Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
KILLIAN
“Here are some extra blankets.” Lulu, a petite woman barely coming up to my waist, held up several pelts for me, her American southern drawl pulling my attention from the pair near the fire.
“Thank you.” The crisp reply was all I could get through my clenched teeth. Every muscle in my body was rigid and ready to snap. My magic crashed against the surface of my skin, ready to explode. Turbulent and chaotic.
The impregnable noble leader I’d been for two decades had suddenly become brittle and corroded.
Nothing had been the same since Věrh?za.
My control, the persona I put out to the world, who I had become—everything was hanging on by threads.
As if the suits I wore were only costumes, but I could no longer act in a performance.
“Well, I’ll just place them right here for ya, sweetie.” She cleared her throat, setting them near me. I realized I was just staring at her, my mind somewhere else. “Anything else I can get you?”
“No,” I clipped. “Thank. You.” Every syllable was a struggle, as if I spoke too much, it would grind what was left of my sanity into dust, letting the mounting fury inside free.
“Well, can I say, it is an honor to meet ya. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought we would have a fae lord bunking with us.” She curtsied, her hand tapping at her heart. “Such a handsome one too. It is truly a privilege. I’m happier than a hog in mud.” She winked before striding off.
I almost wanted to laugh. Here was a woman from a different country respecting me and revering my role better than the one who was from here.
My gaze shot back across the bonfire, the flames shimmering off her shiny red hair. The luminosity around her wasn’t subtle; it blazed like sunshine, and I could see and feel it with every fiber of my being. It wrapped around my cock, squeezing it tight.
Rosie was stunning before, but the fae essence running through her veins now made her porcelain skin glow and illuminated her already bright blue eyes.
Everything about her caused my chest to seize, rendering all logic moot and digging into the foundation of my being.
The gaping hole I had felt when I thought she was dead. The terror of losing her.
I had whispered to her the entire journey, begging her to stay with me. To live. Now, all I felt was burning rage and embarrassment. Not only for feeling those things but letting everyone see.
For forgetting who I was.
There was no doubt everyone could see I cared more than I should have or wanted to . . . and once again, she had chosen the other man.
My gaze stalked Wesley as he moved around her, touching her repeatedly.
His knuckles brushed her cheeks, his fingers slid down her arms, he palmed her lower back insistently.
He hadn’t left her side since we came down to the encampment.
He hovered over her, smiling like a fool, attending to her every need, barely giving her an inch of space.
The place around me bustled as the leader, Jethro, had gotten some of his troupe to set us up in the extra wagons or bedding by the fire, providing food and drink.
Some kindly opened up to us, offering what they had, while others glared at us as intruders, which I understood.
In this world, it was hard to trust, and I keenly knew that those you let in could stab you in the back without warning.
My past with Kalaraja and the great pirate Croygen had taught me that lesson long ago.
Staying far away from the others, my attention went over the camp.
Ash, Lukas, and Kek were drinking tea by the fire, the three of them in their own world.
I didn’t know how serious any of them were about each other, but the energy coming off them went beyond lust and beyond simple friendship.
They just worked, as if each one offered what the other one was missing.
Lukas was more reserved, while Ash was more open to physical touch, and Kek was far blunter and more vocal.
All three looked so giddy around each other, smiling, laughing, having their inside jokes, and sly shared glances.
It was like a knife in my chest. A jealousy I tried to cut out of myself and never experience again.
Not able to look at their bliss, my attention drifted to Birdie, who might try to give me advice but was awful at taking her own.
Both she and Caden acted like the other one didn’t exist, though they both watched each other, then looked away when they were caught.
Scorpion had taken off into the forest, his mood darker than mine.
The loss of Hanna hung over the group, with no time to fully understand it.
We had been too caught up with Rosie to comprehend what had happened.
I hadn’t known Hanna well, though fighting for our lives together in the Games, and going through Věrh?za together, turned us into a fucked-up family.
I had no doubt we would go after her. I was afraid, which I think Scorpion was as well, that she wouldn’t want us to save her.
