Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-nine
Cormac
She licked her lips, eyes shining bright. “You do?”
I took her hand in mine. “That can’t be a surprise.”
“It isn’t. Not really. But…well, you were adamant we could make long distance work, so I’m wondering where this change of tune came from. Not that I’m mad about it, it’s just a complete one-eighty.”
“I know.”
And the fact that she wasn’t immediately saying yes and leaping into my arms landed like a dull blade between my ribs. I’d prepared myself to fight for us. I hadn’t prepared myself for the possibility I might be fighting alone.
I had to tread carefully. One wrong word, and I might push her further away.
Keeping my voice steady, I said, “A long time ago, I waited for the perfect opportunity to share my feelings, and it never came. I’ve lived with that regret ever since.”
“Cormac—”
I shook my head. “No, let me get this out. I have to say a few things first.”
She rolled her lips over her teeth and nodded slowly.
“Here’s the thing, Zara: I want to build a real life with you.
We could start out doing long distance. I’d rather settle for that than nothing at all, but it isn’t what I want, and I need to say that.
If I don’t tell you I want you here with me, I’ll regret it, and I’ve already got a mountain-high stack of regrets when it comes to you and me. I won’t add anymore.”
Her fingers closed around mine, tighter with each word, but she didn’t try to speak. She listened with intent, her breath bated, her back ramrod straight. If she’d given me a hint of pulling away, I might’ve lost my nerve. But she was giving me the opposite, so I laid it all out.
“I know you had a job interview this morning, but I don’t want you to take it.
Going back there, slotting yourself into your old role won’t make you happy.
I’ve watched you bloom this summer. Every hour you’ve spent outside, doing what you love, has made your smile get wider and brought back the glow I’ve always loved about you. ”
My throat worked around the boulder lodged in the center of it, and my eyes burned hot, but I managed to keep going.
“You’re going to miss your family, but we’ll find a way to see them as much as we can. I’ll make sure of it. And my family will wrap their arms around you and hold you when my arms aren’t enough.”
She couldn’t hold back a response. “Your arms are always enough.”
I exhaled, dropping my forehead to our joined hands. “Javier told me about the job. He offered you a reason to stay. A real reason, and I have no clue if you want to take it. You’re not letting me in—”
Fear cracked through my voice before I could stop it.
“Oh no, Maccie.” She scrambled to her knees beside me, cupping the side of my face.
“No, I wasn’t trying to hide it from you.
I had to think about it on my own before I brought it up.
It’s a lot. A big decision. I needed to wrap my head around it.
I don’t want you to think I’m not letting you in. That isn’t why I didn’t say anything.”
I rubbed my jaw against her hand, warm and soft. “Please stay. I’ll give you a good life. I swear I will. Stay and let me love you like I’ve always needed to. Stay, and please…just love me back.”
“I do love you back.” She climbed onto my legs, taking my face in both hands. “Cormac, I love you. Please look at me. Look at what I’m wearing.”
That got me to open my eyes. I scanned her tangled hair, loose T-shirt, and nothing else. My heart thumped, but it confused me. What was I supposed to be seeing other than the most beautiful woman in the world?
“I see you.”
She pecked my nose. “Think, Maccie. Do I look like I’m all dressed up for a video call?”
It hit me like lightning.
My head jerked. “I sure hope no one else saw you this way.”
“No one did. I canceled the interview, but since I had the morning off, I was being lazy about getting dressed.”
“I love seeing you in my shirt.”
She gave me a pleased little smile. “To tell the truth, I love that I’m in the position where I get to steal your clothes. It makes me giddy.”
She had no idea how it made me feel to see my clothes draping her body. It wasn’t just proprietary. Clothing the woman I loved settled some ancient, caveman instinct inside me—an instinct that only came to life around Zara.
“You really canceled the interview?” I wasn’t going to allow myself to hope. Not yet. She needed to say the words.
“Yeah. Zane and I talked last night, and he had a lot of things to say.”
I gripped her thighs, holding back my impatience. I’d waited this long. What was a few more minutes?
