43. Chapter 43
Chapter forty-three
Day 19 Denali, Alaska
“I’m going to check on Livvy—” Her voice a dull, monotone, Kait broke off with an enormous yawn and a slow stretch before rising from the visitors’ chair beside Aiden’s bed.
“What you should do instead,” Demi offered quietly, her voice thick with concern, “is get some sleep. You’re exhausted. It won’t help Aiden or Olivia if you make yourself sick.”
Kait’s face was so white and tight it looked like bleached parchment. Grooves of tension and fatigue spiderwebbed out from the corners of her eyes and bracketed her nose and mouth. Even her hair had lost its golden shine and hung greasy and limp over her shoulder.
“Right,” Kait snorted, then rolled her neck. “And if that isn’t the perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black…” she sighed, scrubbing absently at her forehead. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep, anyway.”
“You might if you tried,” Demi retorted, although she had to admit she looked like death warmed over too. There were mirrors in the restrooms, after all. She knew exactly how tired and stressed she looked.
But she wasn’t spending her energy reserves on healing others. The constant healings that Kait had done since Aiden was released from isolation, and the Thunderbird crew returned to base, had driven her to the edge of collapse. Demi had tried to convince her to get some food and sleep—so had Cosky—but she still ignored her own health in favor of helping others. Demi held her tongue as Kait wobbled toward the door of Aiden’s room. Exhaustion had turned her normal athletic stride choppy and weak. But pointing that out would do no good. Her friend would simply ignore the observation.
On the tail of her own tired sigh, Demi turned back to the hospital bed beside her. Her shoulders relaxed as she studied Aiden.
At least he looked better. The tightness and furrows had vanished from his face. While his skin looked pale, it was no longer flushed from fever. And those horrible, rasping—almost gasping—breaths had faded into deep, even breathing. The doctors said he was responding well to the medicine they were giving him. And Kait’s healings over the past two days had helped, too. But he wasn’t out of the woods yet. They still didn’t know what his body was reacting to, or whether he’d crash again once the doctors weaned him off the meds.
Demi stretched and yawned, absently listening to the beep…beep…beep coming from the machines surrounding Aiden’s bed. The rhythmic beeps reinforced an ugly echo in her mind, one that stretched back six years. These same beeps had accompanied her vigil beside Donnie’s bed. They’d only ceased when he’d died.
Aiden isn’t dead. He’s just sleeping.
She constantly reminded herself of that. Particularly, after waking from one of the short, uncomfortable naps in this chair. Sometimes, to convince herself she hadn’t lost him, too, she’d rest her hand on his chest, so she could feel each inhale and exhale as they lifted her palm. His heat against her skin eased the fear, brought her back from those terrible memories of her vigil beside Donnie’s bed as he lay dying.
After a slow stretch, Demi settled back in her chair. Through the wall surrounding Aiden’s room came the murmur of voices. Samuel’s fiancée was holding her own vigil next door.
While there had been multiple injuries during the mission to apprehend the criminal responsible for the nanobot testing on Aiden and his teammates, only two had been serious. One had resulted in death and the other in catastrophic injuries. It felt cruel that the same family who had suffered the death of one member were now facing the potential death of another.
Daniel, Samuel’s nephew, had been killed during the mission, and Samuel himself, Livvy’s fiancé, had been caught in some kind of blast. He’d lost an arm, a leg, an eye, and suffered a subdural hematoma.
Cosky suddenly stepped into the open doorway. His gaze swept the room and landed on her face. “Where’s Kait?”
“Next door, keeping Olivia company.”
“She’s about to get some sleep.” Whether or not she likes it , Cosky’s determined face added. His gaze lifted, touching on Aiden. “If you need her, call my cell.”
He disappeared from the doorway. Seconds later, arguing came from next door. One hard, gritty voice and a vehement, sharp one. A muffled squeal pierced the retractable wall separating the two rooms. By the time she’d reached the door, Cosky was halfway down the hall, Kait’s ass and legs hanging over his shoulders.
