3. CHAPTER 3
Every muscle in my body aches, even the ones that I didn’t know I had. I’ve been told that with time I’d get used to it, but lately, I’ve been wondering how much time they actually meant because it’s been over a month already and yet, nothing is any easier.
The pack hates us, my wolf says when we pass the group of five on our way to the bathroom.
We’re not too fond of them either, I remind him, hating all the members of the Dark Hunters except one girl, Esme.
I can’t wait to see the look on Blastard and Alphahole’s faces when we’re allowed to reveal our identity, my wolf cackles, holding onto the only thing that keeps us going.
I was thinking of throwing him in the dungeon with human trash for a fortnight or so,I reply, spending way too much time coming up with all the ways I’m going to make them pay. She’s too hot to be kept locked up. I wouldn’t mind punishing her in some other way...
You should stop thinking with your dick and focus on your nose instead, my wolf reprimands. There’s something different about her scent but I can’t put my finger on it.
Maybe because you don’t have any fingers,I retort, not wanting to think about the depth of what he’s insinuating.
I’ve had enough orgies in my lifetime that I’m not shy about being naked in front of others, which is good because we have zero privacy in the barrack. Even in the shower, anyone can walk in, and it doesn’t even matter whether they’re a man or a woman.
Since the Dark Hunters are the wielders of darkness, our unofficial uniform is black cargo pants and a shirt of the same color whether with long or short sleeves. Because no one here has any sense of fashion or an idea of how to combine colors, the underwear and socks assigned to us are also boringly black.
I pull the shirt over my head, then pause as I catch a glance at my torso in the mirror. While my physique was always lean, I’ve never had defined muscles. It looks like this is about to change because I can swear that I’m getting a glimpse of a six-pack. Even my biceps look twice their previous size. It must be all the exercise that Alyssa has us doing.
When I take off my pants, my thighs are all muscles. The strength in them would be visible even to a weak human eye. It makes me wonder how I’ll look once in my wolf form. Alyssa has forbidden me to change until she gives the order. That didn’t bother me as much as the fact that I’ve been dry for a month and a half. Not even a drop of alcohol or a sniff of just about anything.
During one of my first days here, Esme suggested that hot water would help me ease aching muscles and release the knots over my body. I’ve always been a fan of hot showers, but ever since I’ve landed here, I’ve brought up the heat several degrees.
“Garren?” Esme’s voice comes from the other side of the door as she tries to give me some semblance of privacy.
“Yeah?” I call back, straining my ears to hear her over the noise of the shower.
“Blaine wants us on the west side,” she replies. “It looks like we might be doing some actual training.”
“I’m coming,” I tell her and turn off the water. If I leave them waiting, the whole pack will pay, which is the last thing I want. Not because I don’t hate those assholes, but because I’m one of the pack, and I”d face the same punishment as they would.
I rub the towel over me to dry up the thickest of drops, then quickly put a clean set of clothes on even though I’m going to have to change again after training as well as probably take an even longer and hotter shower.
While the rest of the pack’s already gone, Esme’s still in the bedroom, sitting on her bed as she waits for me. Her eyes dart up when I enter, and she gives me a small smile.
“Ready?” she asks, gesturing with her head toward the door.
“Not really,” I admit, coaxing a chuckle out of her.
Her warm brown eyes lock on mine, and she winks. The fact that this little gesture is coming from someone who’s two heads lower than I am with her brown curls cut to a very short pixie cut that makes her look like a teenager instead of a woman in her mid-twenties, it’s all the more heartwarming and adorable.
She hooks her arm through mine and half guides, half pulls me toward the west side of the encampment where the training grounds are located. The east side is my absolute favorite because that’s where the cafeteria and the kitchens are, which means I get a moment to myself to rest and fuel up. It’s something that I’ve been taking for granted, but not anymore.
“Did you sleep better?” Esme asks me, starting some small talk to try to distract me from whatever torture Alyssa and Blaine have concocted for us.
“I wish,” I reply and roll my eyes. “The bed didn’t get any bigger and Tom still won’t stop snoring.”
Esme laughs when I mention my bed problem. It took me at least a week to get used to the beds here since they are a lot smaller than a royal’s bed. I’ve even fallen on the floor a couple of times, waking everyone in the barrack.
“Tom’s nose was broken so many times that it can’t even be healed back to its original position,” she says, and I wonder if he got his ass kicked by Blaine like I did. Esme gives my hand a comforting squeeze, showing me the only bit of warmth and kindness that I’ve received since I’ve stepped into this nightmare. “Don’t give up. It will get better.”
“You’re the reason I keep going,” I tell her, letting my good old charm seep through as I give her a flirtatious smile. “You’re the best thing that happened to me here. I’ve met a lot of people, but I’ve never met anyone who would treat me with so much kindness without knowing anything about me. I like you a lot more than I ever did any of my siblings.”
