Chapter 30
thirty
Orelia awoke to more of the cold night, still only able to see out of one eye. She slipped in and out of unconsciousness at least twice, that she could remember. The moon had disappeared completely, and there were no more voices in the distance. Only the sounds of the wind and her chattering teeth.
“What the fuck?”
She whimpered at the familiar voice.
Vade crouched in front of her. His face immediately dropped. “Holy hells . . .”
“You’re here,” she managed before bursting into a grateful sob.
He carefully scooped her up like she weighed nothing and carried her. “I’ve been searching everywhere for you. I felt the spell trying to rip me apart and I knew something was wrong. But I didn’t expect . . .this.”
Orelia wrapped an arm around his neck and buried her face in his warm chest, even though it hurt like the hells.
She cried the whole way back to the cabin, and only when he set her on the edge of the tub in the washroom did she stop.
The warmth from the hearth in the main room carried into the washroom, eliminating the chill on her skin.
Vade grabbed a cloth from the counter and dipped it into the water basin. “Would you like to do it, or do you want me to?”
“You,” she rasped.
Vade knelt so he was eye level with her. “I’m going to start by wiping away the blood on your skin that isn’t coming from a cut so I can assess your injuries better. Is that all right?”
She smiled at him asking permission to touch her, but her split lip didn’t let her get far. “Yes.”
With more tenderness than she thought him capable, Vade cupped her chin with one hand and carefully wiped away the blood from her forehead.
“Why aren’t you healing faster?” he asked.
Orelia gripped the rim of the copper tub, trying not to sway. “I can’t feel the tingling in my body like usual. Maybe I’m just too drunk.” But she knew something else was wrong with her healing. It had never not worked.
Vade handed her a glass of water, and after a few sips, the scratchiness in her throat subsided. He moved down to her left cheek, and she hissed through the pain. As he worked, an idea came to her. A memory from her younger years when she’d accidentally poisoned herself.
“Nightshade is tasteless,” Orelia said. “Maybe Ivan slipped a berry in there or something when I wasn’t paying attention. This feeling is—” Orelia coughed. “Familiar.” She looked at the ground, ashamed to have let this happen.
Vade ran out of the room and returned seconds later with a vial of dark blue liquid. “Here. This offsets the effects of poison.” He gently tilted her head back and poured the sweet liquid into her mouth.
She swallowed, and he gently wiped away some liquid from the corner of her mouth.
“Hey,” Vade said softly, looking at her swollen eye. “Is Ivan the one that did this to you?”
Tears welled as she nodded. “I tried to be careful when I left the tavern. I snuck through the shadows to get back here like you taught me, but he found me anyway. He tried to get me to come home with him again, saying we were just having fun. When I said ‘no,’ he beat me, then kicked me into the ditch.”
Vade sighed through his nose. She waited for him to reprimand her about putting his life at risk with her decisions, but he didn’t. “You have a cut over your brow that’s pretty deep. It’ll hurt when I press the cloth on it.”
“Go ahead.”
She winced through the pressure, but Vade was gentle. He dunked the cloth in the basin and squeezed out the bloody water.
Orelia stared at the floor, letting him work. Her mind went blank, and Vade didn’t speak until he was finished. He tossed the cloth on the counter. “I’ll be right back.”
She felt herself leaning to the right, even with a firm grip on the tub. She’d give anything to sober up. Flashes of Ivan’s fists hitting her over and over turned through her mind like pages in a book lost to the wind.
Her breathing quickened, panic rising.
The images flashed again and again.
She could hear him curse. Hear him grunt. Feel him hitting her harder.
Orelia put her hand over her erratically beating heart.
Vade entered the washroom carrying one of his black tunics. “This will cover you more than your chemise and might be more comfortable.”
His familiar presence alone calmed her down, and her heart worked its way back to a steady rhythm, Ivan fading into the background.
Vade grabbed her hand and helped her stand, looking into her eyes with a pained gaze. “Do you want me to help you change or let you do it yourself?”
