Chapter Forty-one Jennifer
Chapter Forty-one
Jennifer
My eyes stay focused on his face while the cracking of the fireplace is the only sound which fills the cozy space.
However, he just stares into the fire. He’s lost in his thoughts, and I’m pretty sure they’re not good thoughts.
Thoughts about his mom. About how to continue.
We spent all day in a group of 6, having breakfast together, going to a children’s playground, getting lunch… Basically, we kept ourselves busy.
The kids didn’t notice what was going on. At least, not Mary. I have a feeling Enzo is catching up onto things.
He’s just a year older than my girl, but he’s so smart.
“Are you okay?” I suddenly ask him. He stays quiet for a moment before finally looking at me.
It’s a stupid question. He’s obviously not okay. Especially now that we’re alone in the dark room, his feelings are finally catching up to him.
I’ve kept all of them busy all day, but the night won’t. The night will give them time to drown in their pain. And I hate it.
I wish I could take his pain away. I wish I could help him, but all I can do is lay next to him. I just hope it is enough.
Daniel doesn’t answer right away. His dark eyes flicker with the glow of the fire, the warm light casting shadows over his sharp features.
He looks tired—not just physically, but in a way that goes deeper, like the weight of everything is pressing down on him all at once.
It’s not just the beard which he hasn’t shaved in weeks. It’s the subtle pain in his expression. His eyes seem darker than usual.
Finally, he exhales, running a hand through his hair before muttering, “I don’t know.”
His voice is low, almost defeated. I admire him for it, though. He’s letting his guard down with me, only.
And I’m proud of him for doing so. Enduring the pain and trying to seek help. It’s so much better than suffering with your pain alone.
I shift closer, resting my hand over his. “I don’t expect you to talk if you don’t want to, but I need you to know I’m here. I won’t leave.”
Daniel doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t grip my hand either. He just stares at it for a long moment, like he’s trying to decide if he can let himself lean on me.
Then, after what feels like forever, he speaks.
“I thought I’d be more prepared for this,” he murmurs. “For losing her.”
My heart clenches.
“No one’s ever prepared for something like this. No matter when and how it happens.”
He lets out a dry laugh, shaking his head. “But someone like me should be.”
The way he says it, so cold and matter of fact, makes my chest tighten. He’s so used to pushing down his emotions, to believing he has to be strong for everyone.
Even right after he saw his mother, I noticed it. He tried to keep his cool, trying to be the boss. Although nobody expected him to do so.
I move my hand from his and place it on his face instead, making him look at me.
“Daniel, you don’t have to be strong right now.”
He stares at me like he’s trying to believe it. Like the idea of being vulnerable, of not holding everything together, is something foreign to him.
He’s done it before. But this? This is so much more.
Slowly, his hand comes up, covering mine, pressing it against his cheek. He leans into my touch, just slightly, like he’s letting himself take comfort in it.
“My love,” he whispers.
“Yes? Do you want me to get you something? Is there something you need?”
“You. I just need you. That’s all.”
I smile as I cuddle up to him. “Of course. I’m all yours, for as long as you need.”
“Can I tell you something?” He asks, his eyes closed. Again, I whisper back a quiet, “Yes.”
“I want to be your boyfriend. But I’m so fucking scared.”
Shock flows through my body once he finishes his sentence. He wants to be my boyfriend. Fuck. He really wants this?
I mean, yes, of course he said he loves me. But is he ready to really date? Especially now? With everything going on?
“What are you scared of?”
His eyes open again, and he looks into mine. Brown mixing with blue.
Like the mixture of earth and sky, colliding in a quiet storm. Like fire meeting the ocean, burning and calming all at once.
Perfection in all its ways.
His lips open, like he wants to say something, but he stops, struggling to find the words. For a few seconds, he stays quiet completely.
“I’m scared of ruining this. Ruining you.”
“Ruining me?” I ask. “How…?”
“You keep saying you want this. That you want me. And I want to believe you, really. But one day, you might wake up and realize I’m not the one you need.
That I’m too much. That you and your daughter shouldn’t be with me.
And I mean, I wouldn’t blame you for leaving me after all the shit that happened but…
” His voice cracks, he’s looking away to try to hide his pain. “I don’t think I’d survive losing you.”
His words are the raw truth.
His words are exactly what he’s been feeling all this time. And no matter how much I’ll try to reassure him, I know he’ll always have this insecurity. All I can do is help him. Keep reassuring him every single day.
