20. Santino
SANTINO
Jovie is hiding something from me. It’s been two weeks since she told me about the flower conference, and I understood why she didn’t tell me. A lot was going on when it came to Luca. I don’t think for one second she was intentionally keeping anything from me, but now?
I know she is.
Even with her secrets, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I want to marry her. I want to have a family with her. Which is why I’m at my wife’s gravesite.
I have to say goodbye once and for all to have the future I crave with Jovie.
The car comes to a stop in the family cemetery.
The grass is green and well maintained. Beautiful trees are planted all around and are in full bloom.
Cherry blossoms were her favorite, so I had them planted.
Looking out the car window, I watch as the breeze carries the flowers around all the tombstones.
“I need a moment,” I say to Sam.
He peeks in the rearview, his eyes softening with pity.
I hate pity.
“Of course, Sir.” He presses the button to the partition, giving me the privacy I need in the back.
When the partition is up, I release a breath, clutching around the bouquet of flowers Jovie made.
Is this disrespectful? To have the woman I love make the flowers for the woman I used to love?
The woman I made two children with. The woman who died because I wasn’t by her side when I should have been?
I tilt my head back, pinching the bridge of my nose, and do my best not to let guilt consume me. When I told Jovie I was going to the cemetery, she asked if I wanted her to come too. I should have said yes, but instead, I said this was something I needed to do alone.
I wasn’t wrong or right. All I do know is that I’d have a lot more strength if she were by my side.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I ignore it.
If I find any distractions, I’ll have Sam leave and I won’t gather the courage to come back.
Taking a deep breath, I open the door and step out, the cool breeze immediately rustling my hair.
The skies are tinted light gray, providing the perfect setting to such a heavy circumstance.
Her tombstone is the largest one. There’s a sculpture of her wearing her favorite dress with a bright smile on her face. I wanted her happiness and smile to be remembered, to be seen by all who walk through the rest of the cemetery.
On her stone is a picture of her with Omar and Luca when they were babies.
I follow the steppingstone path until it leads me directly to her statue.
“Hey, Andrea.” Her name is rough since I haven’t really spoken it since she has died.
I bend down and place the beautiful bouquet on the ground.
“I’m sorry.” I clear my throat when emotion grabs hold.
“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get out here.
It hasn’t been easy since you’ve been gone.
Life didn’t really right itself until recently.
” I skim my fingers across the expensive granite, wishing I could talk to her one last time.
It’s unfair to be given such a beautiful thing only for it to be taken away due to the ugliness that exists in the world.
I know I’m part of that ugliness. And it’s what got her killed.
“The boys miss you. I miss you. You were always the better parent. I think I’ve fucked up with Luca beyond repair.
You’d know exactly what he needs and I’m at a loss.
” I sit down and lean against her stone.
The leaves rustle from the wind, a language that I’ll never be able to understand.
“He’s furious at me. I can’t say I blame him.
I’ve been a horrible father. I didn’t get him the help he needed when he was younger and now, he’s so angry,” I say with disbelief.
“Beyond angry. Something else is going on. I’m not sure what it is, but what do I do?
I know he’s angry at me because—” I stop talking, not knowing if I want to say this out loud to my deceased wife.
“—Because I started dating his ex-girlfriend.”
The wind blows with a harsh whip causing my eyes to sting.
“I know. I know, but to be fair, he had been cheating on her. He didn’t deserve her, and he’s furious at me for it.
Reasonably, but he treated her like an object, not someone worthy of love.
And I did. I fell in love with her after years of thinking I’d never be able to love again.
Not after you. Jovie took me by surprise.
In every way. She’s given me hope after years of feeling hopeless.
I want to marry her, build a life, and I don’t think I can do that unless I officially say goodbye to you.
I’ve suffered in silence since you’ve died, buried my grief.
I shut the world off. Life was dull. Colorless.
Nothing held meaning. I worked. I provided for the boys.
I tried to give them good direction. Omar is amazing.
He’s going to take my place when I retire.
You’d be so proud of him. He’s so smart and quick to come up with answers.
He’s brave, but not crass or careless. He isn’t like me.
