Chapter Ten #2
“I won’t ask. You just think you want to be here because of this,” he waved his hand between them. “but, once you get back to California, you’ll know that’s where you belong, and I was just a… different kind of man to you.”
“You’re not just a different kind of man! Now you’re letting Sean get into your head.” She touched his arm, but he pulled away from her. “Seth, you have to know how I feel about you.”
“This was just a fascination for you, the idea of us.”
“That is not true. Seth, don’t listen to Sean.”
He shook his head. “He was right though. I’m not what you want in a man. You like three-piece suits, ties, gold cufflinks, high priced loafers, and a gold watch. I’m none of that—”
“Exactly! You’re nothing like that and I don’t want that anymore. I want you.”
“Because you’re here with me. It’ll change when you get back home.”
“Bullshit! I’m a grown woman, I know what I want.”
“Sure, you do, but once you get back to California, you’ll realize that’s where you belong.
Not here in Montana with me.” He cupped her cheeks in his hands.
“I won’t ask you to give up anything for me.
I’m sure you’ll forget about me once you get home.
” He watched tears streak down her face and had to blink back his own.
“I won’t.”
Seth stepped back from her. “Please, just go. Tell your boss that you have enough photos. You can just head home.” He walked from the room, entered the kitchen, grabbed his hat, then walked out the door and strode into the barn.
Hopefully, she’d be gone by the time he got back from his ride.
He knew it was late, but he had to get away from her, or he would beg her to stay.
****
Ryan looked around the room. She loved it with the fireplace taking up the back wall with floor to ceiling windows on each side.
The huge four-poster bed sat against a wall and a matching chest of drawers sat beside bifold doors that must be the closet, On the wall with the bathroom door, sat a dresser, and dark blue carpeting covered the floor.
It was a beautiful room. The entire house was.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she gazed around the room.
She had no idea where Seth went at this time of the night, but she was sure he was in the barn somewhere.
She made her way out the door, climbed into her SUV and started it.
As she looked toward the barn, more tears rolled down her cheeks.
She didn’t even get to say goodbye to the men, but especially Seth.
She knew she’d miss him for the rest of her life.
Wednesday, Ryan sank onto the armchair in the cabin.
Golden morning light filtered through the dust particles dancing in the air.
She pressed her fingertips to her forehead and realized that she had to call Doris.
As much as she hated the idea of abandoning this wild, vast landscape and leaving Seth behind, but there was nothing she could do.
Seth wanted her gone and she’d abide by his wishes.
She wouldn’t stay where she wasn’t wanted.
With a long, weary sigh, Ryan unlocked her phone and swiped through her contacts until Doris’s name appeared. She tapped it, held the phone to her ear, and waited as the line rang.
“Ryan, honey! How are you?” Doris’s voice sounded bright and warm.
Ryan’s throat tightened. “I’m… not good, Doris.”
“What’s wrong?” Doris’s voice full of concern.
Ryan took a deep breath and told her about the argument last night with Seth, breaking down every few words, but leaving out she wanted to stay with him.
Doris’s sigh was sympathetic. “You probably have more than enough photos, right?”
“Yes.” Ryan’s voice was small.
“What’s going on, really?” Doris pressed gently.
“I don’t want to leave.” Ryan paused, tears glimmering in her eyes. “I—I’m in love with Seth.” The admission tumbled out as a sob.
“Oh, honey. What now?”
“Nothing. This was why he didn’t want to get involved. He said this would happen, that it would end in heartbreak.”
“Does he feel the same?” Doris asked.
“I don’t know. He said it made no sense for us to be together since I’d be leaving soon.” Ryan’s voice shook as she clamped her hand over her mouth, stifling another sob.
“Well, I did talk to him about the article. He’s a real gentleman, polite, considerate.
And when I opened your file, I nearly fell out of my chair.
That is one damn hot cowboy. Tall, rugged, broad-shouldered, he looks like he was carved from the mountains themselves.
That black T-shirt he was wearing hugged every bit of his upper body and those jeans… oh, my.”
Ryan managed a shaky laugh. “He is wonderful, thoughtful, and… amazing in bed.”
“I’m not surprised, given what you said about Sean.” Doris’s voice softened. “That man thinks it’s all about him. If the woman doesn’t enjoy it, that’s her problem.”
“Not Seth. You know how I confide in you, well, he knows exactly what to do. It was incredible.” Ryan’s chest tightened. “And now I have to leave him.”
“I think you should stay there for at least the rest of the week and next week too, if you want.” Doris sighed.
