Chapter 7 #2
Blanche’s yell breaks us both out of whatever haze we were just in. Lucy sits up straight and fixes her skirt as she turns sideways in my lap. The new position showcases the wet spot on my crotch where she dripped onto me.
“Fuuuck,” I groan, running my fingers through my hair.
Thankfully, no one sees my distress as Blanche praises the scene. “That’ll do! Oh, that was perfect! Wonderful job, Lucy darling. I dare say you’ve gotten our Sasha almost as flustered as I had Henry!”
At that, everyone turns to look at me, undeniably disheveled. Fuck, I have to get out of here. I stand, dumping the minx of a woman from my lap as I leave the room. I don’t stop to say goodbye as I head for a cold shower. If I stop, I’m not sure I’ll ever let her go.
After a cold shower and two rounds with my fist have failed to take off the edge, I decide to make a trip to Rendezvous.
Maybe that’s what’s been wrong with my dick lately.
I haven’t gotten laid in weeks. It makes perfect sense that a certain little roommate of mine walking around in scraps of clothing would drive me wild.
I park in the back and make my way through the exhibition hall, getting a good look at what’s on the menu tonight before deciding what I want.
To my dismay, nothing seems appetizing tonight.
I pass room after room of scenes that would typically get me hard as fuck, but nothing is hitting.
Sighing at the defeat, I head back to the offices to see if any of my old friends are working tonight. To my surprise, Ledger’s door is open.
I pop my head in, expecting to see his wife, Sloane, on his lap, but he’s alone. “Hey, boss man!”
Of all the Sinclairs, Ledger and I have bonded the most. Although he's ten years my senior, we have a lot in common. Before he met Sloane, he was allegedly even wilder than me. He’s tried to give me some lessons about being careful and slowing down, but his reasons for debauchery were much different than my own.
“Have fun but be careful because you don’t want your past to bite your future self in the ass” doesn’t have the same ring to it when the odds of making it to thirty are low.
Ledger looks up from his computer and grins. “Sasha, great to see you, brother! What are you getting into tonight?”
I meet him by his desk for a hug before we both sit down. “I could ask you the same thing! Where’s Sloane? Don’t you have a rule about coming here without her?”
“Oh, she’s here.” He doesn’t give any more details than that, and judging by his smirk, I don’t want to know. “See anything you’re interested in? There are some good scenes tonight.”
Sighing, I grab a handful of gummies from his desk. “No. I walked through the hall, and you’re right, great scenes tonight. But nothing tickled my fancy.”
He raises a brow but doesn’t say anything as he takes a drink of his liquor.
“What?”
Setting down his glass, he shakes his head.
“You just haven’t ever passed up an opportunity to play since you started coming here.
It doesn’t sound like the Sasha I know. The Sasha who serviced a whole bachelorette and bachelor party.
Not stopping until everyone was satisfied even though you were chafed raw.
Now you’re telling me you don’t even want to dip your toes in?
I never would’ve passed up a chance to play at twenty-two years old.
You’re too young for your dick to stop working, man.
I think I was thirty before mine stopped.
I remember that night well. I showed up at the club much like you did tonight, and nothing.
Not a single woman interested me. Now I’m not into men like that, but I guess you didn’t see any of them who got you interested either.
I didn’t figure out what was wrong with me until later that week when… oh fuck.”
I reach across the desk and grab a glass of liquor.
Knowing Ledger, it’s probably some fancy scotch that’s supposed to be sipped and savored, but I don’t care.
I shoot it down my throat and slam the glass back down on the wood.
I half expect to be scolded, but when I look up, Ledger is looking at me like he’s in shock.
“What?” I ask.
“There’s a girl, isn’t there?”
I blink at him slowly, not saying anything because how the fuck would he know that?
“There is, isn’t there?” His expression has turned from shock to joy as he yells at me.
Propping my elbows on my thighs, I run my fingers through my hair before bringing them to hold my face. “No, there’s not a girl.”
“Oh, my bad. A man, then?”
“No!”
“Don’t lie to me, Sasha.”
I sigh. “Yes, there’s a girl, but she doesn’t mean anything to me. She’s just there. All the fucking time.”
Ledger smiles softly before getting up and walking around his desk to sit in the chair next to me.
“Look, brother,” he says as he places his hand on my back.
“I’ve been where you are. From the moment I saw Sloane, I couldn’t think about touching another woman.
And I didn’t even know her yet. From the moment she looked at me, I didn’t stand a chance.
She waltzed into my life and changed everything I thought I knew about myself.
My life before her feels like a void of darkness.
That’s why I’m always on your ass about watching yourself.
One day, there’s only going to be one person who matters, and you may or may not regret some things.
That being said, I dare say Sloane enjoys the skills I picked up. ”
Ledger pauses as we both chuckle. “Listen, I’m just trying to say that if you’ve found someone you can’t stop thinking about, don’t try to fight it, man.”
Yeah, right. Even if I thought there could be something between Lucy and me, so what?
Sure, now that my dad is the head of the family, I’m sure I have autonomy over who I choose to marry.
But the position as the Taranov heir would automatically put my bride in danger.
Why would I do that to someone I cared about?
And just because I won’t be forced to marry someone handpicked doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be advantageous for business to choose strategically.
Sighing, I realize he won’t ever understand my reasons for avoiding attachment.
“Thanks, brother,” I say, standing from my seat.
Ledger follows suit and wraps me in a hug. “Anytime, Sasha.” A glance at his watch has him almost running out of the office. “Fuck, gotta go. Text me!”
If anything, this little heart-to-heart has only made me feel worse.
Because what if I do like her? Then what?
I can’t do anything to put Lucy in danger.
Having feelings for her would only make this worse.
As Ledger leaves to undoubtedly find his wife, I make my way back to my bike and prepare to head home.
Home to the one-bedroom cottage I share with the woman causing all my problems.