He holds compassion—something he most definitely got from you. ”
I blink away tears and shake my head as disappointment fills me.
“I know I’ve never been the greatest person.
You’d probably slap me for falling in love with someone so much younger than me, on top of being Luca’s ex.
Not the greatest moment for me,” I chuckle, but the sound is sad and withdrawn.
“You’d hate me now, I think. I’d deserve it.
You’d probably know what to do with Bianchi too.
You were always the brains of the operation.
You knew how to handle everything. I only ever executed your every decision.
You really ran things and maybe that’s why you died.
I didn’t protect you enough and I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry.”
“Bianchi liked you. I’d bet he would do anything you asked.
He’s plotting something. He turned one of my own men against me and wants to buy the North side from me and I can’t figure out his angle.
Maybe he doesn’t have one. Maybe there is no grand plan.
Maybe he just wants my territory, so I don’t have it. Typical sibling bullshit, I suppose.”
The floral scent of the bouquet is carried over to me.
“Jovie made these for you after I told her your favorite flowers. I think you’d like her.
She’s smart, driven, innocent to the harsh realities of the world and I don’t want to take that from her like I took them from you.
I don’t want to be a monster. You’d say I wasn’t, but come on, you and I both know I am.
My hands are bloodstained. There’s no lying about that. ”
“Keep an eye on Luca for me.” I stand, kissing my fingertips then place my hand on her tombstone.
“I love you and there won’t be a day where I don’t miss you.
You’ll be with me every day for the rest of my life.
Thank you for giving me two wonderful sons.
Thank you for giving me so many moments of happiness. ”
Thunder rolls above me. She loved thunder.
I smile, a tear dropping onto my cheek. I wipe it away just as rain falls lightly, a mist that sticks to the wool of my coat.
I’m going to take that as an answer that she has heard me. Staring at the statue one more time, I slip my hand in hers, holding it one last time before I let her go forever.
It’s time to let go of the past so I can move on to my future. Stuffing my hands in my coat pockets, I take the stone path to the car, appreciating that Sam didn’t wait outside for me. He respected that I needed privacy.
I slide into the leather seats and press the button that lowers the partition. “Sam, can you take me to Morgan’s Flower Shop, please?”
“Yes, Sir,” he says. “Are you okay, Mr. Salvati?”
I stare out the window, the car moving further away from the gravesite and for the first time in years, I feel lighter. “I’m okay, Sam. Really. That was needed.”
“I’m glad, Sir. I didn’t have the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Salvati, but I know she was an amazing lady by how Omar speaks about her.”
That surprises me. “He talks about her?”
His eyes round as if he had said something he didn’t meant to say. “Ye-yes, Sir. Apologies, I thought you knew.”
“It’s okay, Sam. Your secret is safe with me.”
He blows out a relieved breath. “Thank you, Sir.”
“I didn’t realize he spoke of her. I’m glad he does. She deserves for her memory to be kept alive.” Something I have failed to do.
That’s going to change.
The car ride is silent the rest of the way to the flower shop. I check the time, surprised to see how late it is. The shop might be closed now.
Rain pours by the time Sam pulls into a parking spot outside of the shop. Jovie is by the door, flipping the sign from open to closed. When she sees me, a big smile stretches across her face, and I can do nothing but sit here to take it in.
When was the last time someone was happy to see me? Me, out of all people.
“Sir, would you like me to wait outside for you both and take you home?”
“No, Sam. I’ll be staying here tonight.” Jovie doesn’t feel comfortable staying at the house ever since the incident with Luca. I can’t say I blame her and until I resolve that, she feels safer here.
That’s all that matters to me.
“Have a good evening, Sir.”
“You too, Sam.” I shut the door, rushing to get out of the rain and stand in front of the door, locking eyes with Jovie.
I grab the handle at the same time as she does, my heart pounding louder over the rain. My breath fogs the glass waiting for her to let me in.
She can take her time. I enjoy every move she makes.
Jovie tugs on the door, the bell jingling as always. I step inside, water dripping from my coat to the floor.
“How did it go?” Her voice is so sweet, so soft, like a light melody made to relax me and only me. “Are you okay?”