13. Seven
CHAPTER 13
For once in my life, I have no words.
There is nothing I can think to say that would be a worthy-enough response to what Twyla just gave me.
So instead of saying anything, I vow to myself that I will give her what she wants in return for a gift I never would have guessed, even if I’d been given a million clues.
Hesitant to accept it?
Fuck no.
But only because my wife has made it perfectly clear this is something she wants. Not only that, but if the past week and all its revelations are anything to go by, it sounds more like something she needs. She needs me to take full control and destroy the limits her mind set for her without her consent.
I do need a moment though. To collect my thoughts. To wrap my head around what this will mean for our relationship as Dominant and submissive from this day forward. But only a moment, because I don’t want to make her worry.
I step back and prop my ass against the playtable, where I know she can still see me, and read the card once again, this time to myself. It’s something I’d normally do, to make sure I take in everything, so it shouldn’t cause her alarm.
I accept her gift, without hesitation. But this is a special case. I’m me. And it’s Twyla. My wife. My doll. The mother of my child. The woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. I’ll give her anything she wants, not without thought but because that’s something I refuse to fail at. If she needs it, I will stop at nothing until I can provide it for her.
Any other time, a Dom would be smart to hesitate, to really think about what they’d be taking on. I’m fully aware of the power she’s handed me. Only an asshole, a fake Dominant who should have no right to call themselves that, would accept the gift of a submissive relinquishing their hard limits, and take it lightly, without respecting what they’ve been given.
Even in a normal D/s relationship, with limits in place, a Dom should never drop their guard when someone trusts them implicitly to keep them safe. In fact, they shouldn’t ever feel perfectly at ease, comfortable to the point of nonchalant, with such responsibility on their shoulders.
Confident, yes. Always confident in their ability. Because a submissive will sense that, and it will aid in building trust.
A sub will also, on the other hand, pick up on it if their Dom’s confidence wanes, placing doubt in the submissive’s mind, which could turn dangerous.
For example, if I’m confident in my bullwhip capabilities and take great care while wielding it, my doll feels that and can relax, and the whip will feel like a breath against her skin because she doesn’t move. If I’m not confident, and she senses that, instead of holding perfectly still, she could panic and try to move out of the way but accidently put herself in a position that gets her hurt. Making it harder for her to trust me to keep her safe.
So confidence is extremely important. It’s an absolute must.
Cockiness, however, equals carelessness. The last person someone should submit to is a cocky Dom. If a Dominant is arrogant, then they’re too self-absorbed to put their submissive’s safety above all else. They’re too sure of themselves, more worried about boasting than staying unwaveringly cautious.
And that’s all with boundaries intact.
Take those away….
“With great power comes great responsibility” isn’t segregated to just superheroes. So with this even higher level of power to wield—boundary-free, totally unlimited—it’s important to be even more tuned-in to the smallest of tells, to be able to anticipate not only their most likely reaction, but multiple less likely reactions as well, just in case, before making a move.
So, no, this gift isn’t something anyone should flippantly accept; it’s not something you can take in then set aside. Some might take offense to the comparison, but it’s almost parallel to someone giving you a pet as a present. If you accept the new pet, you can’t just say “thanks” and then ignore it. You have to accept all the work and care that comes along with it. Yes, it’s a gift, one that will bring endless amounts of joy, but only if you put in the extensive effort it takes from the moment you agree to the ownership. Otherwise, you’re an abusive asshole. Turning it down in the first place would’ve been the more responsible, respectful thing to do, because it would’ve meant you put that animal’s life and safety at the top of the importance list. If you know you don’t have it in you to take on that extra accountability, and you say that up front, then the gift-giver should put emotions aside and see the value in that refusal, because it came from a good place. A boundary that person has set within themselves.
The choice to keep one’s boundaries is always acceptable.
Any Dom who tries to tell or convince a sub otherwise should spend one night in a submissive’s shoes, with no limits, and then see what they have to say about it.
On top of all of that, there’s something else a Dominant must consider before accepting this gift.
There’s already a battle we fight within ourselves, as Dominants, to follow all the rules set within a D/s relationship. Like it or not, that is a choice we make each and every time we put our hands on our subs.
We are human, after all, as Doc likes to remind me.
It would be so easy to let hormones, selfish pleasure, and animalistic instincts rule, to keep going after someone who’s at your mercy tells you to stop—as in they truly want you to quit what you’re doing to them. It’s an ugly reality, but it’s reality nonetheless.
That battle is easily won for some, barely even a whisper of a thought that passes through one’s mind—after all, you can’t make the decision to follow a rule if you aren’t conscious of there being one. You can’t make the right choice if the choices aren’t presented. The millisecond it takes for your brain to pose “Rule 23. Follow? Yes/No” and then the millisecond it takes to decide “Yes” could be the whole of it, the entire battle taking place within less than a second. But it’s still a decision that was made, no matter how quickly.
For me, the agreements we’ve made set the scene itself. I’m aware of what she likes and doesn’t like, so why would I include something I know she doesn’t enjoy? But while playing, experimenting, trying something new, or maybe something old but in a different way, we might stumble upon an act that toes a boundary.
As her Dom, it’s my job to recognize it. It’s my duty to stay behind it, even if she seems like she’s enjoying what we’re doing in that moment. Limits are not to be broken unless that’s discussed before the scene begins. Period. So, I make the conscious decision to not go past it.
I never would. For me, it’s a battle easily won.
But it’s still a choice I make.
Then there are Doms, good ones, whose battle isn’t so simple. They have to put in a tremendous amount of effort to make the right choice, to adhere to their sub’s limits. They can make the right decision every… single… time, never once crossing that line, yet internally, they’ve gotta beat back that beast with every ounce of self-control within themselves.
That’s a case in which a Dominant should most definitely hesitate before accepting their partner’s unlimited submission. To ask themselves some important questions. Like, with no boundaries to be conscious of, no guidelines, would they have the ability to focus on not pushing their submissive too far, if they already have to put so much of their willpower into not pushing them past things they’ve made it clear they don’t want to do?
But on the other hand, some people naturally want to rebel against rules, and that’s where that struggle trying to play within them comes from. They just hate coloring inside the lines and want to let their creativity roam free. Hand them a drawing pad instead of a coloring book, and they’re perfectly content and will create something beautiful.
So in that Dom’s case, removing the rules might ease some of that instinctive opposition, taking away the pressure to conform. Making them more trustworthy without boundaries than they were with them.
There are so many variables. So many things to consider. It would be a sign of wisdom for a Dom to take their time making such an important decision.
But for me, the decision was made the moment she wrote these words. Because I will deny her nothing. And if taking on this extra, tremendously imperative responsibility is what she needs me to do, then goddammit, that’s what I’m going to do.
And I’m going to relish every fucking second of it.