Chapter 23
By the time I left the courthouse, I felt like I’d been hit by a Mack truck.
My head pounded. My feet hurt. It was just past four so at least I’d be able to have a normal dinner with Will.
I missed him. The trial had taken over my life.
He was experiencing the first few weeks of high school with a basically absent mother.
My phone rang as I walked up the steps to the City-County Building. It was Bree. I never even got a chance to say hello.
“Mara, I’m so sorry,” she said, crying. “I didn’t know he was going to get into some stupid thing that I did when I was a kid. Did I ruin it?”
“No,” I said. The truth was, I wished she’d have told me. But I honestly hadn’t anticipated Cutler would bring up an expunged MIP charge. So that part was on me.
“You did all right,” I said. “Don’t let any of this upset you. You’re not the one who hurt Ellie. Don’t forget that.”
“But if this gets screwed up because of me …”
“It won’t.”
“I’m still sorry,” she said.
“I know. I am too. I should have thought to prepare you for something like that. Nobody’s perfect, okay? It’s fine.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“I’ll see you soon,” I said.
I clicked off. Caro waved to me as I walked into my office. She had her phone in her ear. Hojo was down the street at a meeting with the county commissioners. We’d sent the interns home for the day. I welcomed the peace and quiet as I intended to finish up a few things before finally heading home.
I made it two steps into my office before Gus Ritter’s gruff voice hit me from behind.
“Why’d you just let him do that?” Gus said.
I turned. He stood there in his weather-beaten tan trench coat, his tie crooked as if he’d tried to wrench it free.
“I’m sorry?” I said.
“You let Cutler walk all over you in there. You let him basically tell that jury that Dane Fischer killed that girl.”
I peeled off my own overcoat and tossed it on a chair. The pounding in my head got worse.
“Gus, that’s not what happened. I lost a ruling. A ruling I knew I’d lose. There was no way I could keep Dane Fischer’s name out of this. But you got to say what you had to. There wasn’t enough evidence to convict him.”
“You think that’s going to matter? All Cutler needs is reasonable doubt. If he gives them a plausible alternative suspect, they’ll acquit.”
“You really want to lecture me on burdens of proof, Gus? I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you? You’re off your game, Mara.”
“Gus!”
Sam filled the doorway just behind Gus. He looked winded, like he’d run all the way over here from his office. It occurred to me he probably had. He was trying to save Gus from himself, maybe.
“I don’t want to hear it,” Gus snapped. “Not from either one of you. If Jamie Simmons walks because you didn’t do your job, there won’t be a do-over. I’ll spare you the lecture on double jeopardy.”
“Gus,” I said through gritted teeth. “You’re upset. You’re overworked. This isn’t you. You’re hanging on way too tight.”
“And you’re not hanging on tight enough.”
“I’m doing the best I can with what I have,” I said, then instantly regretted it. I hadn’t meant it as a dig at Gus, but knew he could take it that way.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snarled.
I was tired. I should have taken the high road. I should have just ignored him. But I didn’t. My own insecurities came roaring to the surface.
“It means this case is weak. It’s always been weak.
I have a box. That’s it. That’s my evidence.
I have nothing connecting Jamie Simmons to the actual murder of Ellie Luke.
At best, I can prove he’s a creep. Or that he mishandled a corpse.
The rest is going to take a leap of faith from all twelve members of that jury and right now, I don’t have a lot of faith in them. ”
“I gave you a solid case. If you can’t get a conviction on it, that’s on you.”
“Stop it!” Sam said. “Gus, go back to the office. Or better yet, go home.”
“Or what?” Gus said. Sam’s eyes widened as Gus turned on him. This was the Gus Ritter most other people knew. But it wasn’t the Gus Sam and I knew. I took a breath and a literal step back.
“Gus,” Sam said, his voice low and threatening. “Go home. That’s an order. Get some sleep. Take tomorrow off. You need it.”
“Or. What?”
“You really wanna push me right now?” Sam said, almost shouting.
“Yeah. I think maybe I do. I think somebody should push both of you. I think I’m watching this whole case fall apart right in front of my eyes and I’m the only one who seems to want to do anything about it.”
“I’m doing everything I can,” I shouted. “I got handed a turd, Gus. If they acquit, this isn’t all on me!”
I felt like I was coming unglued. I wasn’t a yeller. I didn’t lose my temper. Not like this. Not like … Gus.
“Mom?”
My heart dropped. Sam turned. Will was in the hallway right behind him. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder
Gus squeezed his eyes shut. His hard expression softened.
He looked at me, his eyes pleading. But he didn’t apologize.
Neither did I. I waited a beat, then took a step toward him, reaching out.
But Gus went stiff. He put a hand up, shook his head, then brushed past Sam and Will and walked out of my office.
I sank slowly into my chair.
“Hey, Will,” Sam said, squeezing my son’s shoulder. Will was only a couple of inches shorter than Sam now.
“They gave us a tour of the City-County Building,” he said. “For my government class. We just got out. I thought I could ride home with you, Mom.”
I’d completely forgotten that was today. “Of course,” I said.
“Is Uncle Gus okay?” he asked.
