Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
KILLIAN
The clock ticked on the nightstand like it was counting down the seconds until everything I knew and cared about was taken from me. What I worked my entire life for, everything I sacrificed, lost, bled, killed, and almost died for.
From the poor kid on the streets fighting for a slice of bread to a ruthless pirate to a lord of a country.
I was merciless and powerful. I bit, clawed, and killed for my position, for what I wanted most in this world.
The whole reason I became lord was to prove—to my father, Croygen, Kat, myself—that I was worthy.
To have all the power, bend them to my will for once.
Show them how wrong they had been about me.
I was something special. They were wrong for turning their backs on me.
I became a leader not for the people, but for my own ego.
For confirmation that Kat chose wrong. I was the one she should have picked.
I had the role, the riches, the castle, and the power.
People bowed to me, carried out every order I commanded of them.
I was the one all the girls wanted, fae or human.
I got everything I wanted, and now I felt more unsure and unworthy of it. All my drive to get here was empty and meaningless. Prison had crumbled the facade I held up, even to myself, taking me to one basic understanding.
Success was nothing if you sat in your castle alone.
It was no longer the girl I imagined long ago who would be at my side when I was finally there.
Never could I foresee that the naive, sweet-faced actress I had seen in that god-awful play, who became a whore to survive in the new world, would challenge me every step of the way and be the one to bring me to my knees.
Opinionated, stubborn, fiery, beautiful, and smart as hell. She cut through all the bullshit, making me see she was the only thing I needed at the end of this war. I could walk away from the title, the money, and the power without hesitation.
Rosie. Nina. Whatever she wanted me to call her, I knew I could not live in this world without her.
My eyes flicked to the nightstand, sensing the magic lying in the secret compartment in my drawer.
It was such a small object to have such inconceivable power.
The energy coming from it was unmistakable.
I couldn’t deny the draw to it. The compulsion to place it in my hands and let the magic fill me, to end every threat to my future, to the people I cared about.
The old Killian would have done it in a heartbeat. It was what I had desired the most at one time. I pretended I wanted to have it to keep it out of the hands of Istvan or others like him, but was I really any different?
When you have everything, but there is no meaning to any of it, you only want more to fill that hole. It never stops because you are trying to satisfy a bottomless chasm.
An empty carcass.
“No. I don’t trust myself. I don’t want it.”
“That is why the burden falls on you. How much you have changed, my lord. You are worthy of it now.”
Was I?
The fire crackled behind me, flickering off the walls of my master bedroom.
It was everything a lord would have—a king-size bed loaded with faux furs, leather headboard and sofa, sleek dark wood furniture, and dark beams running across the ceiling.
A fireplace, walk-in closets, and an enormous bathroom with a sauna and hot tub.
All for looks and prestige, because I had never once spent the night here. I actually preferred the smaller, homier cabin to either the castle or this place.
Waste was for the wealthy who had nothing to show inside.
This was their personality, and we applauded them for it.
As a young boy, dirt covering my face, my belly growling in hunger, I would look at the houses and boats of the rich and think someday I wanted to buy it all and show the world I could.
That if I had so much wealth, wasting it made me someone worthy . . .
Fuck, it was all shit. Věrh?za peeled away every veneer I had layered myself with over the years and stripped me to the bone. The irony was not lost on me being put in the very prison I built and made sure it was even harder to penetrate.
Though I would give anything for my friends to not go through that experience, I had to wonder if I would be here now without it,
Without Věrh?za, would I have found Rosie?
Rubbing my head, I sighed, my burning eyes reading the clock. It was almost two in the morning. After dealing with Tad and Olek, Mykel and I had locked ourselves away in the office to speak in more detail about the situation, which didn’t leave me in a hopeful mood.
Grunting, I stood up, going to the door, wondering where she was.
“My lord.” A woman fae soldier stood outside my bedroom, addressing me as soon as I opened the door.
It was something I wouldn’t have even questioned a few months ago.
No matter where I was, I had guards at the doors, day or night.
The threat of assassination from even a trusted employee was on the mind of every leader.
And deep down, I had liked it. Again, it proved I was so high up I had to have guards watching me all the time.