“Can you help me?”
He nodded and slung the tunic across his shoulder. “Let me do this first though.” Vade knelt and began untying the straps of her sandals from around her ankles.
Orelia braced a hand on his shoulder as he lifted her leg and removed her shoe. He removed the other and rose, setting them on the counter.
“Lift your arms,” he said. “I won’t look at you.”
She did, and Vade kept his gaze fixed on the wall behind her as he carefully pulled her dress over her head.
She stood in only her underwear, but he never looked at her body as he blindly felt for the neck hole of the tunic and placed it over her head, threading her arms through the short sleeves.
Vade lifted her hair out from under the neck hole and made sure to keep any strands from sticking to her wounds.
His butter soft shirt swallowed her. Fabric like this probably cost him more than she made in a month at Beron’s. Orelia wrapped her arms around herself, instantly comforted by the shirt’s warmth and the scent of forest, fire, and him.
“Thank you,” she said, sitting back down on the tub. Her feet ached from the sandals, and she didn’t think she could make it to the bed without falling over. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“For not listening to you and coming back here. For delaying our travel plans. For letting this happen to me. I’m sorry I put you at risk. Again . . .”
He looked at her like she had weeds growing out of her ears. “Orelia, you have nothing to apologize for. That fucking piece of shit is the one to blame. None of it was your fault.”
The coppery tang of blood lingered on her tongue as she swallowed. “You’ve been right this whole time, Vade. The world is awful, and I’m finally seeing the truth of it now. I should have known something like this might happen. I shouldn’t have put myself in that position.”
His large hand swallowed hers. “Don’t you dare take any of this as being your fault, do you hear me? You should be able to dance and drink and have fun and not worry about a man doing this to you.”
She frowned, even though it hurt. “Why aren’t you agreeing with me? Why aren’t you telling me how foolish and stupid I was?”
“I had no right to try and force you to leave the tavern. Though now, I’m wishing I had.” He worked his jaw as he looked at her face, brows furrowing. “Your wounds still aren’t healing. Are you sure it was nightshade?”
She shrugged, staring blankly.
“Hey.” Vade crouched in front of her again. “You’re okay now. You’re safe.”
She met his eyes. “Am I?”
He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”
Orelia let out a humorless laugh. “I have tried so hard to be positive. To be kind. To see the world for its beauty. But I finally see that those are only stolen moments of peace. You’ve been right about everything, Vade.
No matter how hard you try, or how good you think you are, the world is set on tearing you down. ”
“You don’t really believe that.”
She pointed at her swollen eye. “Isn’t this proof? I tried to be nice. To tell him I didn’t want to go home with him in a polite way, and this happened.”
His jaw clenched. “That’s because he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve to breathe air anymore.”
The anger of defeat rose to the surface.
“I tried to help the girls at the Pony, and I was punished for it. I tried to enjoy myself with a stranger, and I almost died because of it. I try to get you to not be constantly annoyed with me, but you don’t want to spend time with me either.
” She sniffled, letting the emotions of the past few weeks tear through her.
“Life doesn’t reward good. People aren’t interested in it.
So I don’t know why I bother trying to get anyone to see me as something positive in their life. ”
Vade put his hand on hers. “Please don’t say that.”
“Why not?” she snapped. “You wouldn’t give a shit about me if it wasn’t for the spell. You wouldn’t care what happens to me.”
He swallowed. “You’re wrong.”
She let out another insincere laugh. “I’m not. You only tolerate me, Vade. Your rejection in the alley made that quite clear.”
“Orelia . . .”
The uncontrollable urge to fall apart overwhelmed her and she began sobbing.
“I wasn’t enough to make Tommen stay in Minro.
I wasn’t valuable enough to Beron. I didn’t give Ivan what he wanted.
I can’t fight. I can’t make smart decisions.
I put us at risk all the time. I—” She choked on the words but found them again before Vade could speak.
