3. Jovie
JOVIE
If I could turn back time, I would not send those flowers to my ex-boyfriend’s father. What the fuck was I thinking? If I could break into Santino’s house, steal them, then throw them in the trash, I would. As long as the card with my phone number is still on there.
My revenge feet are getting slightly cold as the coward in me rears its head.
Maybe I shouldn’t go for Luca’s Dad. I’m not the person who usually goes lower than the other.
This time felt different. I was so tired of being taken advantage of, of being the nice one, the one with a level head, the one that lets everything roll off her shoulders because she’s so understanding.
And I am. That won’t change.
But I’m tired. I’m so tired of being walked all over.
I’m tired of my kindness being taken for granted.
I have to stand my ground. Using his dad?
Is that appropriate? Do I care enough? I remember meeting him when Luca and I first started dating.
Meeting Santino was brief. No one would usually think twice about meeting someone.
Santino is someone who you remember. The way he speaks, the way he commands attention, how he dresses, the expressions on his face, everything about him owns the space he steps into, and the way he made me feel can’t ever be forgotten.
He spoke to his son in Italian, so I have no idea what he said.
It was after he was done talking to Luca did, he introduce himself.
He stretched his hand out and I met it with a gentle grip.
He bent over, kissed the tops of my knuckles, his dark green eyes met mine, and he said, “It’s nice to meet you, Jovie. ”
That’s all.
That’s it.
But he kissed the top of my hand like he had an old-world way about him.
I don’t see men do gestures like that anymore.
It took my breath away—he took my breath away.
Our eyes held for longer than usual. If Luca were paying attention, he would have noticed that the stare between his father and I went on for a second too long.
Then one of his friends shouted his name, and Santino was gone. All I was left with was the memory of him.
The door chimes signaling a customer and I realize I’ve been placing the wrong flowers in this order.
“Damn,” I curse, throwing my hands on my hips. “I hate having to start over.”
“I’ve brought you lunch.”
I freeze when I hear Luca’s voice. Out of all the people in the world, I wasn’t expecting him to come see me. I figured I was the last person he would ever want to see after I ditched him at the restaurant.
“I’m not hungry,” I reply, not wanting to even look at him.
My stomach betrays me and growls. Of course, I’m hungry. I skip breakfast more times than not.
“You forgot your breakfast again.” He places a bag on the counter from my favorite deli. “I got your favorite sandwich. I only want to talk, Jovie.”
My stomach turns from hungry to filled with anxiety. I wipe my palms on my apron and start plucking all the flowers from the vase. Talking to him won’t help my focus.
Plus, he looks like his dad in many ways, and for some reason, I’m unable to stop thinking about the man I sent flowers to.
I keep my eyes down. “I don’t want to talk to you, Luca. I’m pretty sure everything was said without needing to say anything at all.”
He stretches his arm across the edge of the table to be closer to me. “I have plenty of things I want to say. You don’t have to say a word. Just let me talk?”
I roll my eyes when it comes to his demands again.
He’s always demanding. It’s always what he wants.
Now that I’m not dating him, the rose-colored lenses have been lifted.
Everything he ever bought me is in a box, taped, labeled, and ready to give back to him.
I appreciated the gifts but now I’m wondering if the gifts are to make up for how he treats his partners.
I grab the correct flowers I need from the fridge and begin to trim the stems. “Well… talk.”
“Will you look at me?”
Sighing my discontent, I toss the trimmers down and cock my head at him, showing my impatience.
He’s got dark circles under his eyes, and clearly hasn’t been sleeping well.
He’s grown out his beard a bit, the stubble thicker than usual, creating a shadow on his face.
His brown eyes seem tired and dull. Maybe he has some remorse, which is fine.
If he takes accountability, great. Good for him for growing, but the damage has been done. We are done.
For good. No matter what he says.
He opens his mouth a few times to start talking and only sighs or grunts come out. “I’m sorry. I don’t know where to start.”
“That’s fine. You don’t have to start anywhere.
We’re over, Luca. I’m not trying to be crass or rude with you.
I’m really not. I’m just… tired. I’m tired of men like you who use women like me, women who are kind and smart and driven, only for you to throw us away because you saw something shiny and new.
Don’t torture yourself into thinking you need to say anything because you don’t.
