9. Leila
CHAPTER 9
LEILA
I don't even know what it means to be free anymore. Two years have canceled everything in my life. I couldn't sleep, eat or drink without asking permission and only when it was granted. Nicholas made sure for everyone to know I'm his, and my friends disappeared. Mom died shortly after since she was sick, and last year Dad took his life. I'm alone. A broken shell of the person I was and I can't see a future for me. Not anymore. The man I've fallen for will never reciprocate my feelings. I've been told so many times that I'm worth nothing that I guess it's true.
The hustle and bustle is deafening, and I approach the door. Christopher is marching out his room while pulling on his shirt as some guards are spreading some liquid around. Is it gas?
“You're ready?” He stops in front of me with his suitcases. I nod in response as he cocks a brow at me. “Your bag? Cell phone? Passport?”
“Mr. Bonetti has my passport and documents. As for the rest, I have nothing.”
He walks me downstairs and then out of the manor. There are plenty of cars driving away and Chris opens his SUV door for me. “Get in. I'll be back in a second.”
Watching Christopher going back into the house, my stomach knots. I have a bad feeling and I don't want him to do anything stupid. I get out of the car and follow him. Some guards are running out and some help the personnel to leave the house. Chris talks with a guard while both face me.
“I told you to wait in the car.” He whistles, getting everyone’s attention.
“All clear, Sir.”
I keep looking at Christopher in disbelief. “I wanted to be sure he wouldn't hurt you.” The way he did with me.
“Christopher!” his dad shouts from the office.
Chris pushes me out as he stops to look at the manor. “Go to the car.” He takes a gun out and pivots.
I grab his hand and his eyes get wide.
“Will be back in a minute, I promise.” But I can’t leave. He walks down the hallway and I follow suit.
“Sei un figlio di puttana!” You’re a son of a bitch. His dad gasps, struggling to break free. His eyes move on me, “I should have killed you.”
My heart races when Chris turns around. I move forward and hold my hand out to him. He cocks a brow at me and eventually gives me his gun. I take the safety off, like Nicholas did all those time he used it to fuck me fully charged. God knows how many times I wished for a shot to happen.
“You’re a fucking bitch!” he chuckles.
Chris comes behind me and helps me to aim. Finger on the trigger I shoot, hitting in his leg. “That’s for making me feel less than a woman.”
“You…”
The second shot hits the arm.
“For each time you touched me.”
The third one hits him between his legs. “For every time you enjoyed watching Nicholas and his friends to...”
The next shot startles me. “E questo è per averci rovinato la vita.” This is for ruining our lives. Chris’ voice makes me look up at him.
Another one explodes and shot after shot his cries makes me feel good.
“It’s because of me you’re…”
“No, it’s because Mom and La Sacra Corona that I am who I am.”
“Fucking bastard! You betrayed me.”
“You did first, Dad.” He takes the gun out of my hands, “I’m your karma.” Taking my hand, he drags me out of the office.
“Christopher!” his dad yells.
Once in front of the entrance he hands me a lighter as he lights his own. “This nightmare ends right here.” I do the same and we both throw it on the patio. The flames go inside following a path from the door to the hallway up the staircase illuminating the entire building; within a second the whole manor catches fire.
I can't take my eyes off it. In there I've left everything: my nightmares, my tears, my life.
Chris puts his jacket over my shoulders and I peer at him. “Thank you.”
“Let's get out of this toxic shit.” He clips, “I want a cheeseburger, do you?”
I nervously laugh as I get into the car.
“So, tell me, where do you want me to drop you?” The engine roars with life as he drives away.
I keep my mouth shut. I have no money, no house, no one. I don’t even know what I should say. My life has been erased once I moved into the manor and it’s like the world has forgotten about me.
His hand squeezes mine even if for a brief moment but that jolt zapping over my skin makes me feel alive. “Leila?”
“I don't know,” I mutter as he stops in the parking lot in front of McDonald's. “I have no one,” I admit.
He glares toward me while holding out his hand. “Do you want to come with me?” I stare at him, not knowing what he's really asking. “I'm not a good guy, Leila, far from it. My life is nothing you may imagine but I can promise you I'll do my best to erase everything that happened to you. No strings attached. A fresh start.”
