The Worst Mistake #2
My next words crawled over my dry throat. “You don’t mean that.” I gave him the opportunity to take it back. Or amend the word. But he’d said it. And saying it made it real.
“I do. I do mean it.” He stalked toward me, steps suddenly lighter as if his confession had relieved him of the heavy burden of a forbidden secret.
“No,” I softly insisted as he closed the gap between us. “It’s just the blood. You’re…craving.”
“That may be part of it.” Dommik lifted his hand and, without touching it, traced the form of my arm. I wished he would touch me rather than mimicking the motion. “But certainly not all of it.”
My eyes drifted from his hand back to his heated stare. “How do you know?”
His nostrils flared as he exhaled. My entire body was buzzing. Fear and curiosity spiraled together, dancing up my spine and settling at the base of my neck.
“Because a person who craves you might build you a garden, but a person who loves you knows lilies make you sneeze and have them removed from your chambers.”
My arms folded over my middle.
“And a person who craves you might gift you a horse, but a person who loves you would know that your first horse threw you.” My eyes widened, I didn’t remember mentioning that story to Dommik. “You’re too scared to ride the horse he gave you, aren’t you?”
My mouth hung agape as he continued his declaration.
“But it’s more than just what I know about you. It’s you.”
Dommik’s shirt was oversized, but the way he whispered ‘you’ made me feel naked and bare in front of him.
“It’s the way nothing ever seems to get past you. You and your hypnotic brown eyes. I swear, there’s magic in those eyes. It’s the fucking way you bite your lip when you’re thinking deeply—can you stop?!”
I released my lip from my teeth.
He leaned down, his breath tickling the base of my jaw and neckline as he whispered, “It’s the way you felt beneath my hands when I helped you from your mount.
Your warmth. And the sounds you made when I feasted on you.
The way you said my name? It haunts me. I don’t want a day to go by when I don’t hear you moan my name. ”
Heat flooded my cheeks.
“It’s the way you’ve invaded my every thought. Death would be kinder than existing in such torturous proximity to you.”
“Those are just physical things. They’ll pass,” I squeaked out, repeating the familiar script I’d thought to myself a thousand times.
“It’s not—they’re not—” He let out a frustrated laugh.
“It’s the way you never seem to run out of room in your heart for living things.
No matter if they’re innocent or guilty.
Or whether they deserve it. And you’re clever.
Too clever, but aware enough to know to hide it.
And cunning. I’ve never met anyone since being turned that felt so much my equal. ”
My throat tightened and tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I thought Dommik looked at me and saw the memory of a lost love, but he saw me. All of me. I’d never felt so seen. So understood.
“Reyva, I love you. And it’s fucking terrible.”
In another life, another time, maybe the warmth of flattery fluttering within me wouldn’t be so overshadowed by the conflict thrashing in my chest.
I was breathless, half fearing and half hoping for what could happen next. If he pressed himself against me, I wouldn’t say no. If he kissed me, I wouldn’t push him away. My spine curled at the thought.
“My job is to protect you. My duty is to see you safe. But I love you, and that puts you in harm’s way. I can’t be the thing that puts you in danger. But I also can’t stop. The Four know I’ve tried.” Dommik searched my gaze with pinched brows.
I thought it had been lust. A fleeting attraction.
The thrill of the hunt. Wanting what was new and unknown.
At least, that’s what I’d felt…or what I’d told myself I felt.
But now, after hearing his words and how close he’d paid attention, how deeply he knew me, it unlocked a feeling I’ve only experienced once within me.
Tired and spent, Dommik exhaled. “I need to know.”
The question unbalanced me. “What?”
“Do. You. Love. Him?” Dommik bit out.
My heart dropped into my gut, leaving my chest empty and tingling.
I wanted to say yes. Enthusiastically. But I didn’t know.
The truth was I thought I could, one day, fall in love with Rhazien.
I’d given most of myself to him, but always reserved a small piece for someone else—for the man standing in front of me.
I resented him for it. For his unrelenting charm, his quippy mannerisms, his overpowering presence.
Even now, I was being pulled into his gravity.
“Why?” I whispered. I didn’t even want the small creatures of the safe house to hear my hesitation.
“I need you to tell me you love him,” he pleaded. “I need to hear you say it to make it real. Because it might help me let you go.” Dommik let the words trail off and tilted his head. My mind hung on the word might. It might help. Which meant it might not.
“I don’t need to love him to be bound to him,” I said softly.
“But that’s not what I asked.”
He’d been vulnerable and honest, so I returned the gift. “I thought I was falling in love with him. But now, I’m not so sure.”
I’d never taken to hunting for sport, but I knew there was a rule that if an animal was in pain, it was best to put it out of its misery. My response might have been honest, but it wasn’t the kindness he’d wanted or needed. I didn’t kill what was really wounding him. His hope.
“Eat and rest, Reyva.” Dommik leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on top of my head. The delicate expression was a far cry from the wanting, hungry lips devouring me in the Northern Hive.
“Wait…are you leaving?” I stammered as I watched him retrieve his rucksack and aim himself toward the stairs.
My entire world had been flipped upside down by his admission and now he was just going to leave me in yet another windowless cage to sort through all these feelings?
“You can’t come with me. Not dressed like that.
And Asher wouldn’t appreciate it if you vomited on him.
” Just the thought of hours on a mount sent my gut into a sickening spiral.
My breath hitched and I covered my middle with my arms, the movement lifting the shirt further. Dommik’s eyes fell to my bare legs.
“See this—” He gestured. “This is what I was talking about.”
Nothing. I was doing nothing. I was simply existing in the circumstances dealt to me.
I dropped my arms. “Where are you going?”
“To investigate,” was all he let on. “I will be back in a few hours.”
I looked at my feet and nodded, holding in a scoff. My unruly dark locks fell at the motion. I pushed the mass back to look up and found him studying me.
“Please.” The blues of his eyes pleaded with me to listen. “Please stay down here until I’m back. Please. Listen to me. Just this once.”
“Fine,” I said in a huff unbecoming of a woman my age. “Just this once.”
“Hm.” He smirked. “That’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said.”
My limbs were left burning for him. I almost told him to come back. To prove it to me. But what would be on the other side of that proof? Hurt, betrayal, punishment, death. Did I care? Or…had this changed things?
I’d put on his pants and had to roll them four times so they didn’t drag on the floor.
The oversized clothing made me look like a survivor marooned after a shipwreck.
My hangover had subsided enough for me to sit up and braid my hair, taking me no less than three times to get it right.
My thoughts kept wandering to his words.
It’s everything about you. Maddening. It’s my duty…and so much more. Curious. Would he feel that way if I gave in to him? If I did say yes. Did he really love me? Or was he just like any other man and wanted the conquest? Once he had something, he’d surely tire of it.
I ate a piece of bread in silence. I thumbed through the books. I knew better than to venture up the stairs after the last time, and who knew if Eryx had more thralls in the forest searching for me. No, I wouldn’t take any chances this time.
When the bread was gone and I’d realized I was rereading the same page over and over again, I paced the length of the cellar. Back and forth dozens of times, running through the images from Dommik’s memories, the words he spoke tonight, and every night before.
I wondered if Dommik would come to me as I laid curled up on the bed. If I would wake to the feel of his body next to mine.
But Dommik never came.
To my surprise, he kept his distance and his vow to his duty.
And guilt writhed within me when I realized I was disappointed.