“Like what?”
“I was telling him about the interview without much enthusiasm, and he knocked some sense into me, reminding me there was no reason to drown just because the ship I’d chosen to set sail on was sinking.
It was really hard for me to hear. I don’t know why I’m so stubborn, but I’m working on not getting in the way of myself.
That’s why I canceled the interview. I didn’t want that job, even if, on paper, it was perfect for me. ”
“Paper doesn’t tell the whole story.” I turned to kiss her palm. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d canceled it?”
“Because I hadn’t decided what it meant yet…and I was scared.”
“Scared?” My brow furrowed. “What were you scared of?”
“Screwing up. Making the wrong decision about my career”—her voice dropped to a whisper—“us. I’m afraid it’s too soon to uproot my life and go all in with you, but I’m even more terrified if I don’t, we won’t work out, and I’ll lose you all over again.”
“Zara, I—”
“There’s more, Mac. I’m afraid to take Javier’s job and not like it.
And what if I’m not good at it and you have to fire me?
What if I’m great at it, but working together every day is too much?
And do I love Wyoming because it’s a vacation, or is this where I really belong?
I’ve been asking myself a thousand questions, searching my brain and heart for the answers, and I didn’t want to pull you into that until I was clear on where I stood. ”
“Are you clear? Do you need help talking it through?” I asked, barely daring to hope this might be going where I wanted it to.
“I wasn’t really clear until you showed up and asked me to stay.”
I almost laughed. “Don’t think I did much asking.”
“No, but you were very convincing anyway.” Her arms circled my neck. “I realized all my questions don’t matter. The job will work out or it won’t. That isn’t what’s important, and when it comes down to it, it’s not really a factor.”
“What is a factor?”
“You, Cormac. You’re the only factor.”
My heart gave a wild thump, sending my pulse skittering. “Tell me what you’re saying. Give it to me plainly.”
The smile she gave was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen, like sugar and Christmas lights and down feathers.
“For me, it’s always you. You set it right. ”
“Set what right?”
“Everything. Me, my mind, my heart, my soul.” Pausing, breathless, she nibbled on her bottom lip. “I mean, I don’t know for sure souls are even real, but around you, I feel like mine is.”
Blood rushed in my ears as heat climbed up from my chest. “I...set your soul right?”
“You do.” Her fingers slid into the hair at my nape, gentle as a breeze.
“When we were apart, I was off balance. Like I was missing an important, integral piece that keeps me steady. When I’m with you, I feel the most complete.
It’s always been that way. I think that’s probably because you’re my soulmate.
Our souls know each other, and they fit because they’re supposed to. We set each other right.”
I didn’t know what the fuck to say. “Zara—Christ. You’re killing me.”
“I hope not. We’re going to start our life together, Mac, so you can’t die.” Her smile was bracketed by twin tears trailing down her cheeks.
My eyes were burning, my chest so heavy, it was like breathing underwater.
“You’re staying?” I asked, testing the shape of it.
“Yes. I’m staying with you.” She wiggled closer, putting us chest to chest. Her heart rattled and leaped for mine. “I want the job, but it’s not the reason. You are. I want the same thing as you: to build a real life together. The one we were always meant to have, if only I could have seen it.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, we’re not gonna put blame on either of us. It doesn’t matter. We’re here, and you just told me I’m your soulmate. Everything else is behind us. Got it?”
“Yeah.” Another tear fell, and damn if it didn’t pull one or two from me with it. “I got it. It’s behind us.”
Relief flooded me so fast my hands started shaking. I pulled her against me and buried my face in her neck, taking my first deep breath since I’d walked into this house, and it was filled with her.
I hadn’t realized until that second how certain I’d been that she might choose differently.
It was going to take some time to sink in, but I’d let it.
“You’re here,” I murmured. “You’re really here.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
For the first time since she’d shown up in town, I wasn’t braced for it to end. I had her in a very real way I was determined to make permanent.
Breath to breath, soul to soul, we held each other.
And for a moment, everything was right.