Chapter 8
It wasn’t until mid-June that I saw him again—or even talked to him.
I’d thought about Braden a lot ever since, though, and considered texting him on occasion.
But the only time I actually sent a message was two months earlier when I’d sent him a draft of the story I’d crafted.
Three days later, he gave me his approval without requesting any changes.
In fact, he’d thanked me for the article.
That told me I got it right.
My editor loved it, even while wishing I’d added some dirt—but he knew I wouldn’t back down from honoring Braden’s request, so Tom scheduled it for May as written. And fans appreciated hearing Braden’s side of the story, even though it wasn’t filled with drama.
So in June, I was in Napa Valley covering a three-day festival, excited that Riot was going to be there for day two.
Of course, Dani and I planned to spend time together as usual, but I was also hoping to connect with Braden again.
It was mainly because, after all this time, I started to doubt that what I’d felt between us was real.
I convinced myself that it had to be nothing more than the subject matter we’d covered, both of us.
We’d allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and, because of it, we’d found a kindred soul.
At best, that meant we could be good friends.
Anything else I’d felt I chalked up to my imagination, nothing more than fleeting emotions—and I wanted to see him again to reassure myself that there was nothing else there.
I had an interview scheduled with the band early afternoon to find out about their album and the tour. And the closer it got to the time, the more eager I found myself. It had to be because I hadn’t seen Dani in forever.
I was checking my phone to see if Dani had sent a text, but when I looked up, I saw the whole gang approaching me from an entrance on the other side of the media tent. I waved in case they were looking for me, and Zack gave me a wave back and they started heading my way.
Calm, Roxy. Calm.
So I didn’t look too eager, I grabbed my notebook from the stool where I’d been sitting and drew two long breaths through my nostrils, something I’d done for most interviews when I could sense that I was nervous.
I shouldn’t have been nervous now—but, oh, I was.
When the band approached, they all said hi, but Dani leaned over the table and we hugged each other. I said, “So good to see you guys. Your album is kicking ass! I imagine the tour is too.”
“You know it,” Zack said.
After they gave me permission to record, I asked, “So…this is your fourth album and fourth tour. I think it’s safe to say you guys are here to stay.
” What I didn’t say was that this assumption had been in question this time the previous year, thanks to the wedding that didn’t happen.
“Your fans are coming out in droves to support you, but I’m betting if you look back to, say, your first tour, lots has changed.
I know your fans would love to hear about that. ”
Zack said, “Anyone want to go first?”
Dani didn’t hesitate. “If you’re offering, yes.
” I noticed the subtle unspoken signs between them, but they were hard to pick up on.
Anyone walking by or someone else who didn’t know them as well as I knew them—well, Dani especially—might not be able to tell that Zack and Dani were together.
But it was their eyes, their body language, and maybe even their tone that communicated it to me.
But would I have figured it out if I didn’t know it?
I wasn’t sure. I knew I was good at reading people and sometimes sussing out if a person was lying or hiding something, but that didn’t mean I would have been able to catch the subtle clues I was picking up. It had to be because I knew.
In that microsecond of realization, I felt a tiny jolt of panic in my chest. Did that mean Dani might be able to figure out that there was some unexpected connection between me and Braden?
No…again, this was wishful thinking.
Stay on track, Roxy. For God’s sake, act like a professional.
With a smile, I nodded at Dani.
“Well, for starters, I’m not getting as much shit about being a woman. You know how bad it was when I first started out. I know you’ve had that kind of discrimination yourself. But it’s super chill now. I think people realize I’m an integral part of the band and I’m not going anywhere.”
I wanted to ask but refrained from lobbing the question Do you think recent publicity has anything to do with it?
That wouldn’t have been a fair question but, more than that, Dani probably would have been getting more negative attention—and, if she wasn’t feeling that, maybe people had moved on, just like Braden had.
Zack nodded. “Yeah, Dani’s proven herself time and time again—and, honestly, I used to hold her and the guys back. I don’t do that anymore. Our music nowadays is more of a collaboration.”
Cy’s voice was soft but I could still hear him just fine.