“And I know you can’t wait to be rid of me. ”
He didn’t say anything, only stared at her with an expression she couldn’t pinpoint.
“Why bother trying to be good in this harsh world? I’m clearly not good enough for anyone, so I’m done trying. I’ll be more like you. Hardened. Callous. Finally smart enough to see the world for what it is. Because I’m not enough for anyone, am I?”
His face bunched like she’d wounded him. When he didn’t deny it, Orelia broke down. She sobbed into her hands, not caring how much it hurt as she slipped off the tub.
Vade caught her, and they slid to the ground.
She pushed against his chest. “Go away!”
“Orelia, please.”
She struggled, but he only held her tighter.
“You don’t give a fuck about me! No one does!” She punched his chest, thrashing in his grip, but Vade weathered each hit, never letting her go.
“That’s not true.”
“Liar!” Her muscles were too weak, and she was too tired to keep fighting. Orelia bawled, unable to see anything through her tears.
She let Vade gently cup the back of her head and pull her into his chest. She hated him. She hated the world. She hated how cruel life was. But she had nothing left to give, so she cried into his chest for everything she’d never be.
He rocked her gently as Orelia cried herself into exhaustion. She didn’t know how long they sat on the floor, but eventually Vade whispered, “Let’s get you into bed.”
He carried her into the main room and laid her on the plush mattress topped in soft blankets. Tired, hopeless, and numb, Orelia managed to get under the covers while Vade rummaged through his pack.
Heavy-lidded eyes were about to close when pain erupted in her body.
Orelia arched, crying out to the ceiling. Her throat felt like it was closing, insides on fire.
She clenched the blankets, Vade’s face over hers in an instant. “What is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, panicked.
She began foaming at the mouth. Not nightshade.
“Moon . . .seed.” She spit, heat scorching her insides. Her muscles weren’t working right as she fell back into the bed, paralysis setting in.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she heard Vade shout.
Her eyes rolled in the back of her head, and she felt him pry her mouth open. More liquid went down her throat. Orelia choked, but Vade covered her mouth so she would swallow it all.
She was going to die. Her muscles twitched, spit dribbling out the corner of her mouth.
Hands gripped her face. “Stay with me, Orelia. Stay with me.”
The roiling heat inside her worked its way back to a simmer, function returning to her arms, and feeling resuming in her face. Her eyes focused on the man holding onto her.
“Fucking hells,” Vade said through a thankful breath.
“What . . .what did you give me?” she asked, sitting up, utterly confused at how quickly whatever he’d given her had worked.
“Seidr sana. It can negate the effect of almost anything, heal almost any wound. A last resort.”
She touched her face, finding the cut on her forehead had closed.
“Wow. That works fast.”
Vade panted, wide eyes on hers.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He ran a hand through his hair. “I thought . . .I didn’t know if you were going to make it.”
Not ‘you almost died so I would have died too,’ but he was genuinely concerned for her.
“I’m all right, thanks to you,” she offered in reassurance.
Vade stared at her like he’d never seen her before. He went for something else in his pack and returned to her bedside with two vials of pink liquid.
“These are deep sleep potions. The seidr sana will work on its own, but I don’t want to take any risks. I want to make sure you have enough time to heal completely and recover from everything that happened. They’ll keep you asleep for a few marks.”
She offered him a small smile and nodded. “Okay.”
Orelia downed the two vials, then shimmied underneath the blankets, pulling them up to her chin. She curled into the warm bedding while Vade took a seat in one of the kitchen chairs.
The fire crackled in the hearth behind him, coating the room in a soft, orange glow.
“You’re not going to bed too?” she mumbled into the blankets.
He rubbed his jaw. “I need some time to think.”
“About what?”
Dark eyes cut to hers across the room. Once foreboding, but now a comfort she’d grown used to. “Get some sleep, Orelia.”
Vade turned his focus on the fire and her lids soon became heavy. The potions quickly pulled her into sleep. To a place where none of the pain of life could find her.