I met Sam’s eyes. “No,” I said. “He’s upset. This case is … well … it’s upsetting. Hey, kiddo. You mind hanging out with Caro for a few minutes? Let me just finish a few things up and we’ll head home. We can stop and grab some shakes or something from the Scoop Factory on the way.”
“Ice cream before dinner?” Will asked.
I smiled. “Yeah. It feels like an ice-cream-before-dinner kind of day.”
“Cool,” Will said. He gave Sam a knuckle knock as he headed over to Caro’s desk. She’d probably load him up with candy, too. Today, I didn’t care.
“You okay?” Sam asked.
“I’m fine.”
“That was … look … I’ll talk to Gus when he cools down. He’s just … this thing has him rattled like I’ve never seen him. He didn’t mean any of that.”
“Really? Because I think he meant all of it. If I’m being honest, so did I.”
I buried my face in my hands. I really needed something more potent than ice cream.
“He blames himself,” Sam said. “That’s guilt you’re hearing. He thinks he overlooked something about Jamie Simmons all those years ago. That he focused too hard on Dane Fischer.”
“Sam, he’s not wrong. And I don’t mean I think this was his fault. The mistakes he made were normal ones. Human ones. And to be honest, relatively small ones. But sure, they added up.”
“I wouldn’t have conducted that investigation any different than Gus did,” Sam said.
“I know. But I did mean what I said. There’s a giant hole in this case.
And it isn’t even about Dane Fischer. It’s that I can’t prove Jamie Simmons did anything other than pick over Ellie Luke’s bones.
Which is disturbing enough. And criminal.
I can make obstruction of justice, evidence tampering.
But aggravated murder? I should have pushed back on the charging document. That was a mistake.”
“He did it. You know he did it.”
“Of course he did. I just … Sam, I’m sorry. I was pushed into this. Trying this case. It wasn’t ready. We needed more. We shouldn’t have charged as soon as we did. I should have pushed back. I just wish …”
“What?”
It felt disloyal for saying it. But I was ragged. I had no energy to filter my words. And right now, even though he sat there in full uniform, I didn’t need Sam the Sheriff. I just needed Sam.
“Kenya wouldn’t have allowed this,” I said. “She would have fought harder to hold off.”
“What good would that have done? The evidence you have is all the evidence we’re gonna get.
We don’t have an eyewitness. It’s a miracle Hayden Simmons found that box when she did.
If Simmons won’t take the stand, then there’s no logical explanation for him to have those things from Ellie’s body unless he’s the one who killed her.
And frankly, if you’re pissed this thing moved forward when it did, you have to be pissed at me, too. ”
“Sam …”
“It was my call to arrest Simmons. Gus works for me, remember? And I’d do it again exactly how it played out.”
There was truth in what he said. And yet Gus had rattled me enough I couldn’t fully hear it.
“Do you think he’s right?” I asked.
“About an acquittal? Who knows? Even if we had Simmons’s DNA at the scene, it wouldn’t be a guarantee they’d convict. Juries do what juries do. You know that.”
“No,” I said. “Do you think he’s right about me? Am I off my game?”
“No.”
“You can tell me. God. I wish Kenya were here. She’d give it to me straight.”
“So do I. And no. You’re doing the best you can.
I’ve told you this before. There’s nobody I’d rather have at that table in there.
But I do think you’re letting Cutler get under your skin more than you should.
Gus was wrong in thinking you could have kept the Fischer stuff out.
Even he knows that. But everyone seems to be forgetting common sense in this one.
Jamie Simmons has a box with things he took from Ellie’s body.
Her dead body. And the only person who could have known where she was is the guy who put her there.
Don’t forget. She was lying there for seven months!
Nobody had a clue where she was. Except Simmons. ”
I heaved a sigh. “Yeah. But like you said. Juries do what juries do.”
“Who do you have left to call?”
I squeezed the bridge of my nose. “Deena Landon’s up first thing in the morning.”
“Simmons’s ex-girlfriend?”
“Yep. But Cutler’s going to object to her entire testimony. It’s going to be a crapshoot whether Saul will sustain it. If she does, I don’t have a lot of ammo left.”
“My money’s on you,” Sam said. “Vivian Saul has about had it with Cutler.”
“It won’t matter.”
“Come on,” he said. “Will’s waiting for you. Do what you promised him. Ice cream for dinner sounds like a damn good idea. I’d invite myself along if I didn’t have to get back to the office.”
He rose and came around the desk. He kissed me.
I touched his cheek. He made me feel better, like a true partner should.
It had been so long since I’d had that. I realized then maybe I never had.
So much of my life with Jason had been focused on serving his ambitions.
The moment I thought it, I forced Jason out of my mind.
He didn’t deserve space there. Not at this moment.
“Call me later tonight,” Sam whispered.
“Okay. Thank you.”
Sam grabbed my coat and held it out for me as I slipped my arms into it.
I leaned back against his chest. His tall, solid strength fueled me.
I could see Will was still at Caro’s desk.
She was laughing at something my son said.
A small smile crept across his face as it gave him pleasure to make her happy.
For the rest of the evening, I would fight to keep the Ellie Luke case out of my mind. It would work for a while. Until I laid my head down on the pillow and knew my first witness tomorrow would be a Hail Mary.