Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-three
Cormac
A couple days later, we both ended our days early so we could go for a ride.
It was the first time we’d done this, just the two of us.
When we were younger, Zara was always clamoring to get out on the horse she’d claimed as hers.
This summer, she’d spent a lot of time on horseback, and just as I’d suspected, she couldn’t get enough.
We took a meandering ride down to the river, neither of us in a hurry to get there, enjoying the late afternoon sun and each other’s company.
Zara rode a little ahead at first, like always, then slowed her mare until our stirrups nearly brushed.
“I forgot how this feels,” she said quietly.
“The saddle?” I asked. “I thought you kept riding back in Oregon.”
She shook her head. “No, I mean this. All of it. The space. The quiet. Not having to be…anything.”
“There’s nothing you have to be with me.”
“I know, Maccie. That’s how it’s always been.”
The river came into view over the horizon, the water flashing silver as it flowed. A breeze rolled off it, carrying that clean, mineral smell. Zara closed her eyes and tipped her face, soaking it in.
“For a while, it wasn’t.” I turned to look at her. “But we’re back to the old days, huh?”
The corners of her eyes pinched. “I don’t think we can ever get those days back. We’re different. Things are different between us. We were only friends. Now, we’re…more.”
My heart kicked at the acknowledgment. It was such a small, obvious thing, but it meant so much to me. I wasn’t in this all alone, buried under my feelings.
“Better, you think?”
She lifted a shoulder. “It can’t be better than you and me racing to the river without a single care in the world. But it can be just as good, I hope.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Maybe it can be.”
She was right. There was nothing like the carefree days of childhood, before responsibilities got in the way and the only goal in life was to have fun.
I was glad we’d shared so many of those days.
Glad we’d always have that to fall back on.
And maybe we’d have snippets of those days again—add them to the storybook of our lives that was already a hundred chapters long.
We reached our spot by the river and hopped off our horses, leaving them to graze nearby. I dropped my backpack on the ground and pulled out a blanket.
Zara raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to let me sit in the dirt?”
I laughed. “You can if you want to, but I’m going to sit my grown-up ass on this blanket and see what else I have in this backpack.”
She dropped down on the blanket before I could even fold myself into a sitting position and started snooping.
Gasping, she lifted her head. “Did you bring a picnic?”
“I did. It’s nothing fancy, but I figured I could get you to stay longer if I fed you.”
She tilted her head. “You don’t have to bribe me. There’s absolutely nowhere else I want to be.”
I nodded toward the water in front of us. “Your favorite place.”
With a sigh, she shifted to her hands and knees and crawled onto my lap. Facing me, she cupped the sides of my neck, her midnight gaze trailing up my face to lock onto my eyes.
“My favorite person…” she murmured, “brought me to my favorite place. Why would I ever want to leave?”
“I’m your favorite person?”
She nodded. “You’ve spent this summer reminding me how stupid I was to forget that fact.” She hooked onto the collar of my shirt and pulled it aside, pressing a kiss on my tattoo. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” I wrapped my arms around her, holding her against my chest, dropping my face into her hair. “Told you I had ulterior motives.”
Her lips moved against my neck. “I like your motives.”
We stayed like that for a while, hugging each other, sharing memories of our childhood.
The races we ran. The rides we took. The times my parents had to go out looking for us because we’d stayed out too late.
That was how it was with Zara. Time lost all meaning…
until I became acutely aware of how quickly the days we’d had together were passing.
It was no different now. I couldn’t settle into being with her. Not all the way. Not when each passing day brought us closer to the end. She’d go, and I’d be here. Where would that leave us?
“I should get off you so we can eat,” she said after a while, making no effort to move.
Cupping her hip with one hand, I reached out and dragged my backpack closer. “There’s no reason for you to get off me unless you want to. I’m good how we are.”
She leaned back to look up at me, a smile curving her mouth. “I’m good how we are too.”
It was easy, being like this, relaxing against a tree trunk, Zara’s back against my chest, eating the simple sandwiches I’d thrown together as the river flowed past. The horses made low chuffing noises, talking to each other more than us.
In the distance, a pronghorn paused, looking to see if we were friend or foe, then bounced away, deciding we weren’t very interesting.
