Chapter 10
The world is so much larger and more complex than any four walls. This is something kings and queens have died over, their lack of experience with the other. A barricade of society, of trade, of life will only return spoils.
The morning light quickly wakens up the room, stirring me from sleep. Though, I can’t say that I have truly had a proper slumber in Lux. My body resorted to tossing and turning, rethinking everything I learned and lost just a day before.
Sawyer validated my experience when it first happened. My awakening.
But now his truth is bare.
He was never human.
And apparently neither was I.
My entire sense of life has been ripped away and he was instrumental in that. A strong part of me believes, naively so, that he did it out of care. We obviously have some sort of history between us that stretches beyond the village. Beyond being human.
But how any of it is possible… I still can’t explain.
Leaving is not in his motivations, I sense that. Despite the obvious problems at court, Sawyer is the prince. My Sawyer, an ordinary, albeit wonderful, friend and confidant, is a prince.
A part of me still hopes, desperately, that I am a doppelganger or a lost twin to Elivienne, but that uncanny portrait and my body’s reaction to blood ruled that explanation out.
My name is not Liv, though I feel most like her.
I am not a human.
And I have – Elivienne has – substantial meaning to the king of a very large, very powerful kingdom.
And I do not remember anything or anyone within it. But do I need to? It was a mistake trusting Cedric the way I did last night. It makes me vulnerable. It makes me weak. They want me to give in and give up myself.
I fear that my prolonged stay here will complicate the situation even more.
I fear that staying, waiting for a solution, will hurt me more than I am hurt now.
Elivienne may have stayed, but as Liv I crave a life of my own as I always have.
Before the chaos, the confusion, the stress of this.
My desire is to find home again, wherever it may be.
Although beautiful, the confines of the castle serve me nothing – they aren’t mine at all.
Rubbing shoulders with strangers and a friend I hardly recognize any more is not how I want to live.
Do I have to accept this reality? I’m a prisoner. Though it seems everyone around me is convinced otherwise, I feel like I am. I’m being forced to live a life that’s been thrust upon me without warning.
Who truly was Elivienne? What is her purpose here besides a betrothal?
I cannot ignore that there are some advantages to my situation: the ability to gather as much knowledge as I can. The more information I have of the castle, the guard shifts and where exactly Lux is, the better.
I swing my legs to the edge of the bed and stare out the mismatched window wall. Light filters in from the trees, illuminating the forest floor. It all looks ethereal. My feet pad on the cool floor of the kitchen to warm up another pot of water for some tea. The kitchen is now completely stocked.
“What the—”
My eyes catch the lack of mess in the living room. All of the baskets of food have been stacked, the goods put away. The blood that once stained the floor and walls has been cleaned up.
Someone was in here, a maid I guess. But I don’t quite enjoy the knowledge that someone was in my space while I was asleep.
Safety, my ass.
I immediately fold my arms, rubbing away the goosebumps. Padding across the kitchen, I sniff and smell a small residual aroma of blood. My stomach rumbles but I decide to place a kettle on for tea.
From the cupboard Lee used, I pull a few tins of tea out. Briefly, I smell each one.
Elys, mint and some herb mixture.
I opt for the mint, needing the extra jolt of energy to get through this day. Whatever Cedric plans for me, I know it cannot be good. I need to have my wits about me. Letting my guard down is not an option.
The kettle whistles and I pour it into a flower-shaped teacup. The brew steeps and I check some of the drawers in the kitchen. In one there are washcloths, another has loose-leaf paper, and the last has utensils. They’re all mismatched and bent, as if they’ve seen battle.
Weighing my options, and there aren’t many, I pull out a half-rusted kitchen knife. Flipping it over, I examine the condition it’s in. Not good – and too big to hide on my person. I put it back in the drawer and slide it shut with my hip.
Today’s mission is to get a better lay of the land.
From the exterior and little I have been guided through, I assume – I know – the castle is large and complicated, but maybe I could start with the grounds.
Examining the clothes in the armoire, I settle on a simple black gown.
No frills, no lace. Just something I can sneak around in.