“It’s true. And I think our songs are stronger for it.
Don’t get me wrong. Zack’s writing is great and he has a solid instinct about what our fans love…
but he was kind of writing in a silo. All of us together create something far better than any single one of us on our own. ”
“He’s right,” Zack said.
“So what else has changed, guys?” I really wanted to encourage Braden to speak, but I also didn’t want to force him. When our eyes connected…holy shit. It hadn’t been my imagination. There was something…and I only prayed that Dani didn’t catch it, at least not until I could talk to her about it.
Zack said, “I can’t speak for everyone here, but I can tell you personally that my habits have changed.
I have to do things to make sure I stay clean and sober—because it would be so easy to fall back into that shit.
So, like, I don’t do parties, but I do do mixers—you know, meet and greets and shit like that.
I make sure I eat right and get to bed at a decent time. I take vitamins.”
Cy said, “You sound like an old man.”
“You’re just jealous,” Zack said, smirking.
He started to say something, then caught himself, shaking his head.
Then he nodded and continued. “These guys help me out with a lot of that. And I don’t care if they party.
They’ve earned it. But I can’t be part of it anymore.
And it’s not just these guys—our tour manager and the road crew all help me stay on the straight and narrow. ”
This was amazing news, and I knew the readers would eat this shit up, especially after Zack had publicly admitted his struggles with addiction earlier.
When Braden spoke, I tried hard to keep my expression neutral—but I was so relieved he was joining in.
“It’s good for Zack but, really, it’s good for all of us.
On our first tour, we didn’t sleep well and we couldn’t afford to always eat healthy food.
Probably the biggest change is we don’t spend every free moment together. ”
Oh…this might hurt, but the reporter in me had to ask. “Has that been a conscious decision?” In other words—are you guys no longer friends?
All of us looked at Braden but he just shrugged.
Cy finally spoke. “No, nobody here decided something like that. It’s just been kind of natural.
” Shifting his eyes to Zack, he said, “I don’t want to speak for everyone, but some of our relationships have shifted.
And maybe this should be off the record ‘cause this isn’t my news to tell, but Zack and Dani spend a lot of time alone together.
Understandably so. And Braden and I get along just fine but we don’t have a ton in common.
So we all work together really well and we do spend time together—we always have sound checks and group meals and things like this where we’re interviewing together.
But we finally have the money to spend on our individual tastes.
In other words, if I want to go to a strip club late tonight when we’re all done and these three wanna go play cards together, I can do that, and nobody here is gonna think I don’t get along with them. ”
Although I hated bringing it up with Braden, I wanted to acknowledge reality. “I won’t bring up the relationship between you two unless or until you give me the go-ahead.”
Dani nodded and Zack said, “Thanks. That’s off the table for the foreseeable future.”
“Good to know.”
“Honestly,” Dani said, “we’re still the same people. I lose my shit when I feel like someone is looking down on me due to gender. Zack loses his shit sometimes when things don’t go right. Cy is still kind of an asshole at times.” Looking directly at Cy, she said, “No offense.”
Cy grinned. “None taken.”
“And Braden is the…most introspective of us all. I think that’s what I want our fans to know. Last year was shitty—and we all know why, ‘cause of me—but we’ve figured out how to keep making music and how to work well together, regardless.”
It was time to change the subject. “So I’ve listened to the new album several times and I love it. But what can you tell me about it that fans might not already know?”
Zack looked at all three of his bandmates, realizing they would be deferring to him for this particular answer. “We’ve talked about this a little bit, but we actually rejected more songs for this album than we kept. We wrote—how many, guys?”
Cy said, “Twenty-seven songs.”
“Twenty-eight,” Braden corrected.
“Oh, yeah.”
Zack raised his eyebrows. “That’s what I mean. We wrote a shitload of songs and only kept the best.”
I couldn’t resist. “What made a particular song stand out from the others?”
“Don’t get me wrong. They were all fuckin’ good—but we were trying something different again. We thought, what if we held ourselves back? What if we didn’t have a biographical bleed all over the page? What if we let people read between the lines instead of hitting them between the eyes with it?”