Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
Avril
I glance back at the entrance to Ben’s building, as if I’m expecting him to be chasing me down the street at five in the morning. I couldn’t let myself wake up next to Ben this morning. It might have been weird. It would have been weird. And that would have been too much to handle.
Last night was…incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so close to someone, and I found myself falling deeper into whatever this is between us.
Last night things were intense. I know that I can’t undo that.
I can’t not feel things I’m feeling. And if Ben can…
if I looked at Ben this morning and I didn’t see anything of what happened between us last night, it might break me a little.
I need some time and space to process what any of it means, if it means anything at all.
Which is why I’m out on the streets of New York before it’s light, scuttling back to my apartment like I’m doing a walk of shame.
I just need to shower and then I can head to the hotel early.
I need to keep busy, busy, busy. Keep distracted.
And somewhere along the way I need to figure out how I can turn off all these feelings I have for Ben.
They’ve been rumbling in the distance, like a wave gathering speed and momentum.
Last night, the wave reached its peak and broke on the shore.
And I don’t know what it means.
All I can think about is that if I hadn’t agreed to the stupid time-out, I wouldn’t be thinking about whether Ben’s going to change his mind about helping me with Boston, about whether he’s going to turn around and insist that we can’t stay professional because…
we couldn’t stay professional. But every time I think about his lips on my skin, his hands on my hips, his dick, deep inside me, I can’t regret anything.
I don’t understand that. I don’t understand any of it. I don’t even know why I agreed to a stupid time-out. I just couldn’t resist him. I was the shore to his wave, helpless against his power.
Ben’s the kind of man who’s almost worth losing Boston over, worth losing everything I’ve been working toward—the independence, the evidence that I’m capable, that I’m a grown-up.
When I get home, I dump the bag I flung a few things in and pull out my phone. I’m going to email the real estate broker again. I want him to see if he can speak to the seller’s agent one more time. I might get lucky.
I think about what else I could do. Who else do I know who might be able to help?
Worth has some really powerful friends—don’t any of them know people in Boston?
Or maybe I should fly up there. If only I knew the name of the seller.
I might be able to get a meeting with them and try to find out what they would need to be persuaded to sell.
Or maybe something else has come on the market. It might be a good idea to see the realtors in town face to face, to see if there’s anything expected to come up for sale. I know that’s supposed to be my realtor’s job, but maybe I need to do that myself. Or maybe I need to change realtors.
I’m spiraling.
I strip off and jump into the shower, trying to focus on Boston and not on the way my limbs ache from last night. Or the fact that I can still smell him on my skin. It took everything I had not to slip back into sleep when I woke and was nestled into his body.
I let the water wash over me and try not to think about how it’s cleaning away all the evidence from the night before, which is what I want, but I also want to hang on to every last detail and memory.
When I’m done in the shower, I dress quickly.
I don’t want to wake Poppy before I leave to go to Hotel on Ninth Street.
I don’t want to have to explain myself. I don’t know what I’d say—I slept with the guy I’m living with?
The guy who bet I’d fall in love with him in a week is the best lover I’ve ever had?
And I feel like I’m teetering on the brink of something that makes me want to run barefoot to Boston and stay lying in his arms at the same time.
“Avril?” I hear Poppy call out.
My shoulders slump. So much for getting out of here unnoticed.
She knocks on my bedroom door and pokes her head around. “Hey, how come you’re here?”
“I forgot something.”
“Thank god I didn’t smash you over the head with a frying pan. I thought I was being robbed.”
“Burglars don’t normally stop for a shower.”
“The running water is the only thing that saved you.” She smiles. “It’s good to have you back.”
I wish I could tell her that it’s good to be back.
Being at Ben’s is way easier than I imagined it would be.
It doesn’t hurt that it’s a freaking penthouse and is five thousand square feet.
But it’s more than that. I like the way he makes me coffee every morning and greets me with that grin that tells me he thinks I’m incorrigible and irresistible at the same time.
I like feeling like he’s near me. That he’s everywhere.
“I’ll be back permanently on Monday.”