Esme’s smile falters when I compare her with my brothers. I’m not sure why I cockblocked myself, because I’m fairly certain that she’s interested, but the words have left my mouth before I could stop them. Now that they’re out there, I know that they’re the most honest thing I’ve ever said.
The grunting and groaning sounds reach our ears moments before we arrive at the training grounds. As suspected, we’re the last of the pack, but at least we’re not late. I hope.
“Nice of you two to join us,” Blaine says when he spots us. “Get in line.”
We don’t need to be told twice and do as he says. Esme stands with Elliana to her right and I go to her left at the end of the line just like the first day. With my eyes turned forward, I focus my ears to catch Blaine’s words as they mix with the sounds from other packs’ battle training regimes.
“I’ll pair you up to train and work on your abilities,” Blaine says, pacing from one side of the line to the other. “You’ll start with a little warm-up to open a channel to your wolf, then you’ll connect with it and do a medium transformation. Once you’re done with the basic activities, you’ll battle each other until one yields.”
Stupid Blastard,my wolf growls, hating his guts just as much as I do. I hope he picks us because we’ll make him eat his own shit.
And we won’t even be punished for it,I say, suppressing a smile before Blaine could see it. It’s a win-win situation for us.
Heads up, Alyssa’s watching, my wolf warns.
Without turning my head, I look to the right as far as my eyes allow me to. True to my wolf’s senses, Alyssa stands there and though there’s a steely look on her face, her brows are slightly raised as if in interest.
“Patrick and Jesse,” Blaine announces the first pairing, giving them a nod to go ahead. “Tom and Alaysia.”
The four of them depart, each pair picking their own spot to go through their training. Blaine nods at the second Beta who steps forward.
“Elliana, Esme,” Sarah says to the girls. “You two are with me. Alpha told me to start working on the Night Vision with you.”
“Awesome,” Esme mutters under her breath, unable to contain her excitement.
Blaine walks up to me until we’re face to face. I have a couple of inches on him, so he has to slightly look up to meet my eyes. His lips curl up into a wicked smile.
“That leaves the two of us, pretty boy,” Blaine says. “Let’s see what you’re made of.”
Let’s do this, my wolf tells me, channeling his encouraging confidence into me.
I give Blaine a nod, not wanting to get my ass kicked before I get the permission to do some kicking in return. I learned that the hard way.
“We’ll start with a bit of a warm-up first,” Blaine says as he pulls his shirt over his head, revealing a perfectly chiseled six-pack. Not wanting to be caught staring, I do the first thing that comes to mind, which is to take off my own shirt even though my abs have nothing on his.
Blaine leads us through the exercises, which start by having us run a couple of short laps around the training grounds. We do our best to stay out of other pack members’ way, especially when they’re working on their elements. More than once, I nearly got hit when some wolf lost control over his ability. It’s a common occurrence until they master it. The next round consists of various sets of pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups, squats, and ending with burpees.
I’m so used to doing those exercises, that I’m not even one bit winded once we’re done with the warm-up. Blaine gives me what I think is a look of approval before he gestures to me to approach him.
“Good work,” he tells me, catching me by surprise by giving me a compliment.
It doesn’t change anything,my wolf says, and I agree. He’s still a Blastard and we’ll kick his ass.
“How’s your connection with your inner wolf?” he asks me, tilting his head to the side as he waits for my answer.
“Good?” I say, although it sounds like a question. I’m not exactly sure what he wants me to say.
“Do you talk to him often? When was the last time you’ve transformed? Does it come easily to you? Does your wolf respond to your requests? Are you two friends?” Blaine asks, listing a few examples for me to go through.
“We talk all the time and yes, we’re very good friends,” I reply, forcing myself to be honest. “I’m not sure when I transformed. Before I came here, I didn’t spend much time in a sober state.”
“Okay, good,” Blaine says, eagerly nodding at my words. “This will all help us when we start working on your elements. Speaking of, how skilled would you say that you are at wielding darkness?”
Extremely, my wolf replies, pushing the thought into my head, but I ignore it because it’s a lie.
“I’m not sure,” I say, struggling to hold Blaine’s eyes. While I hate the guy and can’t wait to kick his ass, I need to acknowledge that I’m not very skilled at fighting and could benefit from learning a thing or two from him. “Constant state of intoxication made it hard to connect with my element, so with time, I sort of dropped it.”
Why did you tell him that?my wolf growls at me. He’s an enemy. We could easily overtake him.
No, we can’t,I reply, forcing both of us to face the facts. We talk a big game and if it was only that, we would never need to admit just how disconnected we are. This is our chance to find a way to become one again. We should use it.
Fine, my wolf says and lets out a resigned sigh. But you have to promise me that as soon as we improve our skills a bit, we’ll kick his ass.
Done, I say, keeping a smile off my face, so Blaine doesn’t see it.
“It’s not ideal, but your honesty will definitely help speed things up,” Blaine says, then gestures for me to sit on the ground. I follow his lead and even cross my legs the way he did. “Close your eyes.”