That it would be too late. She would be one of them.
A laugh yanked my head back to the redhead like it was a conditioned response.
She nodded at whatever Wesley was saying, a cup of steaming tea in her hands.
Her eyes slid to the side, her face turning toward me, appearing like she was searching for something.
Wesley’s fingers touched her face, turning her back to him, his chin dipping down, murmuring something in her ear.
Her eyes widened slightly, peering up at him. Wesley cupped her face, his lean, tall form moving closer to her, a sensual smile on his lips as his hungry gaze ran over her, about to kiss her.
The last of my strength cracked. Blistering rage colored my vision, searing through me. The need to destroy what I considered a threat had my muscles tightening, ready to fight and kill. Protect what was mine.
My attention locked on Wesley. I took several steps before I realized what I was doing.
She wasn’t mine. That life wasn’t meant for me. I halted, my fists crunching the bones in my fingers. My body shook, overwhelmed with the drive to take out all competitors.
How I became a lord.
Wearing a nice suit let people forget how cutthroat and ruthless I was, the blood staining my hands, and what I had done to get to where I was.
Instead of slicing Wesley’s throat like I wanted, I turned away, barreling away from the group, my wrath bubbling up like a kettle.
My ears rang with my boiling blood, hearing nothing but my pulse.
My breath billowed in front of me as my feet sprinted through overgrown woods.
Years of neglect had nature creeping back and taking over.
Forced to stop at a dead end where a small groundskeeper’s house sat abandoned, covered in weeds and brush, a frustrated bellow tore from my throat, spilling out my anger.
Snapping off a branch, I swung it in my hands like a samurai sword, hacking at the brush.
The years of training in Kenjutsu and Kendo moved my body with brutal precision.
The hours Kat and I would practice on deck with Master Yukimura were the only thing that centered me, reining in my temper.
It was all I had to hold on to when I felt everything else was falling apart.
I had done it every morning in prison before the alarm went off.
With the iron collar ripping me apart inside, it was the only thing that kept me going.
To keep fighting when my body wanted to succumb.
I continued hacking at the thicket. Thorns and branches sliced into my hands, nipping at my face. Blood trickled down my cheek, dripping off my hands, but it only fueled the urge to let my barriers down and let the world feel my fury.
To drown in it.
“Killian!” My name rang somewhere in my head, her voice teasing me, mocking me. Not giving me a moment of peace. With a cry, I stabbed harder, my palms ripping across the rough wood.
“Killian, stop!” A figure moved into my peripheral, a hand grabbing my arm. My body went into defense, swinging around to the attacker, primed to strike.
Her blue eyes were wide, her throat bobbing, but she didn’t move away, her stance challenging my own.
Rosie.
I blinked out of my trance, stumbling back.
She stared at me, peeling me down to nothing. Her steady gaze created more emotion to boil in my veins. Different, but just as violent, just as crushing.
“What are you doing here?” Glancing at the empty path behind her, I took another step back, feeling my barriers build back up, trying to pretend what she saw was ordinary and certainly had nothing to do with her.
“Surprised your lover let you out of his sight.” A snarl slipped through my pretense, layering another level of shame on my chest at letting her see my feelings so clearly.
“Better go back. He’ll be looking for you. ”
“And if I did?” Her nose flared as her eyes leveled on me. “You wouldn’t do anything, would you?”
My brows furrowed, her response not what I was expecting.
“Why would I?” I glared. “You two are perfect for each other. And now that you are fae”—I waved over her glowing figure—“you seem to be adapting well to it.”
“Are you taking the piss right now?” Her English accent thickened in her anger.
“I can’t believe you.” She stomped up to me.
“I haven’t had time to even contemplate what happened.
The fact I died. That I’m no longer human.
I don’t know how I feel about any of it.
What to think or even how to come close to accepting it.
So no, I can’t say I am adapting. And I’m certainly not all right.
The only thing I do know right now is I almost died.
And there was only one person who kept me holding on to life. ” She held up her finger.
“I swear, if you’ve come here to tell me Wesley is—”