Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Claire
Our progress was slow moving through this part of the woods.
The vegetation was a lot thinner than the lower forest where I’d sent King and the others, which made it look like the easier path.
But the closer we got to the ravine, the worse the ground became for walking.
It was the kind of rocky ground where you could twist an ankle no matter how careful you were.
Not to mention everything else that could go wrong out here off the beaten path.
I didn’t have Cheyenne’s intuition, but the farther we went, the more certain I was that we were following Robin’s footsteps. The signs were few and far between, but there were enough disturbances to tell me someone had come through here recently. And who would have done that other than Robin?
Unless she wasn’t the only amateur investigator with the bright idea of trespassing into the campground.
The thought made me groan, but it also gave me hope.
Hope that, unlike we had initially feared, this wasn’t a second victim.
And hope that, if multiple people had been pulling this kind of thing, maybe the trail disturbances were from someone else.
For Robin’s sake, it would be much better for her to be slowly trekking her way home on the long loop trail, exhausted and hungry—but safe.
If she was in the ravine, this could end very badly
We never give up hope. The words came to me in Cheyenne’s voice, the way they always did on a search. It was practically her tagline. Even now, I missed being on horseback with her and Rhett, trading jokes back and forth as we worked the search.
Everything was changing, and things would never be the same again. I was tempted to take comfort in the fact that Vance was with me, that my new partner had my back here the same way he had it everywhere else.
But this partnership was temporary, too.
It would end the day he left for New York.
It was nearly midnight when we made it to the edge of the ravine. Rhett and Cheyenne had radioed in, telling us they had come up empty on the loop trail. Same news from the team that had done the hasty search at the campground.
I scanned my flashlight into the darkness, calling for Robin. My voice echoed. But there was no answer.
Vance came up beside me. “What are you thinking?”
The words squeezed at my heart. They were the ones I usually asked Cheyenne at this point.
I turned to Vance, struck with a whole new appreciation for him. Exhaustion was written all over his face, but he was calm and steady. He hadn’t complained once, even though I’d pushed him hard.
It made me like him even more.
I pulled off my heavy pack, dropping it to the ground. “Well, I have some bad news for you.”
“What’s that?” He brushed his hair off his forehead and dropped his bag onto the ground beside mine.
I gulped down some water. “It’s late. We’re exhausted, visibility sucks, and the risk of injury is too high for us to move forward. But it would waste too much time to turn back.”
“So we camp here,” he stated. There was no irritation on his face. Just acceptance.
“Yeah. I’m sorry.”
“Why should you be sorry?”
“Because we’ll be roughing it,” I said, wincing. “Like … really roughing it.”
“You didn’t force me to come. I insisted. Remember?” He brushed his thumb across my cheek.
It killed me how he could make my heart flip upside down with a single touch.
“True,” I said, giving him a little smile. “You’re stubborn like that.”
“We both are.” He held my gaze for a long moment, then let his hand drop, sticking it into his pocket with a sigh. “So, what’s the plan?”
I took a deep breath. “We’ll grab a few hours of sleep and start searching the ravine at first light. I’ll let everyone know we’re staying put.”
I turned away from him and radioed in. Cheyenne was the first to respond, saying that she and Rhett were going to crash at base camp and would resume searching at daybreak.
King said they were going to push forward for an hour more, then bed down in the forest if they hadn’t found her yet.
They were following a potential trail and hopeful it was hers.
Vance built a small fire at a spot about fifty yards away while I did my check-ins. When I wrapped up, I grabbed my pack, walked over, and warmed my hands on it.
“Nice,” I said, smiling in appreciation.
“It’s not much. But maybe it will help keep you warm. I know you hate the cold.” He stuck his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels, giving me a tentative look like he wasn’t sure I would approve.
But the gesture blew me away. He’d built a fire for me. The whole SAR team was supposed to take care of each other, but normally, I was the one taking care of these things. It came naturally to me and I didn’t mind it at all. But Vance’s fire felt like a gift. One that meant the world to me.