Wow. Kait’s hubby really wasn’t accepting no this time. Good for him. Was he planning on walking all the way to the base apartment they were using? He’d have to. If he dumped her into a utility vehicle, she’d just jump off and haul ass back to Aiden’s bedside.
“Do you think he’s gonna tie her to the bed?”
She turned toward the amused voice. Olivia was standing in front of Samuel’s room, watching Cosky haul Kait away.
Demi huffed out a laugh. “Probably. She’s not gonna stay put otherwise.”
Olivia laughed, an honest-to-God belly laugh. The wink she sent Demi was full of innuendo. “A pity. Bondage is so sexy when it’s not about sleep.”
Demi smiled back, although she suspected her expression carried surprise as well as humor.
What an amazing woman . Livvy could still laugh, even with Daniel dead and her man lying comatose behind her. How did she maintain such a positive attitude under the circumstances?
Demi took a tentative step in Livvy’s direction. “How’s Samuel?”
“He’s still in a coma. Which is the best thing for him. He’s putting all his energy into healing. No pain or worry to distract him.” Her smile was genuine. So was her optimism. “He’ll wake up when he’s ready.”
Lord, Olivia had turned a coma into a good thing, something to celebrate, not something to be feared. The woman was quite remarkable.
“I’m so sorry about Daniel,” Demi offered. “I can’t even imagine what his mother is going through. Does she live in The Neighborhood?”
Olivia’s smile dimmed. Grief darkened her eyes and shadowed her face. “No, Muriel lives on the Brenahiilo —the Kalikoia Pinch Point reservation. She arrived yesterday and spent the night beside Samuel’s bed. Today, she’s with Wolf and Benioko making…arrangements.”
She must have meant funeral arrangements, or whatever the equivalent was in the Kalikoia culture.
“How’s Aiden? Kait said he’s doing better?” Olivia asked.
“Yes. His condition’s improved.” Demi tried to manufacture the same optimism Livvy had exhibited earlier. She just wished her positivity was genuine. “His fever’s gone. His heart rate and pulse have stabilized. He’s even breathing easier.”
Livvy smiled. “That’s wonderful.” She glanced over her shoulder into the room behind her. When she turned back to Demi, her smile was back. This time it looked tired, but sincere. “That must be such a relief for you.”
“It is. Although it would be even more of a relief if the doctors knew why he got so sick,” Demi admitted tightly.
Her chest tightened as worry assailed her again. How were they going to combat the illness if they didn’t know what it was? Treating the symptoms wasn’t a long-term strategy. Sure, the medication was keeping Aiden stable…for now. But many medicines lost their effectiveness after a while. Viruses and bacteria were always adapting, mutating, throwing off the shackles trying to keep them in check.
What if the nanobots did the same thing?
Livvy grabbed Demi’s fingers and gave them a squeeze. “He’s in the best possible hands. Between Kait and the rest of the base healers, along with the doctors on staff, he’s got top-notch care.”
“I know.” Demi’s throat tightened. She just hoped that was enough.
Olivia studied her face for a moment before offering a gentle smile. “Samuel said Aiden is instrumental in preventing this bot plague from taking over the world. This comes directly from the Taounaha , the mouthpiece of the Shadow Warrior. Benioko says Aiden is the arrow of our people, the warrior at the front of this charge. The Shadow Warrior would not let his arrow break before it has found its mark.”
Demi forced a wobbly smile. “Aiden doesn’t believe in the Shadow Realm or the Shadow Warrior.”
A shrug lifted Livvy’s shoulders. “This does not matter. The Shadow Realm believes in him.” She paused, wisdom resonating in her serene gaze. “Perhaps this sickness is the Shadow Realm’s doing, their maneuvering to defeat this bot weapon.”
“You mean like the lab finding something in his blood they can use to create a vaccine?” Faith had mentioned they hoped Aiden’s apparent immunity to the bots would help them develop an antidote.
Olivia shrugged. “We must trust that the elder gods will hold their children safe. The Shadow Warrior and Blue Moon Mother have watched over us since the first star lit the sky. They birthed the Hee'woo'nee . They will not let their children die now. If Aiden is tasked with preventing such a catastrophe, they will not allow him to pierce the veil and join the web of his ancestors until his task is complete.”
