Chapter Forty-nine Daniel
Chapter Forty-nine
Daniel
The rain pours relentlessly, drumming against the church’s rooftop. Heavy clouds smother the sky, hiding even the faintest trace of sunlight. If I didn’t know better, I’d almost believe the saying—that there’s always light after the rain.
But today is my mother’s funeral.
When the priest begins to speak, I swear I can feel my heart break. Not metaphorically—physically. A sharp, twisting pain in my chest. But I don’t cry.
I’ve spent my whole life learning how to lock my emotions away. But right now? Right now, I just want to disappear. I want to slip into the shadows and let it all out, let the grief consume me.
But I can’t.
I have to face this. I have to stand here and listen.
A soft movement to my right pulls me from the numbness. I turn my head and meet her eyes—blue, clear, and endless. Even with the sky shrouded in darkness, her eyes remain untouched, shining like the clearest summer day.
She’s the only one who keeps me grounded. The only person who can reach me in this moment, when I feel like I’m slowly slipping away.
"Are you okay?" she whispers.
I shake my head. "Not really. But I’ll survive. I’ll be okay."
Her expression tightens, worry deepens in her gaze. She doesn’t press me for more. She just stays close, watching me even as I lower my head and stare at the cold, unfeeling floor of the small church while the priest continues his speech.
Her gaze is the only warmth I can feel, wrapping around me like a shield against the storm of the priest’s words.
The priest’s voice fades into the background, blending with the soft patter of rain against the stained-glass windows. Words about life, loss, and faith—empty phrases that don’t mean a damn thing to me.
All these words don’t match my mother. And none of these words will bring her back. None of it will erase the fact that I should have done more.
I should have saved her.
My fingers curl into fists at my sides. The weight of guilt settles deep in my chest, suffocating, relentless. If I had killed Lorenzo sooner, she’d still be here. If I had been just a little faster, a little smarter—
The thought coils around my throat like a noose.
A gentle touch on my knuckles snaps me back. Jennifer. Her fingers barely brush against mine, hesitant, as if she’s unsure whether I’ll pull away. But I don’t. I can’t. That small, wordless gesture is the only thing keeping me from sinking too deep.
A smaller hand suddenly latches onto my other side, squeezing tightly. I glance down to see Mary. Her blue eyes are wide, brimming with unshed tears, her small fingers wrapped around mine like she’s afraid I’ll slip away.
Her eyes have always been the same as her mother’s. But her mother’s eyes have a whole different effect on me.
"Daddy…" Her voice is barely above a whisper.
It’s adorable. She’s started calling me her dad, and it couldn’t make me happier.
Before I can say anything, Enzo presses against my leg, his little arms wrapping around me in a tight hug. He doesn’t say a word, but his presence is enough.
Both the kids are clinging onto me, like they’re looking for comfort.
I glance at Jennifer, and she’s still watching me, those blue eyes holding an emotion I can’t quite place. Understanding? Concern? Love? Maybe it’s all of it. I’m pretty sure that it is.
She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. Her, Mary, Enzo, Victoria and Andrew… all of them next to me is all I need.
"Though we grieve today, we find comfort in the love she left behind," the priest speaks, his voice steady, unshaken by the weight of the moment. "She will be remembered not just for the life she lived, but for the lives she touched. The people she gave life to. The people she gave love to."
I swallow hard, my jaw clenching. Really? Touched? She wasn’t just someone who touched lives, she was my mother. My home. The only warmth in a life that had been nothing but cold.
"May she rest in peace, forever in God's embrace," he finishes, closing his book.
The silence that follows is deafening.
As the priest’s voice finally stops, replaced by the soft rustling of clothes and shifting movements as people begin standing, I barely register it.
My gaze drifts forward, to the dark coffin resting near the altar.
The weight in my chest turns crushing. This is it.
The final goodbye before her body is buried beneath the dirt and grass.
One more grave on an already overfilled graveyard. One more life that has come to an end.
There are endless rows of graves here already. But with each more grave, there’s one more story about pain and grief which is ready to ruin somebody’s life completely.
Andrew steps closer to me, his presence solid but silent. He’s always been the quiet one, keeping his grief locked up just as tightly as I do.
Victoria, on the other hand, looks like she’s barely holding it together. Her shoulders tremble, but her chin is raised, defiant against the sorrow threatening to break her.