Zara talked about Henrik’s ongoing crush on Javier and his dwindling hope it would be reciprocated.
I told her about a problem guest staying for the next two weeks and all their demands.
When we were just about finished eating, her phone began vibrating with a call. She tugged it out of her pocket, glancing at the screen.
“It’s my parents. Do you mind if I answer? I owe them a call—”
“Answer it.”
She stayed right where she was and hit the video-call button. A second later, Amir and Zadie Vasquez appeared on screen, their faces pressed together.
Seeing Zadie healthy was good for my soul. I tried to block out the image of her so sick she couldn’t leave her bed, Amir curled around her, holding her through her pain. My mother blowing into town and taking over the care of her friend and forcing Amir to rest.
It had taken a toll on everyone, but Zadie had gotten through it. She’d gotten older, with wrinkles around her eyes and laugh lines bracketing her smiling mouth—exactly how it was supposed to be.
“Hi, guys,” Zara greeted.
“Baby girl.” Amir’s dark gaze flicked upward. “Cormac. Good to see your face. How are you?”
I nodded to him and smiled at Zadie. “Hi. I’m good. How are you guys?”
“We’re doing great.” Zadie’s smile was soft and gentle, just like the rest of her. “It’s so good to see the two of you together. This feels like old times. Whenever we called Zara, you were always in the background.”
“She couldn’t get rid of me,” I said, and Zara laughed, settling against my chest.
Amir raised a brow. “Don’t think she tried too hard.”
“That’s true. I didn’t.” Zara grinned at her parents. “Sorry I haven’t been great at keeping up with phone calls. You know how I get when I’m out here. I get consumed, and the days fly by faster than I can believe.”
“You’ll be better going forward,” Amir replied, no question in his tone.
“I’ll try to be better,” Zara sort of agreed.
Zadie’s laugh was light and airy. “I’m glad you’re finding what you were looking for, even if you’re much too far away.”
“At least you have Zane to fuss over,” Zara said.
“Pfft.” Amir shook his head. “Last night, he implied we’re being too needy and can’t stop by whenever we like.”
Zadie patted his cheek. “He only asked us to call first. I think we might have interrupted something.”
Zara burst out laughing. “Oh no. You didn’t! Tell me you didn’t go into their house without knocking.”
“We knocked,” he gritted out. “Might not’ve waited for them to answer, though.”
“We?” Zadie blinked at him. “There was no ‘we.’ You got impatient and used your emergency key against my advice.”
He shuddered, his brow crumpling. “I regretted it immediately. There are some things a father should never see.”
Despite Zadie and Zara’s laughter, I was internally cringing for Zane and Steven. It was a good thing we were too far for them to pop in without warning. Though…I had a feeling they wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“We’re lucky Zane didn’t rescind our key-holding privileges,” Zadie said.
Amir threw his arm around his wife. “You were right, Mama. I admit it.”
Zadie’s cheeks flushed with pleasure. “All it took for you to admit to being wrong was seeing your son’s b—”
He covered her mouth with his hand. “Never say it. Please. I’m trying to forget it, and if you say it, that won’t be possible.”
Zara jumped in to save the conversation, turning the camera around to show them the scenery. She zoomed in on the river, then scanned left and right, showing them the horses nearby and a hawk soaring overhead.
Zadie sighed. “Beautiful as always, my love. And you look happy.”
Zara smiled and pressed her forehead against my chin. “I really am.”
Her parents exchanged a glance. He scratched his chin. She nibbled on her bottom lip.
“What’s going on?” Zara asked. “What aren’t you saying? Mom, are you okay? Are you—”
Zadie raised a hand before Zara upset herself. “No, no. I’m fine. I had a checkup last week and got a perfect bill of health.”
“She’ll live forever,” Amir said, like if he commanded forcefully enough, it would come true.
Zadie smiled serenely. “You just…seem so happy, I wasn’t sure if now was the time to bring up a job opening I heard about.”
Zara leaned forward, putting distance between us. “Oh. A job opening for me?” Zadie nodded, and Zara’s shoulders sagged. “I guess I have to start thinking about that.”
“You have time, baby girl,” Amir said. “But your mama thought this would be a good fit for you. It’s an accounting position at Zane’s hospital. You might get the chance to see your brother on a regular basis if you’re working in the same place, and you know he likes it there.”
