Chapter 11 – Beck
BECK
Rosie is Charlie’s mom, so I’m not an idiot; I know she calls the shots.
Legally, I’ve got no rights here. Not yet anyway.
But shouldn’t Rosie be bending over backward to make up for keeping her from me all these years?
Instead, she’s choosing to be difficult.
She’s treating me like I’m a criminal with supervised visitations with my own daughter.
Daughter.
The word, the idea—all of it—is still strange. But as far as six-year-olds go, Charlie seems like one of the good ones. She’s polite, happy, smart. Hell, maybe she’s the smartest Stone yet.
After I park my rig, Rosie releases a strangled sigh from the passenger seat. I roll my eyes. She can complain all she wants, but out of all the beaches along the coast, this one is still my favorite.
“This is the special beach?” she questions in an accusatory tone, the corners of her lips downturned.
“I thought Charlie would want to see it.” I give her a tight smile.
She leans across the console just far enough that I get an eyeful of her cleavage. A rush of hot air pushes between us as this moment holds by a thread. “I don’t know what your angle is,” she whispers, “but upsetting Charlie is not an option.”
Clamping my jaw tight, I lean too and lower my voice, narrowing my eyes at her. “Too late for that. You already deprived her of six years of knowing her father.”
She tilts her head, maybe out of shock. A sour taste forms in my mouth. It’s not like me to be purposely cruel. Especially not to her. If you’d ask me seven years ago, I would’ve never dreamed I’d talk to Rosie like this.
“Fine. I deserve that. But for this to work, you’re going to have to forgive me eventually.”
Instead of her words softening my heart, they only harden it further. “Yeah, eventually,” I growl. “It’s been less than forty-eight hours. Sorry, honey, I don’t downshift that fast.”
Her mouth pops open to speak and I find myself eager, awaiting what could possibly come out after that. But Charlie has already unbuckled from her booster and is poking her head between our seats. “C’mon, let’s go,” she whines.
As the three of us start walking, Charlie hurries to catch up to me. Even though Rosie shuffles behind us and she’s quiet, her presence is blaring. Part of me wishes she would’ve just stayed in my rig.
But then again, I don’t know Charlie all that well.
Besides learning she doesn’t have any food allergies, I have no idea if she has any medical conditions.
I don’t know her favorite things. Her pet peeves.
Spending time with her is like being with a stranger who oddly resembles me.
Just thinking about that last fact causes my skin to heat and reminds me, once again, why my daughter is like a stranger.
“What’s so special about this beach?” Charlie asks, interrupting my thoughts. Her little raspy voice calms me.
“You’ll see.” I grin at her.
We take our shoes off and walk in the sand.
Charlie heads straight for the waves and a smile pulls on my lips.
She slows and is cautious when she dips her toes in the water.
When a wave rolls onto the shore, reaching further than anticipated, she squeals and spins around, running away while it chases her.
Charlie returns to us and gives Rosie her sandals to carry but I reach for them. “I got them.”
Rosie gives me a half smile.
Charlie skips up ahead, stopping to bend and pick up a seashell. I don’t initiate conversation with Rosie and thankfully, she doesn’t either. A memory comes to my mind of a time she and I were here together.
It was after senior prom. When the dance ended, a bunch of us came here.
That was back when they used to allow bonfires on the beach.
I carried Rosie’s high heels while she, Stella, and Daisy went wave jumping.
Rosie looked beautiful that night. Her hair was shorter then.
She had it half pulled up and in curls. The shiny dress she wore was strapless and made her tits look amazing.
But that’s not the memory that sticks out in my mind.
It was the color of her dress. It was green and brought out the green in her eyes.
Especially when the light from the fire reflected in them.
She was stunning. Even as an eighteen-year-old boy, I knew I was a lucky bastard and didn’t deserve her.
“Look!” Charlie runs to us and holds up a large white spiraled shell with knobbed ridges.
“That’s so pretty,” Rosie says.
I bend and admire it. “You know what? It’s rare to find snail shells on this beach these days.”
“Can you keep it safe for me?” Charlie’s brows lift in question.
“Sure. I’ll put it in my pocket.”
She smiles big.
“Charlie, see that wood boardwalk?” I point up toward the grassy hill and she looks. “That’s where we’re heading.”
Without hesitation, she runs in that direction.
“Beck,” Rosie whispers. “I haven’t told her that we were married.”
Her use of past tense grates on me even though it shouldn’t. Because why do I care? “Are,” I correct her. “Are married.” I shoot her a hard glare before taking off in a jog after Charlie. If Rosie and I stay here any longer having this conversation, I’m positive it won’t go over well.
Charlie reaches the boardwalk before I do, her long braids whipping behind her. But when I take the steps, the memories of the night I proposed to Rosie rush at me unexpectedly. My heart races. I reach out and grip the weathered railing while it feels as if the ground quakes beneath my feet.
Charlie climbs onto the wood platform and peers over at the ocean. “You can see the whole beach from here,” she calls, her small voice echoing into the wind.
My breathing is ragged while I try to concentrate on each inhale and exhale of my lungs. “Yeah…be careful.” My words come out strangled. Did they even come out at all?
