Chapter Four #3
Pictures flash in my mind like end credits; him walking twenty minutes across campus from the law school just to walk me to the commons and get coffee between classes; us, bundled up last winter, snow falling around us with homemade hot chocolate sitting at a bench discussing his internship options for his final year; him reserving us rooms in the library four nights a week where we would end up talking the night away instead of studying.
All the memories of him becoming my best friend.
I audibly swallow and meet his gaze, unsure what to say. Unsure what words would make him understand how much he means to me.
“Good luck, Max. I’ll be around the city if you ever want to grab coffee.”
Callan looks at me, handing me a long rectangular box before tapping his fingers on his own forehead in a salute and turning.
“Don’t be a loser, Callan Reed.”
I roll my eyes as he spins back around to face me, a confused grin on his face. I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around his waist as tight as I can, burying my face in his shirt.
I breathe him in. The swirling scents of leather, cedar, and something faintly metallic, like smoke over salt and burnt stone. The warmth from his chest feels so good even in the sticky summer heat.
“I’m so glad I met you and got to spend these two years with you. I can’t wait to hear about all the great cases you get now that you’re a hotshot lawyer.”
Please don’t disappear and forget about me.
I say the last part in my head, the truest part of it all.
He slowly puts his arms around my shoulders. His hand reaches up and grabs the graduation cap off my head so he can rest his chin there. I can feel the cap against my back as he moves the other hand to the nape of my neck, tilting my face up to look at him.
I think my heart stops in my chest. Someone looking at us right now might think we are in love.
Our faces are just inches away from each other as he tilts his head down to mine.
I take in every inch of him, his tiny freckle on his right cheek, his eyelashes, unblinking.
The way his hair falls just right on his forehead.
And the way his eyes sparkle. The way his chest feels against mine.
“Please don’t let anyone stop you from shining, Max. No matter where you end up. You deserve to achieve every dream you’ve ever dreamed. You deserve the world.”
And his eyes never looked so serious.
~ Present – Max ~
“And then what?” Becca is sitting next to me on the porch steps back at home.
“And then… nothing. He hugged me again, put my cap back on my head, and—” I put my hands up in the air, wildly gesturing, and then cover my face before she jostles next to me.
“You didn’t kiss him? You stupid moron!” She stands up in front of me, pacing back and forth in front of the steps.
“‘Don’t let anyone stop you from shining’ the man said; ‘I’m eye-fucking you and I’m the hottest man alive’ he said; ‘let me look into your soul and beg you to kiss me silently’, he said.
But not you, Max. What were you thinking? ”
She throws her hands up in the air and stares at me. Looking back, that moment feels almost exactly how she’s describing it. And somewhere deep inside, I bet I knew it then, too. But Patrick.
“I was thinking I had a boyfriend, Becca! And unlike that boyfriend,” I start out the sentence angry, and then laughs start bubbling out of my lips, uncontrollably. “And unlike Patrick, I didn’t just,” more laughs, “cheat with every person who touched my body in a way that felt warm and inviting.”
Becca looks at me like I have absolutely lost my mind. “Max, this guy sounds like he was in love with you, and you said, ‘Nah, Patrick is fine’? PATRICK?”
I shake my head. “Becca, he knew Patrick, they were in the same cohort, he knew I was in a relationship. He didn’t make a move because he’s not trash like Patrick.
I just don’t know how he ended up at Ellison & Parker because I feel like he’d rather kill Patrick with a dull knife than work with the dude in the same firm.
” More laughs escape, and I put my hand over my mouth to try to get them to stop.
“Maybe he still will murder Patrick. Then you’d get out of going to the wedding,” she sighs heavily. “Okay, so Operation Callax—Mallan? Mal? Cax? Whatever we’ll have to brainstorm the couple name—starts now. Let’s go, I’m picking your outfit for the bar tonight.”
“You’re hilarious, I am not going anywhere near Callan when I have barely come to terms with the fact that—” I am shaking my head and still laughing when Becca grabs my face between her hands.
“I swear to God if you mention Patrick again, I will slap you across the face. Handle what fact? Yes, Patrick is in town, he works here. You will have to see his face. Who cares? Remember? Plus, you get to see Callan’s face, too.
” She looks me dead in the eyes with absolutely no smile and I know she’s not playing anymore.
“At the very least, Callan sounds like he could be worth one night of fun.”
She kicks my foot and points at the front door. I roll my eyes and reluctantly head inside the house. This day never ends.