Chapter 22 – Beck
BECK
Now that Rosie and Charlie are back in Golden Harbor, each day that passes is like a ticking time bomb.
I want to enjoy every second I have with Charlie, but how am I supposed to do that when we’re racing to a finish line I don’t want to reach?
I’ve only just met her, am finally getting to know her, and I’m going to have to say goodbye again. It’s unfair.
How can it be that I found out I was a father less than two weeks ago, and now I can’t imagine my life without this person? It’s like I’ve been missing this piece of me for the past six years and I’m finally whole. How am I supposed to just let her go? Especially when she wants to stay too.
But I know it’s not my place to ask Charlie. The last thing I want is to confuse her. Rosie is right about one thing—she’s only six, she can’t possibly know what she wants.
I cut out of work early. It pisses Milo off, but he understands. I’m no help anyway because all I can think about is seeing my daughter while she’s in town.
“You owe me,” Milo hollers while I’m hopping into my rig.
I shoot him a glare. “Boy, your whole life is an open bar tab.”
He chuckles and shakes his head, knowing good and well I’m joking. But also right.
I send a quick text to Rosie.
On my way
Rosie
Okay. Charlie is ready
I put the truck in drive and tear off in the direction of Dottie’s cottage, my head swishing with all the things that are up in the air.
Keeping my anxiety at bay proves to be even more challenging while my relationship with Rosie is still unsettled.
My brain knows I need to sign the divorce e-doc sitting in my email inbox, but my heart says not yet.
Call it hope or call it plain stupidity, but I’ll know when it’s time. And now just isn’t it.
When I pull into the driveway, Rosie and Charlie are sitting on the back steps. They both stand as I park and jump out. I round the back, and Rosie is already handing me the car seat.
“Hey, here’s her booster.” Her long, auburn hair shields her face, like she doesn’t want to risk making eye contact with me.
Did I miss something?
“Thanks.” I take it and Charlie flings her arms around my leg. I crouch so I can bring her into my chest. “Hey, Charlie girl. I missed you.”
She giggles against my chest and my heart expands. It’s like she’s always meant to be right here. In my arms, face pressed to my heart, where I can keep her safe and hear her sweet laughter.
“Looks like you’re ready to go,” I say, more to Rosie because she’s acting like she can’t get me out of here fast enough.
I stand and Rosie gives a backpack to Charlie, but she says to me, “I packed some snacks for her. And her favorite blanket.”
“Hey?” I call to Rosie and bob my head around until I’ve caught her attention. Her green eyes are striking, but wary. “Is everything okay?”
“Fine.” Her lips flatten.
I scrunch my brows together and tilt my head, not buying the BS she’s serving up. She forgets—I know her.
“You’re fine with me taking her, aren’t you?”
“Of course,” she mutters, but her gaze flicks away again and she crosses her arms, her green tank top hugging tighter against her chest. Like a moth to a flame, my eyes can’t help but be drawn to her luscious cleavage.
I clear my throat and take Charlie’s backpack from her. “Charlie girl, why don’t you go climb in the truck.”
“Okay, bye, Mama.” She gives Rosie a big hug and races to the back door of my rig.
I lean in closer to Rosie, her floral but citrusy scent filling my nose. “You do trust me, don’t you?”
She forces a smile and replies, “Yeah, I trust you.”
Still not buying it, I try a different angle. “Are you mad?”
She frowns. “Mad? Why would I be mad?”
I hunch a shoulder. “I don’t know. Because I’m taking Charlie. Because I’m not taking you. Hell, I don’t know.”
“Pfft,” she releases under her breath. “You’re crazy. I’m not jealous, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”
“No, not jealous.” I scratch at my stubbled chin.
She turns around and ambles to the back door. “Just promise me you’ll bring her back in one piece,” she calls over her shoulder.
“I thought you said you trusted me?”
She spins to face me. “I do. I do.” But it sounds to me like she’s trying to convince herself.
I give her a half smile before heading toward my Chevy, the car seat in one hand. But I stop and call, “Hey, does Charlie know how to swim?”
“What?” Rosie gasps. “I thought you were taking her to the cove to look at the sea lions?”
I chuckle. “Yeah, I am. Just asking in case…” I let my words trail off, my skin tingling with amusement.
“In case what?” she blurts.
But what was humorous only moments ago suddenly kicks me off my feet as the reality hits me. These are the things I should know as a father, if my kid can swim or not.