“He does,” she agreed. “Can you send me the listing?”
“Sure,” Zadie said. “Though I’m surprised you haven’t found it yourself. I guess you haven’t been looking?”
“No, not really.” Zara threw her hand out toward the landscape in front of us. “You know, with all this, I haven’t put much thought into returning to an office. But I need to. I’ll definitely check out the listing when you send it.”
With every word they exchanged, my stomach dropped. I’d known this was coming. It never left my mind. But the reality of Zara applying for a job that would take her away was a lot different than only the looming possibility.
They talked for a few more minutes while I listened.
I liked how tight Zara was with her family.
They had an easy, close relationship that reminded me of mine with my parents.
Though she didn’t tell them anything about Jackson and the PI.
I figured it was as much for his protection as it was for her parents’.
Her dad might’ve been kind and gentle with his kids and wife, but I’d heard things about his past and had a feeling he would not let Jackson’s actions stand if he were made aware of them.
They said goodbye, and Zara tossed her phone down on the blanket. She twisted around to look at me, her mouth pressed into a line.
“You’re quiet.”
“I was listening.” I brushed her hair off her face and dragged my fingertips along her cheek. “They miss you.”
“I miss them too. After I left Jackson, I spent a lot of time with them. My mom and I went for daily walks, and my dad stopped by my apartment nearly every day with something he’d found for my place or tools to fix something that wasn’t broken.
” Her heavy exhale made her shoulders roll forward.
“Things were such a mess between Jackson and me for so long. I’d stopped talking to them as much.
Not completely. They would’ve never allowed that.
But I didn’t tell them anything real. I was embarrassed by the choices I’d made, and I…
well, that’s a big reason I miss them so much now.
It’s been years since I’ve let myself be close to them. ”
“I never would have guessed.”
“That’s the point. I was really good at hiding.” She tucked her face into my neck, her breath warm. “And I was miserable. I don’t want to ever do that again. If I can’t live honestly, then I know I’m doing something wrong and will make it right.”
“That sounds like a good plan to me.”
“We’ll see. So much is up in the air. At least I have a lead on a job.”
“There’s that.”
She raised her head, her eyes narrowed. “You sound grouchy. What’s that about?”
Taking a page out of her book, I went for honesty. “Thinking about you leaving at the end of next month doesn’t make me the happiest.”
“Yeah…” she breathed. “I guess that’s why I’m trying not to think about it. I want to enjoy every minute of the time I have here.”
“I want that too.”
She brought her hands to my face, smooshing my cheeks. “You’re cute even when you’re frowning. Maybe cuter, since it’s such a rare sight.”
I groaned, yanking her against me. “Didn’t I tell you to stop calling me cute?”
Squealing, she grabbed my hair like reins. “If you did, I didn’t hear it. If you say it again, I’m not going to listen.”
Despite the deep pit in my gut, I had to laugh. “You’re a hopeless case.”
“And you’re adorable.” She tugged my head back and started kissing all over my face. “So, so cute. I could eat your nose and chin for breakfast.”
“Only my nose and chin?”
Her lips landed on my temple then my eyebrow. “I’d eat the other parts for lunch and dinner.” She caught my cheekbone and the tip of my nose. “I love your face. And your ears. And your hair.”
“So much you want to eat it.”
“Mmmhmm.” Her lips grazed mine. “Am I weirding you out?”
“Nope.” I ran my fingers through the sides of her hair, pulling her face away from mine. Her eyelids fluttered open, and a slow smile split her lips. I smiled back. I couldn’t help it. “I know you, Zara. I don’t think there’s anything you could do or say that I’d find weird.”
“Even when I want to eat your face?”
“Even then.” I chuckled lightly. “Gotta admit, I never considered I’d hear you say that, but it’s kind of…sweet.”
Her lashes fluttered as she sighed, everything about her softening. She leaned into me, her forehead resting on mine, her palms sliding on either side of my neck.
“You really get me.”
It wasn’t a question but an acknowledgment of fact. We might not have known everything about each other. Not anymore. But I did know her—deep down.
We were a part of each other.
“Yeah, sweetheart. I get you. I always have.”
No amount of distance would change that.