Chapter 14 A Different View #2
There was no signature or name. I read the instructions again, half-thrilled, and half-disappointed that there wasn’t more information.
But it didn’t matter. This was the mission Donavyn had warned me was coming.
When I looked up, the classroom was already half-empty.
The men with envelopes read them, then tucked them into their leathers, gathered their things, and started for the door without a word.
No one spoke. Those who hadn’t received orders didn’t ask questions, and those who did, didn’t offer anything.
Following their example, I folded the parchment and tucked it into the interior pocket of my jacket.
Gil, who’d just placed the last of his things in a bag at his shoulder, leaned into my ear. “You burn that paper before you do anything else.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, just walked away without looking back.
Hurriedly grabbing my other things, I started for the door, but as I passed the front and nodded at Voski, he cleared his throat and tipped his head for me to stop and speak to him.
But when I stepped out of the aisle to let others pass, he didn’t look at me, just leaned back against the desk with his arms folded, lifting his chin to the men as they passed, nodding if they saluted.
Waiting for him like that, I had a moment to stare at my Shadowfang Wing Leader. Dressed head to toe in black, even the brass rivets on his jacket darkened with use, I remembered how I’d felt about him in my early weeks as a Flameborne, and his taunting of Harle in our squad.
I’d thought he was funny, and quick, and a little bit mean.
He had a way of moving—and fighting—like a cat.
Whip-quick, and fearless. But he’d always made me nervous—until the day Donavyn made me tell my brothers about the morning I was Chosen by Akhane.
When I’d walked to the top of the Dragonmaw cliffs, despairing, intending to throw myself into the sea.
My brothers had shown a lot of empathy and compassion that day—and some surprising experiences of their own.
But just like now, Voski had hung back, waiting until all the other men left, before he spoke.
That night, he’d spoken only a few words, but they’d stolen my breath.
His expression was blank, but his eyes were storms.
He cleared his throat.
“I’ve been in that place,” he said quietly. “I don’t talk about it,” he said abruptly when I opened my mouth. “I just wanted you to know, you’re not alone. And your dragon didn’t Choose you because of it.”
I’d been stunned. But he just turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me there, reeling.
Now, I felt much more comfortable with him. He’d been thoughtful and giving with his time since I’d been sworn into Shadowfang, helping me cover for the time I had to spend away from our squad, and offering advice patiently.
But there was always a slightly cold, mildly frightening air about him. And now, as I stood there waiting for him to speak, I had to shake the childish nerves that whispered I might be in trouble.
When the door finally closed behind the last of the other men, Voski relaxed and straightened, turning to face me.
“You can relax Bren, I just wanted to see how you feel about the training? You’ve shown aptitude for this work from the start, but Gil says you’re finding unique solutions to problems compared to your fellows.”
I frowned. “I am?” My answers to the assessments had just seemed logical to me.
Voski nodded. “There’s no doubt, your point of view is different from ours.
I think that’s good for the kind of work you’re being called to.
But it also means we have to look carefully for risks you might hit that we wouldn’t.
There is one thing I want to caution you against, though.
” Voski snapped a piece of paper flat and laid it on the desk next to him, trailing a finger over it until he found what he was looking for.
“Gil noted that you’re talking about playing dumb with a man.
And while I understand that’s probably a great strategy in the tavern with a drunk soldier, I’d caution against it in the field. ”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Because, while you always want to be underestimated, you don’t want to be viewed as actually vulnerable. As happy as men may be to believe they can educate you, if they truly believe you’re unintelligent, it will increase the risk that a dishonorable man will be tempted to mishandle you.”
I flinched, but made myself keep holding his dark gaze.
Voski nodded. “I assume you take my meaning.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not saying don’t manipulate. Of course you’ll need to. But keep those around you walking a line of uncertainty. Don’t let them evaluate you too easily.”
I blew out a breath. “And this is how the world is different for men,” I muttered, shaking my head.