“For what?”
“Look, you were going to stay another week anyway. The cabin is paid for. Get me photos of that town. You won’t have to see Seth. I’m sure he rarely gets to town. Once you have them, send them to me and we’ll see about showing people that place.”
“I can do that. I can’t go back to Seth’s place,” she said.
“You don’t want to leave him, do you?”
“No. If he asked me to stay, I would in a heartbeat. But I know he won’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Ryan’s answer was quiet and firm. “I’ll take photos of the town and get a flight out this weekend if I can.”
“I wish I could help.”
“I’m a big girl. I’ll survive. But please,” Ryan said, voice softer. “Send someone else for the harvest shoot. I can’t come back.”
“If that’s what you want.” Doris paused. “Listen, I’m late for a dinner. Get those photos for me and let me know when you want me to book a flight home for you.”
“Alright.”
“Call me if you need to cry. Love you.”
Ryan leaned back in the chair, phone slipping from her hand, and let the tears flow until her entire body shook with grief.
****
Seth leaned against the metal rail, watching two horses running across the dusty arena. Shafts of morning light pierced the barn’s windows above, illuminating the sweat that gleamed on their flanks as their hooves drummed a steady rhythm.
Cull’s boots clopped on the cement floor as he sidled up beside him. “Hey, Seth.”
Seth inhaled the mingled scents of sunbaked hay and fresh manure. “Morning, Cull.”
“I’m heading to the corn section and check the irrigation lines. Anything else you need done?”
“You may as well check the oats while you’re at it.”
“Alright. Have you heard from Ryan?”
Seth propped his elbows on the rail; his gaze fixed on the chestnut horse as she shifted from a canter to a trot. When his phone vibrated from his pocket, he fished it out, opened it and stilled when he saw a text from Ryan. He opened it.
I’m leaving Saturday. I know you didn’t want to know but I can’t go without telling you goodbye. Though I don’t want to. I know what I want, Seth.
“Seth?”
He turned the phone to Cull so he could read the message.
“Is she leaving without saying goodbye?” Cull removed his hat, ran a hand through his hair, then resettled the hat.
“I don’t know if she’ll be out to tell you all goodbye or not. You saw the message.”
“I don’t know what to say, Seth.”
Seth’s lips curved into a hollow smile. “Nothing you can say. I should have stayed away from her.” He shook his head, the stakes of his mistake weighing on him.
“Damn it, Seth. Don’t you want to ask her to stay?”
He sighed as he shook his head. “Won’t change a thing. I’ll be fine.”
Cull’s jaw clenched. “Bullshit.” Without another word, he pivoted and strode from the barn, the doors swinging shut behind him.
Seth stared at the fleeing dust in the slanting light. “Damn it,” he murmured. How do you move on from someone you never really had?
Seth straightened and put his phone back into his pocket. The barn was quiet except for the echoes of hoofbeats. Another day, another hard lesson about love and loss.
****
Ryan slumped deeper into the sofa before picking up the remote and aiming it at the TV.
She wondered if Alyssa was home and if she’d come over to watch a movie with her.
As she looked around for her phone, she realized it was plugged into the charger in the kitchen.
With a soft groan, she pushed herself upright and shuffled across the cold wood floor to retrieve her phone from the kitchen counter.
The charging cable resisted for a moment before releasing its grip.
Back on the sofa, she tucked one leg beneath her and squinted at the bright screen, her thumb hovering over Alyssa’s contact photo.
Are you doing anything? she typed, watching the three dots pulse almost immediately.
Nope. What’s up?
I thought maybe we could watch a movie. I need to get my mind off Seth. Ryan’s fingers trembled slightly as she typed his name.
Is it okay if I just wear comfy clothes?
Ryan’s lips curved into the first genuine smile she’d managed all day.
Of course. I’m in my T-shirt and lounge pants.
I’ll be there in a few minutes.
Okay. Thanks. Just come in, the door is unlocked. Ryan ended the call and placed the phone on the arm of the sofa, before settling in to wait for Alyssa.
A soft click of the door echoed through the quiet living room. Ryan peeked over the tufted back of the sofa, and a tired smile brightened her face when Alyssa stepped inside. The early evening light filtered through lace curtains.
Ryan shifted on the sofa. “Come sit down,” she said.
“Alright.” Alyssa smiled as she sat down on the sofa. Her ponytail swung free as she sat, and Ryan knew she was going to miss her new friend too.
Her lips curved wryly. “I also wanted to tell you that I’m leaving Saturday.”