Chapter 32
~ brEN ~
I dozed off briefly, cradled in Donavyn’s warm strength.
I dreamed that we were still making love, and woke with a start—making him twitch because we were still joined.
I knew I should get up, hurriedly bathe, and get back out to training.
But my body was jelly—both from the intensity of my orgasm, and just because I was fucking tired.
So, I didn’t move. And neither of us spoke at first. Donavyn sighed, his breath fluttering in my hair, and I stretched, but hugged his arm to me when he loosened his grip. I wasn’t ready to be separated.
There was a moment when he nuzzled my neck that I thought he might love me again, but I sighed because I knew this had been an indulgence I couldn’t repeat. There simply wasn’t time. We could be called out at any moment. I needed to train with whatever time I had left.
But as Donavyn trailed fingers up and down my stomach, and I shivered with the delicious pleasure, I forced myself to turn back to duties. If I stayed laying here with him, I could at least use the time to plan.
“The queen said I’ll need gowns for the trip. You agree?”
“It’s inevitable. The nobles will expect me to attend court functions and dinners. They have a two-week festival next month that I’ll be expected to attend. And, as my companion, they would be surprised if you didn’t join me.”
It hit me then, what that meant. “Wait… we’ll be open there? About our relationship?”
Donavyn huffed and his hand flattened on my belly as he pulled me back against him.
“We will speak from both sides of our mouths, and pretend we’re innocent.
But yes, the king has already paved the way for their expectations—both, as an assistant riding my dragon’s mate, and as my companion.
I wasn’t pleased when he did so, it isn’t a role that commands respect, Bren.
You understand that? I don’t worry about your safety in public—the men know I hold the king’s ear, and won’t want to offend me.
It will make them more careful with you.
But in truth, you’ll be viewed as my toy. ”
His tone sounded like twisted lips and disapproval, but all I could see in my mind was the freedom to be close to him in the presence of others, something we barely enjoyed with my brothers, because we were always still here in the Keep and couldn’t afford to let anyone else see us touch or hold lingering gazes.
“I hadn’t thought about it,” I murmured. “I’ll be able to touch you? To be at your side? To admire you?”
He snorted. “Please, admire me at any time, Love.”
I smiled, but stroked my hand up his forearm, suddenly warmed by the idea. “What about the servants who go with us?”
“Those that know the true nature of our mission will be informed about the role you’re playing. And those who don’t might gossip, but they’ll hear the truth when we return, anyway.”
My chest trilled with nerves and anticipation at that thought. “How long do you think we’ll be gone?” I asked him carefully, uncertain what I wanted the answer to be.
“As long as it takes to successfully negotiate for the dragons, and gain a foothold with the king and Queen. Weeks, at minimum. Likely months. If there’s a need to gain us more time, I’ll make certain the dragon negotiations aren’t straightforward.
But they’ll be expecting to host us for at least two months. ”
I shook my head. “It’s really a very different world, isn’t it? My parents couldn’t leave their farm for more than two days. But these people, they just go?”
Donavyn rumbled and stroked my thigh again, giving me more delicious shivers that weren’t helping motivate me to get out of bed. “Their world, their priorities, their morals… It’s all very different, Bren. You need to be prepared for that.”
“I thought I was, but I suppose I hadn't considered what that would mean when we landed.”
Donavyn nodded, then kissed my hair. “I’ll be there. I’ll help you.” ‘Just ask me questions through the bond if you need to keep it private. They’ll understand that you’re not from the Court, and will expect you to make mistakes in etiquette and so forth.’
‘The queen said the same thing. But she also warned me. I can’t be foolish.’
‘You aren’t.’
My heart swelled at the simple conviction in his tone. I shook my head slightly in disbelief. “You’ve always believed in me, right from the start.”
He huffed. “You’ve achieved far more than you give yourself credit for. But it’s not my biased judgment, Bren. I knew the dragons didn’t make a mistake in the Choosing. And I knew God brought you for a reason. I just didn’t realize how personal that reason would be.”
He curled himself more tightly around me, drawing his knees up under mine and curling me over his arm, kissing my neck. ‘And if I don’t leave right now, we may be revealed before we even fly, because I find myself extremely reluctant to let you go.’
I felt the same way. It was such a luxury to lay here, in broad daylight, together. But I had so little time to learn…
With a sigh, I turned my head, nudging him until he lifted his head and kissed me, cupping my breast and kneading it gently, which brought the trill back to my belly. But he groaned and pulled away, and I rolled away, grieving the loss of him, hurrying to the bathing room.