I didn’t like it here. It felt wrong in this place. Like my position might be worthy, but I no longer felt I was.
“Did you need something, sir?”
“No . . .” I started to shut my door. “Actually, yes. Can you locate Rosie? Bring her here?”
“Yes, majesty.”
“Please don’t call me that.” I frowned. “Call me Killian.”
“Not sure I can, sir.” She dipped her legs.
“Please try.”
“Yes, my lord. Killian.” She smiled like a schoolgirl, her cheeks blushing, before she took off, searching for my fiery redhead.
Closing the door, I tugged off my filthy sweater, picking at the platter of food left on the table for me.
“Are you kidding me?” A door slammed behind me, whirling me to Rosie. Her hands were on her hips, clothing torn and filthy, her hair matted from being in a beanie.
Dirty, smelly, and exhausted, she was still the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. Stunning as a human, but she stole my breath as a fae.
“Are we back to this?”
“What?” I blinked, realizing she was mad.
“Ordering me around like I’m one of your servants or soldiers?” She folded her arms. “I’ve played the whore for a long time, Killian. Paid my dues . . . I am finally free. I won’t go back to spreading my legs from one owner to another.”
“Bazdmeg.” I took a step back, offended. “This went off the rails quickly.”
“You had a guard retrieve me.” She stepped closer, her voice rising. “You couldn’t come find me like a normal person? Ask if I was ready or wanted to come to you?”
“I’m not a normal person.” I gritted my teeth, retaking the ground I gave up.
“Oh, right.” She curtsied. “How would His Majesty like me to please him this evening?”
“Rosie . . .” I pinched my nose, though I felt my dick twitch at the phrase. Inhaling, I looked her straight in the eyes. “I was going to come look for you, but sometimes being who I am comes with limitations.”
She burst out a dry laugh. “Limitations? You think being a lord is limiting?”
“Yes,” I growled, moving closer to her. “It comes with a lot of perks, but I have fewer freedoms as a lord than a normal guy looking for his girlfriend.” My eye twitched at the last word, not feeling right on my tongue. Girlfriend sounded so young and frivolous.
“Girlfriend?” Her lips wobbled, trying to hold on to her irritation.
“Yeah, that sounded silly to me too.” I held up my palms. “And before you take it wrong. I mean you are more than that.”
Her blue eyes lifted to mine. Rosie was so strong, but I saw fear flicker in them, both of us scared to death of this thing between us.
I had called her my mate. We had never talked about it, never even brought it up since that morning.
“I’m sorry I had someone get you. I won’t do it again.”
Her arms were still crossed, but her head nodded in appreciation.
“What did I pull you away from at two in the morning?” My hands ran down her arms, trying to relax her.
“Madam. Kitty,” she corrected herself, like she was adjusting to calling her just by her first name.
My head shifted back. “Why?” A pinch in my gut had the word come out slow and unsure.
“What do you mean, why? I’ve known her longer than you.”
“Have you ever sat and chatted before? Were you friends?”
“No, but things are different now.” Rosie rolled her shoulders, dropping her arms, but I could still feel she was reserved. “We were just talking about what we will do after if this war goes in our favor.”
“And?” That feeling grew like weeds in my stomach.
“She wants to reopen Kitty’s.” She shrugged. “And I might want to help her.”
Rosie might as well have punched me. I almost stumbled back, my chest heaving. “I’m sorry, what?” I shook my head. “You want to go back to the whorehouse?”
“Not as one of her girls,” Rosie replied, like I offended her. “But as a business partner.”
“No . . . no . . . fuck no.” I wagged my head vehemently. “Can never happen.”
“Excuse me?” Her defenses shot up, her blue eyes glittering with anger. “Are you once again telling me what I can and cannot do?”
“Why would you want to go back? You worked hard to get out of there,” I questioned, my emotions taking over.
“Yes, and I want a place that protects them better and provides more security and safety for the girls. Prostitution is never going away, as much as I’d love that. It will always have a draw because of the money. So why not make it better for girls like me?”
“You are not one of them.”
“I was,” she seethed, pointing at herself. “And I could be just as easily again.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I glanced around like I was in some alternative universe. “What do you think this is between us?” I motioned between us as anger stomped up my vertebrae. “What’s going on?”