Chapter 14
Farrah is throwing my clothes around, trying to find the appropriate outfit that tells Callahan that I want him.
Although that is true, being in the throes of fighting cancer is not the time to be starting anything else.
Even if what my dad said about needing someone has been plaguing me.
I know I’m going to survive this, but my life has been forever shifted.
This will always be a defining moment, and what do I want it to define?
“Here we go!” she yells, holding up a pink leather jacket she bought me years ago.
Then she grabs a black body suit and a silver belt.
“This is very much you being the bad Sandy to his Danny. The man dresses like he is a fifties bad boy. Tight shirts tucked into jeans with various jackets. I think he looks better in leather, but he also rocks a jean one really well.”
“How do you know what clothes he wears?” I ask, grabbing the outfit from her.
“Obviously I stalked his social media. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t check him out?”
I pull up Callahan’s page now and scroll through it.
He is smiling in almost every photo. Most are with his family or friends, but there are some with women, all of them varying in looks and races.
Scrolling back years, I eventually see him with a dark-haired woman who he has the most photos with.
It’s when he was young, probably early twenties.
I wonder who she is. The way he looks at her is like he is captivated and pained all at the same time.
Farrah looks over my shoulder and tries to scroll, accidentally liking a photo.
“Farrah!” I scream.
“Shit, sorry.” She rushes back to her own clothes and holds up a coat between us like I’m a bull.
“Now he is going to know I was looking at his page.” I throw myself back into my bed. Kicking my legs and yelling into my pillow, I let out my dramatics.
“I’m sorry,” she says again.
“Ugh, it’s fine. He’ll probably think it’s adorable.”
And he does. I can tell by the smile he gives me.
“Hello there, sweetheart.” He grabs me into his arms and lifts me up.
The way he does so easily reminds me of when we had sex. After putting me down, he walks over to Farrah and offers his hand.
“I know we talked briefly at the party, but it’s nice to officially meet you.”
She shakes it daintily while looking at me. “I agree. I’m excited to get to know the man who has been talking to my friend almost every night.” She has a shit-eating grin on her face when she turns to me, and I fight the urge to give her the middle finger.
He looks impressed that she knows about it and maybe a little smug, too.
We get into his car and he drives us to this spring market. It has a bunch of booths and food trucks all lined down a blocked off street. Farrah practically squeals as she pulls out her card and heads towards the ATM.
Before I can even really look around, Callahan is already talking to a vendor at a flower booth. Within seconds, he has her throwing her head back, laughing. She looks so delighted by him, and I wonder who is trying to sell who. I join them and see they are talking about lilies.
“Yeah, my gran has a bunch in her backyard. Prize winners at fairs,” he says, admiring one.
“I love them so much, I wish they sold as much as the roses do,” she says.
I wander over to the roses while they keep up the conversation. I’m not much of a flower girl. I don’t think gifts are my love language, but I love the smells of this area. Just as Farrah finishes up, Callahan walks over to me and hands me a bundle of lilies.
“You really didn’t have to get me these.”
“You don’t have to keep them. I just thought you would like a little piece of me while you walk around.” He rubs his thumb across the bridge of my nose before cupping my cheek.
Then he turns and hands some hydrangeas to Farrah. She lights up and presses them to her chest. How excited she gets over the small gesture makes me get excited as well.
Every booth we stop at, Callahan seems to have to learn the person’s whole story.
He talks to them like they are his new friends, and for once, I don’t feel alone.
Usually, Farrah is trying to usher me away from strangers and back on our path, but now I just get to stand with him and chat about how they let their passion lead them here.
It’s kind of inspiring. It makes me want to dance and see if being home has rekindled any of my spark.
Eventually, Farrah gets tired of us and rushes ahead. We still take our time buying things here and there. Every once in a while, he hands me something that he says will remind me of him.
So far, I have a cedar bar soap, a key chain with a little car, and a wool scarf. Apparently sheep are important to him. I hate to admit it, but I can’t wait to use the soap and smell him on my skin again.
At the last booth, he buys me a tote bag to put everything in.
Even though I don’t typically care for presents, these specialized tokens of who he is makes my skin tingle and heart race.
I stay giddy until we walk over to the food truck area.
Farrah is seated at a picnic table with too many bags and a variety of food.
“Have whatever you want,” she says when he sits down.
I go get a drink first and come back with a beer for Callahan. It’s the kind I saw him drinking in Boston, but he looks surprised that I remembered. He toasts me before taking a sip. I open my drink and do the same.
“What’s that?” he asks, turning my bottle towards him.
“Kombucha. Want to try?”
“Don’t do it, it’s nasty,” Farrah yells when he picks it up.
“It’s not bad,” I say in defense.
She scrunches up her face and shakes her head. He doesn’t listen and takes a sip anyway. Instant regret registers on his face. He spits it out.
“That’s vinegar.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is,” they say in unison.
He downs his beer, and I just shrug, taking another sip.
“It’s good for you,” I say.
