Chapter 27 #2
Jarryn’s own brow creased before he shook his head. “No. No, I don’t.” A man so vehemently and vocally against the societal customs of Vyrica when it came to the ownership of another would never mean that.
Leander nodded. Aesthesia was frightening enough. To think that he could feel and manipulate the emotions of others, and others could do it to him. The thought of more overt and absolute control over a walking, talking man was too much to even comprehend.
The two stared at each other.
Leander spoke softly. “I’ve also been reflecting today…”
“A dangerous thing to be doing.”
Leander didn’t rise to the bait this time. “About us.”
Jarryn raised an eyebrow, levelling Leander with a hard stare that seemed to pierce right through to his very soul.
“What would you like to happen between us?” He fidgeted with a loose bit of thread on Leander’s chair.
“Because I want nothing less than the world for you and me. But you are immortal and I am not.”
“I will never be a god again.”
“You don’t know that, Leo.”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
Truth be told, even if Taskevi turned up this very second to offer to return him to his status as a demigod… he wasn’t sure he would even agree to taking his place among the pantheon again, because he was utterly terrified of what awaited him in Estalian.
Machus most of all. He knew he was treading a fine line between what was right and what Machus wanted.
“You are so sure of everything suddenly? This is new,” Jarryn quipped.
“But that’s just the problem, Jarryn. I am. These feelings, they’re undeniable. At first, I thought this was merely a lecherous craving that I just needed to satisfy my cock, but every time I see you, every time I hear your voice…” He trailed off .
Jarryn said nothing as he watched the demigod work his thoughts into a cohesive narrative for him to somehow follow.
Leander took a deep breath. “I know I am not worthy of you. I mean I’m someone even I don’t want around, but?—”
“That’s enough, Leander,” Jarryn interrupted quietly, but the room was otherwise silent and it made Leander stop speaking immediately.
Jarryn’s gaze was not unkind, but it was clear that he was unreservedly unaccepting of Leander’s negative self-talk.
“Stop with the self-deprecation. This has crossed the line of modesty and into the territory of self-revilement. You have made it abundantly clear how abhorrent you find this behaviour in others, yet you do not hold yourself to the same standards. Decide now—do you want to share this pot of tea with me?” His tone suggested he was talking about more than just the fucking tea.
“All I’m saying is that people have these?—”
“No. It was self-criticism in the extreme, and there is nothing cute about it. You suggest you are not worthy of my time… surely that is my decision to make and I can do it without your assistance..”
A myriad of emotions flickered across Leander’s expression, through his eyes. “Yes, Jarryn, I want to share a drink with you.”
Jarryn said nothing in response. Instead, he merely stoked the fire, and Leander realised that he was waiting for him to finish speaking.
His gaze dropped temporarily, swallowing before continuing.
“I told myself that I wouldn’t allow any sentiments to develop.
With anyone in the mortal realm, because I believed this situation was temporary.
I was fine , until you came along. The problem is…
my immortal family has cast me aside and my mortal one is barely willing to break bread with me…
I’m not sure I can survive another rejection. ”
Leander took a slow sip from his teacup, giving himself a few extra seconds to steady his nerves, now refusing to meet Jarryn’s eye.
His stomach was churning with anxiety, his hands suddenly were sweaty and clammy.
He wished he had a way of skipping all the feelings talk.
It had never come naturally to him, but then…
he had never been in love before. He couldn’t quite find the words for what he wanted to say but was trying his damnedest anyway.
It was like he felt naked. And it was certainly not the undress-me-and-ravage-me-five-ways-til-morning kind of naked, it was the rip-out-my-heart-and-piss-on-my-soul kind.
“Leander?” Jarryn said, prompting him to speak.
Leander didn’t say any more.
The prince sighed and shuffled along the floor to kneel directly in front of Leander again. “I know nothing in your life is easy, so let’s make just this one thing simpler for you. I care for you. Deeply.”
For the longest time they stared at each other, Leander drinking in Jarryn’s tender expression and trying to school his own into one that didn’t give away how his heart leaped at the realisation that Jarryn wanted him too. Maybe just as much as Leander did. Maybe more.
