Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
If Ianthe had her time as a young girl again, she thought she'd have enjoyed growing up in a place like Cherry Tree Cottage.
Located in the small village of Tupnel Green, barely forty miles from London, it seemed like another world entirely.
There was a pond in the center of the walled garden, with dozens of primroses surrounding it, rows of lavender, and herbs like rosemary and basil.
Fuzzy bees hovered over the droopy heads of sunflowers, and shadows dappled the green lawn as oak trees swayed overhead.
Within the secret garden, a blanket spread on the lawn with little cups and saucers set neatly there; several dolls and teddy bears were scattered around.
It was perfect. Ianthe had thought that the first time she'd seen it, when she'd been wan and listless following the birth, cradling the tiny baby in her arms as Drake helped her down from the carriage.
A flash of dark curls glinted in the sunlight and a little girl raced across the grass in the garden.
"Tubby, give it back!" Louisa cried out in exasperation. "You know you're not allowed to have mama's slippers!"
Despite the brief pang in her chest, Ianthe stared hungrily as the girl scrambled under a hedge, careless of her skirts.
They had that in common, a reckless yearning for adventure as a little girl.
But where she would have earned the edge of her father's cane for such a romp, Louisa merely burrowed through the leaves without care nor fear of condemnation.
"Louisa! Come! You have a visitor!" Elsa called, catching sight of Ianthe at the garden gate. She waved her in and limped out onto the cobbled stones at the back of the house, her gout obviously having flared again.
"Aunt Ianthe!" There was genuine joy on Louisa's face, and she ran toward them, her bare feet slapping the grass and her pinafore stained. There was a ragged slipper in her hand.
Elsa sighed. "Louisa, where are your shoes?"
"Oh, I left them in the vegetable patch!
I'll put them on in a moment, mama. I didn't realize we had visitors.
" She proffered a neat curtsy toward Ianthe, then seemed to realize she had the mangled slipper still in her hand and shoved it behind her back, smiling shyly.
The fat puppy wandered after her, saw the slipper dangling, and launched itself up, teeth closing around the ruined shoe.
A game of tug-o-war ensued.
Elsa gasped. "Is that my—?"
The slipper tore, and both puppy and daughter spilled onto the grass at their feet. "Oh, no! Tubby, you naughty beast!" Louisa cried. "You've ruined it."
Elsa gave her the look, her hands on her ample hips. "What did I say about that dog?"
"He didn't mean it," Louisa said, dragging the offending puppy into her arms. "I'm sorry, mama. I know I have to keep him out of the house, but I was searching for Russell, and he must have gotten in, and—"
"You can do the dishes tonight then," Elsa said, "to help you remember to keep him out of the house in future, and Tubby is banished to the stables to sleep tonight."
"Yes, mama. I'm sorry, I truly am."
Elsa ruffled her hair. "I know. Now run along and show your aunt your tea party.
I'm sure she would like to meet Russell, Sir Egmont, and Hilary.
I'll bring out something for you to nibble upon.
" She aimed a critical eye at Ianthe's figure.
"Your aunt looks far too thin. All that thick London air interfering with your diet, no doubt. "
"Don't go to too much trouble." Ianthe hid her smile. Elsa had a great deal of opinions on London.
Following her daughter into the garden, she left Elsa to fetch them afternoon tea.
She could hear Louisa giggling ahead of her and caught a flash of a white pinafore as she entered the hedgerow, but there was no sign of the little girl, just an abandoned tea party with three teddy bears, a doll, and a tin soldier.
"Louisa?" Ianthe spun in a slow circle. Sometimes they played hide and seek.
The garden was still. Lifeless. Even the wind dropped until only the drone of the honeybees broke the silence. Ianthe's smile faltered. Something was wrong. She could feel it. The buzz of the bees seemed to grow louder until it was almost vibrating in her ears.
Her stomach fell, just as clouds slid over the sun. "Louisa?"
A nearby shrub rustled, but there was no sign of the little girl. Ianthe hurried into the garden as the secret little glade darkened with shadow. "Louisa, where are you?"
That was when she glanced at the picnic rug again. The teacups were all knocked over and the rug had draped itself over a forlorn teddy bear, as if something had been dragged kicking and screaming away from it.
Ianthe's heart leaped into her throat. "Louisa?" she yelled, grabbing hold of her skirts and hurrying forward.
How had this happened? How had she lost her daughter in but the blink of an eye? Where was Louisa? What would Elsa say? She should never have come here. Elsa would have protected Louisa; Elsa wouldn't have lost her. What kind of mother could she call herself?
"Louisa!"
Please, no. Not my child.
"Miss Martin." Strong hands cupped her forearms, and Ianthe fought them for a moment, until warm breath kissed her face. "Ianthe," Lucien said, his voice low and gentle. "Ianthe, wake up."
Ianthe woke with a gasp, into a warm, dark room masked with golden candlelight.
Her heartbeat thundered through her veins and that lingering sense of loss was almost unquenchable.
Lucien knelt on the bed over her, his expression stern and searching, his knees straddling her and pressing the blankets down tightly over her legs.
He wore a burgundy robe that he'd evidently thrown on in a hurry, and one heavily muscled thigh speared out from beneath it, covered in dark hair.
"You were having a bad dream," he said, his fingers curling around her upper arms, as if he was afraid she'd vanish if he let her go.