“A fresh start?” I lock eyes with him. “I'm not even sure I deserve it.”
He moves his hand and I place mine into his. “You do, Leila.” He kisses my hand, then gets out of the car. “You coming?”
I look down at my outfit and I shake my head. “I'm in pajamas.”
“And? If someone has something to say, I'll be all ears.” He closes his door and then opens mine. “Andiamo piccola, sto morendo di fame.” Come on, little one. I'm starving.
I've missed him calling me like that. “I'm not that little.”
He puts an arm around my shoulders, tugging me closer. “You still are.”
I giggle as I walk in the fast food. I have no idea what to order and I let him order whatever. This moment brings me back to two years ago. We were leaving the cinema and I was starving and since it was almost midnight the only place open was the McDonald's. Even then I stood behind him. I dare to recreate that moment and I hug him from behind, resting my face on his back.
I feel him tense but then he drags me in front of him. “It's going to be okay, it's a promise.”
I stare into his eyes and the comfort I feel makes me trust him. “I don't believe in promises anymore, Chris.”
He walks me toward a table. “I've always been a man of words and…” He stops as a young guy brings us the food. I peer down at how much food is in front of us and he chuckles. “You've barely eaten and this time I want to be sure you do.”
“Thank you,” I murmur, waiting for him to start eating.
He types on his phone and then sets it down while cocking a brow at me. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I breathe. After tonight I don't know what will happen but I know nothing will be worse than the life I had until now. “Just waiting for you.”
He squeezes my hand, brushing his thumb over it. “No need, Leila. Grab whatever you like and start eating.”
I stretch under the sheets and snap my eyes open when I hear a noise in the room.
“Merda.” Shit . A feminine voice curses as I sit on the bed. “I'm sorry, I didn’t see the bag.” I cock a brow at her and then she shakes her head and comes close to the bed. “I'm Elena, nice to meet you, Leila.”
“My pleasure.” I pull the cover over my chest while looking around. “Where am I? Where is Chris?” I feel so dumb, the last thing I remember is watching him driving.
“Christopher is with my brother Ferdinando in the gym. He told me to bring you some clothes. And you're in Valle Verde.” She smiles as she opens the curtains and the windows. “We'll have a busy day but first, breakfast.”
I nod as I get out of the bed. “Can I take a shower first?”
She points to the bathroom. “You should have everything you need in there and since I didn't know what you like to wear, I brought you something but no worries, they all are new.”
Elena speaks so fast that my brain barely keeps up with her speech. “Thank you,” I say as I get up. She smiles at me, turns around and leaves the room.
On my way toward the bathroom, I peek at the clothes displayed over the armchair and the flowery dress catches my attention. A fresh start, Christopher said, and that's what I'll do. I need to erase the last two years and live my life but honestly I'm not sure if I'll be that brave. The marks on my soul are much deeper and bigger than the ones on my skin.
I let the shower wash all away as if I could clean my past too. Elena was so nice to bring me some make-up too. It's been a while since I've decided by myself how to do it. Nicholas used to show me a picture of what he wanted me to look like and I've always made sure to be accurate in executing it.
After tying my hair in a high ponytail and making sure to leave some locks in front to contour my face, I look at my reflection in the mirror and smile at it when I finally recognize myself.
“That's the smile I want to see.” Chris's voice makes me jump out of my skin. I meet his eyes in the mirror as he approaches me. “How are you feeling today?”
“I'm good. I've slept pretty well too.” I turn around and peer at him. The sweat t-shirt hugs his toned body. He's more muscular than I imagined and the beard that barely shows up makes him even sexier. I swallow hard while I mentally shake my head. “Elena says we're in Valle Verde. When did we get here?”
“I think it was three in the morning. You dozed off shortly after we got back in the car and I didn't want to wake you up.”
“Grazie, Chris. Di tutto.” Thank you, Chris. For everything.
He takes a step closer and caresses my cheek. The butterflies in my stomach are almost disturbing but once again something I've never experienced. “Stop thanking me, Leila. I want to make sure you'll be happy and don't ever think I'm doing it to erase what my family did to you. As much as I'd like to have that power and cancel it, I can't.”