“So Ben is going to help you with Boston?” she asks.
“Well, I’m not planning on being in love with him by the end of the week, so the deal is he’ll help me if I’m not. You don’t think he’ll back out, do you?”
She shakes her head and leans against the doorjamb as I fix my hair. “I don’t think so. Honestly, I only suggested it because I thought he’d just give in. I didn’t expect him to actually have you live with him.”
“Huh,” I reply. “I didn’t know that.”
“He’s stubborn,” she says. “But I think he’ll keep his word.”
I think so too, but I don’t say anything. Because I don’t know if last night was really just a time-out or whether it changed everything.
“I wonder if he agreed because he likes you.”
Images of the night before flash through my brain.
“What do you mean?” I ask, picking up my mascara.
“Why else would he agree to you living with him?” she says. “He could have just shut you down and said no.”
I shrug. “Men. You know how they like a challenge.”
“Maybe.” She turns to leave and then swings back. “I’m going over to Worth’s tonight. A few of us are going.”
My stomach flips at the thought of missing out. “Who?”
“Jack and Iris.”
“I haven’t seen them for the longest time.”
“I know. And Byron and Rosey. A few others.”
I sigh. “What’s the big occasion?”
“I’m not sure there is one. Although you never know with this group.”
Worth’s group of friends have been like family to Poppy and me since I can remember. Now that they’re all partnered up with wives and girlfriends, we don’t seem to see them in a big group very often anymore. They travel so much, and Byron and Rosey spend a lot of time in Colorado.
“We should go to Colorado again,” Poppy says.
I nod. “Yeah, maybe.” If Ben comes through and I manage to get the Boston site, there won’t be much time for trips to Byron’s private member’s club in Colorado.
“You’re making your FOMO face. Why don’t you come tonight?”
“What’s my FOMO face?”
“The face you make when you’re missing out on something. You’ve made the exact same expression on a regular basis since you came out of the womb.”
“I have not,” I say, irritated by the idea that I still do childish things.
It’s not just Worth I have to prove wrong, it’s Poppy too.
Even though she says she understands, and Worth gave up so much for her too, she’s still not the baby of this family, the one everyone has the lowest expectations of.
I might like Ben. Last night was more than incredible, but I have to focus on Boston.
My phone buzzes on the counter and Ben’s name flashes up.
Poppy grabs it and accepts the call, putting it on speaker. “Ben, it’s Poppy. I’m chatting with your roommate.”
I sigh, even more irritated now, because I know that if I did that to Poppy, she’d totally lose it.
“Ahh,” Ben says, noncommittally. “What were you chatting about?”
A smile twitches at the edge of my lips. He wants to know if we’d been discussing last night.
“I was telling her that Worth and I are having dinner at his house with a bunch of friends and Avril has FOMO—oh, you should both totally come! Oh yes, perfect.”
“Poppy,” I say. “Ben doesn’t want to—”
“Sounds good to me,” Ben interrupts. “Unless you don’t want to go, Avril?”
I’m not sure if he’s just challenging me because he thinks I’ll say no or whether he really wants to go. “I—”
“Believe me, she really wants to go. But you probably have something planned.”
“No, dinner with the fam sounds great,” Ben says.
I groan. “It’s not dinner with the fam—”
“It’s totally dinner with the fam,” Poppy says, “except the fam includes found family as well as blood family.”
I smile at her description. She’s right.
“What?” Poppy says, looking at me and reading my expression all wrong.
“Nothing. But I’m sure Ben doesn’t want to deal with our particular brand of crazy.”
“Count me in,” Ben says. “What time?”
“Any time from seven,” Poppy says, before I can say anything.
“I’ll pick you both up from the hotel at six forty-five.”
My stomach flips, half in excitement that I’ll see him and half in disappointment that it won’t be until then, and we won’t have any time on our own.
No, this is good. If Poppy is there, she can dilute any awkwardness.
“Awesome,” Poppy says. “We’ll see you then.”
“Catch you later,” Ben says, and hangs up.
And then I realize I didn’t find out why he was calling.