“I promise you this, my little lion, even if it means challenging the very foundations of the world we live in, I want to find a way to be with you.”
Leander risked a small, but eager, smile. “Really? ”
“You seem surprised to be getting your way,” Jarryn observed.
“You barely dared hope… in fact you didn’t.
You brought this up with the aim of having me end this relationship.
I do not pretend to be an expert in relationships of a romantic nature, but I know enough to expect them to be built on trust.” Jarryn’s head tilted to the side.
Leander felt like his heart had been pierced.
Trust? Here he was, lying to Jarryn with all his might so that he would never learn the truth of his abrupt displacement from Desanne.
Could he ever truly be with Jarryn if he was holding onto this guilt, if he could never address it with the man he was rapidly falling in love with?
“You were not expecting me to… call your bluff.” Jarryn continued quietly, unaware of Leander’s sudden turmoil, his crystalline gaze hard like diamonds as he made his examination of Leander.
“Not only were you confident enough to make my decisions for me, but you were also convinced that you should sever any fledgling romantic ties between us.”
Leander bristled. Yes, he had been sabotaging, but only because Jarryn could never know the truth. But he would never admit that to the prince.
“Your moods and whims are so changeable, so… dependent on the direction of the fucking wind! If I was just a passing amusement… or if this was all just some test to confirm your original judgements.” he whispered the last few words, voice cracking more than once as he struggled to work his thoughts into words.
“A test ? We’re not back on this are we?
” Jarryn sighed deeply and cobalt orbs levelled amber ones, locking them in place.
“I’m not even going to dignify that… but I will ad dress your other accusation.
If you were some… passing amusement , I would have tired of you long ago, Leander.
I would have fucked you and then left you to crawl home in whatever was left of your attire. But I did not.”
Leander nodded and swallowed, with a hint of sadness in his expression.
His mouth suddenly felt very dry. He downed the rest of the contents of his tea.
“I just mean… it was easier for me to displace blame. I can never think clearly when I’m around you.
You impede my thinking, and I’m left with some untenable mess of a brain whenever you are concerned. ”
Jarryn considered him for a long moment, unspeaking. Leander stayed silent and was unable to hold his gaze for longer than a few seconds. He busied himself with watching the fire burn down to embers behind where Jarryn knelt.
“Nor when you are tired,” Jarryn said quietly. “Maybe you should head home.”
“No! I’m fine. I’m sorry.” He didn’t want to leave, when he had the chance to have Jarryn to himself…
and maybe win himself another chance at bedding him.
Quickly shifting the conversation on, Leander said, “I’m curious to know more about Desanne’s economy, since you’re so passionate when you speak of Vyrica’s backwards laws. ”
Jarryn saw right through him. “And I’d like to know why you felt it necessary to apologise for nothing whenever you feel like you’ve done something wrong.”
Damn it.
“Truth be told, I don’t know,” Leander muttered quietly. “I suppose it’s been ingrained into my very existence. People aren’t interested in what I have to say and, if they are, it is because they probably assume either ill-intent… or an untruth is about to fall from my lips.”
Leander swirled his finger around the rim of his teacup. “Only my mother gave me a real chance. And now she will have nothing to do with me. So perhaps it is better this way. It’s best not to be disappointed,” he said to Jarryn with a one-shouldered shrug.
Jarryn remained silent for a long time and Leander half expected him not to reply.
“I will not insult your intelligence—you are likely not wrong, given the nature of your… immortal gifts,” the prince acquiesced with an incline of his head.
“And it would be entirely fair, I’m sure you will agree, for you to pass judgement on me based on the first few encounters we had.
Despite my level of stress, I handled them poorly. ”
Leander glanced up, wetting his lips as Jarryn spoke.
“But I certainly dislike your proclivity for thinking your words aren’t worthy of being heard.” The prince’s eyes were unwavering in their intensity, wanting to impress his point upon Leander. “You are an enigma, Myracle, and I look forward to the privilege of getting to know you better.”