Chapter 5
Where does one define the boundary between life and death? Light and dark? Is it firm like bone or perhaps as wavering as dust in settling? It is no small thing to look into the middle and find an answer.
The monster, my enemy, retreats up the stairs. Is he satisfied with the fear coursing through me.
I stand up, liquid falling down my legs and onto my feet. “Vampyr? What does he mean by that? What is he?” I demand, still moving away from Avonde.
“Now is not the time, you need rest. We put too much on you, and I apologize for that.”
“No. I need answers.”
“And how do you expect us to give them to you when you react like –” she waves her hands at me – “this.” I look down at myself and the mess I’ve made.
“I—”
“Sit,” Avonde orders, sighing at the mess on the floor. I find a spot next to the ripped fabric of the couch. A rip I made with whatever newfound strength I have.
“You are Elivienne de Cassas – Lady Elivienne de Cassas, to be exact. Daughter of Xristopher and Elmira de Cassas.”
“I—” Words fail. They fail me so horribly that I shudder because those shards of truth I have held onto since my awakening are dulling.
“I know you don’t remember them or yourself. But this is what I can offer you, a kernel of yourself.”
My head begins to spin, the nausea from earlier creeps up my throat. I quickly turn to the side and vomit whatever was in my stomach. Mostly a dry heave but what came out was a dark, thick liquid.
“Is that…” I start, eyes locked on the puddle in front of me.
“Blood, yes. We tried to feed you while you were asleep, but it was unsuccessful most days,” she responds, walking over to a closet next to the stairs. From the closet she reveals a dark robe of velvet maroon and black embroidered with a silver lining. Like the rugs in the corridor.
My eyes return to what is in front of me. I threw up blood.
“You tried to feed me blood?”
“It was the only thing your body would respond to.”
“Why would I respond to blood? You put that down my throat?” I point at the stain. “Blood from whom?” Perhaps they tried to transfuse it into me orally.
Avonde looks at me quizzically and shakes her head before changing the topic.
“There is a cottage on the east end of the grounds used for foreign courtiers, but it has been arranged that you will stay there.” Avonde moves behind me, arms looping beneath my shoulders to pull me up.
She pulls the robe on me with gentle ease before moving to the front to tie it shut.
“I’m just supposed to stay here?” I ask again. Nothing makes sense, but there is only so much I can do right now. I had blood in me. I’m not well, but Sawyer first has to come for me and then we can leave.
Avonde sighs, meeting my gaze. “Yes, until we know what to do with you.” This woman is full of sighs, but I see sadness in her eyes. “You’re not a prisoner, if you’re wondering.”
“What about Sawyer?”
“He is not and has never been. Like yourself.” This is all she can offer me.
I keep my thoughts internal, breaking eye contact as exhausted tears well in my eyes. Everything is happening too fast. Too suddenly. I don’t understand. They’re confused. More confused than I am.
But two things I am sure of.
One, I need to find Sawyer.
Two, we need to leave here immediately.
Sawyer never did come to find me before I was led from the castle, though I can’t stop looking over my shoulder or catching a glance at alcoves, hoping he’s there waiting. Exhaustion weighs my body and mind down. Avonde stopped answering questions and I stopped asking them.
“It is best we avoid any other encounters with people from your past,” Avonde mentions as she guides me through the service wing of the castle.
A black carriage with silver wheels pulls up along the gravel outside the entrance.
The horses leading are far more luxurious than what we had at the farm.
I admit that I find it hard to resist not stroking their manes.
The cottage is a short carriage ride away from the main castle.
The grounds roll with green fields, bordered by stone walls and carvings.
To know that places like this actually exist is still a marvel in itself.
The amount of water and care it would take to ensure natural life like this could thrive is thrilling.
Outside the back entrance of the castle is a large fountain surrounded by blooming beds of flowers.
Though the day has gone, I can still see their petals swaying in the breeze.
I can only imagine what the front entrance looks like.
Driving the carriage is Lee, a middle-aged-looking man in semi-formal wear. To his credit, he keeps the conversation at a minimum, which I am thankful for. I was sent alone, but perhaps being alone is just what I need.
Lee tells me that Avonde and the rest of the cess will be visiting in the morning.
The cottage is a simple structure, stone just like the castle but older and rougher in appearance. Seemingly handmade. Vines twist and thread between the stones and windows. It’s tucked back at the bottom of a hill on the east end of the castle grounds near the forest.
