Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
CONFESSION
ORIE
Raya sits, snack in hand, as Orian lounges lazily across the other couch. I pace back and forth, both sets of eyes following me.
“What’s going on? You’re starting to worry me.” Raya’s concern laces each word, as if her wide-eyed stare didn’t portray it enough.
Orian yawns, adjusting his arms behind his head as his tail sways lazily an inch above the ground. “Still stressing about the artist?”
Raya instantly lights up. “Oh my goodness—you like him, don’t you?”
I stop pacing and look at her, placing my hands on my hips. There must be something showing in my expression because she squeals before I even get a word out.
Both she and Orian watch me closely, though her stare is much more intense. My heart pounds as I build up the courage to admit what’s happened…and how it wasn’t enough for me.
I need more.
“We kissed,” I blurt, throwing my arms out and releasing the breath I was holding.
Raya clasps her hands in front of her chest. “Oh, Orie, this is so great for you.”
Orian sits up, nodding his agreement. “So, you’ve almost taken my advice, then.”
“What was your advice?” Raya turns her gaze from me.
Before I can interject, Orian—very proudly—announces, “I told her she should fuck him.”
Raya’s wide eyes dart between the two of us, her lips thinned as she tries to suppress a smile. I know her too well, though. I know that she’s amused by the dynamic my brother and I share.
I shake my head. “I can’t just fuck him. It’s…more complicated than that.”
“Why?” Orian taps his chin, obviously playing dumb. “Do you feel more than lust for him, perhaps?”
With a roll of my eyes, I admit, “What I’ve felt has never been just lust.”
“I can’t believe you told him but not me.” Raya’s eyebrows are furrowed as she stares at me.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I try to shrug it off. “This is—was—different. My demon senses have been going haywire. I needed someone who would…understand.”
She lets out a sad sigh, but nods. “I get it, but please, tell me the details.”
I take a deep breath. “Well, I took Carson to the cave I sometimes disappear to.”
“For a crystal lesson,” Orian pipes up, throwing air quotes around the words.
“I did tell him about crystals, I’ll have you know,” I snap, crossing my arms in front of me. “But it was a rather short lesson, followed by a not-so-short make-out session.”
“Good kisser?” Raya asks bluntly.
I nod, my cheeks warming. “The best.”
There’s a moment of silence, the two of them just staring at me. I don’t know what else they want me to say. I’m not overly keen to tell my brother all the juicy details of my first romantic experience in years, even if I know he won’t judge.
He’s still my brother…though, I know he’s equally as nosy as I am.
“When are you seeing him next?” Raya asks, wriggling her eyebrows.
I shrug. “We didn’t really make a plan.”
Orian is quick to add his two cents, as always. “And what events might occur at your next meeting?”
Shooting him a glare, I answer truthfully. “I don’t know.”
“Oh, you so know.” Raya giggles again.
They exchange a glance, which only makes the warmth in my cheeks ignite to a burning flame. Even without words, I know what they’re thinking…because I’m thinking it too.
“Fuck him.” Orian winks at Raya before shooting me a finger gun. “Like I recommended earlier.”
Raya nods in an almost sympathetic way. “I think you should, too. It’s for the best.”
Simply kissing him was sending me damn near into a frenzy. It took everything in me to control my urges. I don’t want to scare the man. He’s important, though I still haven’t really grasped why.
“For the best?” I repeat, rolling my eyes.
She cocks a brow, a rare, devilish expression taking over her face. “Well, when was the last time you got laid?”
My jaw drops.
I can’t believe my best friend would ask me a question she damn well knows the answer to—just to use it against me. The last time I had sex has nothing to do with Carson, and I know that when—if?—I do fuck him, it’ll be completely different than anything I’ve done before.
Because he’s different.
He makes me feel different.
Special.
Wanted.
“I don’t want to just fuck him and that be that.” I toss my arms out, resuming my pacing.
As I pass Raya, she grips my wrist, stopping me in front of her. “No one said it has to be just sex.”
“Yeah, that’s all in your head, dear sister,” Orian says, relaxing back onto his couch. “Speaking of what’s in your head, you haven’t seemed as…overwhelmed lately.”
I know what Orian is getting at—Carson’s presence hasn’t been controlling my every thought and movement. Even now, I can still feel where he is, but it doesn’t consume me. It hasn’t since I actually spent time with him.
Maybe all I needed to do was everything I didn’t want to do. If that’s the case, should I start listening to my demonic instincts? To my heart?
He’s already claimed his place within it. We are intertwined so deeply, he’ll always be a part of me. Even if he were to leave, pieces of him would stay with me, and bits of me would go with him.
Shit, do Orian and Raya have a point? Will having sex with Carson actually bring me closer to figuring out exactly what I feel for him…
There’s only one way to find out.