She’s always been like this. Hard to break but visibly hurt.
One by one, people move to pay their final respects. I remain frozen, my feet rooted to the ground. I don’t want to move closer. I don’t want to see the polished wood up close, to accept what’s inside.
But I have to. We all have to, though it’s hard on us.
Jennifer’s fingers tighten around mine, giving me the strength I don’t want to admit I need. I let out a slow breath, forcing myself to step forward.
When Victoria decides to pick up her son, I decide to do the same with Mary. Feeling her tiny body in my arms helps me stay sane.
The kids have no idea what’s going on right now, not exactly. Both got an explanation from Jennifer and Vicky, but if their still evolving minds understood? I don’t really think so.
Not completely, at least.
After Jennifer, Mary and me, Andrew, Enzo and Vicky followed.
I knew I had to be the first one. My siblings rely on me. And I can’t blame them.
I want to give them the strength they need, although it’s pulling on my life.
It takes us a long time until we’re ready to leave the church. We stand in front of my mom’s coffin until the priest asks us if we’re okay.
God, he even asked us if we wanted to say more prayers. I’m not that religious, though.
All of this “God will take care of her” shit? If God really does exist, he should’ve taken care of her while she was alive.
He should’ve protected her when I couldn’t.
We all stay there, until some of our men carry her coffin toward her place in the graveyard. Until her coffin is deep inside the ground.
The rain pours onto us. When we finally stood in front of her grave, two hours had passed since we’d all entered the church.
Most people left already. But the six of us? We’re still here.
Jennifer, Mary, Enzo, Andrew, Victoria, and me.
The rain pouring onto our umbrellas and the birds chirping between the trees are the only sounds filling the silence between us.
We all silently stare at the grave when finally, two people approach us, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
At first, I think it’s my father and Julian, but when the people finally come closer, Jennifer moves. She wouldn’t move for them.
My gaze wanders towards the two. It’s Yuri and his wife, Katya. God, it’s been weeks since I last saw them.
But they’re not alone. Not completely.
She’s … holding a baby.
Fuck. I noticed her belly has gotten bigger the last time I’ve seen her, but their baby has already been born? Really?
I guess that explains the silence from Yuri’s side.
“Katya!” Jennifer’s face lights up slightly. She looks at me holding her daughter for reassurance. I nod instantly. Mary and I will be fine.
When Jennifer walks to Katya, Yuri comes toward me and Mary instead. My body tenses slightly.
He smiles with a hint of sadness. “I’m really sorry this has happened,” he begins. “I wish we could’ve prevented this.”
“Trust me. I wish I could’ve done the same.” After my words, both of us stayed quiet. Mary is almost falling asleep on my arms as we watch our women chatter.
They seem happy. And although I can’t feel complete happiness during this moment, while standing in front of my mother’s grave— their happy faces make me feel… Hope.
I know life seems worthless at this moment. But life will go on.
And seeing Katya with her newborn, seeing Jennifer next to her with a huge smile on her face… It makes me feel like life will be fine from now on.
Now that I killed the man who was behind all this. Now that everything is over.
Jennifer looks at their son, but when she looks up and our gazes meet, she gives me a smile. A real smile.
A smile I want to see on her face the day she’s holding our baby.
Because while I know that we’re still at the beginning of our relationship… I want this. I want her.
I want a future with her. And once we have a child that’s ours by blood, I know—deep in my heart—that the four of us will finally feel complete.
Mary shifts in my arms before she looks at me with sleepy eyes. “Daddy?”
I finally smiled “Yes, sweetheart?”
“Can we go home?”
I nod. “Just a few more minutes, sweetheart. I’ll bring you to your bed when we arrive home, okay? You can sleep on my arms for now.”
She giggles quietly. “Okie dada!”
Mary lights up my heart the way nobody ever could. I’ve never had a child of my own, but… She? She’s wonderful. I know she’s not mine biologically. But even when Jennifer and I give her a sibling, it won’t matter.
Because she’s still as important to me as if she were really mine.
“I love you, sweetheart. I love your mommy and you so, so much.” I whisper into her hair. When I take a glance at Vicky next to me, she gives me a knowing smile.
“You finally found your family?” She asks.
I nod. “Definitely.”