“Thanks,” I said, my voice raw. “It’s great.”
He gestured at the area around us. “I wasn’t sure where you would want to sleep, but this is the flattest spot I could find. I moved a few rocks out of the way.” He pointed at the tree line. “There are some pine branches down over there that I could drag over for makeshift pillows or something.”
I hid my smile. “I know I said we were going to be roughing it, but we don’t have to rough it quite that much.”
“Oh really?” He turned to me in surprise, putting his hands on his hips. “You holding out on me, Hawkins?”
I laughed and unzipped my pack. Now, I was the one feeling nervous. It only made sense for us to share my gear—it would be safer and more comfortable for both of us. But it was also highly intimate.
“I’ll share,” I said, keeping my voice light. “But when you see the size of this thing, you may prefer the branches.” I pulled my ultralight pop-up tent out of my bag.
“What the hell is that?” He eyed the small pouch.
“Magic.” I pulled it open, laid it on the ground, and popped up the support pole.
Instant tent. It wasn’t much more than a place to sleep.
Too low to stand up in, barely even high enough to sit in without hitting your head on the top.
But it was waterproof and helped keep the heat in on a cold night. I never went on a search without it.
His jaw dropped. “Damn. That is magic.”
“It’s tiny,” I warned. “But if we leave our gear out here, we can both fit. I also have an ultralight sleeping bag, a sleeping pad, and a blow-up pillow. It’s not great, but…”
“It’s a hell of a lot better than rocks and pine branches. I’m sold. I’m surprised you carry all that with you though.”
I shrugged. “On long searches, it’s easier to camp on the trail than to hike back to base camp. And the extra weight is worth it to me because it gives me a dry place to sleep without a lot of effort. It also puts a barrier up between me and the rattlesnakes.”
“Don’t want one trying to slip into your sleeping bag at night?” He grinned.
I returned the grin. “Exactly. I’ll gladly carry a few extra pounds, even if it's giving me a false sense of protection.”
“So we’ve finally found out what Claire Hawkins is afraid of,” he teased, dropping to a seat beside the fire.
“Who said I was afraid of anything?” I pulled the pad, pillow, and sleeping bag out, put them in the tent, and zipped it up tightly so that nothing could crawl in before I did. Then I sat down beside Vance and passed him a granola bar from my pack.
“Thanks.” He unwrapped it and ate half of it in one bite. “I can’t believe I’m already hungry after the dinner your mom made.”
“Hiking burns a ton of calories,” I said before biting into a bar of my own. “How are you on water?”
He lifted the liter bottle from my extra pack and showed me what remained. “Low. I drank more than I expected, too.”
“I’m glad you drank it. It’s important to stay hydrated. There’s a stream that runs close to here. We’ll refill in the morning before we head down the ravine. And there’s a creek at the bottom where we can fill up again.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Do you have a way of purifying the water?
“Of course.” I grinned.
“Of course,” he echoed. “I should know by now not to doubt you.” His sparkling eyes looked at me with undeniable affection, and I felt my breath catch. The smile faded from his face and those eyes turned serious. He stared at me, then shook his head. “You’re amazing. You know that?”
“Me?” I felt my cheeks flush.
“Yes, you. What you do out here? It’s incredible. Your knowledge, your dedication, your skill—I’m blown away. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
I felt caught in his eyes, lost in this moment where it was just us.
For a moment, everything else disappeared—the search, the investigation, the betrayal.
Even the grief over feeling like I was losing my best friend.
It all faded away, and all that was left was me and Vance, sitting underneath a starry sky beside a fire he had built to keep me warm.
“I’ve never met anyone like you, either,” I whispered.
He held my gaze for a long moment before speaking. “I could stay. You make me want to.”
“At DCI?” Hope flickered in my heart.