“No one should bother you here,” Lee says as he unloads the carriage. I’m still taking in the beauty of the structure.
“These are?” I ask, noting the large trunks and baskets he is unfastening.
“Your things, from the castle.”
“Oh,” I murmur and turn my attention back to the cottage. He walks up to the door, hands and arms full, and looks over at me. The carriage driver seems younger than Ma with wrinkles and lines coming from his eyes and mouth. His eyes are a deep brown and his greying hair tucks neatly under his hat.
“Your hand, Miss.”
“Sorry?”
“Right.” Lee places the baskets down. “Do you mind?” I shake my head and hesitantly give him my hand. He pulls back the robe sleeve and gently places my palm on the handle. A small zap shocks my skin and the large oak door cracks open. Lee picks the baskets back up and heads inside.
“What was that?” I follow him in, looking back at the door and down at my hands. The only thing I can do is ask questions. Everyone here expects me to know things that I just don’t. The mild frustration of it only increases when I am reminded that this place is completely foreign.
“The cottage is spelled to your hand and a few maids’ hands, too,” Lee grunts as he sets everything on the floor. “Well, the cess have access as well since it was their magic which bound it to you.”
Just inside the door is a small sitting room that looks like it belongs in the castle, not some boarding cottage.
The furniture is polished, the chaise and chairs are lined with deep velvets, the bookcase is filled with thick volumes.
To my right is a small nook fitted next to a large bay window overlooking the hill in front of the building.
Lee puts his hands on his hips, looking around the room as well, as if he’s also noticing the same details as me.
I look down at my hands curiously. I have magic.
“So, I can unlock things,” I say.
“Well, not all things. Just your front door.”
“Just my front door? That seems restrictive.”
“Protection, I imagine.” Lee nods at my hands before he walks past me and into a small kitchen area with a worktable, a round dining table with velvet chairs and a stove. I follow him, trying not to seem too out of place.
“All of this –” I gesture to the lavish style of the rooms – “for some courtiers.”
“Not at all,” he says, opening the cupboards, which reveal fine plates and silver chalices.
Lee finally pulls out a canister labelled Elys.
He fills the kettle and puts it on the stove.
His movements are swift and quiet, like he is used to making himself scarce.
I’m just standing against the doorway, unsure of what to do with myself.
“So, this is all for me?”
“I know it’s nothing compared to your quarters at the castle, but we tried to make it accommodating.” Lee turns to me, hands braced on the counter.
“Right, the castle…” I trail off. “What am I to do here?”
“Whatever you’d like, my lady,” he replies as he starts putting some of the baskets away.
He pulls out tins and checks different drawers.
I take a seat on a small chair in the kitchen as he busies himself.
I feel bad, in some odd way, to have someone working for me.
The kitchen area is quaint and the window above the sink overlooks a small clearing before the forest. I imagine the light hits this room just perfectly.
The kettle begins whistling, calling Lee’s attention back in here.
“I’d like to go home,” I say when he brushes past. He could be an ally. Someone who might understand my plight. The driver stills, setting the kettle back onto the stove.
“I’m sorry,” is all he can manage as he picks up the spoon and begins stirring the cup. He places the tea in front of me. The steam from the brew fills my nostrils and…
“I recognize this smell.”
“Elys,” Lee says and picks up the tin to point to it. It has delicately painted blooms all over its weathered sides.
“The purple flowers?” I ask, lifting the cup to my nose for a final smell before taking a careful sip. The taste is even more delicious than the scent.
Lee nods, emptying the rest of the pot and cleaning the counter off.
“Part of Lux’s emblem, of course. Our king had them planted all over the grounds in an effort to bring their strain back after near extinction in the central region,” Lee says as he puts the tin and kettle away.
“Drying them and making a tea helps with stress and anxiety.”
“Avonde’s orders, I’m sure,” I drawl, rolling my eyes.
“No.” Lee turns to leave but stops at the archway between the two rooms. “You just look like you need it. It’s none of my business why you’re here.” I take another sip, avoiding eye contact to survey the room again.
Maybe not an ally.
“Have a good evening,” Lee says, bowing, before taking his leave. The sound of the carriage wheels crunching on the gravel outside fills the silence as it makes its way back up the hill.