Chapter 26 - New Girl
~ DONAVYN ~
When I returned to my quarters the following evening, there was an itch between my shoulder blades. Bren had looked the question at me the night before—about the queen—and like a coward, I’d avoided it. Unwilling to commit.
I’d spent much of the day today searching my own motives and fears.
Why was I so resistant to Bren meeting with Diaan?
Primarily because I didn’t trust Diaan not to manipulate her, or cause further problems for us personally.
But as I walked through the morning, swinging back and forth between determination to protect Bren from her, and setting my fear aside, Kgosi was the one to challenge me.
‘Can your mate be trusted to carry the king’s mission in Fyrehold?’
‘Of course she can. She’d never intentionally betray that purpose.’
‘Then she must be strong enough to identify—and evade—the manipulation of others. What else do you think she’ll face in that court?’
And, as much as I hated to admit it, he was right. If Bren wasn’t strong enough to face Diaan, knowing that she was manipulative, how would she fare against an entire, malicious court in a strange land?
When I approached Diaan and asked for her assistance, she’d been thrilled, as I’d known she would be. I still didn’t trust her, and pulled my arm from her grip when she clasped her hand on me, thanking me for giving her a role to play in Bren’s success.
I’d wanted to throw her off like a wet cloak. But, I’d kept my restraint and slipped my arm out of her grip, murmuring something polite.
Bren would see her tomorrow.
When she returned to the apartment, buoyant over something that had happened in training, I told her. She’d practically danced on the spot.
“Thank you, Donavyn! Thank you.” She leaped into my chest and kissed me, and I almost forgot we still had several things to discuss.
When she tilted her head and opened her mouth on mine, I couldn’t resist sliding my hand into her hair and holding her into my kiss. But I was forced to break it far too soon.
“I can’t let you distract me—yet,” I growled as I set her back on her feet, but kept her close, one hand on her back. She gripped my arms and smiled up at me.
“What’s going on?”
“I have yet to report to the king—which I must do this evening. But I needed to fill you in, and now I want to hear about your training. You have a twinkle in your eyes tonight. I’m happy to see it.”
Her smile returned, and quickly grew to a beam.
“I think I found another answer. I was so distracted last night, I forgot to tell you: My brothers supported the decision for a change. Today we rearranged my training sessions. I finally feel like things are coming together. I just pray I have time to learn what I need to—”
“Hold, what happened? What change did they support?”
“I’m being shifted—in the squad, my normal squad—to subterfuge. Instead of ambush and scouting in one, and subterfuge in the other, they’ll move me to strategy and stealth, which means my training will have a lot more crossover, and I won’t have to do so many different sessions—”
“What?!” I growled.
Bren went very still. Hands still on my arms, she froze, staring up at me. “You’re angry?” she asked in a small voice that I hated. “I thought you’d be pleased. I can take some of Terra’s instructions and—”
“Did you say subterfuge? For your squad?”
“Yes.”
“Bren, have you thought this through at all?”
She frowned. “Yes. Why do men always ask me that? These duties are exactly what I’ll be doing on this mission, so I don’t see—”
“Subterfuge is spying, Bren!”
“I know. That’s what I’m already doing—”
“With me. On this mission, you’ll be providing a very specific role, without deep cover, and connected to me, where I can watch you.”
Her head jerked back. “I’ll still be acting independently. You said that yourself—”
“Yes, but with the protection of others knowing you and I are aligned. Bren, do you know what the subterfuge training consists of? It’s highly dangerous and often solo.
When we return from this mission, if you’re fulfilling that role in the squad, you could be sent out again. Without me. They’ll separate us!”
Her eyes clouded and I felt her pang in the bond at the thought that reflected mine. “But, that’s always been the risk. We knew that from the beginning. You told me if we went to war—”
“It’s far more likely if you’re trained in subterfuge. Even outside war time.”
Her eyes narrowed and she dropped her voice. “I don’t want to be apart from you any more than you want to from me. But Donavyn, do you think I can’t do this without you?”
“No!” I sputtered.
