Favorites” appeared.
I hesitated for two-point-three seconds and then hit the playlist, curiosity winning out. He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement at my choice. Tears filled my eyes as the first song played.
“Fight Song.” Instantly, I was in the kitchen with my mum. Tears filled my eyes. God, we’d loved this song. So much for wanting to hate this Kinsley girl. Each subsequent song on her playlist only made it more difficult.
“Seems Andrew’s Kinsley has decent taste,” I remarked.
Marcus raised his eyebrows. “Andrew’s Kinsley?”
“Yes, I know he’s in a committed relationship. Don’t worry, I may have fucked her man twice, but she can keep him.” I smirked, even though I was dying on the inside. A part of me was still playing the game. Just not the new one Cameron wanted me to play. No, this was a jealous woman’s game now.
“I’m sure she’ll be thrilled when things get back to normal,” he offered.
“I will too, truth be told,” I murmured.
Even though the thought of returning home made me nauseous. I was prepared to suffer for the next month, but Cameron would eventually get around to letting me out. The holidays were coming up. He would want to humiliate me in front of others any chance he could get.
“Victoria,” Marcus called my name. Another song had come on. It reminded me of my mother, but I was having a hard time placing it.
“Sorry, what was that?” I replied.
“Where were you just now?”
“Daydreaming. Is that against the law?”
He laughed. “No, not necessarily. Marcel is not fond of the habit. He says it can often lead to dissociation.”
“I guess it can, but sometimes life calls for a little dissociation.” I plucked at the hem of the dress to distract from my embarrassment.
“You’re not wrong.” His voice took on a faraway tone.
He gave me a genuine look of understanding before turning his attention back to the road.
“So, where are you taking me?” I ventured.
“To Nan’s house,” he said with a grin.
“Andrew’s nan?” I asked, feeling tremendous amounts of butterflies in my stomach. Why was he bringing me there?
“The one and only. Don’t worry, she’s phenomenal.”
I took him at his word. I was too afraid to ask anything further. We drove in silence for a bit and got further and further away from the city. The landscape gradually changed. Eventually, he pulled down a private drive and parked in front of an impressive-looking mansion.
Stepping out of the car, the gravel underfoot instantly filled me with memories of my grandmother’s house. It seemed today was going to be a non-stop rollercoaster ride.
“Come on, no need to be afraid,” Marcus said.
My chest heaved. There was no way to put it off any longer.
Go in and get it over with. You can do this. At least he isn’t taking you to entertain a bunch of sexual deviants. It could be worse.
I nodded and followed Marcus through the front door. My steps slowed as I took in the grand foyer. The space was warm and inviting. It gave off a ‘stories in every corner’ kind of feel, holding generations’ worth within its walls.
Soft light filtered through the tall windows, illuminating polished wood floors and an intricately carved staircase. Everything about it felt…lived-in, yet well-kept. This was a place meant to be filled with family.
Then, movement caught my eye. A woman stepped out of one of the rooms, her silver hair catching the light. I stared in shock. My breath caught, and for a moment, the house, the warmth, even Marcus beside me, all faded into the background.
I knew her.
Eleanor was Andrew’s nana?
The realization hit as strongly as a wave. The last time I’d seen Eleanor was at my Gran’s funeral. They were childhood friends. My grandmother used to speak fondly of her. They held a special connection. I’d met her on several occasions as a teenager.
“Eleanor?” I stammered, my voice tinged with disbelief and astonishment.
The woman froze mid-step. Her hand flew to the delicate necklace at her throat, toying with it. Her gaze flickered from me to Andrew, her lips parting slightly as if searching for words that wouldn’t come.
Her brows knitted together, and she gave a small, startled shake of her head, like she was trying to piece together a puzzle.
“Tori?” she muttered in confusion.
Eleanor used the nickname my grandmother and mother used. Her eyes widened with recognition. I swallowed hard, my pulse hammering in my ears.
“Oh, my goodness, dear, it’s been so long. How are you?” She rushed over, her heels clicking on the wooden floor. “Where have you been all these years? I tried looking for you after everything, but you disappeared.”
Overwhelmed by the emotion, words escaped me. She engulfed me in a hug, and I melted into her. The feeling of her warm embrace was so soft and motherly, it had me sobbing.
Andrew walked over. “What’s going on?”
“Seems they know one another,” Marcus murmured.
“Andy, dear, this is so amazing. I can’t believe it.” Eleanor’s excitement rose as her cheeks flushed.
“Nan, you’re squeezing her too tightly,” Andrew warned, but I didn’t care. I snuggled deeper into the woman.
Starved for touch that wasn’t sexual, I wanted to soak it all up so I’d have a memory to hold on to later.
“You hush. She needs a hug is all. This is amazing. Tori, I’ve got something you’re going to want to see. Come with me,” Eleanor whispered.