“I’d rather die,” Farrah says, then instantly flinches. “I’m sorry.”
Even though we are in an open space, the air seems to grow thin. The elephant of my life has just walked in and has taken a shit on our day. Farrah’s eyes are so big, it’s like she is trying to see me in 4K. I don’t know what she is expecting me to do, so I just look away.
“That’s probably what gave you cancer,” Callahan says, smirking.
Farrah gasps, and I burst out laughing. He shoots me a wink before grabbing a cheese fry.
“Now that’s going to give you cancer,” I say.
He takes even more, and Farrah finally laughs, the tension breaking.
We transition into easy conversation after that, Callahan having scooped away the mess of my new reality, allowing me a little bit of an escape.
It’s always so easy to get lost in his presence that I don’t even realize how long we have been here until the sky starts to get orange.
People are packing up, and the crowd has thinned until it’s just scatterings of groups.
We stand and throw away our stuff, making our way back to the car.
We still keep talking non-stop, even when we pull up outside of my dad’s place.
It’s not until it’s completely dark that we get out and he drives away.
Once inside, Farrah throws her stuff by the door and plops onto the couch. Kicking her heels off, she starts rubbing her feet.
“You should have worn sneakers, like me,” I say, sitting next to her.
“They ruined your outfit.” She glares before wincing at the sore spot she touches.
“So, thoughts?” I ask, unable to help myself.
“Hmmm,” she hums while looking up at the ceiling.
“Farrah,” I whine.
“Chill, I’m trying to figure out how to say this.” She stays silent for another moment before she finally sighs. “I like him.” She sits back and continues to rub her feet, not looking at me.
“That’s it!”
“Is that not enough?”
“No.”
She starts cackling. That’s the only way to describe the maniacal sound that comes out of her mouth. When she finally stops, she stands up.
“I’m going to bed,” she says, walking towards the stairs.
“Farrah!” I yell after her.
She stops with her hand on the railing. “I like him a lot, and I think he is a good guy so far. But I don’t know why you are asking my opinion, because you’re going to keep giving Charlie chances.
When you’re ready to admit that you’re falling for Callahan, then we can talk.
” She offers a little wave before she finishes her journey upstairs.
Her words hit me in my chest, and I sit back, reeling from the impact.
Is that what I’ve been doing while grasping for anything to stop the fall?
Better yet, what am I going to do about it now?
I’ve finally opened myself up to giving him a chance, but I don’t know if I’m ready for everything that means.
“I want you to know I have you saved in my phone as Wifey.”
Clearly not sick of me, he calls me the next day to give me the lowdown about his takeaway from the day. He loves Farrah, and apparently, at some point got her number. I don’t know how that is going to go over with Errol, but I’m personally not a fan of them getting buddy-buddy.
“That’s ridiculous,” I say.
“Now, honestly, why are you surprised when I have been calling you that since I met you?”
I don’t know, but I guess part of me never really thought he was serious, even though he is constantly talking about it. Even more of me was hoping that what Farrah said wasn’t true. If it’s clear to her that I’m falling for him, then he has been showing me signs that he is falling for me too.
“Do you know what I have you saved in my phone as?” I ask, focusing back on the conversation.
“What?”
“Ginger Giant.”
This gets a holler out of him, and his laughter has me giggling too.
“That’s acceptable, until you make it Husband.”
Before I can respond, my other line starts beeping through. I see that it’s Charlie and roll my eyes. I’m inclined to ignore it, enjoying my talk with Callahan too much, but even thinking that makes me feel guilty.
“I have to go, can I call you later?”
He agrees, and I quickly switch over.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“I miss you,” Charlie says with a sigh.
I haven’t spoken to him since the day I got home. I’ve been giving myself the space to figure out what to do about him, but I miss him too.
“How have you been?” I ask.
He turns the video on, and I can see dark circles under his eyes. It’s obvious that this is all stressing him out.
When I’m alone and it’s just me and my thoughts, I feel the way he looks.
Like the thing that has been hollowed out from inside me has left room for other feelings to fester.
Farrah and Callahan distracting me is the only temporary solution to the problem.
I know this is hard on everyone, so I give him some grace.
“You look how I feel,” I joke.
“Really? Anything I can do to help?”
Anything I would need from him, Callahan is already providing, but I feel like if I tell him that we will just fight again, and I’m not in the mood. So instead, I just talk about what Farrah and I have been doing.
“I got you something. Maybe this will keep your mind off of everything.” He holds up a VR system box, one I have wanted for a very long time.
“Oh my god.”
“And I got you the subscription. This should be able to keep you distracted.”
“Come over now and we’ll play,” I say.
He seems surprised but agrees, and soon we are spending hours laughing and fighting through a zombie apocalypse.
It’s so much fun that I forget to call Callahan back, and soon find myself looking into the face of a different man as I fall asleep. One who hasn’t earned his place in my bed.
As my eyes start to close, I can’t help but wonder why I let Charlie buy the time that Callahan deserves, and how much longer I’m going to let that happen.