I reach for his hand once more, holding it in mine. “Listen to me. I know what I want. And that’s you. I know the dangers that come with this world but… Together, we can manage all of this.”
“I’m not a good man, Jennifer. You see the parts of me I want you to see. But one day, you’ll see the rest. And I don’t know if you’ll still want me then.”
I pause, letting his words sink in.
“Daniel… Your parents have been together for a long time, haven’t they?”
He nods.
“If they’ve been able to do this, we can, too.”
His gaze turns towards me, his eyes teary. The reflection of the fireplace is in them.
“But she died. Because of this. I can’t have this happen to you, too.”
I stay still. Fuck. He’s not wrong. But all this time, I was always his number one priority. He never got me or my daughter into any dangerous situations.
He always protected me first. Then himself.
And it means everything to me.
“I want to be with you, Daniel. Forever.”
It makes me think of the necklace which is lying in the nightstand. This morning, I didn’t want to put it on. It felt like a sin.
Wearing the necklace that she gave me.
But at the same time, accepting it… It felt like a promise to her. To stay with her son forever. So, I will.
It’s the least I can do for Lilia after she trusted me this much.
His eyes look at me in pain. “Please don’t leave me once you find out about the monster I am.”
“I won’t. I promise you that. Just promise me you won’t leave, either.”
He nods. “I promise, pretty. I’ll always be by your side”, he slides my hair behind my ear as he kisses me gently. I sigh into the kiss, taking him in completely. “Princess… I’ll always protect you. With my life.”
I lower my head, looking down. “Can I tell you something, as well?”
Daniel smiles, knowing exactly what I’m doing. He opened up to me. It’s only fair I do the same.
“Yes, pretty. Always.”
I smile at him, but it falters for a second as I gather my thoughts. Where do I even start? I have no idea.
“…I’ve been alone for a long time before we met, Daniel,” I admit, my voice softer now.
“Once my ex found out I was pregnant, he broke up with me immediately. He moved, but I have no idea where, really. We never talked again. He never met her. Not even once.”
Daniel listens to me, not interrupting me for even a second. He looks at me and keeps his focus on me.
However, his expression makes him look like he wants to strangle my ex. For hurting me? For never taking care of Mary? I don’t know.
What I do know though, is that I’m over this man. And I’m happy he left.
Because if he stayed with us, I wouldn’t be here. And Daniel is giving me everything that he couldn’t.
Love. Comfort. Safety.
“After Mary’s father left, I— I never really let anyone in. I had to be strong for her, and at some point, I just… stopped believing in love. Or at least, that love could last for me, you know.”
His brows furrow, his grip on my hand tightening just slightly. “Pretty…”
I shake my head. “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad. I just— I guess I want you to know why this is scary for me, too. Why I took so long to admit how much I love you.” My breath hitches on the word love, but I push through.
“Because every time I let myself need someone, they leave. And I don’t think I could handle that again.”
Daniel stares at me for a long moment, something unreadable in his eyes. Then, he cups my face so gently it almost breaks me. “I’m not leaving you,” he murmurs. “Not now. Not ever.”
A tear slips down my cheek, and he kisses it away. “You promise?” I whisper.
He presses his forehead to mine. “I swear it on my life.”
And then, before I can process it, he shifts forward, closing the space between us. His lips brush against mine—soft, slow, uncertain.
This kiss is different from the ones before. It’s not rushed, not fueled by lust or frustration or desperation. It’s gentle. Meaningful.
I kiss him back, my fingers slipping into his hair, pulling him closer. He responds by wrapping his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. My body presses against his, and I can feel his heartbeat, steady and strong.
Our lips move together in a slow, passionate rhythm, like we’re both savoring this moment. Like we’re both realizing that this isn’t just about wanting each other—it’s about needing each other.
Craving each other’s love, and affection.
His hands roam over my back, tracing slow, lingering patterns. There’s no urgency, no rush. Just warmth. Just the overwhelming yet beautiful feeling of love.
When I finally pull back, breathless, I rest my forehead against his. “I want this,” I whisper. “I want you. Not just for tonight. I need you to know that.”
Daniel’s hands tighten on my waist, his eyes dark with emotion. “I know, pretty. You’ve shown me. It’s time I show you, too.”
He kisses me again—deeper this time, filled with a quiet intensity. His hands slip under my sweater, fingertips trailing over my skin, making me shiver.
And when we finally let go, when our clothes are discarded, when we move together in the firelight, touching and feeling each other, it’s not just sex. It’s something else entirely.
Something real.
Something we both know won’t be so easy to walk away from.