Livvy’s optimism and serenity were obviously because of her trust in this Shadow Realm and the shadow deities she spoke of. Demi found it impossible to put her faith in such an intangible belief system.
“Aiden will be fine.” Livvy squeezed her hand again. “He’ll wake up soon, I’m sure of it.”
Demi’s throat closed around a huge lump. Olivia was trying so hard to comfort her when she had even more to be worried about than Demi did. Olivia was in a committed relationship with the man lying in the hospital bed behind her. Unlike Demi, who’d broken things off with Aiden prior to him getting so sick.
“You know we’re not together, right?” Demi asked. “Aiden and I, I mean. We broke up the day before your book club meeting.”
“I don’t think your heart got the message,” Olivia said gently. Her gaze was knowing. “You’re too worried about him to have no feelings.”
“Feelings weren’t the problem.” The twisted, tight look on Aiden’s face when he’d said he loved her burst into Demi’s mind. She choked on a breath, tears welling. She was too tired to hold the sorrow inside. “Lack of compatibility…that’s what drove us apart.” She swiped at her wet eyes, her heart breaking all over again. “If we stayed together, over time, we’d end up hating each other for what the other couldn’t or wouldn’t give up.”
Olivia cocked her head, her gaze steady on Demi’s face. “I hesitate to contradict you, but I fear you are making a mistake. One you will regret. From your questions during book club, when you asked how we lived with the constant fear of our men being in danger, I suspect you’re making this decision out of fear. Fear of what the future holds while Aiden walks this dangerous path.” Her face softened. “But there is more to consider. There is something you are not aware of.”
Demi’s eyebrows rose. What could Olivia possibly know about the situation that Demi didn’t? This time, Olivia hesitated before speaking, uncertainty flitting across her face.
“You are not Hee'woo'nee , so you would not know of the Kalikoia's ways, or of the animal spirits and their gifts, which are given to us by the elder gods.” That earlier wisdom, along with a deepening intensity, radiated from her eyes.
Well, that was an odd segue, but Demi went with it. “You mean like Kait’s ability to heal and Wolf’s flashes of the future?”
Did Aiden have a gift? He’d never mentioned having a special ability. Besides, since he didn’t believe in the Shadow Realm and the shadow gods, maybe he couldn’t access their gifts. Although that didn’t quite fit, as Kait had manifested her healing ability before learning of her Kalikoia heritage.
Olivia nodded, the intensity in her eyes strengthening. “Yes. Like those. Wolf’s flashes come from the Shadow Warrior—his gifts strengthen and protect the Hee'woo'nee . But Kait’s healing ability comes from our Blue Moon Mother, who provides her chosen children with nurturing gifts to cement the tribal ties.”
Demi frowned at that. “But Kait said there are several male healers here on base. And she’s the only female healer. Did the male healers’ gifts come from your Blue Moon Mother too?”
Livvy shook her head before Demi finished speaking. “No. One Bird and Eldon received their Hee-Hee-Thae gift from the Shadow Warrior, to be used during battle to keep our warriors strong. Many of the Hee'woo'nee ’ s animal spirit gifts—such as the ability to heal, or the gift of future sight—are gender neutral.” She hesitated again, longer this time. It didn’t seem like she was going to continue, but then she added, “Our great mother gifted me with the ability to see heartmates—to know when people are destined to be together.” Her voice gentled. “The moment I saw you sitting by Aiden’s bed, I knew you and he were gifted to each other. You two are fated to be together.”
Demi’s eyebrows lifted. While it was hard to refute Kait’s gift, as she’d experienced it herself, it was much harder to convince herself that Olivia could see some mythical connection between her and Aiden.
Olivia’s laugh was soft and understanding. “You don’t believe me.”
“I believe you believe—” Demi broke off, wincing. Her resistance to the idea must be plastered all over her face.
After another soft laugh, Olivia shrugged. “I understand. You weren’t born to the Hee'woo'nee . Of course, you wouldn’t believe in our ways. But this needs saying because heartmates are quite rare. The deep, internal connection you have with Aiden is prized by the Kalikoia. It is a bond that will grow and expand through each cycle. It will provide comfort and strength in times of need. It is not replaceable, nor should it be cast aside because of fear.”
