Chapter 11 #4
My eyes focus on a black fabric draped on the door of my armoire. I remember more now. We tried to leave but my head. Gods it was so heavy. The guards found me. Found us.
The sound of boots echoes from the kitchen of the cottage. Someone is here.
Sawyer? I almost call out to him.
Breathing is laborious and my spine hurts, most likely from the fall in the city. My body is weak, but I try to sit up more firmly. A shadow falls upon the wall and there is no surprise it’s not Sawyer who enters the room.
Cedric’s onyx boots click against the floor and he sees that I am wake. His eyes immediately examine me from the doorway.
“How am I here?” I groan as he enters. His eyes pierce me and I look away, pretending to be caught up in pain.
Not really pretending, though, am I?
“How?” he asks, anger building on his features. “Answer me this. Why?”
We’re alone and the fear that rushes into me is indescribable. Treason could be a great justification for his choice to end my existence. His shoulders are tense, his hands steadily gripping the sword by his side. A black mist floats out from behind him, curling menacingly.
No, a shadow. I wasn’t imagining it.
Cedric looks positively unhinged in this moment. The red in his eyes blazes brighter than before. I knew this was a risk, only now am I realizing the truth of the consequences of it.
“You know why,” is all I can say on the subject of why. Why do you care? Why can’t I remember anything? Why won’t you let me be?
A muscle in his jaw tics. “You are unwell.” He motions dismissively. “Your mind is elsewhere. But you could have been hurt. Oh, but wait, you were.”
Oh, he cares about me?
“Being hurt sounded better than being challenging,” I respond. He walks a few feet forward, looking like pure power and force. This look mirrors the one he gave me in the Chalice Room, only this time I can damn near smell his menacing anger.
“Did Sawyer plan to flee with you?” he demands. His fists clench at the sound of his own brother’s name. I don’t answer immediately and he asks again.
“My desire to leave is mine and mine alone.”
They do not know his role. Sawyer agreed to come with me and spearheaded most of it. He’s protecting himself but he’s my only way out right now.
Cedric tilts his head. “I’ll ask again. Did my brother go with you? Plan with you?” He taps his fingers on the bedframe.
“No,” I lie. I can’t cause trouble with Sawyer. I need an easy way out. This plan failed and he jumped ship.
Cedric releases a breath and looks to the fire, as if trying to calm his emotions. The singular shadow slowly retreats, its translucent form disappearing entirely. His complete aura shifts as the minutes tick by. The clock in the front room chimes the hour.
“I apologize,” he offers, face still firm. Cedric steps in closer and I can now see his face better as the flames dance on his face. His hair is a mess and his boots are muddy, worn.
He went out there. To find me.
It’s true, I’m a prisoner and he is the warden.
A hunter and prey.
“And you’re feeding?” he asks.
“Not for a while, no.”
“What?” Cedric steps closer again.
I speak again. “No, I have not had blood since I left the cottage last night.”
“Are you insane?” he questions, looking around the space as if I would have bottles of it nearby. They’re still in that magicked trunk.
“Are you? I just barely discovered I’m not fully human,” I snap. My stomach twists at the thought of blood running into my mouth, coating thick in my throat as it works its way down. In pain or in pleasure, I do not know. I choose not to read into it.
A primal part of me wants it, but I tamper it down. I must. Cess can survive on human food and so will I.
“You are vampyr,” he starts.
“And cess!” I claim.
“But you need blood to survive. In perfect health, you would be fine with bread and meat. But you are walking a dangerous line right now. Your body needs it more often than normal. The way you feel? The varying levels of energy, the soreness and stiff joints. It will only get worse,” he says, motioning to me.
His words may come from a place of care but his tone is harsh.
He comes close to the bed, presumably to get a better look at me.
“Your flesh is mottled and slick with sweat,” he breathes. “You’re coming with me.” He comes around to where I lay but I scoot back away from him as best as I can.
“Don’t touch me,” I bite.
“You need a healer.”
“No, I need you to get away from me,” I say, massaging my neck. My throat is dry and thick and breathing is still challenging me.
“I will drag you against your will,” he roars. Why he’s this outrageously upset, I do not know. If I die, I’m no longer challenging.
Cedric reaches forward to scoop me into his arms. I jump back as he reaches for me. “Are you genuinely that afraid of me?” His throat works. “So afraid that you would risk death to avoid my touch?”
“Yes,” I bite out. “I told you not to touch me. You frighten me. Look at yourself!” I grit my teeth, trying to hold back the rage within me. He looks wounded, stepping back slightly at my admission, but I continue.
“Yes, you scare me, Cedric. Oh, but let us not forget that you treat me as if I am nothing. Then you want to control me because you are in denial! Because you miss someone who does not exist any more. I exist. Liv exists! Am I just a ghost to you? Gods, I do not even know you – your basic self – and you insist that I do. Well, I don’t.
Try being told that all you know of yourself, intrinsically, is a lie.
” It is so easy to let the fire fuel itself, yet I keep going.
“You all minimize my existence. Yes, that is what you have done and are continuing to do. I want nothing to do with you. Release me. I want nothing to do with this court and this life. My brain is rotten. My memories are gone.” I take rapid breaths as tears pour from me.
“It is painful, being here, not knowing what you all want from me. To heal, to heal, to heal. Avonde and the rest of her group say the same things but on what timeline? To what extent? What if Elivienne is gone and I am the shell she left when she almost died? I doubt I fit into your plans for a queen now.”
Cedric backs up, his boots almost catching on a basket.
“Yes,” I continue, my face hot with anger. “I am just a means to an end, a means to fulfill a purpose. You wish to erase me.” His face is solemn as he digests my fired words. He opens his mouth and takes a breath before responding.
“You may not like me or understand what happened to you. You may not remember anything – your life, your wants and wishes. I cannot change what has happened. Forget your purpose for me, for my kingdom. Do not sacrifice your health for the sake of being stubborn, for being angry.” He grinds his teeth, his jaw tensing.
“You will not wither away and you certainly will not be running away. Look at yourself. You are unwell and truly mistaken about so, so much,” he adds.
I pluck the slicked hairs from my forehead and shift some of the duvet from my body. My body groans but I am burning up. We catch each other’s stare, both piercing. I have never hated someone more in my life.
But he is not just in my life. He is the damnation of it if I do not truly escape.
“Leave,” I grit. His presence is too aggressive, too much for this space. My space.
His eyes darken. “You will feed. If not for me, for yourself,” he orders.
I try to stop the maniacal laugh that escapes me. “Why are you so concerned for me? That is my question. I am nothing to you. Well, Liv is nothing to you.”
Cedric leans against the mantle, folding his arms. “You are nothing but a pain in my ass. And you will be nothing if this keeps up, Liv. You know not what you say. Feed or I will force you.”
I press my lips together, unwilling to back down in the slightest. The dagger under my pillow is warm to touch as I slide my fingers to ensure its place. It lightly tingles as my fingers close around the hilt.
It would take one swift throw and I could end this. Adrenaline floods my system as I consider the odds of this working out. Cedric’s brow quirks at my hand under the covers, as if he can sense my thoughts.
Can he?
“Leave,” I order again. The dagger sparks more intensely under my touch.
I slide it slowly out from under the pillow, keeping it hidden beneath the covers.
Cedric pauses for a moment, unyielding as I am.
Finally, he straightens and turns his heel to exit.
He pauses in the doorway, turning back slightly.
“You’re being evaluated again tomorrow, and I will force blood down your throat if you decline.”
The door shuts on his way out, my palms sparking as it latches.