Really. I’m fine.” I press my hand to my chest and look around my business.
“I have a thriving business. I do well for myself. You acted like I always needed you, but I didn’t. ”
“I know.” He swallows as he slides onto the stool, his head hanging low.
“I know. I see that now. I took you for granted. I shouldn’t have.
I’m so sorry, Jovie.” He finally peels his eyes from staring at the floor to look at me.
His eyes are riddled with pain, a glaze to them I haven’t noticed before.
But it doesn’t change anything.
“You cheated on me, Luca. I mean, I know we weren’t dating long, but you cheated, and not only did you cheat, but you got another woman pregnant.”
He shakes his head, scooting closer to me and grabbing my hand before I can pick up a flower. “No, I mean, yes, I did cheat. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that, but I just found out she isn’t pregnant. I went to the doctor with her to make sure. It was a false positive.”
I tug my hand free from his and lean my hip against the counter, crossing my arms. “That’s great for you, Luca. I think? I don’t know.”
“It’s because I don’t want her, Jovie. I want you. I’ve tried calling you, texting you?—”
“—I know. I didn’t want to talk to you. Luca, I really liked you. I did.”
“I liked you too, Jovie. I think we can be good together. We can?—”
“No. No. And no.” I stop him, not wanting him to spew plans that will never happen.
“Stop. No. Just because she isn’t pregnant, it doesn’t mean everything is fixed.
You proved I can’t trust you. I will never be able to trust you again, Luca.
You betrayed me. Would you want to be with a woman who cheated on you? ”
He closes his eyes and gives the smallest shake of his head. “No. No, I wouldn’t.”
“What we had was fun. I think you viewed our relationship differently than I did. I was wanting a partner, and you were wanting to dominate. You only ever wanted to have sex with me, and I had a feeling once you had it, you’d leave.
I was a challenge and maybe that is all our relationship was,” I say softly.
I’m not angry anymore. Just tired.
“It’s really over, isn’t it?” He rubs his eyes, shoulders slumping. “Fuck, Jovie. I’m sorry.”
Silence falls between us. All that’s heard is the clock ticking on the wall and the cars driving by on the road.
I can’t stop myself from asking, “How long did you cheat on me for?” After I ask, I wish I didn’t. I don’t want to know the answer.
“Since the beginning,” he answers without hesitation. “I’ll tell you everything. I’m begging for another chance Jovie. I don’t want to be that man anymore.”
“And I don’t want to be anyone’s steppingstone into making their lives better!
I’m done. I deserve to be someone’s last step, Luca.
I am tired of being the one who gets hurt because men like you use me.
I’m done with it. You need to figure out what kind of man you want to be.
I have nothing to do with that. Maybe your actions are a catalyst to drive you to be the better man.
If that is what you want to do, if you’re wanting to change, then you should if that’s what you want.
Don’t bring a woman into your journey, Luca. ”
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to give me another chance?”
This time, it’s me who takes his hand. I don’t want to give him hope.
“No, Luca. I can’t do that. I won’t apologize for that decision either.
To me, what you did was unforgivable. I could never fully trust you again.
I think we both know this relationship wouldn’t have lasted.
Whatever you do is very different from what I do.
That’s another thing, you’re so secretive.
You don’t respect what I do either. We’re just on different paths.
I think we were there for each other when we needed to be. ”
“I’m not going to stop trying to win your trust.”
“Don’t waste your time. Please.” This time I’m begging him. “I don’t mean to hurt you, but your attempts won’t work. You should go talk to the girl you almost got pregnant. You clearly want her, or you wouldn’t have cheated,” I say gently. “Really. I’m fine.”
He stands and kicks the stool across the room. One of the legs snaps off when it smashes against the wall. “I’m not fine!” He roars, tugging at his hair. “I’m not okay without you. I need you. I will do anything, Jovie. Anything. Please.”
I step away, the alarm bells ringing in my head from the wild look in his eyes. “I think you need to leave. You said what you needed to say. I think?—”
“I don’t give a fuck what you think, Jovie. Please, be mine again.”
“You’re scaring me, Luca.” I take another step back, the vintage cash register digging into my muscles.
He hides his face with his hands. “I’m so sorry, Jovie. I’m sorry. I fucked up. I regret what I did. I regret losing you. I’ll do anything.”
“I need you to leave, Luca.”