Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Claire
Despite his initial hesitation, Vance polished off the last of his hot dog. And while he did, he talked.
He told me about his family. How his mom was a New York socialite who had fallen in love with his dad, an FBI agent with a radically different life than she’d ever known. How she’d gotten pregnant, they’d married, and then everything had fallen apart.
“Mom loved the thrill of dating someone with such an exciting job,” he explained. “But reality sunk in after they got married.”
“What happened?”
He shrugged. “Her life changed, but his didn’t. For him, the job came first. Always. ‘No distractions.’ That was his motto, and it didn’t change just because he had a ring on his finger.”
I winced. “Man. That really sucks.”
“Yeah. And a part-time relationship wasn’t sexy anymore when she was stuck at home taking care of a baby she didn’t really want. So she split.”
He said the words casually, but I knew there had to be pain behind them.
“So that’s when you moved to Maine?”
He nodded. “My grandparents had a summer house there. We moved in with them and never left. It was a completely different scene than New York, but Mom loved it. She made a whole new set of friends and traded the nightlife for tea parties and spa retreats. Up there, having a kid was an asset, not a hindrance.”
“That’s good, I guess?”
He snorted. “I think I liked it better in New York, where she was ignoring me. Having someone value you only as a way to make themselves look good sucks in a different way.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I really couldn’t imagine. My parents annoyed me sometimes—or often, at least right now. They didn’t understand me, but I knew they loved me.
I wondered if Vance had ever experienced that.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said firmly. “My childhood was cold, but I’m aware of how privileged it was. I don’t have any right to complain. If I ever thought that, working the streets of NYC set me straight.”
“Money and happiness are two different things.”
“They are,” he agreed with a small smile that told me he was grateful I understood.
“How often did you get to see your dad?”
“Two weeks every summer.”
My jaw dropped. “Wow. That’s awful. Travis is in the process of getting divorced. Missy, his ex, only lets him have the girls two weekends a month and that’s still not enough for him. For any of us.”
“Two weeks was more than enough for Dad.” His voice was flat. “The job came first. I understood.”
He said it like he’d repeated it to his father a million times—like he’d almost convinced himself it was true. But there was a sadness in his eyes that told me he wished it hadn’t been that way.
“If he never cared to see you more than that, why did you move to NYC?” It was another nosy question, but I didn’t think he would mind. If anything, he seemed relieved to open up. I got the feeling he’d kept all of this bottled up for way too long.
Some of my siblings were guarded like that—Beth, Finn, and Jonathan. It wasn’t healthy. I believed that you had to let things out, lay your feelings out on the table.
They probably wished I would do less of that.
Vance sighed, then gave me a funny grin. “You’re too easy to talk to.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I think I understand now why you decided to become a deputy. It’s the only job where you can get away with questioning people like this.”
I grinned. “I told Cheyenne almost the same thing once. But you’re stalling.”
His smile dropped. “Truthfully? I always saw my dad as a hero. This incredible man who dedicated his life to serving other people.”
“Everyone except you,” I said quietly.
He gave me a perceptive look. “Yeah. Everyone except me. I think I thought that, if I moved to New York, went to school for criminal justice, and followed in his footsteps, he might finally be interested in me.”
I toyed with a paper napkin. “So you were trying to be worthy of him.”
He was silent for a long beat. “Yeah. I guess I was.”
This time, I was the one to sigh. “I understand that.”
“Is that part of why you became a deputy? Trying to prove your worth, too?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Not at first. But I’ve been trying to prove myself ever since.”
“Your department doesn’t seem very supportive.” Irritation flared on his face. I knew that it was for my sake and it warmed my heart.
“Sheriff McGrath has been great,” I corrected. “He can be overly protective sometimes, but otherwise, he’s good. He’s actually the one who encouraged me to apply for the job, and he’s been a mentor ever since. But…” I swallowed hard, embarrassed to admit something so personal.
“What is it?” His eyes were curious.
“My parents laughed at me when I told them I was applying.”
“Why?” He seemed genuinely dumbfounded. “I know your Mom’s a little—”
“Controlling?”
“I was going to say overly invested in your love life.” He flashed a grin before turning serious again. “But your family is different from mine. So warm and loving. Connected. And with your background in SAR, I don’t understand why they’d laugh about you taking the liaison position.”
“Well, they did.” My cheeks turned red just remembering it.
His voice softened. “People underestimate you all the time, don’t they?”
“Most people. Not everyone.” Rhett and Cole never had. Neither had Cheyenne. That was probably why they were my three favorite people on earth.
His jaw tightened. “I know I said this earlier, but I’m sorry I was one of them.”
I waved him off. “You didn’t know me. Is it irritating when a stranger underestimates me?
Sure. But I get it. I’m a woman. I’m blonde, and for some reason, people still think blondes are dumb.
I’m also short. That’s three immediate strikes against me.
I get it. The only thing that really hurts is when it’s someone who actually knows me. ”
“Like your parents.”
“Exactly.”
He shook his head, with a strange smile on his face. “I get that, too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Why do you think I’m at DCI?”
“What do you mean?”
He wadded up his napkin and tossed it onto the table. “Dad worked his way up to SAC—Special Agent in Charge—of the New York field office. He was a big deal.”
“Apparently so,” I said, impressed.
“When he retired, he moved to Jackson. Started a private security firm.”
I whistled. “So he’s making the big bucks providing security for the celebrities that flock there every summer.”
“Oh yeah. So much money that even my mom keeps trying to use me as an excuse to get close to him again.” He rolled his eyes. “But anyway, when I decided to leave the NYPD, I applied for a position there first. He turned me down.”
My jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I have a bachelor’s in criminal justice. Graduated with a 4.0. Made detective in just eighteen months—”
“Whoa,” I said, my eyes wide. Eighteen months was exceptional in a competitive place like the NYPD.
“Thanks.” He flashed another quick grin. “But even after eight years of experience in New York, my own father still rejected my application to work with him. Said it wasn’t enough.”
The injustice of it pissed me off. How could his father not see what was right in front of his eyes? Not just Vance’s merit as a law enforcement officer, but the fact that he was working his ass off trying to earn a relationship with his dad—something that should have been his all along.
“Why are you even still trying?” I blurted out. “He sounds like a total ass.”
He took a deep breath. “It’s complicated.”
“Maybe it shouldn’t be.”
“You think I should stop?” Those piercing blue eyes of his focused on me, waiting for an answer. His intensity made me feel like everything was hanging in the balance.
Part of me knew that it was a bad idea to give life-changing advice to someone you barely knew. But I didn’t have it in me to hold back.
“Yeah, I do,” I said firmly. “You’ve made it clear you want a relationship with him, but it seems like he keeps blowing you off. That sucks. You shouldn’t have to fight for it. Maybe if you stop, he’ll realize what he’s missing out on.”
He took in my words, revealing nothing as he contemplated them. “I have no idea why I told you all of this,” he finally said.
“We all need a listening ear sometimes.”
“You probably always have that in your family.” This time, his smile was wistful. Sad.
It stabbed my heart to realize that the ultra-confident special agent was lonely.