“You think I’m not good enough? Not capable enough? They’ll train me more when we return. They won’t just throw me out there—”
“The king will throw anyone out there if he believes it benefits the kingdom,” I growled. “The fact that you’re being given this mission at all, proves that. But next time I may not be there to help you, Bren. If you’ve proven yourself in the field, and this is your specialty—”
“But that’s not a reason to resist training. I’m here for a reason. I have a purpose. Even the dragons are clear on that. I have to make my mark—I have to achieve. And if we’re ever going to stop hiding, the Furyknights have to see that I’m valuable, with or without you!”
“And they will—but this isn’t necessary to prove that.”
“You’d rather they kept me trapped in this training that forces me to fight men and attempt ambushes on soldiers twice my size?”
“That’s not what I said,” I growled. “Please, Bren. Return to scouting—at least then I can have your squad assigned to support my work—”
“Donavyn, no! They just agreed to this because I asked for it. And I’m thrilled.
I know I can do this. I’ve been floundering ever since I was inducted.
I finally feel like I have my feet under me.
You got me that meeting with the queen, I’m talking to Terra, and taking this training to help me and Akhane stay safe—”
“You’re the furthest thing from safe if you’re infiltrating our enemies on your own!”
“And you said you believed in me! That you knew I could do it!”
“I do! That’s precisely what I’m afraid of!”
“What?! That makes no sense.”
I clawed a hand through my hair. How to distill twenty years of military experience, training, and war into a single conversation? How to give her an appreciation for the picture of what she was about to face?
“We enter Fyrehold, and together, we’ll solve this problem—either by forging a true alliance, or by revealing our enemies,” I hissed, keeping my voice to a whisper.
“Yes!”
“And then, when we return, we’ll likely face outright war either against Fyrehold, or alongside them. I’ll return to Battle Commander duties, while you’ll be thrown straight into the next mission. Probably, even more dangerous. And this time, on your own.”
“It was always going to happen—”
“Not like this,” I snarled. “Do you understand what subterfuge Furyknights actually do? Shadowfang or not, do you know every facet of that role?”
“Of course not. I haven’t trained yet. I won’t have time to learn much before we go, but if I can start—”
I wanted to shake her. “Hear me, Bren: A part—just a small piece—of a stealth agent’s role is to attract the enemy.
Of course the men were happy to have you move into that role, they know you’d be highly successful at it.
I don’t think you’re incapable, Bren. I’m certain you’re both capable, and committed.
I despise this idea because I fear you are too committed to the purpose, and not enough to your own safety.
You will put yourself in the hands of men who could snap you like a twig.
At least when other Furyknights determine if they’ll take those risks, it’s man on man.
They have a fighting chance of freeing themselves if they’re attacked.
But you? You’ve just told me you can’t be expected to take a man hand-to-hand. ”
“No, but—” She cut herself off then looked aghast. “Are you afraid I’m going to cheat?” she breathed.
“No! I’m terrified that some dark prick out there will hurt you.
That you’ll put yourself at risk for the greater good, because you don’t see yourself as worth saving.
You think if you’re lost, it’s worth it to save others.
But that isn’t true. We need you for so much more.
I need you. And it’s not for this! If I lost you… If you were taken…”
I was beginning to tremble, and had to take hold of myself.
Bren’s face, still fearful, still wary, softened and she reached for me. “Donavyn—”
A knock sounded on the front door and we both froze.
But we’d prepared for this. “Go,” I whispered, then, when she nodded and moved to her hiding spot, I turned on my heel, storming out of the bedroom and closing the door behind me as I crossed to the front door and swung it open like I was impatient and had been interrupted.
My heart sank at the sight of the king’s sigil on the bib of the messenger boy, standing in the hallway.
He bowed the moment I opened the door. “Sir, the king sends his urgent summons.”
I slumped. “Very well. Run back and tell him I’m on my way—”
“No, Sir. Forgive me, General, but I was asked to lead you. He’s not in his usual chamber, and he says there’s no time to lose.”
What the fuck could be happening? ‘It’s the king. I have to go.’
‘Go—I’ll wait until you’re well away, then I’ll go to the stable. Tell Kgosi to let me know when you’re back. I should have taken my fly-bag there anyway.’
Nerves trilled in my chest as I nodded and reached behind the door for my jacket. “Very well, then lead on.”
But I cursed under my breath as I locked the door behind me and followed the young man down the stairs at a jog.
Why did it have to be now? And what could be so urgent that it couldn’t wait even a few minutes?
I barely dared think.