The memory washed over her. Only, it was but a bad dream. This, her waking life, was the true nightmare, and no matter how she tried, it seemed she couldn't escape it.
She must have made some kind of choked noise, a tear sliding wetly down her cheek.
Ianthe didn't even know if it was she who reached for him first, or the other way around, but she found herself in his arms, her wet face pressed against the soft wool of his robe, and his arms curling around her.
Strong hands cupped the back of her head as he held her there, rocking gently.
"It's all right. You're safe now. You're awake."
Ianthe sobbed harder. Safe?
She clung to him, her chest heaving with the effort involved in containing her tears. Those hands slid slowly down her spine, then back up, and he made shushing noises. It felt nice to be held. Nice to know that someone else might be able to hold all of her broken pieces together.
But then reality began to intrude. That was only another wistful thought, was it not?
She'd thought something important had changed between them in that moment in the library, but then Lucien had left her here alone, in her own bed, gently shutting the door in her face as he turned to seek his own.
She didn't know what to make of it. He confused her.
Ianthe pushed away, wiping at her cheeks. Her entire face felt like a storm of bees had attacked it; hot, flushed, and swollen. She was a mess, and she couldn't afford to be. Louisa needed a mother, but the sad truth was that all she had was Ianthe herself.
It would have to be enough.
"Was I c-crying out?"
Those heavy lashes had half shuttered over his golden eyes. "Are you all right?"
"Of course. Just a nightmare—"
Lucien cupped her chin in his hands and tilted her face toward his, as though searching for the truth in her words. "I felt your fear through the bond. Fear and anger and a loss so profound it tore me from my own dreams. Something frightened you. Something—"
"No, I'm fine." That was panic now, locking hard claws through her belly.
The intimacy of the moment had her off balance.
It was worse than being naked before him, for that was only skin.
She could feel their tentative bond, feel him sorting through the emotions that travelled along it and echoed within him.
Just as she could feel the ache of his curiosity and the stern, somewhat gentle worry inside him.
Their bond was strengthening. It was both comforting and a concern, for what if he became so finely attuned to her moods that she betrayed herself and her secrets?
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. Fuck me," Ianthe whispered, leaning forward and brushing her mouth against his jaw.
Stubble rasped against her lips, and his thumbs were a question mark in the indentation of her chin before his grip weakened.
Hold me. Make me forget. Closing her eyes, she licked at his throat, her own hands tearing free and sliding up within his robe, feeling the smooth silk of his skin.
And then something wet-slick brushed beneath her fingers… rough scars along his chest.
Ianthe looked down in surprise, but Lucien's face had hardened, and he caught her wrists again, so she couldn't touch him. Dragging his robe shut with his other hand, he took each wrist in hand, controlling her as easily as one did a marionette.
"As you wish," he murmured, pressing her back down onto the mattress in a tumble of sprawled limbs. He held her wrists pinned above her head, and she knew it was so that she wouldn't be able to touch him again.
"What happened to your chest?" He'd never once stripped himself naked before her, even as they... made love.
Dark lashes shuttered those eyes. "Nothing."
Her heart stuttered to a halt. So that was to be the way of it. One mad step toward her, then two steps back. Ianthe tilted her face away, suddenly angry with him, even if she did not truly have the right. After all, was she not keeping her own secrets?
She had forgotten herself. It was all too easy to find herself falling for her own act. Far too easy to believe his. His reluctance only reminded her of the precise nature of this assignation.
Lucien wanted revenge. She wanted her daughter back. As soon as Louisa was safe, Lucien would be free of her. Today might have felt like an odd softening between them, but the truce was questionable. Ianthe could not afford to make any mistakes, not now.
So be it.
Ianthe lifted her eyes to his. Lucien's hot amber gaze asked a question, one she didn't think she could answer. There were no easy answers here. "Fuck me," she whispered again, instead of asking about his scars.
There was a long moment of hesitation, as though Lucien fought his way through the same doubts. Then he turned his face toward her breasts, his gentle onslaught overwhelming. The press of his body between her thighs only reminded her of what had happened in the library.
No place for doubt here, nor for the heart-burning truths she fought her way through.
Passion flared between them as Lucien set her body alight with his hands and mouth—slow, gentle licks, stoking the flames between them.
Soft gasps sprang from her lips, and a low groan of need came from his.
For this one moment, she could pretend this man was her lover, in both heart and mind, and not just body.
When he claimed her, it was a sweet joining.
Lucien moved slowly, as though afraid to let the moment go, but she wanted more.
She wanted mindless, passionate oblivion.
Body clenching around him, she dug her nails into his upper arms and drove him to a breathless release.
This time she couldn't share in it, no matter how hard she tried.
Afterward, they lay still for long moments, her body quivering as she lay curled in the hollow of his body and his arms. Occasionally he'd stroke his fingers against her hair, twisting a strand of it around his finger contemplatively.
This intimacy was one she was unaccustomed to.
Just pretend, she told herself as her eyes grew heavier and sleep finally, finally began to beckon.
"Who is Louisa?" Lucien whispered in the darkness.
Stillness leached through her body. She must have called the name in her sleep. Finding no way of answering that, Ianthe shut her eyes and pretended, despite her stiffening limbs, to be asleep.