The sadness in his eyes hits me; he feels guilty but still I feel like he's not telling me everything. “It's not up to you to make me forget it.” I step closer and place my hands on his chest. “You've kept me company in my lonely nights and when I needed it,” I confess. Even though our friendship stopped the way it did before he left, it was the only anchor to make me survive during all the violence I had.
He pulls me in a hug that takes my breath away. “I was forced to leave, Leila, otherwise I'd have never left you with him.” He moves me away to lock eyes with me. “It took me so long to prepare my revenge and take you back. It wasn't supposed to end that way and when Nick told me you two got married, I knew I lost every chance with you.”
My eyes fill with tears and I blink to push them back. “I was just their pleasure doll and the one to vent with, physically, Chris. Nothing else.”
I own you, therefore you'll do everything I want when or with whomever I want. Nicholas' words echo in my head, making me shiver in disgust. I focus on Christopher's chest, ashamed of what I've confessed.
He cups my chin and forces me to look at him. The mix of anger and sadness in his eyes hit me. “I'm sorry, little one. They're burning in hell for that.”
The knocks on the door distracts me as Chris says to come in.
“You look fantastic, Leila. Come downstairs, we'll have breakfast in ten minutes,” Elena squeaks while waiting for me.
“Give me a second.” I nod at her as she closes the door. Chris is already in the bathroom and I follow him. He stares at the mirror, bare chested while shaking the foam to shave. My eyes leer over his tattoo and I move forward to touch it. He tenses but still says nothing. “It suits you.”
Chris chuckles as he turns around. “Does it?” The gold flecks in his eyes make my heart race madly in my chest.
I get on my tiptoes and kiss him. I don’t know why, but I can't stop myself. Maybe it's because for once in my life, I feel safe. Or maybe because I'm afraid I've lost him. I feel my heart sink under my feet as I back off. “I'm sorry,” I murmur as I rush toward the door. Che cazzo mi è preso? The hell is wrong with me? He doesn't want his brother’s leftovers. He is nice to me just because he feels guilty.
“You should stop thinking.” His voice shakes me as I blink a few times and I see him caging me between his arms. “Welcome back, piccola.” He smirks. “Now, before you freak out, tell me why you kissed me.”
“Because I've always wanted to,” I admit. His cologne mixed with his sweat is so intoxicating that it makes me feel enveloped in his arms. His mouth crashes on mine, making my brain shut while my entire body shudders. I can't think, I can't breathe, I don't even know if I'm alive anymore. The moment he forces his tongue in my mouth, a moan escapes me and I want more. I need more. He scoops me up and makes me sit on the counter while he continues to devour my mouth. His erection brushes over the inside of my thighs and I'm already done. Nothing matters anymore.
He breaks the kiss and meets my eyes. We're out of breath but he doesn't leave me nor backs off. “Be mine, Leila. I'll give you the world. Fuck, I'll give you the universe and more if you ask me.“
“Chris…”
He leans his forehead on mine. “We'll take it slowly, I promise.”
“You'll find out how damaged I am, Chris.” My voice breaks as tears spill off.
“Give me your pain, Leila. Give me your nightmares, your fears, everything that hurts you. I don't give a fuck if you can't have babies, we'll adopt them someday in the future. I want to give you everything I've dreamed of since I laid my eyes on you.”
Sinking my teeth in my bottom lip, I’m trying to find courage to keep my soul together. “I'm on the pill Chris, or better I was. I didn't want babies with Nick; he drugged me, forced me to use it and I didn't want my baby to ever live that way. If it weren't for Viola, I wouldn't be here, I didn't want that nightmare for my baby.” I start to cry, feeling as vulnerable as I've never been before.
“Fucking bastards.” He grips the counter and the angry growls reverberate over my skin. “My world is not a fairy tale. But I'll never put you in danger.”
I cup his face and kiss him. “As long as I can have you in my life, I don't care.”
“Mia.” Mine . He murmurs on my lips, “You won't regret it.”
“Tua.” Yours . His lips stretch in a smile that makes my heart race.