Don’t do it, my wolf warns me, but I don’t think I have much choice.
Reluctantly, I do as Blaine says, and even though I closed my eyes, my senses are on full alert. I’m not sure if that’s what he wanted from me or not, but I’m not going to stay completely blind and senseless.
There’s more than just Blaine’s set of eyes on me. Alyssa’s been watching my every move, noting down the progress I’ve been making in training. More often than not, I’ve pushed myself harder to prove to her that I’m not just some loser. I want her to know that I can handle everything she throws at me, and that I won’t back down from a challenge. My chest swells with pride every time I prove her wrong.
“Embrace the darkness and let its nothingness consume you,” Blaine says with a low and calm voice, doing something with his powers around us because everything got quiet and not even a hint of light protrudes through my eyes. “Now that there’s nothing there, visualize a little light. Approach it. Tell me what it is.”
In my mind, I walk closer to the light until it gets bigger and bigger. Only when I come right to it, do I notice that it’s swaying like a flame.
“Bonfire,” I reply, giving a name to what I’m seeing.
“Good,” Blaine says, his voice melodic as he guides us through some sort of hypnotic mediation. “Sit down and wait. Wait a bit more. Look across the light of the bonfire and tell me if you see it.”
I strain my eyes, trying to gaze into the darkness, but it’s been too long since I’ve used Night Vision. It’s only when the figure comes closer that I recognize its features.
“I do,” I reply to Blaine, my mouth set in an o as I stare at it in awe.
“What do you see?” Blaine asks, encouraging me to tell him more. “Who do you see?”
“It’s him,” I reply, the recognition clicking in me. “It’s my wolf.”
It’s not that I’ve never seen him, but it’s never been like this. Usually, we only sense each other, or wear one skin or the other. I’ve never been in the same place as him, much less sitting across from him.
“Spend a moment together,” Blaine instructs. “It can be in complete silence, or you can talk. That’s up to you two.”
The wolf stands up and walks around the bonfire, his massive figure approaching me. When he reaches me, he questioningly looks at the spot next to me and when I nod, he sits down. There are no words needed. We both embrace each other’s closeness and a different kind of connection that’s getting woven between us as we watch the fire.
I’m not sure how much time has passed when Blaine speaks up again, “When you’re ready, touch your wolf’s head, invite him inside you, and slowly open your eyes.”
The wolf and I lock our eyes on each other. I slowly lift my hand, then wait for him to take the step to close the distance. The wolf slightly lowers his head to allow me to set my hand on it. Information, emotions, and sensations fly back and forth between us as we unite into one being.
When the fusion is complete, I open my eyes, feeling more like myself than ever before. It’s as if I’ve been missing an important part of myself that was always there but just out of my reach.
I’m here, my wolf says gently, his voice louder and clearer than ever before. I feel it too.
We are one, I reply, embracing his essence.
Blaine gives me a small smile as he stands up, then offers me his hand. I take it without hesitation, truly understanding how monumental it is that I trust him. He might not be my superior by law and blood, but he is my superior in the knowledge acquired. I shouldn’t be so small-minded as to close myself away from the people that want to help.
The weirdest thing happens when I catch Alyssa’s eye over Blaine’s shoulder. Her narrow lips curl up into a ghost of a smile with something that looks a lot like pride. My chest warms up with a feeling that I can”t quite decipher. I don”t have time to dwell on it, though, because in the next moment, she gives me a curt nod before turning on her heels and leaving.
“You did good,” Blaine says when I’m on my feet. “You still have a lot of work ahead of you, but I can help you get there if you allow me to guide you.”
“I’d appreciate it,” I tell him, meaning it.
“Drugs and alcohol are the worst things our kind can do to ourselves,” Blaine tells me, and while it sounds like he’s giving me a lecture, his tone is far from reprimanding. “The substances dull the connection between us and the wolf, which slowly weakens us. Weakening not only our abilities but our bodies and minds as well. We might be two conscious spirits, but we don’t function well unless we’re one.”
“I understand,” I say with a small nod. “I’ve been drinking for longer than I care to admit. It’s been so long that I don’t ever remember hearing my wolf’s voice without any interference. I thought it to be so normal that I didn’t even notice it anymore.”
“You took a big step forward in your training today,” Blaine says with a hint of pride in his eyes. “At the moment, we won’t work on the transformation and basic activities yet. It’s important that you and your wolf spend some time together and get accustomed to each other’s closeness. Next week, we’ll raise the difficulty.”
“If you think that’s best,” I say in agreement, finding a way to trust that he has my best interest at heart. Well, maybe not mine, but certainly the packs. There’s a reason that the pack is only as strong as their weakest member. Right now, that’s me, so they need to train me to pull themselves up higher on the pack ratings and get assigned better missions.
My father was right to send me here. I have a lot of work ahead of me to grow as a person and a wolf. The last thing our kingdom needs right now is a weak, disconnected, and intoxicated ruler.
Never again, my wolf agrees, confirming my hidden wants and desires.