Rosie whooshes past me, and I take a second to let my heart slow once she reaches the top with Charlie and I know she’s safe.
I take the steps slow, feeling winded despite being in shape.
I lift weights three days a week at the small gym in town.
I run five miles on my off days and go surfing at least once a week.
When my feet finally hit the platform, I slump against the railing in relief and pinch my eyes shut for a second.
“Hey, are you all right?” Rosie’s voice is soft, distant.
The pressure from her hand is suddenly on my back. It sinks against my skin and I force myself to suck in a breath.
“You’re burning up.” Her eyes widen while they skim over me.
From my periphery, Charlie’s lips pout and she fidgets with the hem of her shirt.
“I’m fine,” I rush out. “Don’t worry.” I say this as I look at Charlie. “Just gotta catch my breath is all.”
Rosie purses her lips, still gazing at me with concern. I give her a threatening shake of my head. I don’t want Charlie to worry about me.
“He’s okay.” Rosie shields her eyes from the sun as she peers at Charlie. “Probably just needs to exercise more to get that heart rate going, right?”
“Yeah,” I breathe out, nodding, and mouth, Thank you.
Rosie gives me a half smile and rubs my back, her touch soothing and gentle, and it awakens something inside of me that’s been dormant for so long.
Shock jolts through me and I stiffen, causing her to flinch and shuffle away, leaving me alone.
I’m not used to having an audience while I’m spiraling, and a panic attack is coming, so I’m grateful for the distance—a few seconds to catch my breath and compose myself.
Rosie stands next to Charlie and leans into the railing while she faces the ocean. My heart strains in my chest at the sight of them. “Do you know why this beach is so special?” Rosie’s voice carries over the sound of the wind.
Charlie shakes her head. I straighten and exhale a long breath as I shuffle to join them.
Gazing at Rosie, I’m slightly dazed from the near panic attack I just had as well as from the anticipation of what she’s going to say.
Is she actually about to tell Charlie about me proposing?
About the shells I collected for weeks so I could spell out: MARRY ME, ROSIE? Or that we’re married?
“This is the exact spot I was standing in when I told your daddy that I was pregnant with you,” she confesses, turning her head to look at me.
As her lips pull into a smile, for a second, I’m transported to a time when Rosie and I were literally floating on top of the world.
A time we were so fucking happy. Her smile is beautiful, but it shatters my heart all at once.
Because the memory of that level of happiness only reminds me of the despair that followed.
Even though Charlie is here now, it’s still somehow the same. Because it still feels like I lost her. But I didn’t just lose her that day. I lost both of them.
“Yep, that’s right.” My words claw out of my throat, past the anguish. “This is where I learned I was going to be a dad. It was the best day of my life.” The confession is true, even if I’ve tried denying it for years.
I never wanted to be a dad. Not unless I was planning on having kids with Rosie. She made me want to be a dad. She made me believe I could break the cycle and be a good one.
“But I thought you didn’t know about me?” Charlie asks, and I whip my head in her direction to find a little pout on her face.
Shit.
“I didn’t. Well, I did. But then…” Okay, as much as I don’t want to admit it, Rosie was right—bringing Charlie here was a bad idea.
Rosie crouches in front of her, brushing her braid back and curling her fingers around her shoulder. “Charlie, you know how there are some days when Mommy is in a lot of pain? And sometimes, I’m in so much pain, I need to go to the hospital?”
“Yeah, and I get to go to your friend Hannah’s?”
“Yep. But sometimes, you stay and you bring me my medicine and my heating pad and we have our girls’ nights?”
Rolling her eyes dramatically, Charlie says, “Yeah, I know, Mommy because you’re an endo warrior.”
A smile brightens Rosie’s face, but my gut twists. The instant reminder of her illness has me feeling guilty because I haven’t been here for her. I didn’t even know she’d received a real diagnosis for her symptoms until a few years ago. But I have no reason to feel guilty. It’s her fault.
“That’s right. Well, a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant with you, I was in a lot of pain.
So much so, I thought we lost you.” When Rosie glances over her shoulder, her green eyes are glossy.
My heart throbs. “It wasn’t until a few weeks after that when I learned you were just fine and growing in my belly perfectly. ”
“But I thought I was born in Seattle?”
“You were,” Rosie agrees.
Charlie frowns. She’s processing. And honestly, same, kid.
My head is still trying to figure out how we got here. How seven summers ago I stood in this same exact place and knew my life would never be the same.
“And now I’m not in your belly anymore. I’m here. With my mama and my daddy.” She smiles so big, so genuinely, that it nearly splits my heart.
“That’s right, baby girl,” Rosie says, her voice cracking and her eyes watering.
I should enjoy the purity of this moment, of coming full circle, being with Rosie and Charlie. But it’s tainted by my thoughts of all the things that have been taken away from me.
I swallow. “We should get going.”
Rosie nods and luckily Charlie doesn’t resist. She squeezes between Rosie and me and takes each of our hands in hers. A tingle shoots up my arm at her touch. Rosie flashes me a look of—surprise, I think?
My chest throbs. I don’t speak.
Maybe bringing Charlie here was a mistake. Bringing Rosie here was definitely a mistake.