“DCI or working for my father. He offered me a job, too.” Vance took his hat off and pushed his hair back.
“Are you serious? That’s amazing,” I said, unable to stop my smile—until I realized Vance didn’t look happy.
He nodded. “Yeah. I’d made up my mind to say no. That day at the gas station.”
I flashed back to the moment he’d stared at me intently, asking if he should give up on a relationship with his dad—and how I’d known I shouldn’t give advice on something that big, but I’d done it anyway.
The weight of it crashed down, feeling like the worst sort of punishment for my impulsive tongue.
“You had two job offers,” I said, closing my eyes as the puzzle pieces fell into place. “The FBI or your dad.”
“Yeah. My dad’s offer was an insult. Grunt work at the bottom of his company, a chance to prove myself—again. I don’t think I realized until that conversation with you that I shouldn't have to.”
“You shouldn’t,” I said, hope dying like the flames in front of us.
“But if I took it now, I wouldn’t be staying for him. I’d be staying for you.” The look in his eyes was so earnest.
“You can’t.” I had to say it even though it broke my own heart. “You’re meant for more, Vance. More than DCI and definitely more than grunt work for your father. You’d be miserable—you’re miserable right now even thinking about it. You’d end up hating me if you passed up the FBI for my sake.”
His jaw clenched. “I’d never hate you for a choice I made.”
“You would.” I could barely force the words out over the lump in my throat. “You know you would. Maybe not at first. But you’d end up resenting me for it. And if things went sideways between us, you’d never forgive yourself for passing up the job of a lifetime for a temporary romance.”
His face hardened. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but stopped. He shook his head and looked away.
I turned my eyes to the dying coals in front of us. They felt like an hourglass, counting down the little bit of time we had left. All I wanted was to get some of it back, but I couldn’t.
Just like everything else.
We sat in silence until the last coal darkened and the fire went cold.
“We should get some sleep,” I said, my words sounding strange as they pierced the silence. “Sunrise will be here before you know it, and we need our strength.”
“Yeah.” He kept his eyes on the ground. “Are you sure you’re okay sharing your tent?”
For half a second, I thought about asking him not to. The thought of being so close to him all night felt almost painful—the kind of pain my heart felt when I watched the wild mustangs running free and knew no matter how fast I ran I could never keep up.
The kind of pain that came from wanting something desperately and knowing you could never have it.
But I couldn’t ask him to sleep out here. This was the wilderness, and the night was already freezing.
“Don’t be silly,” I said, forcing myself to act casual. “We don’t need you to be our next rescue. It’s cold out and it’s practical to share.”
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “Practical. No big deal, right?” There was a trace of bitterness in his voice.
“Right.”
“After you.”
He finally looked up. My heart skipped a beat when our gazes caught. His eyes held the same depths I felt swirling in my own heart. But the look of steel on his face told me he was doing the same thing I was and putting it all aside.
We had no other choice, really.
I crawled into the tiny space and slipped my shoes off, tucking them into place beside the tent flap. Then I unzipped the sleeping bag all the way so that we could both cover ourselves with it and rolled to my side on the sleeping pad to make as much room for him as possible
My heart throbbed against my chest as Vance climbed in after me, putting his boots beside mine.
“Tight in here,” he commented, his voice strained.
“Yeah, but the great thing about a search is that you’re so tired from hiking that you pass out quickly and don’t mind the lack of comfort,” I said, trying to keep things light.
“Exactly,” he agreed.
He was careful not to touch me as he crawled forward and lay beside me, but even so, he filled the space in a way that made it hard to breathe.
I could feel the length of his body stretched out a mere inch from mine, the heat from his chest radiating into my back.
I closed my eyes, breathing in the faintest trace of cologne that still lingered on him, mixed with the woodsmoke in our hair and the pine needles that clung to our clothes.
It was like heaven. A painful, heartbreaking heaven.
I didn’t want to close my eyes and miss a moment of it.