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that, a dishonorable man who’s uneasy about another man will be wary. But a dishonorable man who thinks he doesn’t understand a woman? He’s more likely to try to force her to his will, not less.”
“I’m not sure that’s true—”
“I am,” I said emphatically. “We’re not talking about good men, Voski.
Men like that, they’re arrogant, but their pride is pricked really easily.
If they think they know what you are, and they’ve got the upper hand, they’ll ignore you as a threat.
But if they feel uneasy around you, if they think they need to assert themselves…
that’s when things get dangerous for a woman.
I can walk away from a guy like that at a tavern.
But if I’m in the field and I need this man as part of my cover?
I have to convince him he’s already in control. Or he’ll force it on me.”
Voski leaned back against the desk again, his head tilted, staring at me.
“I’m not trying to be contrary, but this won’t work for me like it works for you,” I said.
“I don’t think you are. I’m just wondering if you’re right.”
“I am.”
He stared a second longer, then straightened again. “Let’s talk about this some more at the next session. I know you’ll walk through these obstacles differently than we do, the question we have to answer is, how we support you in that.”
“What do you mean?”
Voski reached down to grab his bag, then threw it over his shoulder and started towards the door, grinning at me over his shoulder.
“I mean, you’re an anomaly. On that third scenario you were given, nine out of ten of our brothers identify discreetly killing the mercenary as the first, and most likely, solution to the problem. ”
I huffed. “What does the other one say?”
Voski snorted. “They usually consider seducing him.”
I spluttered, which made Voski laugh, but it also got me thinking as I was walking the halls at his side, hurrying to the dining hall, because I was starving, but still had training in the gym in an hour, the thought of which made my body ache. I sighed. I’d eat and rest, which would help.
But walking with Voski reminded me that I’d had a question for him for days that I kept forgetting to ask. So, I waited until we’d gotten out of the building and were crossing the big courtyard with no one else nearby.
“Hey, can I ask you something quick?” I murmured to him, pinching his sleeve to slow him.
He stopped walking completely and turned to face me. “What is it? Have you had a problem in the training?”
“No, no, nothing like that. I just got my orders and it’s obvious I’ll be leaving soon.”
Voski’s brows rose. “Already?”
I nodded. “I’ve been thinking about what happens with patrols when I’m gone. Like, can I tell Ronen? Can I warn him? It says not to tell anyone who isn’t a brother, but he knows about—” I cut myself off quickly as Voski tensed, clearly concerned I’d been about to utter the word, Shadowfang.
“Leave it with me,” he said. “You don’t say anything.”
“But, even if you and Gil stay here, they’ll be at least one dragon short, and—”
“It doesn’t matter, Bren. You leave it to those in charge to manage that.
Furyknights are taken away from their squads for special missions or purpose-built squads all the time—and not even exciting ones.
The Wing Leaders all have ways to cover things like patrols when some members are called away.
Ronen will be informed when he needs to know. ”
I leaned in and kept my voice low. “But you said most squads don’t have more than one—”
“Bren, hear me,” he said softly, but with a warning in his eyes. “It’s not your problem to solve.”
I sighed, but nodded, then followed when Voski started walking again.
“Why isn’t Ronen with us?” I asked carefully.
Voski’s lips pulled up on one side and he looked down at me from the corner of his eye, his expression dark. He looked a little sinister and my skin prickled.
“To be sworn in, you have to show integrity even when you’re alone—to do the job that needs doing, even if no one is watching—matched with a mind and heart that will willingly do anything for the greater good.
Ronen is a good man, and I learn a lot from him.
But, he sees everything in black and white.
What is good, is good. What is bad, is bad.
He can’t imagine any circumstances in which doing “wrong” can be a help. He wasn’t made for deception.
I frowned. “And I am?”
Voski’s sly expression turned delighted. “In the right ways, yes.”
It was clear he meant it as a compliment. But I wasn’t sure how to take that.