Demi frowned. There was no question she’d felt a connection to Aiden from the moment she met him, even back when she was married to Donnie. But she’d loved Donnie, too.
“So, you only get one heartmate—” which sounded an awful lot like a soulmate to her “and if things don’t work out with them, you’ll never find happiness with anyone else?” She could hear the skepticism in her question.
Livvy shook her head. “Not at all. There are multiple heartmates created for each person, but few people find even one. Amid the billions of people walking this world, the odds of encountering even one of your destined heartmates are astronomical. Most people find love and happiness with someone other than the heart intended for them. But their connection—indeed their happiness—is thin and pale compared to what they would have with one of their intended heartmates.”
Demi tried hard to keep her disbelief off her face. But seriously? Everyone was given a couple of soulmates, but nobody could find them? How messed up was that? What a shitty job on destiny’s part.
Livvy turned to look into Samuel’s room. “The instant I saw him, I knew Samuel was my heartmate, although it took him much longer to recognize that fact. Like you, he didn’t believe in such things. Not at first. But we’ve had three joyous cycles together. We share a connection that binds our hearts, minds and souls. I am never alone, as I sense him there with me, wherever he might be. Even now, while he sleeps, I can sense him. Am I afraid of losing him when he takes to the air with the rest of Shadow Mountain’s warriors? Of course.”
“Cycles?” Demi asked.
“The Kalikoia word for your year.” For a moment, Olivia’s face twisted, before serenity smoothed it again. “Even if Samuel had died during that last mission, even if I’d lost him, I’d still take these three cycles I’ve spent with him over not having known him at all. The pain of losing him would eventually subside, but the memories of him, of us, they will last forever. Anxiety and fear go hand in hand with loving men like Aiden and Samuel. But those emotions are nothing when compared to the memories we create with them beside us.”
Her gaze became even more intense, and she reached out, brushing Demi’s tense arm with her fingertips. “Don’t let fear of the unknown, of future possibilities, sour what you could have with Aiden now. What if nothing happens to him? What if he lives into twilight age? Think of all the memories you will have lost because of what might happen.” She fell silent, her gaze turning distant and dark, before adding softly, “Even if Samuel dies today, I will always be grateful for the cycles we had together.”
As Olivia returned to her chair beside Samuel’s bed, what she’d said echoed through Demi’s mind. And she realized she felt the same way about her years with Donnie. Yes, the agony of losing him had gutted her for a while. But the pain had eventually subsided. These days, memories of him mostly brought peace or smiles. She also knew, wholeheartedly, that she’d take the pain of losing him over not having loved him, not having married him, not having shared those seven years with him. Hell, she’d even go one step further and admit that if she could go back in time and have a do-over, she’d still marry him, even knowing what was coming.
Besides, could the fear of losing Aiden get any worse than it had been over the past three days? She doubted it. Eventually, she’d hit a plateau, and the fear level would freeze.
No, she didn’t believe in soulmates, but she couldn’t deny there was a powerful attraction between her and Aiden. An attraction that had been there from the very beginning, while she’d been married and happy with Donnie. Even back then, what she’d felt for Aiden had been incredibly strong, unlike anything she’d felt before. She felt tied to Aiden in a way she hadn’t felt with Donnie. Which was part of the reason it was so difficult to walk away from him.
That connection kept pulling her back.
But what if there was another reason it was so hard to call it quits and walk away from him? Oh, not the mythical soulmate connection. Something else. Something tangible. What if her instincts were telling her she’d regret leaving him, that she’d regret not giving them a chance to explore this connection between them?
They loved each other. She was certain of that now. Didn’t she owe it to herself, and Aiden, to give their love a chance? To see where it led?
Livvy was right. Aiden was one in a million. And if Cosky read the situation right and Aiden couldn’t return to the SEALs, any job he took would be less dangerous, easier to live with, easier to compromise on.
That’s what they needed. A compromise.
A solution they could both live with.