I rearrange my expression. “I was only teasing.”
She shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “Not funny,” she mutters. “But, to answer your question, yes, she knows how to swim. There was a pool at the apartment we lived in before I met West. And he’s paid for her to have private lessons for the past year.”
Learning about her and Charlie’s past feels surreal. My mind can’t help but wonder if this was a nice apartment. And where did they live before that? Did Rosie have enough money to take care of Charlie?
The guilt slams into me and my heart races. I tighten my grip around the armrest of the booster seat. What if Rosie is only with this West guy because of the financial stability? I’ve been saving money. I can afford to take care of her and Charlie.
“Rosie.” Her name whooshes out of me on an exhaled breath.
Her brows knit together in worry. “You okay?”
I try to inhale and hold it, then release it. But the air constricts in my lungs. This isn’t the time to have this conversation. Charlie is in my truck waiting to have a fun day.
I swallow. “I’m fine,” I force out. “But later we should talk about…child support.”
Her mouth pops open and her expression constricts. “I never asked you for anything before, and I’m not going to start now.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re asking or not.”
“Just focus on your time with Charlie. We can talk later.” She smiles. But it’s the forced kind, not the one she used to gift me with.
She’s noticing my shortness of breath, my tightening grip. She can probably hear my heart thudding hard against my chest from where she’s standing. She’s giving me an out and like a coward, I take it. Having a panic attack now could result in canceling my day with Charlie and I can’t risk it.
“Yeah, okay. Later.” I give her a nod and head straight for my truck without looking back.
After I park in an angled spot at the lot for the cove, Charlie hops out and I take her by the hand. Milo is only a couple years younger than me, but as if engraved in my memory, I’m back in that mode.
Originally, I had wanted to take Charlie to the beach for her first surfing lesson. I missed out on plenty of her firsts and can’t stand the thought of someone else teaching her, but I thought I better save that for when she’s a little older.
“Have you seen sea lions before?” I ask Charlie as we walk hand in hand down the pathway.
“Yep. But only at the zoo.” She does a little skip and a jump.
“You’re gonna love these guys. They’re pretty cute. And there’s always a lot of them. If we’re lucky, they’ll put on a good show for us.”
“Yay, I can’t wait.”
We round the corner and walk down to the cove.
It’s already crowded. But not surprising.
Once someone posted about this place on social media, it completely popped off.
It’s only a matter of time before the population of Golden Harbor outgrows the town.
There’s only so many houses and restaurants, and our roads in town aren’t wide enough to accommodate much more traffic.
We aren’t close enough to see the sea lions yet, but the echo of their barks sound out around us. The mist from the ocean disappears the further we step into the dank cove and a fishy scent infiltrates my nostrils.
I glance down at Charlie, and she’s got her hand cupped over her nose. I chuckle. “Just wait, I promise it will be worth it.”
Her eyes are little slits peeking above her palm and they look hopeful.
When she withdraws her palm, a gasp escapes her. The sea lions are on the rocks, showing off with playful claps and barks. Some are swimming, gliding on their sides, or floating on their backs.
Charlie giggles. “They’re so cute.”
“Told ya.” I smile and squeeze her hand.
I help her weave in between a large group so she can get a closer look. I slip my phone out of my front pocket and take a few pictures while she’s watching the sea lions.
She spins around. “Take a picture of me for Mama.”
“Okay, smile big so she knows you’re having a good time.”
I take a few and choose the best one to attach in a text to Rosie.
“Daddy daughter day out, huh?” a guy nearby says.
I glance up. “Uh, yeah.”
“She looks just like you,” the woman standing next to him chimes in.
I rub at the back of my neck, watching Charlie as she claps along with the sea lions. My heart shifts in my chest. “Yeah…but she looks like her mama more. And her mama is a knockout.”
The woman smiles.
I don’t know why I said it, but I don’t take it back. Because it’s true.
Charlie rushes in through the back door of Dottie’s cottage and I follow behind her, carrying the booster seat under one arm and her backpack in the other. I set them both on the floor in the entryway.
“Mama!” Charlie calls, kicking off her sandals and racing down the hall, now with a stuffed sea lion in her grip and the stuffed mermaid is shoved in her backpack. So quickly her loyalty has changed. That mermaid didn’t even see it coming, the poor bastard.