As I gasped and spluttered under the cold spray in the bathing room, turning to wet my hair, I found Donavyn standing in the doorway, arms folded and leaning against the frame, staring at me with an intensity that sang in the bond.
His eyes burned as I let my hands slide down from my hair, to my body, then went still.
We stared at each other a moment before he pushed off the door and started across the floor to me, prowling like a wolf on the hunt.
My breath quickened at the simple sight of him, and grew shallow when he stepped over the side of the large stone bath, pulling me to him.
The water was just beginning to warm when he lifted the soap from the small dish on the stones and began to lather his hands.
He didn’t speak, but spent long minutes ensuring every square inch of my skin was clean—even catching droplets of water with his tongue after he’d rinsed me.
Of course, it was only right that I return the favor.
It took far too long to clean, and I would chide myself later for the indulgence. But I couldn’t find it in myself to regret.
We couldn’t know what would come in the next hour, let alone the next day. My hunger for him was rabid. I’d pushed fear to the side and gave myself up to the inevitable, praying that I wouldn’t let him down.
Praying that we’d make it through this together.
Praying that we’d have more time. Always more time.
Please, God.
~ DONAVYN ~
My skin still thrummed an hour later when I finally left the apartment. Bren had run off twenty minutes earlier, sneaking down the back stairs. I prayed she made it without mishap as I reached for Kgosi.
‘Make sure Ronan’s Ekko knows that she was held up by duty. The queen kept her, then I had to… debrief.’
A low huff reached me through the link from my dragon. ‘Practicing the double-speak of the Court, are we, Donavyn?’
I grimaced. ‘Practicing guarding my mate’s dignity? Yes.’
Kgosi rumbled. ‘I applaud the intention. And yet, it is one more deception.’
I frowned as I trotted down the stairs in my building, on my way to meet with the Captains to discuss orders for this mission, and finalize who would join us on the team—they needed to know about Benji—transport, and the thousand other details that a mission like this required in preparation.
Kgosi waited for my response and his attention weighed heavily. We’d been interrupted when he planned to talk to me about my hiding. I’d hoped he’d forgive me and we could move on without further discussion. But clearly I’d been wrong.
‘We’ll have plenty of time to talk when we’re flying to Fyrehold.’
‘Donavyn—’
‘Keg, I know. I heard you. I’m not resisting. It’s been taken out of my hands, and I trust that to the Creator’s good will. Perhaps He saved me from myself. Perhaps, not. But please, there are so many things that require my attention right now.’
There was a single, deep flare of disapproval in the bond—his indignation that I treated his wisdom like a scheduling requirement. But to my surprise, he didn’t push. Instead, he sent me an image of Akhane and Bren, flying overhead.
‘I find myself relieved we will not be asked to separate for this work. I am not ready to be apart from her.’
I was touched by the underlining emotion in his tone. I knew my dragon was deeply compassionate, but he rarely expressed his own moments of weakness.
‘I’m the same. Deeply grateful. Even if I am terrified of it, too.’
‘The mission? Or remaining close to her before the eyes of others?’
I frowned. ‘I have no desire to hide our bond, Kgosi. I do that for her—I understand what she fears. And I can’t deny that it’s a risk.’
‘That wasn’t what I asked, Donavyn.’
I frowned deeper. ‘Then, what did you ask?’
Kgosi took a moment to respond, which was surprising in itself.
He was rarely careful with his words to me.
But I felt him, as if he’d taken a breath.
A sigh. ‘I only wonder where this path takes us. I am not immune to unease when the Creator has not given us foresight. I am not without my own fear.’
That made my eyebrows shoot up.
Kgosi was both the most faithful, and the most courageous heart and mind I knew. I’d rarely seen him hesitate, let alone express outright fear. But as if he felt my surprise and question, he continued.
‘The more there is to lose, the more doors and windows by which fear creeps in. Duty doesn’t outweigh loss. You would do well to consider that, Donavyn.’
‘You’ll get no argument from me on that, Keg.’
My dragon rumbled as if he wasn’t sure he agreed, but he didn’t speak further, and I was soon distracted by the approach of Furyknights, walking with me to query orders before I reached my meeting.
So, it wasn’t until hours later I turned the conversation back over in my mind and wondered what he’d been poking me to think about.
The more there is to lose, the more fear creeps in. Duty doesn’t outweigh loss.
I agreed. Wholeheartedly. And having found our mates, and clinging to those precious bonds made every risk more terrifying.
I’d never seen duty as a balance for grief.
Difficult decisions to place men and dragons at risk were difficult for precisely that reason: We feared the loss of them personally.
Why did he feel like he had to press that on me?
I intended to ask him next time we had a chance to be alone.