The last thing I need is to be recognized.
The shoe selection is limited to mostly pretty slippers but I spot some riding boots sitting in the back.
I slide them on and shove the knife inside.
Before I leave, I quickly gulp down my tea and throw a hooded cape on.
I nearly forget my hand is needed to unlock the spells binding the door. That much, I do remember. The zap beneath my palm has the same effect as pinching to see if you are dreaming.
However, this is not a dream.
Cedric stands in front of me with a group of what look like more healers. I inhale sharply and go to close the door, but he places a hand on it. “Please,” he manages to whisper.
“Can I help you?”
Avonde steps forward, smiling and motioning to the other healers behind her. I see Henry at the back of the group speaking with another cess. “Good morning, we would like to discuss your health.”
“He needs to be here for that?” I question, coming off more curt than I would like. We had a moment of understanding last night but I won’t be swayed into trust until I am ready. Avonde nods even though Cedric turns away, almost ready to go back to the castle.
“If he would like to be,” she replies, looking to him. He makes no move so I take it as his choice to remain.
My hand grips the handle a tad tighter but I relent and open the door.
The only other option is to make this difficult and I conclude that wouldn’t end well.
Following me into the cottage, each of the cess removes their hood and finds a place to sit in the front room.
The room isn’t that large, so I keep my distance by standing in the doorway of my bedroom.
Cedric lingers just outside the door, likely determining if he should come inside.
Henry whispers something in Avonde’s ear, but the other three keep their eyes trained on me. Inspecting me, watching my actions, determining my mental state.
“So, I would like to introduce you to the other upper members of the cess at Demis. Our team has identified what we think is causing this mental disturbance, but we need more time.”
“What even is a cess?”
Avonde chuckles, crossing one leg over the other.
“Cess, we’re told, developed originally from the word sorceress.
Most magic wielders were women once upon a time, but the trait started to pass on through mothers to sons as the populations grew.
Now just fathers carry the trait. Each one of us takes stations of healing and some choose to work in combat situations so magic can be used for victory. ”
“And you said I am one, a cess,” I question, already knowing the answer.
“You are, as your father before you was. Do you feel your magic?”
The question is laughable. The only verifiable thing I can feel is my hand zap against the doorknob. But who’s to say that isn’t the cottage’s magic?
“No, because I don’t have magic. I’m – I thought I was a human.” I do a twirl, attempting to display some of my supposed humanness. The three who haven’t been introduced look to each other. I go to say something else but my mind goes blank.
Avonde notices my observation and introduces each of them. “Grenn, Yully and Percy are all from different kingdoms. Cess have the opportunity to train anywhere and also find stations anywhere. They have no citizenship. I, myself, am from across the Harren Sea. You’ll notice my accent.”
“Do you mind telling us what you remember from your coma, your dream state?” Yully requests, sitting comfortably on a cushion on the floor with parchment before him.
Chills sweep up my arms. Recalling everything is harder than I imagined. Parts of my memory from the farm have slowly become shadowed to me. My mind is slippery, unable to hold most information.
“I’m still coming to terms with my life being dwindled down to a ‘dream state’, and you wish me to explain it.” I stare at Yully plainly.
“Take your time, of course.” Percy motions to the tea and I take a heavy swig.
The timeline, the experience, it all begins to form. “Before you ask, I don’t remember a true beginning.”
“You just woke up in action?” Yully muses.
“I don’t remember. Perhaps there was a day of awakening, but it is lost to me.
I just existed. There was a mother, Ma, she took care of me.
Not a figment of my imagination but a real person with emotions, with goals, with skills.
” I work my throat. “We lived in a small house, decrepit, on a desolate farm with little to no profit. But Gods, the work. Every day was a repetitive motion.”
“So, you repeated the same day for two years?” Yully picks up his pencil and scratches something out.
“No, not like that. But it felt that way and I did notice it, I think. We always worked with little or nothing to show for it. Fixing equipment, sowing seeds, selling objects, eating, sleeping. Ma and I were not alone at the farm – there were others.”
Cedric inhales sharply across from me.